Such a Simple Fool
by BringMeYourLove
Summary: It's like there's two you's; a public you that everyone see's, and a private one, that's stuck, always stuck, forever. All human B&E.
1. Chapter 1

**Bella POV**

"Where the hell is my shirt?" I mumbled as I threw piles of clothes around my room looking for my work shirt. I picked up and old one and sniffed it. _Yeah, this one is definitely dirty_, I thought as I tried to get the smell of tequila away from my face. I ran out into the living room towards the laundry room in just my jeans and bra. _Please, don't let Jasper be here_, I looked around warily, but was glad to see him missing from our living room. Jazz, I learned, was a packaged deal when it came to being best friends with Alice, not that I minded. In fact, it was quite a relief blending into this new group I met since starting college here in San Francisco. Since Jasper was a constant presence, that meant that his sister, Rosalie was always around, and so was her boyfriend Emmett. They had all grown up together, and came to college together naturally.

"Where the hell is it?" I yelled in frustration.

My shirt wasn't anywhere. I saw the clock and started to get anxious. Alice and I had to be at work about ten minutes ago.

"Bella, are you ready?" I heard Alice yell from her room. I continued to search our apartment.

"Hey, have you seen my shirt?" Alice walked out carrying my shirt and she threw it at me.

"Maybe you should be more responsible," she mimicked me perfectly. She laughed as she danced around the living room, grabbing her half apron and tying it around her waist. I pulled my tank top over my head and grumbled to myself.

"Is Rosalie working tonight?" I asked as we walked down stairs to the bar.

"Nope, her and Em went to pick my brother up from the airport, remember? He'll be staying with Jasper, but Jazz had to work tonight, so he couldn't pick him up."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. What's his name? Edgar? Ernest?" I tried to remember what she had said it was, but I was drawing a blank.

"Edward," she rolled her eyes and started to prepare the bar for the night. I didn't know why she got mad at me for not remembering, I've never met the guy before. In fact, I didn't even know he existed until a few weeks ago when she ran into the room squealing that her twin brother was coming back to live here. Apparently he started school at Dartmouth, and was transferring to here to finish to be closer to family. I couldn't blame him, I loved Alice's parents, Carlisle and Esme. They were so helpful and nice, even helping me find a job once I moved here and was abandoned. That probably isn't the right word for it, but that's the easiest way to explain my present predicament since my parents died last summer. I threw the thoughts from my head and helped Alice stock up before the real rush came. I hated working Saturday nights, but we did get the most tips, and God knows I needed the money for school, since my scholarship didn't cover books and other essentials.

Alice, Rosalie, and I worked for Esme and Carlisle in a side investment of theirs, "Cullen's Pub". Esme had decorated it, and it had a very old, pub feel to it, which was a lot calmer than some of the other bars around here, and we got a lot of business, which was a curse and blessing all at one time. Alice and I did get to live above the bar for free, which was very nice. I heard the music start to thump, and Alice and I started to dance behind the bar. That also might be a reason we got so much tips, but whatever. I guess Carlisle and Esme probably didn't know about how the pub actually functioned since Alice and I started working there. We may have added a newer, updated playlist, as well as let everyone write and carve on the walls. I guess they'd find out eventually, but these were key to people coming back and I think it worked for us.

The bar by now had started to fill up, and Alice and I were running ragged trying to keep up. It didn't help that every five orders some guy would ask for our number or try some cheesy pick up line. When I first started it had taken me a long time to get over these and I was always left blushing with nothing to say, but time has made me and Alice wiser.

"Hey sexy, have you ever had an Australian kiss?" Some guy asked me as I poured his drinks for him. I hadn't heard this one yet so I cocked my head to the side and looked at him weird.

"I don't think so, what is it?"

He grinned, "It's quite simple. It's just like a french kiss, but down-under." He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled at me. This one made me blush. I turned to find Alice laughing at my side.

"I'm sorry, babe," I shook my head, "I only do that with the love of my life."

"Who is it? I could get rid of him for you," he smiled again. I wrapped my arms around Alice, as she leaned up and kissed my cheek. "Oh," his jaw dropped and I moved on to the next costumer laughing to myself. We'd been using this excuse for the past couple months, and so far it worked perfectly.

"That was a pretty good one!" Alice shouted over the music. I nodded as I poured a beer. "Add it to the list!" I handed out the beer and picked up a sharpie and wrote it on the roof over the bar. Everyone cheered when they saw me standing up there.

"Ok, calm down!" I yelled. "The newest addition to the wall is: 'Australian Kiss'" Everyone raised a glass and cheered. "And we all know what happens when a pick up line gets used!" Everyone cheered and raised their glasses again. I pulled the man up on the bar with me. "What's your name?" I whispered to him.

"Pete," he awkwardly smiled.

"My friend Pete here gets a free body shot!" His eyes got real big as he eyed me up and down. "But, not with me! Any volunteers?" A girl near the bar raised her hand and stood. "Great! I yelled. Everyone by now was cheering.

"Pete, meet... What's your name?" I asked her.

"Jen," she smiled and blushed.

"Ok, everyone meet Pete and Jen. Body shot time!" Alice handed me a lime, a shot of tequila and a slat shaker. I jumped off the bar and let them get at it as everyone cheered.

"Aw, another happy couple brought together by alcohol and bad pick up lines," Alice and I laughed as Pete flashed me a thumbs up as he climbed off the bar with Jen on his arm.

"Pete!" I yelled and pulled out a polaroid. He turned and walked back with Jen. "A picture!" I snapped one of them together and they made their way out of the bar. I pulled out a sharpie and wrote 'Pete and Jen: Australian Kiss' and stuck it to the back wall behind the bar. Mingled among the old polaroids that wallpapered the back wall were wedding pictures that older costumers had sent back to us. Apparently we were on a hot streak in the Cupid business. Out of all the set ups we'd done, we'd gotten back ten wedding pictures to hang next to the polaroids. I smiled as I stuck up this one.

"Bella!" I heard Alice yell from one end of the bar. I walked over to her quickly. "Can you cover for a minute? Jazz is here." I nodded and pushed her out over the counter.

I ran around trying to fill orders quickly. Suddenly Rose hopped behind the bar and started to pour drinks. I hugged her and wiped the sweat off of my forehead.

"What are you doing? Its your off day!" I chided her.

She just smiled and started making a few drinks. "I'm letting Emmett and Edward catch up a little bit. You know, some guy time." The rush slowed down, and the crowd thinned out slightly after the band had packed up and left. I checked the clock. Two a.m. Good, almost closing time. "Hey, Bella, sit down for a second. I got it for a little." I gladly accepted, grabbed a beer and sat down on a stool behind the bar.

"Everyone, I have a special treat for you!" I heard Emmett yelling from the stage. The crowd cheered. Although we were only half full by now, it was still packed near the stage.

"What is your boyfriend doing?" I pleaded with Rosalie. She just laughed, but still looked angry. _Looks like someone is getting in trouble tonight_, I giggled.

"Straight from the farthest reaches of Nova Scotia, where he's spent the past five years writing and perfecting his trade and feeding one armed kittens after their mother's died; the man who's been acclaimed as to have made Dashboard Confessional cry with his lyrics, the artist whose made Bob Dylan weep at his playing technique, the man who taught Lil Jon how to get low, the one, the only," Emmett turned around to talk to an awkwardly grinning god. I stared at him eagerly. Before I knew it, I was standing at the bar trying to get a better look. His bronze hair was strewn messily on his head, and he ran a hand through it as Emmett questioned him eagerly. "I am proud to present, in his first and only appearance, 'Such a Simple Fool'." Rosalie just laughed as Emmett barreled his way toward the bar. The crowd clapped and hushed. I couldn't break my gaze away from his beautiful face.

"Hello everybody, thanks for humoring me," he smiled a crooked smile and I smiled to myself. He picked up his acoustic guitar and sat down on the stool on stage. He tuned it quickly. It looked like it had seen better days, as it was now covered in scratches and worn down. "Um, I call this 'In All the Unholy Bathrooms', hope you like it." He started to strum quietly. The crowd hushed and watched him play. I couldn't move as his hands daftly moved along the frets. He looked up and suddenly I was locked in his green eyes. I felt my face grow red, but I didn't dare look away.

_If I found a way into your heart_

_would you let me in?_

_I need a thousand dollars _

_can I borrow it?_

_I want to build a train that goes_

_from where I am to wherever it is_

_that you're living at_

He looked down and grinned. I found myself smiling, and wanting to look back at him. Rosalie grabbed me to help her with orders. I threw myself into pouring a few beers. Alice caught my gaze and mouthed 'What's up?' I just shook my head and handed her and Jasper some drinks. Rose came up beside me.

"You look like you're going to die from a heatstroke, your face is so red!" she laughed. I just kept making drinks for the last round.

_I'm glad you have that ring that_

_I was promising you that I would give_

_when you wanted it_

_in this hotel bathroom._

_I am starving for you _

_and the music won't do_

_I'm still empty without you._

I looked up again to see his eyes fixed on me, and I lost my breath. His voice was amazing, deep and full of emotion.

_So where do we go from here?_

_Will we ever know?_

_To the hospital or the church steeple? _

_In this holy restroom_

_I can feel the Lord move._

_He is cleaning my dirty wounds_

_so I'll come back clean for you,_

_and I can see your brown hair_

when I close my eyelids.

I found myself twirling my hair and looked away quickly. What the hell was I thinking? This was insane. I was done with guys, with gooey love emotions. I couldn't feel that way again; I wouldn't.

_I'm in love with something,_

_and you look just like it._

The last few notes rang out soulfully, and the crowd erupted in applause.

"Thank you," he nodded and took a swig from the beer sitting on the amp. "I know you're probably used to something faster, so one more song?" he asked warily. The crowd cheered and begged for more. "Well I can only go so fast with this thing, but here goes a classic I think you'll like," he winked at me. I looked down and started to clean the bar. Alice made her way back over to me as a familiar song started to play.

"Are you ok Bella? You look like you're going to faint!"

"I'm fine," I giggled. _Crap, I had just giggled_. My heart fluttered.

"Sure," Alice muttered.

_Hey were did we go,_

_Days when the rains came down in the hollow, _

_playin' a new game, _

_laughin' and a-runnin hey, hey, skippin' and a-jumpin'_

_in the misty morning fog with our hearts a-thumpin' and you_

_My brown eyed girl,_

_You, my brown eyed girl._

_Whatever happened to Tuesday and so slow_

_Going down the old mine with a transistor radio_

_standing in the sunlight laughing, hiding behind a rainbow's wall,_

_slipping and sliding all along the water fall, with you,_

_My brown eyed girl, _

_you my brown eyed girl_

_Do you remember when we used to sing, _

The crowd joined in and stared to sing along as he played and stood up to strum harder.

_Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da_

I found myself laughing quietly as the song kept going. Emmett grabbed Rose from behind the counter and pulled her up on the bar. He swung her around and dipped her. Everyone that was left was dancing around happily. The mystery man finished and held up a beer towards everyone.

"Cheers, thanks a lot. Quite a nice welcome!" He laughed the most amazing laugh. _No, it wasn't amazing, shut up_. Emmett ran up and the crowd gathered around him. The next hour passed slowly as the crowd thinned out, eventually leaving just Alice behind the bar, and Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and the bronze-haired god sitting at the end of the bar in our normal spot. I went around back to lock everything up and clean up the kitchen after we closed completely. I made my way back up towards the bar to find only Alice was left wiping down the bar.

"Where did everybody go?" I asked, angry, "Don't people say good bye anymore?"

"Let's just say Emmett was a little worse for wear and it took everyone to get him out of here," Alice laughed. "Clean enough!" she giggled and threw the towel down.

"Good, I'm exhausted." We walked upstairs, and I could feel Alice's anxiousness radiating.

"What's up with you??" she giggled as she threw herself on my bed as I climbed into the shower in my bathroom.

"What are you talking about?" I shouted as warm water flushed across my skin.

"Oh, I don't know, I haven't seen you giggly or so... breathless...ever," she giggled, "What was it about? Who was sending you those good vibrations?"

"Goodnight Alice," I secretly smiled to myself.

"What Bella? Can't I just ask some innocent questions?"

"Goodnight Alice," I repeated sternly.

"You're no fun. I'll see you tomorrow for brunch. Remember Rosalie is coming over at ten."

"Mk, 'Night." It was quiet for a few minutes, so I figured she went to her room. I let the hot water relax my muscles. Tomorrow was our off day, and I was glad, I needed to get ready for school. Reluctantly I agreed to go shopping with Alice and Rosalie, since they needed school stuff too. I slid out of the shower and into an old pair of sweats and shirt. I wrapped the covers over my head and started to drift off with thoughts of that bronze haired boy lulling me to sleep.

**Edward POV**

I looked out my window, but I couldn't see anything. _Hello San Francisco_, I thought to myself. I couldn't believe I only made it one year away from my family, and now I was running back. Well, ok I wasn't running back, I did get a better scholarship offer and a better volunteer offer at San Fran General. But it felt like I was running back to familiarity and safety. Alice had said that a lot has changed, but I doubted it. The last time I had seen them all, was about two years ago. I liked to keep my distance. They were all so... so couple-y. I couldn't stand it, being the odd man out. The plane touched down and I was brought out of my reverie. The stewardess helped me get my guitar case from the overhead area. She smiled and winked at me as I shook her hand in thanks. She slid me her number. I shook my head as she walked away and threw her number on the floor. This always happened, but I was trying to change. Trying to forget about what I became when I left. They all knew about my new lifestyle of having meaningless sex with almost any girl that threw herself at me, but I honestly didn't want to do that anymore. _Sort of_. I carried the case out and grabbed my bag. I saw a mass of blond hair near the exit. I made my way over and before I could surprise them, Emmett had me in a giant bear hug.

"Ugh, Em, can't breathe!" I mumbled. He put me down and Rosalie grabbed me just as tight.

"Ugh, what are you? Supergirl? Ouch," I pretended like my ribs were broken.

"Edward, we've missed you! Not like you really fill us in on what's been happening," Rose pointed out angrily. Emmett rolled his eyes behind her.

"Here, let me grab this for you my man," Emmett chuckled as he grabbed my bag. I kept hold of the guitar case. "What's that?" he pointed to it.

"Oh, just a guitar. I used to play around campus to make some money."

"Are you any good? Know any Clash?" Emmett eagerly asked.

"Eh, not really, sorry."

"Well you better learn fast," He laughed as we drove off. The car ride was filled with questions and funny memories. I guess a lot had changed. I could tell that Rosalie and Emmett had grown more. Emmett was still goofy, but he seemed, I can't explain it, more intimate with Rosalie, not just the like the fling they had in high school.

"Ok, we're here," Rosalie jumped out and ran into the packed club. I took in the outside. It looked packed, and I was proud to have my own last name stamped across it.

"What do you think?" Emmett walked up beside me.

"Looks cool," I muttered, "Is Alice working? Where's Jasper?"

"Jazz should be here by now, he's probably inside. Alice is probably wherever he is," Emmett chuckled and grabbed my guitar case.

"What are you doing?" I looked at him weird.

"Oh, nothing, I just have an idea. Come on, buddy," he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the pub. The inside was amazing. Scribbles, stickers, polaroids and etchings covered the walls, and the roof. The band playing was pretty good. The bar was packed. I slid up next to Emmett and Rosalie. Suddenly I was being hugged tightly again.

"What's going on?" I turned around to see my pixie sister latched to my side.

"'bout time you got here," she whispered. I hugged her back.

"I missed you sis!" I bellowed. Jasper held out his hand hand clapped my back.

"Finally, together again," he laughed.

"I need a drink," I chuckled. Emmett nodded in agreement. Rosalie jumped up on the counter and started to get us drinks.

"I really like the perks of owning this place," I smiled.

"I really like the perks of banging a bartender," Emmett smiled. Jasper high fived and nodded. It felt comforting to be back with them. I sat down and looked to Rose. She was talking to the other bartender. I stopped breathing for a second. I couldn't look away. Her brown hair hung loosely to her shoulders, and curled slightly at the ends. I saw her turn to Rosalie and hug her. Her smiled was gorgeous. I stared into her eyes; they were the most beautiful shade of brown I'd ever seen. She was fixing drinks now. I watched the way her body moved, and it was hot. She stretched to the top shelf, and I could see her stomach, and her creamy colored skin.

"Like the view?" I heard Rosalie murmur as she handed me a beer and a shot. I downed the shot quickly.

"Don't know what you're talking about," I muttered and was spun around my Emmett.

"Ready Edward? I have a welcome back present for you."

I looked to Alice for help, but she just laughed. _Crap, this was NOT good_. I grabbed my beer and followed Emmett to the stage. _Oh crap, not good at all_.

"Just follow my lead," he winked. I pulled my guitar out of the case and glared at his back.

"Straight from the farthest reaches of Nova Scotia, where he's spent the past five years writing and perfecting his trade and feeding one armed kittens after their mother's died; the man who's been acclaimed as to have made Dashboard Confessional cry with his lyrics, the artist whose made Bob Dylan weep at his playing technique, the man who taught Lil Jon how to get low, the one, the only," Emmett turned to me and whispered, "What's your stage name?"

I looked back and grinned awkwardly, almost ashamed of what my band name was.

"Such a Simple Fool," I muttered.

"What the hell is that from?" he asked. I ran my hand through my hair anxiously.

"It's a line from a song, ok? Just make one up then. I hate you!" I laughed and punched his arm. He cleared his throat.

"I am proud to present, in his first and only appearance, 'Such a Simple Fool'." I couldn't help but laugh at how that sounded. I stared out into the crowd and laughed nervously and took a swig of beer. I needed all the courage I could get.

"Hello everybody, thanks for humoring me." I picked up the guitar and sat down. _Come on girl, one more sad song for the crowd, one more and then we're done with that_. "Um, I call this 'In all the Unholy Bathrooms', hope you like it." I remembered the chords and started to strum and pluck quietly, gradually building. I looked up towards the bar to fine Emmett and give him a look, but instead I was caught in her eyes. I watched her face turn red and I smiled.

_If I found a way into your heart_

_would you let me in?_

_I need a thousand dollars _

_can I borrow it?_

_I want to build a train that goes_

_from where I am to wherever it is_

_that you're living at_

I looked down slightly, struggling not to just stare at her for the whole song. I looked back up and she was handing out drinks and talking to Rosalie. I didn't bother to look away.

_I'm glad you have that ring that_

_I was promising you that I would give_

_when you wanted it_

_in this hotel bathroom._

_I am starving for you _

_and the music won't do_

_I'm still empty without you._

I stared at her again, trying to explain the song to her, and only her. I couldn't even see the crowd, just the beautiful girl behind the counter.

_So where do we go from here?_

_Will we ever know?_

_To the hospital or the church steeple? _

_In this holy restroom_

_I can feel the Lord move._

_He is cleaning my dirty wounds_

_so I'll come back clean for you,_

_and I can see your brown hair_

when I close my eyelids.

She started to twirl her hair absently as she stared at the bar. I'm glad I had changed the song to "brown" hair right there. I don't know why I did, but it felt like I had to sing this to and about her.

_I'm in love with something,_

_and you look just like it._

The crowd erupted in applause.

"Thank you," I nodded and took a swig from the beer sitting on the amp. "I know you're probably used to something faster, so one more song?" I asked warily. _That wasn't so bad_. The crowd cheered and begged for more. "Well I can only go so fast with this thing, but here goes a classic I think you'll like," I winked at the girl. _I was a fool_. There was only one song I wanted to sing right now, so I started to put some force in the chords.

_Hey were did we go,_

_Days when the rains came down in the hollow, _

_playin' a new game, _

_laughin' and a-runnin hey, hey, skippin' and a-jumpin'_

_in the misty morning fog with our hearts a-thumpin' and you_

_My brown eyed girl,_

_You, my brown eyed girl._

_Whatever happened to Tuesday and so slow_

_Going down the old mine with a transistor radio_

_standing in the sunlight laughing, hiding behind a rainbow's wall,_

_slipping and sliding all along the water fall, with you,_

_My brown eyed girl, _

_you my brown eyed girl_

_Do you remember when we used to sing, _

The crowd joined in as I played and stood up to strum harder.

_Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da_

I watched Emmett grab Rose from behind the counter and pulled her up on the bar. He swung her around and dipped her. Everyone that was left was dancing around happily. The song finally ended and I got a nice round of applause, so I held up a beer towards everyone.

"Cheers, thanks a lot. Quite a nice welcome!" Before I could make it back to the bar, Emmett had grabbed me and pulled me along.

"That was amazing, dude!"

"Thanks," I grinned. We sat back down at the end of the bar and I gazed at the girl.

"Who is that?" I nudged Alice.

"That's Bella, my roommate and best friend," she whispered, "Why?" I could hear the giggle in her laugh.

"No reason, just wondering," I shrugged.

"Well, she's single, but it'll take a lot more than a grin and a song to get to know her. She's been hurt before, and she won't let it happen again. I love her to death, but she's very afraid of that."

"She didn't deserve that."

"No, she didn't deserve anything that's happened to her. She's fiesty though," Alice giggled. I just nodded and stole glances while everyone threw around old stories until it was almost empty. Suddenly Bella left.

"Alright, let's bounce," Jasper smiled. I happily grabbed my case and hugged everyone goodbye.

"Hey Edward, you should go shopping tomorrow, I'm sure you need some new clothes before school starts," Alice smiled.

"I think I'm good, Alice." I answered and started to follow Jasper out.

"No, I really think you need to come," she whispered forcefully and winked.

"I will," I finally realized what she was talking about. "Can we go apartment hunting after the mall?" She just nodded.

"Of course! Night" she walked us out and kissed my cheek. "Bye, baby," she kissed Jasper. Finally we started out.

"So are you going to ask me about her?" Jazz smiled as he drove.

"What? No, I don't know what you're talking about."

"She's a good girl Edward. She'll keep you at arms length though," Jasper warned.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please, Edward, that song was pretty blatant," he chuckled. I grinned.

"We'll see what happens," I whispered as we drove through the empty streets. Her face just kept flashing through my thoughts.

____________________________

**Ok, so this is my first human fanfic. **

**hope you like it so far. **

**Um the first song is actually "In all the Unholy Bathrooms" and its by Right Away Great Captain! **

**very good band. Definitely check it out.**

**Let me know if I should keep going or not Please!!!!**

**or if you have any questions**

**xoxo**


	2. Sex on Fire

**Music**

_**"**_**Use Somebody": Kings of Leon**

**"Girls": Beastie Boys**

**"I Like you So much better When you're naked": Ida Maria**

**"Can't take My Eyes off of you": Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons**

**"Sex on Fire": Kings of Leon**

**Bella POV**

"Bella!" I felt Alice jump into my bed. I rolled over, _I'm going to need to invest in a lock_. I pulled the blanket over my head and sighed. "Bella, its time for you to get up! We have to meet Rosalie and Edward for breakfast!" Alice pulled my sheets from my grip. _She was stronger than I remember_. I curled up into a ball and pulled my pillow over my head. _No, come back wonderful dream._...

"I don't wanna," I whined, "Five more minutes?" I begged. She slapped me playfully.

"Let's go, we're already late. I'll meet you in the kitchen." I heard her dance out quickly. I flipped her off as soon as I was sure she was gone. "Please don't do such obscene gestures behind my back Isabella Swan!" she yelled from the kitchen. _How the hell?_ Oh well. I begrudgingly got up and threw on a clean pair of jeans and my favorite blue t-shirt. I looked in the mirror as I brushed my teeth and quickly pulled my hair up into a bun. I was not going to waste time trying to tame it.

"Alright Alice, let's go," I started walking out the door, but she didn't follow.

"Nope, not with you dressed like that!" she shouted. I shook my head and grabbed the door.

"Not today Alice, not so early. You get to pick all new clothes for me today, please let me have this," I groaned. She shook her head in disapproval as she followed me out.

"Fine, this once," she mumbled as she made her way down to the bar. Rosalie already had breakfast waiting for us when we walked down. I grabbed at the coffee and muffins eagerly.

"Finally, food," I grinned and took a giant bite. Alice and Rosalie just laughed at me.

"Hey Alice, I think I found a place to live already," I heard some familiar voice call from the back room. That voice sounded just like- And there he was, the guy from last night; the singer. I almost choked on my mouthful of muffin.

"That's great Edward! Where?" Alice hugged, Edward, I guess was his name. _Oh crap, that's her brother!_ I tried to swallow but it was getting increasingly difficult. I watched his arms contract around Alice. His muscles strained the white shirt he was wearing. I didn't see any family resemblance at all.

"Oh, its close actually. Third story of this building." Alice started to bounce around in excitement.

"But that's just storage! Me and Bella have boxes up there and there is furniture for the pub," Alice trailed off, "Oh who cares, we'll move it and get a storage unit! I'm so excited. We'll start this week." Edward just grinned and sat down across from me. I kept sipping coffee to make the wad of muffin go down, but it was a slow process. His green eyes met mine and I froze. His face was absolutely perfect, and his hair, the perfect mess of bronze hair I'd ever seen. _Damn, I thought he was gorgeous from far away, up close ain't too bad either. _

"Edward, I'd like for you to meet Bella. Bella, this is my brother, Edward," Alice smiled. Edward stuck out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed it quickly. I felt a spark as I placed my hand in his and it surprised me.

"It's nice to meet you," I smiled. He just grinned and held my hand longer than necessary. I could feel Alice's eyes going back and forth between us.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," he grinned and quickly pulled his hand away.

"I hope you don't mind, Bella," Rosalie started, "But I have to go help Emmett with some bookings for tonight's band, do you mind if Edward takes my place on the shopping excursion?" I kept staring at him and shook my head harder than necessary. _Smooth_.

-A Few Hours Later-

"Alice, no more stores!" Edward and I pleaded. Alice turned and stared at us.

"No! I only have a few more I want to stop at!" she whined. "Let me take these bags to the car and let me finish looking. You guys go sit at the food court or something." Before we could argue, she was gone. I was left staring at Edward, who just shrugged. Today had been easy. We cracked jokes, and learned a lot about each other. Well, Alice was there too, so all three of us were hanging out, but most of the time it as just Edward and I talking. We sat down and ordered a cup of coffee.

"So, Bella, I don't know anything about you," he grinned quickly. _Good God, he was gorgeous._

"What do you want to know?" I answered back as I leaned over the small table.

"Favorite color?" he blurted.

"Green," I blurted then blushed. "You?"

"Brown," he leaned in closer over the table towards me.

"Favorite song?"

I sat there thinking for a moment, "Probably "Devil Dressed in Blue', but I guess you already know that song, huh?" Edward's face lit up suddenly.

"I think you're the only person who caught that reference. That's one of my favorite bands. All of my inspiration and the reason I started playing was because of him."

"That song just seems so fitting in my life," I muttered. He eyed me nervously as he debated whether or not to follow up on that.

"Your favorite song?" I cut in as he started to ask me about something else. He sat in contemplative silence for a moment.

"Have you ever heard of of Otis Redding?" He asked me eagerly. I shook my head. _Of course, he was only my dad's favorite singer. _We burnt through three of his records. "The song, 'Sitting on the dock of the Bay' is probably one of the best songs I've ever heard."

"I used to listen to that with my Dad. He used to sing along when we were working on his car or something," I laughed at the memory.

"Good music choice," Edward laughed. "What do your parents do?"

"Um, well, uh," I sputtered along, "My mom was a teacher before she died of cancer when I was ten, and my father was the sheriff up in Forks, until," I nearly choked on the lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry," Edward stared at the table and ripped at the paper on his cup.

"Nope, you didn't know," I tried to reassure him.

"I already know your parents, tell me about Dartmouth," I tried to change the topic.

"Well, I loved it there. I missed everyone though. It was hard to leave Alice and Carlisle and Esme, as well as my friends, but, something was calling me to get out and at least experience something," he laughed, "I guess it was silly."

"I don't think so. That's why I came here; to get away," he stared back at me. "Why do you call your parents by their first names?" Edward got a pained expression.

"I guess Alice didn't really explain everything," he sighed, "I'm adopted."

"But Alice called you her twin brother," I couldn't help the confused look on my face. _That would explain the fact that they looked nothing alike_.

"We always just said that because we're the same age; it was easier. My mother died when I was younger. Carlisle was the doctor that took care of her, and when he learned that she had died, he adopted me. My father was never around," he tried to laugh it away as he stared out the window. "I love Carlisle and Esme thought. For all intensive purposes, they're my family."

"I'm sorry," I murmured as it was my turn to stare at the ground.

"It's ok. I've learned to accept it. Time heals all wounds," he grinned. "So know we both know each other's tragic pasts," he chuckled slightly. "Tell me about your present." We stood up and started to walk around.

"Basically I just work, and getting ready to start school; I'm really a pretty boring person," I confided.

"I doubt it," he grinned. "I think you're terribly interesting. I didn't hear you mention anything about a boyfriend." I cringed.

"Yeah, that'd be because I don't have or want one," I whispered, somewhat angrily.

"Oh really? Date a real jerk?" Edward laughed.

"No."

"Why isn't he here then," Edward prodded.

"Because he's dead," I stated simply. Edward stopped walking.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and hugged me tightly. I felt his arms wrap around my back tightly. I sunk against his chest and took a deep breath. I could have sworn I felt him kiss my head.

"I'm alright, really," I whispered against his chest.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he smiled as I pulled away slightly, still in his arms.

"Motorcycle accident," I shrugged and pulled away, "A few months before my dad's accident. It's fine. Can we drop it?"

"Where do you want to go?" he asked, looking at me sideways as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know, lets just walk until we find something good," I smiled at him. We walked in silence until he stopped suddenly. "What's up?"

"Want to go look at something with me?" he eagerly asked.

"Sure," I shrugged and he held out his hand to drag me across the mall. "Where are we going?" I finally asked as we stopped suddenly.

"Well, I figure we should get to know each other, so I thought I'd start by showing you my deepest desire," he grinned. I gulped. _Two can play at this game_.

"Maybe I can show you mine when we're done here?" I whispered as I trailed a finger down his chest. _I hated talking about, him, and the accident... Now all I wanted was to fuck his memory away. _I walked into the store and grinned over my shoulder. He stood their with his eyes shut, his lips moving quickly, as if it was a mantra. I saw all of the guitars hanging up around the store as Edward slid up next to me.

"How can I help you?" the old man behind the counter smiled.

"Well, I'm looking to buy my boyfriend a guitar," I smiled and grabbed Edward's arm.

"Oh, I see," the man smiled, "And what would you like?" he looked at Edward.

I cleared my throat, "No, he's not my boyfriend," I giggled and leaned forward over the glass, "I just keep him around for the sex." I smiled and winked at the old man who in turn eyed us both questioningly. I turned towards Edward. "What kind should we try?" He tried to keep his chuckle in, and turned towards the row of guitars.

"How about that one right there," he pointed. The old man grabbed it and handed it to him.

"This is a good choice. I've always loved this guitar, but never had anyone try it. Gibson J-45 circa 1967."

"I have a Fender right now," Edward smiled as he held the guitar gently in his hands. I saw a spark in his eyes, like he had on stage. I couldn't help but smile.

"There are test rooms in the back, knock yourself out," he smiled. We walked back and I slid in quietly while Edward closed the door and started to tune it.

"This sounds amazing," he was glowing.

"You really like it huh?"

His only answer was a wildly shaking head. "Well, play me something!" I laughed.

"Really, none of my stuff is any good."

"Edward! I met you about four hours ago, and you already know more about me than more people. I'm sure you could play something," I pleaded. He smiled.

"Fine, this one is new. I started working on it this morning."

"I was with you all morning, how?" I asked as he started to strum.

"I couldn't sleep last night, this gorgeous brunette was running through my head all night, so I sat up and played." I blushed slightly. He started to play fully now.

_I've been roaming around. I was looking down at all I see, Painting faces, building places I can't reach. You know that I could use somebody. You know that I could use somebody_. _Someone like you._

Edward looked up at me. I was mesmerized my his hands moving around until I saw his green eyes sparkle.

_And all you know, and how you speak; countless lovers undercover of the street. You know that I could use somebody. You know that I could use somebody; someone like you._

_Off in the night, Why'd you live it up? Now I'm off to sleep, waging war to shake off the poet and the beat._ _I hope it's going to make you notice. I hope it's going to make you notice, someone like me._

_someone like me. _

_someone like me. I've been running around . I was looking down at all I see._

He stopped and stared at the guitar. "This is one beautiful guitar," he sighed.

"I really liked the song," I tried to change the subject.

"Yeah? Thanks."

"So how is this your deepest desire?" I looked around the tiny room we were in as he sat strumming.

"Well," he said, not looking up, "I wish I could play music, for a living, but its not practical," he smiled as he stood up to leave, I have to finish med school, become a doctor," he sighed. "I've never told anyone that before. I learned to play back at Dartmouth. I guess you can say that I had some rocky relationships, and I needed a way to get rid of everything. One day, I'll never forget it, I walked into this old pawn shop to find some records, and the guitar I have know was sitting there on the counter being appraised. I don't know what it was, but I had to have it, so I bought it." I moved closer to him to try to leave. "The rest has been history. I've had her for two years. She's been good to me."

"You refer to your guitar as a girl?" I couldn't stop laughing.

"Well, yeah, I have been known to work magic with my fingers, and naturally, only a woman could appreciate that," he chuckled.

"I hope you're making this up," I laughed.

"Well, if music and doctor ever fails, at least I have a career in comedy," Edward stared at me and stood at the door.

"I think you could do it," I smiled. He grinned back at me with that same crooked smile. I reached up and threaded my hands through his hair and shook it around a little bit. He closed his eyes and I could have sworn I heard a small moan. "What are you doing?" he breathed against my face. _Keep it cool_.

I smiled back and winked, "Well, we do have an image to maintain." I pulled my hair out of its bun and tossed it around. "Lift up your arms," I ordered Edward. He thought about questioning me, but instead just lifted his arms. I untucked it and tried to make it look wrinkly. Suddenly, I had the best idea. I gently tip-toed up and kissed Edward's collar, leaving behind a faint red lip print. I held my pose a little longer as I felt his body against mine. I felt how tense his body was against mine. "Don't move," I whispered as I gently kissed his neck, right on his jugular. I heard a sharp intake of breath and smiled to myself. I slid back down to look at my handiwork. "Yes, that looks as if I took advantage of you thoroughly," I giggled. Edward took a deep breath and went to walk out. He stopped in front of me so fast that I ran into him.

"You can use me anytime," he whispered into my ear. I felt shivers stream along my body and my heart flutter. _Oh, fuck_. Edward leaned down slightly, and set the guitar against the door. He cupped my face gently and stared into my eyes eagerly. I placed my hands on his chest and slowly moved closer.

"I think I need to kiss you now," he whispered against my lips, barely brushing them.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I suddenly realized. _I was having way to many feelings right now. Don't get confused. Don't think about liking someone. I needed a drink_.

"Why?" he pulled back, but kept his hands around my cheeks.

"Alice is probably looking for us," I slid under his arms, and made my way back to the front. _Shake it off. You do not like him. _

We walked back towards the counter to return the guitar. The man cleared his throat and his eyes got bigger.

"So did you like it?" he asked innocently. I straightened my shirt slightly.

"I had a good time. Did you like it Edward?" He blushed and smiled.

"I don't think I could ever want anything else," he smiled and stared at me then handed the guitar to the old man.

"Come back anytime," he waved as we walked out at warp speed.

"Did you see his face!" I giggled as we sat down next to the fountain to wait for Alice.

"I know! I'm pretty sure he thinks we did!" Edward's smile faded as he looked down quickly.

"What did you do?" Alice strutted up with a whole new collection of bags.

"Oh nothing," I murmured. She stared at Edward's neck and hair.

"Really? Who did this to you Edward? How dare you go off and hook up with someone and just leave Bella all alone!" she yelled at him. _What was she talking about?_

"Alice, I didn't! Bella did this to me," he answered as he rubbed at his neck to get the lip gloss off.

"Bella?" Alice breathed out quietly.

"It was a joke," I answered. "We convinced some clerk that we had sex in the back room. Funny stuff." Edward eyed me nervously. _Apparently he was getting a lot more action than I reckoned._

"Oh, well, let's go then freaks," Alice smiled, "We're going out tonight to celebrate Edward's homecoming and school starting next week!" I looked over at Edward who walked with his head down. _What was his deal? _Edward walked up next to me as we walked towards the car.

"I'm not like that," he whispered in my ear. I smiled quickly.

"You don't have to explain anything to me," I whispered back curtly and slid into the car. I saw him hang his head and run his hand through his hair quickly as he huffed.

**Edward POV**

"So what are we doing tonight?" I yelled to Jasper in the living room.

"I don't really know, I just go along with whatever Alice tells me to," he shouted back. I shrugged. _Pussy-whipped_. Instantly I thought about Bella. I felt my eyes roll back at the thought of her kissing my neck. It was so light. I ran my hand along the same spot. _Stop it. Step one of the "Change yourself for the better plan" wasn't jumping your sister's best friend. Step one: Trust_. I can hand that. I thought about everything she'd been through. _Damn, she was amazing_.

"Hey, ready to go?" I heard Jazz yell. I splashed some water on my face. _Come on, champ, we can do this. _I strutted out to the living room. Yes, I strutted. "We're going over to the pub. We're picking up Em and Rose first."

We arrived at the pub and were quickly greeted by Alice and Bella. They both looked amazing, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella. Her hair was down and she wore the worst kind of mini skirt imaginable. I gulped and held my arm out to lead her in; she grabbed my elbow and we scooted in to the end of the bar. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice were out on the dance floor, but Bella and I just sat at the bar talking. I wanted to know everything about her.

"Bella," I finally whispered after about an hour of shots and funny stories. "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" I tried to gauge her reaction.

"Nope, I'm good," she smiled.

"Can I ask why?"

"Sorry, just my normal answer. I don't go on dates," she replied so matter-of-a-factly.

"Four shots of tequilla please," Bella whispered and winked at the male bartender. I growled slightly.

"Anything for you, gorgeous," he smiled back and placed four shots in front of her.

"And do you want anything Edward?" She laughed and handed me two of the shots. "To Happiness," she smiled and took a shot, I followed suit. "To new friends," she winked and threw back the other. I laughed and did the same. "I'm done talking, let's dance, I love this song," she pulled me toward the floor. The bass hummed and I could feel it in my heart.

_I like da way she rock her hips, they wave, and sip. She rock her hips then wave and sip. She rock her hips, she rock her hips, she rock her hips then wave and sip_.

_Look at them hips, I like how she rock it. She bend that thing ova to the ground she can drop it and pop it hard as she can got me hard in the pants because she all in her stance doin her muthafuckin' dance man. Look lil budy cute in the face. She rock her hips to the fade she take a sip when she wave and wonna get with lil jay after the dance on dat pole I pull my cash so quick and fast when dat ass hit the floo._

Bella moved against me quickly. She ground against me and I had to stiffle a few moans of my own. I kept my hands moving up and down her body. She moved with the chorus and rocked against me, looking over her shoulder every now and then. She ran her hand up behind her back and lifter her hair up over her head. Suddenly she turned towards me and started to whisper the words to me:

_Now I got thirty two flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum. Raspberry, grape, cherry, come and this honey bun, yummy yum baby not your ordinary lady known to drive a nigga crazy willie wonka wonna pay me. On the daily off the hizzle rock my hips and shake my skittles. Soda pop it watch it sizzle man this chick right here for shizzle. Smokin on the highest drizzle wonna taste it just a little. Rock my hips then make it wiggle wavin' sippin' in the drizze. _

She ran her hands up my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck. This must be what heaven was like. The song kept going and we kept getting closer. The bass slowed to a new song and Bella pulled me off of the floor back to the bar.

"I need another shot," she smiled, "Hey Seth! Four more please!"

"No more for me," I whispered to her and motioned just for two to the bartender.

"Nope, still want four!" she winked again at him. He sat down the drinks. "If Edward won't take them with me, will you Seth?"

"I don't know Bells, I'm on the clock," he trailed off. I felt jealousy rip at me. I grabbed one quickly and threw it back.

"That's what I'm talking about," Bella smiled. We threw back more shots and talked more. I kept asking her questions and I could tell she was getting bored with that, but I just wanted to know more. "Hey, want to do something fun?" she mischievously asked me.

"What do you have in mind?" I tried to sound seductive.

"Use your best pick up line on Seth please."

"What? I'm not gay Bella," I practically yelled.

"I know, can't you just trust me?" she ran her hand up my thigh. "It'll be worth it. Hey Seth, come down here!" _What the fuck was going on?_ "Hey Seth, Edward here has something to ask you. Make it good," she winked and whispered to me.

"So Seth, I really wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all night," I almost couldn't keep a straight face. Seth just looked back and Bella, who by now was burning red with laughter.

"I think we have a winner!" Seth yelled as he stood up on the bar.

"Bella what the hell is going on?" I looked around worried. Seth wrote something on the roof then pulled me up to the bar.

"Go on!" Bella egged me on.

"Well, we have the newest edition to the pick-up line wall of shame! And you all know what that means!" Everybody cheered. "Body shots. Meet my friend Edward! He's going to need a volunteer! Do I have anyone?" A few girls raised their hands and ran towards the bar. I just grinned awkwardly. _Fuck, was Bella setting me up to look like an asshole?_ "Looks like we have a winner! The lovely, the talented, Bella!" My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. Seth jumped down and handed her a shot, salt shaker and lime. She handed me the shot and salt shaker and put the lime in her mouth and winked. _Do it_. I had to, I couldn't back down. I walked over and whispered in her ear, "Don't move," and sprinkled salt on her collarbone. She nodded slowly as I lowered my head to her skin. Slowly I let my tongue trace her clavicle, laying a tiny kiss at the end. I heard her moan slowly and close her eyes. I downed the shot and wrapped my hand around the back of her neck to take the lime. I gently grabbed it, our lips touched for a brief instant, but I wanted more. _No, tame_. Why wasn't I drunk enough to push harder. _Fuck_. Everybody cheered as I finished and we hopped down.

"I don't appreciate you teasing me so much!" I chuckled to Bella who feigned innocent.

"What, me? No," she trailed off. Seth popped up from behind the counter with a camera.

"Smile!" he shouted as Bella threw her arms around my neck. We both smiled and for a faint instant after the flash went off, I smelled her strawberry scent. Reluctantly she let go and ordered a beer. We sat in conversation again. Bella started to get a little drunker than I was and was talking about insane things. I just laughed at how open drunk Bella was; so much calmer too, but even more, she oozed this sexiness that I didn't want to leave. It was like everything she did was torture. Suddenly Emmett was behind me yelling about something.

"Edward!" he shouted over the music, "The band bailed for tonight, we need you to fill in!" _Fuck no I wasn't getting back up there_. Bella nodded eagerly and started sipping on some beer.

"Fine," I let him drag me up to the stage. "Em, I don't have my guitar!" He pulled up a case from behind the stage.

"We keep a few here, in case bands bail," he grinned and grabbed the mic.

"Ok, I have a special present for you all!" Emmett boomed. "You all were so kind to him last night, 'Such a Simple Fool' has decided to make a comeback!" The crowd roared and I tried not to smile too much. "Without further ado, the god of music, the king of cool, the princess of pretty," he laughed, "Such a Simple Fool!"

I grabbed him by the shirt to make him stay on stage with me as I grabbed the mic.

"Well, I'm going to need some help with this one, and its one of Emmett's favorites, so how about we get him to help me sing it!" Everyone cheered and I felt Emmett start to panic.

"Don't worry," I whispered, "You know this one!"

I started to play quietly, finding Bella out in the crowd, I locked eyes with her. I had a plan all of a sudden. Emmett looked at me and smiled and started to sing:

_Girls! All I really want is girls. And in the morning its girls, cuz in the morning its girls. I like the way that they talk, and its chill to hear them talk. And I can always make them smile from white castle to the Nile. Back in the day, there was this girl around the way. She like by home -piece M.C.A. He said he would not give her play. I asked him, "Please?"- he said, "you may." Her pants were tight and that's ok. If she would dance- I would D.J. We took a walk down to the bay. _

By now Emmett was all into it. I heard the crowd laughing at an acoustic version of this song, but I thought it was going pretty good. Emmett started to walk off the stage toward Rosalie. _Fuck, he's going to be in trouble_.

_How she'll say, "Hey me and you should hit the hay!" I asked her out- she said, "no way!". I should have probably guessed her gay. So I broke North with no delay I heard she moved real far away. That was two years ago this May. I seen her just the other day. Jock' Mike D. to my dismay. _ 

I started to sing the chorus and the whole place joined it. Emmett made his way back towards the stage after Rosalie punched him in the gut.

_Girls-to do the dishes. Girls- to clean up my room. Girls- to do the laundry. Girls- and in the bathroom. Girls- that's all I really want is girls. With new wave hairdos- I want girls. I out to whip out my - girls, girls, girls, girls, girls!_

We finished to a round of applause and Emmett stood triumphantly at the front of the stage. He turned to look at me and laughed.

"Edward! That was amazing! Rose is going to kill me! Play a few more ok? I'll be back. The crowd is loving it! No other club in town has something like this!" he beamed and ran off towards Rosalie. I could see the daggers in her eyes.

"Well, I'm glad you all liked that!" I smiled and got more applause. I have a few more songs, but I need a little more help with the next one, I smiled and pointed toward Alice and Bella. "Lovely ladies in the back! Make your way up here please! Your crowd awaits." I saw Bella glare at me before she took another shot and marched up on stage. "Come on Alice! Everyone, make her feel welcome!" They crowd started to push her forward.

"I'm going to kill you," Bella whispered, "What the hell are you doing?" Alice had the same look on her face, but at least the crowd was enjoying it.

"Just follow my lead," I picked up the other electric guitar and started to play louder and plucked a song I knew would get the crowd freaking out. Bella's face lit up in recognition. Her and Alice started to smile and dance around.

_Oh the clever, things I should say to you. They got stuck somewhere, stuck between me and you. Oh, I'm nervous. I don't know what to do. Light a cigarette. I only smoke when I'm with you!_ Bella sang as she started to grope Alice. Alice started to sing into the other mic and started to sing as she slid her hand down Bella.

_Whooooa! What the hell do I do this for? Whoooa! you're just another girl. Ok, you're kind of sexy. But you're not really special._ Alice turned away from Bella and made her way out into the crowd and started dancing with a few random people. Bella walked over and stared to sing closer to me.

_But I won't mind, if you take me home, come on, take me home. I won't mind, if you take off all your clothes, come on, take them off. Cuz I like you so much better when you're naked. I like me so much better when you're naked. I like you so much better when you're naked. I like me so much better when you're naked. Yeah!_

Alice made her way back on stage and started to dance with Bella as the crowd helped sing. _This is going pretty good_. The crowd applauded and started yelling for more. Alice and Bella took a bow and started to walk off. I grabbed Bella and made her sit down on the stage. "Ok, everyone, this is the last one for me for the night." I heard the crown grumble. "But I need your help with this one!" Everyone started to scream again. "See this beautiful girl up here?" I got whistles and cat calls from all sides. Bella blushed. "This girl said she wouldn't go out with me," I hung my head in disappointment. Bella stood up to leave, but I sat her back down. "I'm not going to stop playing until she agrees, will you all help me?" The crowd cheered. I started to play.

_I say he so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper; so I let her lick the wrapper. She lick me like a lollipop._ The crowd started to join in, and I stopped.

"No, wait that's not right," I smiled. The crowd laughed. I started again.

_You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothign else to copmare. The sigh of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak, but if you feel like i feel, please let me know that it's real. Youre just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. _The crowd started to join in and started to yell. I saw Bella blush even more now. _I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night. I love you baby. Trust in me when I say: Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray. Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay, and let me love you, baby. Let me love you. _I stopped playing and let the crowd yell the final parts. I got down on a knee and grabbed Bella's hand.

"How about now?" I eyed her nervously.

"I guess I have to now, huh?" she laughed and stood up. I grabbed her and hugged her. She walked off stage as everyone hooted and hollered.

"Thank you all! I laughed and held up my beer to them. Free shots on me!" _Have fun with that rush, Seth. _Everyone cheered louder as I stepped down and the music started to blast. I saw Bella throw back another shot. When I walked back she smacked my arm.

"That was ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry," I smiled and threw back another. I was riding the post show high, and this was only adding to it.

"I don't like to date, Edward," she warned.

"Well, its a good thing I'm persistent." She stared into my eyes for a moment.

"Hey," she whispered, "Want to go upstairs with me? I want to change out of these clothes into something more comfortable." _Hell yes I wanted to go up_.

"Lead the way," I smiled as she grabbed my hands and we snuck upstairs. Bella led me to her bedroom and I sat down on the bed.

"I'll be right back," she smiled and went into the bathroom. I stood up and looked at her old record player and collection. It rivaled my own, which was saying a lot. I picked up the disc on top and turned on the ancient set. A familiar tune started to blast through the speakers. Bella walked out in an old pair of short and t-shirt.

"This is one of my favorites," she smiled and sat down on the bed. I could tell she was somewhat intoxicated.

_Lay where you're laying, Don't make a sound. I know they're watching....They're watching._

I sat down next to her quietly.

"Bella, you look beautiful," I sighed and placed my hand behind her neck.

_All the commotion, the kiddie like play, has people talking... talking...you, your sex is on fire_.

Eagerly I pressed my lips gently onto hers. She tasted sweeter than I could have imagined. I moved my other hand behind the small of her back as she laid down gently.

"Edward, this feels right, right?" she moaned slightly.

"We can do whatever you want" I managed to mumble.

_The dark of the alley, the break of the day, the head while I'm driving... I'm driving. _

She wrapped her hands in my hair and pressed my lips to hers more. I felt her trace my lip with her tongue. I opened up and could feel her tongue start to wrestle with mine.

"Maybe," she giggled.

_Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale. Feels like you're dying... you're dying. You, your sex is on fire. _

I bit her bottom lip gently and got a soft moan against my own mouth. I let my hand trace her side gently and she raked her hands against my shoulders.

_Hot as a fever, rattling bones. I can just taste it... taste it._

I freed Bella's mouth for a moment and let my lips explore her neck more thoroughly. She arched up against me as I trailed open-mouth kissed along her neck on both sides.

"Edward," she whispered.

_If it's not forever, if it's just tonight, oh, it's still the greatest... the greatest.... the greatest..._

I started to lift her shirt up slowly and she brought my lips back to hers. She caught my tongue between her teach and raked it against it. Shivers and heat spread all over my body.

_You... your sex is on fire. You... your sex is on fire. Consumed, with what's to transpire. And you, your sex is on fire. Consumed, with what's to transpire._

"Normally, I'd be ok with this," Bella whispered as I brought my lips back to hers. "But your Alice's brother."

I started to lick at her neck and below her collarbone. She moaned gently. "Yes, I am, and you're her best friend." I whispered against her skin.

"We can't. This shouldn't have happened. I'm drunk. You're drunk. This isn't right," she finally pushed me away.

"I think I like you, Bella," I looked at her eager brown eyes.

"Sure, like you don't say that to all the girls," she scoffed and pushed me off the bed. "Edward, I don't want to be attached, and if you're going to be sticking around, I can't do this with you."

"We could do that. Trust me," I tried to reason with her.

"I trust you to wait until we're sober, and then you'll see that it wouldn't be such a good idea. Maybe if you figured out who I really was." I was caught in a sticky situation. I finally admitted it. Now what was I supposed to do if she didn't like me back, and if she claimed to be something different. _I'd like you no matter what_.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I grinned and kissed her forehead. She just stared back at me with surprise. I walked out and downstairs through the pack pub and out onto the empty street. _I was going to make her love me_.

**Bella POV**

I heard Edward leave and flung myself against my bed as I pulled the blanket over my head. _Dammit. I should have just fucked him while I had the chance so I wouldn't fall in love with him. _Now I just had to avoid him at all costs. I will NOT get into this again. I licked my lips and could still taste his sweetness on my lips. rolled over and let a drunken sleep take me over. _Your sex is on fire_...

__________________________

**So this chapter is a little longer than the last one, but a lot happens, and I didn't feel like breaking down the day, so I just kept it as one thing. **

**The song Bella references as her favorite is **_**"Devil Dressed in Blue" By Right Away, Great Captain (aka Andy Hull)**_**. This would also be where I got the name for Edward's little band. I'll post the lyrics bellow, because it really describes what Bella is going through, i.e. she blames herself for things, and is so afraid to move on. **

**Hope you liked it!**

Well I believe the closing scene

Is being told so close to me

I'm having trouble getting sleep

The devil dressed in blue

Well after all the enemies

Staring back inside of me

I wrote a tune so it seems

That convinced me to always sing

Well I am but a kitchen sink

The place to make the others clean

But you keep coming back to me

I've never felt so old

A dirty word, a venom seeps

A happy man, a fish to keep

As long as i can think

I really think I need to think

Angel wrestle me

Crack my sides to let me see

That if the end will set me free

They're sending me down below

Well I can feel the wooden hair

Creeping out your cross to bear

I never knew you actually cared

I'm such a simple fool

Well seventy months out at sea

I hope that you still think of me

As Jesus knows that I still think

About the way you murdered me

Seven demons out at sea

I hope that you still think of me

As Jesus knows that I still think

About the way you murdered me

Angel wrestle me

Crack my sides to let me see

That if the end will set me free

They're sending me down below

Well I can feel your wooden chair

Creeping out my cross to bear

I never knew you actually cared

I'm such a simple fool


	3. Where We Gonna Go From Here?

**Music**

**"Where We Gonna Go From Here?": Mat Kearney**

**"Miracles": Matt Nathanson**

**Bella POV**

"Hey Bella," Alice whispered. _Not again_. "Hey Bella, its already three in the afternoon." _Fuck. _I shot up quickly, which turned out to be a huge mistake.

"Ugh, my head," I groaned the sat back down. Alice handed me a few aspirin and a glass of water. "What happened?"

Alice laughed at me. "You did tequilla last night, and a very wonderful rendition of 'Better when You're Naked', if I don't say so myself, of course I am slightly biased," Alice started to blabber as she picked through my clothes. The events from last night slowly filtered in my head. I remember shots. Lots of shots. Dancing with Edward. _I was really drunk_. The body shot. _Really drunk_. I felt my body shiver as I remember his lips lightly touching mine. The song. I blushed with embarrassment._ Oh shit._

"Alice!" I blurted while she threw some clothes at me. "Please tell me I did not agree to go on a date with your brother in front of the whole bar." She just laughed and I already knew the answer. She slipped into the bathroom and started a shower for me. _Thank God I had Alice to take care of me on hangover days._

"Hurry up and get ready, Edward's already cleaned out the upstairs loft with the boys and the guys are carrying boxes up now. We all want to go grab dinner before we have to go to work." I shuddered at the thought of work.

"Hey," I yelled as I stepped into the warm shower, "whose working manic Monday with us?"

"Rosalie of course! They boys are going to help Edward set up his room, then probably come hand out downstairs. Hurry up!" I heard the front door slam a minute later. I let the water run over me and relax my muscles. I just wanted to go back to sleep. I slipped out of the shower and and turned on my old record player.

_Hot as a fever, rattlin' bones. I can just taste it... taste it. You, your sex is on fire.._

I froze. _I had made out with Edward_. I slumped down on my bed. _Nope, didn't happen_. The images flashed through my head slowly. I felt his body against mine and his hands on my hips and neck; his lips tracing lower. _Oh dear God. _I pulled on some clothes quickly. _If I just ignore it, it never happened_. _At least I was smart enough to stop it. _I hoped that wasn't a delusion. I'm pretty sure I stopped him. But I hadn't wanted to; I wanted more, much more. _Fuck_. I walked out once I brushed my teeth and made my way upstairs. Giant piles of boxes filled the loft, and coming from somewhere in the middle came that same voice and a beautiful song. I couldn't find anyone as I made my way through the maze of boxes.

_All of your ways and all your thunder, got me in a haze running for cover. Where we gonna go from here? Where we gonna go from here? Car lights in the driveway, I wonder who's going, coming my way. Tomorrow we're turning down the highway with another bright stage on a weekday. Green grass and a radio, watching it fly past and away we go. Seven hundred places seven hundred faces more. _

I finally turned a corner to find Edward sitting on the floor with papers scattered around him. He stopped playing and scribbled something. I didn't bother to breath as he started to play again.

_All your ways and all your thunder, got me in a haze running for cover. Where we gonna go from here? Where we gonna go from here? The back of your eyes look like my mother's, when we talk you're like my brother. Where we gonna go from here? Where we gonna go from here?_

I smiled to myself and tried to creep closer.

_I've waited and I'll wait some more. Won't see me knocking on another door. But all this is crazy and amazing. There's only one half of us that I'm saving, so I'm praying just to let it go. Watch from a distance just to see you glow._

I turned to leave. A wall of boxes met my face and I went down quickly. Edward was at my side in an instant. "Bella, what are you doing here?" he looked concerned. I sat up and rubbed my forehead. "Let me take a look," he shooed away my hands and gently ran his hand along the bump. Gingerly he pushed on the bump.

"Ouch!" I muttered.

"I think you're going to have a nasty bump, but I doubt you have a concussion." He helped me stand up. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just coming to find every one for dinner," I mumbled like a child being scolded. We walked down the stairs in silence and awkward glances. Finally, Edward started laughing.

"Are we going to talk about last night?" he grinned.

"Are you going to tell me about that song?" I curtly responded. He grabbed my arm and twirled me around to face him.

"The song was about you, Bella," he grinned a giant crooked grin and pressed me against the wall as he hand gently tucked my hair behind my ear. _I should just jump him right here_. I wanted to ask him more about it but he interjected the same question, "What about last night?" I pressed myself against him as I grabbed his belt and pulled him toward me.

"I had a good time," I smiled slightly. His breath fanned my face, and my knees threatened to give out.

"I like you, Bella," he whispered. _What do I do? Lie, lie, lie!_

"I like you too," I managed to utter, avoiding his eyes. _Good job_.

"So I'll see you tonight for that date?" I started to interject, but his lips were against mine in an instant. _I should probably stop this._ I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me. He bit at my bottom lip.

"I, uh, I have to work," I managed to mutter. Again he assaulted my mouth.

"After?" he pulled away, and I could see his green eyes get bigger as he pouted. _Sonofabitch_.

"Sure," I could only smile. _Way to hang strong_. He pulled away and started to walk down the stairs.

"You know you should stop kissing me without permission," I ran to catch up with him as he was halfway down the last set of stairs. He turned and grinned mischievously.

"You should stop looking so kissable then," and with that he skipped down the last few steps. There was only a few things I ever knew for certain in my life, and suddenly a new realization hit me. _I was falling for Edward Cullen_.

**Edward POV**

"Are we done yet?" Emmett whined as he smashed the last box. "I want to go drink." I laughed and put the last few books on the shelf. I was sufficiently moved in, and it felt amazing.

"Yeah, we're done," I smiled as he and Jasper high-fived. "Why don't you guys go ahead downstairs, and I'll be down in a few." They ran out like kids being dismissed for recess. I jumped in the shower quickly to get all the sweat off from moving. I practically ran around looking for clean clothes, and finally decided on just a shirt and jeans. I practically skipped downstairs. _Why was I so giddy?_ I slowed as I walked from around the back and made my way to the normal spot. Emmett and Jasper were deep in conversation about some new bet they had going. I caught Bella's eye as she whirled around making drinks.

"What can I get for you?" She asked breathlessly as she leaned over the bar towards me.

"Ten minutes in the back closet?" I grinned. She blushed. _I love when she does that_.

"Ten minutes? That's all?" she winked and handed me a beer. I tried to sputter an intelligent response, but there was no recovering. "Don't worry, stud, I was just joking."

"I knew that," I chuckled and caught her eyes again. "So, I'll see you after work?" I asked eagerly. She rolled her eyes.

"I guess since I gave a verbal commitment," she sighed.

"I'll take it!" I yelled. She laughed. I jumped slightly and kissed her cheek before making my way towards Emmett and Jasper. I turned for a second to catch her reaction. Bella just stood there, blushing and dazed.

"Edward, are you having fun?" Jasper tried to sound serious, but I could tell he was already pretty gone. I tried to keep the laughter in.

"Yes, I'm having a great time." It was hard not to sound condescending. They ordered another round.

"Eddie!," Emmett elbowed me, "Check it out, that blond over there is checking you out." I looked over to see the woman in question. _No, just leave me alone_. I tried to divert eye contact.

"What's wrong Eddie? Afraid of the big bad sexy super model type woman?" Emmett grinned as he and Jasper started to mock me. I just looked at Bella. Now, she was gorgeous. The thought of her lips drove me wild. I wanted to be near her again, right this second. I've never felt this way about someone, so strongly, so eager to just touch her, or talk to her. This was insane. _Calm down_.

"I bet he won't," I heard Emmett yell at Jasper, suddenly bringing me out of my reverie. Bella walked over and Emmett threw her a drunken high-five.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Thinking about you," I smiled at her.

"Actually," Jasper interjected, "We were just betting Edward that he won't take anyone home tonight. He's calmed down so much, we're afraid he won't get any ever again."

"What?" I tried to figure out what was going on, "I was not in this conversation."

"Emmett is trying to say that you don't have the balls to take a girl home with you tonight," Jasper slurred again. _There is only one girl I want to take home_.

"He's right," I shrugged it off.

"What a shame," Bella smiled.

"Ha! Pay up Jazz," Emmett yelled in his face. Jasper slapped some money into his palm. I was left staring into her eyes again until she winked and walked away.

"You guys are insane." I slugged both their arms. Closing time rolled around quickly as we sat there, reminiscing about old times. Emmett was a little worse for wear as the last costumers were shown out.

"Hey, Eddie," he whispered and pulled me closer to him.

"Yes, Emmie?" I chuckled. He pulled something out of his pocket.

"Em, that's amazing!" I congratulated him as he slid the ring back in his pocket.

"I'm going to ask her tomorrow," he grinned and turned back to watch Rosalie help Bella wipe down the bar. Jasper and Alice had long since gone upstairs. "I want to ask her in front of all of you guys, but I need your help."

"Sure, bud. We'll plan it tomorrow morning." His face lit up.

"Alright, we can use code names and walkie talkies," he was practically bursting with excitement.

"Ok, go get your girl and sleep off tonight ok?" Before I could finish he was on his way to Rose.

"Come to poppa, sweet cheeks," Emmett grabbed Rose, who then preceded to slap him. "Feisty like I like it," he grinned and she just ended up giggling.

"Let's get you home, babe, before I end up beating the shit out of you." Emmett's eyes got big.

"Is this a promise?" he laughed as they walked out, after waving us all good night. Bella just laughed and kept going about her business of wiping down the bar and putting the stools up. I started to help her put them. We worked in silence for a few minutes before the stools were all put away.

"So, how was the night with the boys?" Bella asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Are you jealous?" I took a sip of the beer she handed me.

"Not at all, just curious. Who did you decide to take home tonight?" she smiled at me.

"In all honesty, I was quite busy staring at a bartender the whole night to really find anyone as suitaable." I watched a familiar blush creep across her face. She cleared her throat and looked around for something ti divert her eyes.

"You know, I can't really go upstairs yet. Want to keep me company?" she sat down on the edge of the stage.

"Of course," I happily slipped next to her. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing really," she trailed off.

"Something looks like its bothering you," I tried to persuade it out of her.

"Nope, not at all," she smiled. "Play me a song?" she handed me the guitar sitting on stage. I rolled my eyes.

"I haven't written anymore about you since this morning," she blushed again.

"Play me anything," she smiled and laid back on the stage with her hands behind her head.

"I don't know what to play," I sighed.

"Anything," she smiled, "Play the first one you ever wrote."

"I don't really like that one," I trailed off.

"Edward, what do I have to do to get you to play me just one simple song?" she stuck out her lip and pouted quite effectively.

"You could take off all of your clothes, right here," I chuckled, jokingly.

"Deal." She stood up and before I knew it, and started to unzip her jeans.

"I was just kidding, Bella, please keep your clothes on." _You are an idiot_. You never stop a girl from taking her clothes off.

"Scared?" she whispered as she sat down.

"Very. You shouldn't go around tempting people like that," I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She laid back down, her legs swinging over the edge. I started to play quietly.

_They built a hero out of expectations, and what a hopeless hero was he, with sticks for legs he shook when the wind blew, even slightly, and he welcomed the smiles, he welcomed the applause, and he hoped that they'd never forget, just who they thought he was. They dressed him up in rich man's clothes, and told him he was beautiful, then they expected miracles. His parents were pleased they went to all the parties. He was groomed for greatness from the time he was young; raised on a diet of television, he was taught to listen, kept dumb, and he welcomed desire and reckless luxury, and the world soaked up every drop of drama and insecurity. They dressed him up in rich man's clothes and told him he was beautiful. Then the expected miracles, and then one day, his admirers just quit him. They packed up their paint and were gone, and he stood alone, their beautiful disaster, wondering were he'd gone wrong, and he wanted the smiles, and he wanted the applause, but no one would look him in the eye now, no one returned his calls. They dressed him up in rich man's clothes, and told him he was beautiful. Then they expected miracles._

By the time I was done, Bella had sat up. She sat cross legged, staring at me with her mouth open.

"Edward, that was amazing," she muttered. "Why did you write it?" I sat down the guitar and leaned back as she had before, hands supporting my head.

"Don't really know," I shrugged. She slapped my stomach playfully, and I shot up quickly. "Hey!" I chuckled.

"Come on, tell me please," she bit her bottom lip nervously. _And I thought pouting was sexy on her, fuck me_.

"A story for a story?" I mimicked her position across from her.

"Deal," she answered eagerly.

"The reason I ran off to Dartmouth wasn't because of the medical school," I sighed, "I wanted to run away. Away from Carlisle and Esme, and my mother's memory. They raised me to be this, this person who I wasn't sure I wanted to be. But I couldn't let them down. I don't want to disappoint them. It's hard to explain." I paused and Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly. "I guess I wrote it because I felt like a fraud. I felt like they had raised me into someone I wouldn't have been if my mother had raised me. I felt like I was always forgetting her, and I was living for the wrong reasons. I'm not sure if I want to be a doctor. I guess I was afraid I wouldn't meet their expectations." I finally finished and let out a huge breath.

"I think you could never disappoint them, as long as your happy," Bella tried to cheer me up.

"My turn for a question," I changed the subject. Bella rolled her eyes.

"I don't see what questions you could have, I'm a pretty easy read," she snorted.

"I'm actually having a very hard time reading you," I answered and leaned closer to her. "Will you tell me about what happened? Before you moved here?" Her eyes got big.

"Which part?" she released my hand.

"The accidents."

"You only get one. I think the deal was one story," she attempted a weak smile.

"That's fine. I plan on sticking around to hear a lot of your stories," I smiled back at her.

"Let's talk about my Dad," she attempted to keep that smile on her face.

"Alright," I whispered. It took her a few seconds to catch her breath enough to start. She stared out blankly, almost as if she were unaware of her surroundings.

"After Jake died," he voice caught. I pulled her to me and her eyes bugged. I sat her on my lap so I could be closer to her. "After Jake died, I was a wreck. I wasn't happy. I tried to fake it for my dad, but, it was hard. A few months after, I uh, I decided I needed to take a walk. I walked out into the woods up in Forks, and I just kept walking. I found some field and I just laid there. I laid there for three days, or at least thats what the doctors said. I remember my dad picking me up, and carrying me to his car. He was yelling, screaming for me to hold on, as he drove me to the hospital. One the way there, a car swerved, and hit us, head on," Bella's voice dropped slightly and she began playing with her hands.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me, if you're not ready," I propped her chin up so she could look me in the eyes. I saw a faint tear skate down her cheek. I wiped it away quickly.

"Nope," she tried to laugh and regain her composure, "I can do this," she determined. I gave her a minute to recover before she started again. "The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital bed, with your dad actually, checking my IV's. I could barely move and my chest felt funny," Bella lifted up her shirt and I saw a scar running between her breasts about five inches long. "This would be my only scar from the accident. It's the scar from when they gave me my father's heart." She stared at it and tears ran down her cheek. I pulled her closer to me, and gently kissed the scar. She sighed and pulled her shirt back down. "As I eventually regained functioning, Carlisle explained what had happened. Apparently, I had been thrown from the car and onto a guard rail, which stabbed my chest. My dad arrived at the hospital brain dead. There was nothing they could do."

"Bella," I tried to comfort her.

"At the hospital," she continued, "I met Alice. She pretty much stayed there with me every day. I had no where to stay, so Carlisle and Esme offered to let me stay with them. I declined, and said I'd rather just stay at my house. They checked on me daily, and even helped me pay for it. Alice practically lived there with me. The whole first year after it happened I didn't function. It wasn't until senior year that I actually started talking again. And eventually I just gave up, and pretended life was normal."

"I understand," I sighed, "Like there are two different you's; the public and the private one. The public one is completely fine, but the private one is stuck, forever stuck."

"Exactly," she shook her head and wiped her face. "I've never told anyone else that whole story." I wrapped my arms around her tighter.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. It's not your fault you know?"

"I only agreed to answer one question," she curtly responded. I laughed and stood up, holding her close to my chest.

"What are you doing?" she giggled.

"Well, I suggest a cure for all of this heartache," I carried her upstairs. She fit so perfectly in my arms and under my chin.

"And what would that happen to be?" she huffed as I sat her down on my couch, "I should really go back down to my room. Alice will kill me if she can't find me."

"Alice will be fine. I have a feeling she is slightly distracted anyways," I searched for the movie.

"Edward, I'm fine, really," she tried to protest.

"Oh, I know you're fine, you're gorgeous really, don't sell yourself short," I turned and smirked at her.

"Edward," she grumbled.

"Ah! Here it is," I slipped the movie in and pressed play as I sat down next to Bella.

"What is this?" she looked confused.

"This would be Abbot and Costello, only the best comedy duo in the history of comedy," I replied knowingly. Bella snuggled into my side as she grabbed my hand and threw it around her shoulders.

"I've never seen this before," she admitted absently.

"What?" I let my mouth open to a disgusted, twisted face. "How have you lived so far?" She just shrugged.

"Does this count as that date I owe you?"

"Nope," I smiled. "I have something special up my sleeve for that."

"But you said after work, we'd get it over with," she whined.

"Bella, I'm not going to hold you to it."

"No," she answered quickly, "I think I'd like to try. If we can go slow."

"Of course," I answered as my heart jumped.

"I mean, I'm really no good," Bella whispered in my ear. Shivers slid down my spine.

"You don't scare me."

"You're a masochist for liking me," she kissed my neck gently as her head slipped back to my shoulder.

"Maybe," I trailed off. We both laughed occasionally at what was happening. I was the king of the world. The movie ended, and when I went to turn it off, I realized that Bella was sleeping. _What do I do now?_ It would just be easier to let her sleep here, then carry her down a flight of stairs, or try to wake her up. I gently lifted her and carried her towards my bed. _Good thing I decided to make it_ _earlier_. I laid her down, but she had a grip on my shirt. I held myself still, and watched her sleep as I tried to detach my shirt from her iron grip.

"Bella, I'm going to go to the couch," I whispered into her ear.

"Stay," she whispered.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I trailed off slightly.

"Stay, Edward," She opened her eyes slightly and I couldn't say no. I slid in next to her as she scouted over, then moved closer to me. She laid her head on my chest and still had a grip on my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her. I could smell her strawberry shampoo, as I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. I laid there as the sound of her breathing lulled me towards sleep. _This was the most amazing night_. I watched the morning light start to peek in as it blanketed Bella in golden yellow strips. _I guess I am a masochist_.

"Edward," I heard her sigh in her sleep. She was dreaming about me. I wanted to jump up and down and scream with excitment. She was dreaming about me. I couldn't believe it. She was dreaming about me. I smiled and let sleep finally take me. _I was falling for her_.

___________________________________

**Now that some of the deep stuff is out there, it should get a lot funner, in fact, I promise it will.**

**I changed some of it, like Alice had met Bella in Forks. I might go back and correct that part, but from now on just assume that Bella and Edward had never met until now, although Bella knew Alice from Forks. **

**Thanks a lot!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Reviews PLZ**


	4. Crack the Shutters

**Music**

**"Coffee Shop": Landon Pigg**

**"Crack the Shutters": Snow Patrol**

**Bella POV**

The sun was blinding. I awoke to the stinging rays blasting my eyes. _This is not my room_. I felt the bed start to move, and I suddenly realized that I was laying on top of Edward. I thought about last night. _One of the best nights of my life_. We had talked about things I'd always been afraid to talk about, but it felt so right to tell him about everything. I raised my head slightly to look at his face. I ran my hand along his jaw and his lips. _Oh, those lips_. I bit my own inadvertently. His brow was furrowed at whatever he was dreaming about, and his arms contracted around me protectively when I shifted. I continued to run my fingers along the planes of skin visible to me. _It's been a while since I've been this happy_. I gave up tracing Edward and closed my eyes again, trying to memorize every detail.

"Why did you stop?" I heard Edward whisper. I felt a familiar blush creep up my cheeks.

"Sorry, it just felt like a dream," I mumbled.

"How would you like to spend the day with me?" he lifted my chin up so I could see his eager eyes. _Run, run away right now and never look back or you'll be sucked in too deep_.

"I think that'd be fun," I smiled.

"Dammit, I just remembered I have to help Emmett with something today," Edward sighed and threw his head back. "Can I see you after that?"

"I have to work tonight," I smiled and climbed out of the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" he chuckled and pulled be back towards him until he was on top of me. He held his body above mine, but I just wanted to be closer to him.

"Before you get mad at me, I think you should know that Emmett is going to propose tonight, which is why he needs my help." I felt his sweet breath in my mouth. _I guess breathing is overrated when your in this position_. I felt my head start to spin.

"Come visit me tonight at work?" I managed to utter.

"Nothing could keep me away," he whispered and dipped his lips lower towards mine. I got rid of the distance between us as my lips crashed against his. I felt his hands slide along my sides, leaving a smoldering wake. I brought my hands up against his neck and eagerly raked my nails along his shoulders. He groaned against my lips. "We really have to stop meeting like this," Edward chuckled.

"What do you have in mind?" I ground against him eagerly.

"Tonight, don't go to work, come with me somewhere," he smiled against my lips. _Do it_. His lips dipped down to my collarbone where he lightly began to nibble. _Fuck me_. I let my hands wonder to the hem of his shirt where I then lifted it up over his head. His body was amazing. I had a certifiable greek god kissing me right now.

"Yes," I whispered breathlessly. His head popped up suddenly, and I was left staring into two very happy green eyes. He brought his lips to mine again, this time with more urgency. I pushed against his chest and he rolled over, and I swung myself on top of him. His hands waited on my hips as I leaned down and placed gently kissed on his lips. I slid my hands into his and pulled them above his head.

"Bella," he whispered.

"This is quite a wake-up," I giggled, releasing his arms and raking my hands along his chest and well sculpted abs. I could feel him pressing against me eagerly. His hands slid up along my side, pulling my shirt over my head. Self consciously I placed my hand over my scar. Edward flung my shirt on the floor and lifted himself slightly so we were both sitting cross-legged.

"You're beautiful," he kissed along my neck, lower, removing my hand. "You're gorgeous," he kissed my scar. "I don't deserve to be in your presence," he looked me in the eyes again. "I need you to believe that it wasn't your fault. He would want you to live and be happy." Edward cupped my face and urgently brought my lips back to his. His tongue traced along my bottom lip until I allowed it to explore my own. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine; something smoldered in his eyes. "I need you to believe that," he begged.

"I will, one day," I agreed, but he looked angry. "That's the best I can do for now." I moved my lips to his neck, where I proceeded to suck gently along his jugular. _He tasted like nothing I'd ever had before, and now I was addicted_.

"Bella," he whispered again.

"Ding dong! Emmie's here!" I heard Emmett start to pound on the door. Edward stared at me nervously. I looked around for a place to hide.

"Under the bed," Edward breathed. I threw him a glare. He just shrugged and made his way towards the door. I rolled under quickly.

"Bout time, Edward," I saw Emmett's shoes stalk into view. I held my breath for some unknown reason. _Why did we both want to hide from him?_ If they knew about us.. But there was no us...

"Alright, Emmett, let's go plan out a romantic proposing ceremony. Breakfast on me," I heard Edward try to usher him outside. Suddenly his giant hand reached down a few feet from me and picked up my shirt.

"Whoa, Eddie boy, what's this? It's not Rosalie's, because I took hers off myself last night. It can't be Alice's because she was with Jasper all night last night. That leaves the final musketeer," I heard Emmett's booming laughter.

"Um, weird, I must have grabbed some of Bella's laundry when I used their washing machine," Edward responded quickly.

"Really? That's it?" Emmett asked, sounding depressed. _Score for having dumb friends_.

"Yup, now let's leave the apartment. Some of us have plans later tonight. Very important plans that most people would ditch work for. In fact, what would you say to closing down the pub to give the girls the night off. Let's reserve it for a private part," I heard Edward slightly yell.

"Geeze, you don't have to rush me and be a jerk about it. But, that sounds awesome," Emmett trailed off as they walked out. I waited a few seconds before I rolled out from under the bed. _I need a little pay back for making me hide under the bed_. I slipped my shirt on and went into the bathroom. I pulled out some lipstick. "Let's pick up where we left off, XOXO -B" _That ought to do the trick_. Totally content with myself, I made my way back down to my room.

"Well, hello there, Bella" I turned as if I were facing the firing squad.

"Hey Alice, what's up?" I tried to laugh and make my way back to my bedroom. Unfortunately someone had different ideas, and little pixie jumped in my way. She grabbed me into a giant hug.

"Bella, I was worried about you, I had no idea where you went," she let me go. "Don't you ever do that again. Where were you?"

"I, uh, I was uh," I turned away. _I can't lie, especially not to Alice._ "I fell asleep up at Edward's." Alice let out a squeal and started to jump around. "We just slept last night," I tried to calm her down. _No need to mention what happened this morning_...

"Sure, Bella," she muttered, almost too calmly. "Now go get ready, we're going to go help Emmett set up downstairs for his surprise for Rosalie. Get showered and wash the smell of denial off please." She laughed at her own joke.

"Har Har," I muttered. Alice followed me towards the bathroom as I climbed in.

"Are you going to tell me anything?" she asked.

"There is honestly nothing to tell. How did you know about Emmett proposing?" It suddenly occurred to me.

"Him and Edward stopped by on their way to the store. We're closing down the bar tonight, and using it for a more private party."

"I'm so excited,' I laughed as I started to wash my hair.

"I bet you are," Alice laughed.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing," she trailed off and made her way outside. "I just saw a very nice bruise appearing on Edward's neck." _Shit._

"He probably fell," I mumbled.

"Yeah, that's what he said, but I could have sworn it was a hickey. But hey, what do I know right?" I heard her close my bathroom door. _Oh, shit that probably wasn't good_. I tried my hardest not to think about last night, about waking up this morning. But, it seemed like those memories were just going to play on repeat.

I spent the rest of the day lounging around the apartment, reading through my tattered copy of "Wuthering Heights". It wasn't until the late afternoon that I heard from anybody else about the plans for the night. My phone started to buzz.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"Bella," she practically yelled. "Do you remember Rosalie's favorite kind of cake?"

"Of course, chocolate on chocolate. Why?"

"Emmett wants you to make one for dessert tonight."

"When is this all going down?"

"At 8."

"Alice!" I tried to not sound annoyed, "That's in like two hours!"

"You can do it. Thanks Bella, you're the best." I slammed my phone down. _Fuck me_. I started trying to put everything together. I guess I could just get ready while it baked. I put on my baking music and started to attack the batter. _Emmett better appreciate this_. I popped the cake in the oven and made my way to my room to figure out what I was supposed to wear. I took off my sweats and slid on a pair of jeans over my lacy boy shorts. Top was the hardest to decide on. I threw my clothes all over my floor, trying on different ones. I heard the timer go off before I could find one, so I made my way to the kitchen to ice it. _Freaking Emmett_. I couldn't help myself from dancing slightly as I iced it, one of my favorite songs oozing from the stereo in the living room.

"I must have died and gone to heaven." I jumped at the velvety voice that was leaning against the fridge. "I got your note," he smiled and walked towards me. I turned and continued to ice. Suddenly his arms were wrapped around my waist and his lips were on my neck.

"I have to finish this, or Emmett will kill me," I slightly moaned.

"I'm not stopping you," he whispered as his hands traced my bare stomach. I turned to him.

"You're making it increasingly difficult for me to concentrate." I pushed his chest away from mine.

"Really? That's a shame, I should probably stop," he smiled and leaned his lips towards mine, barely brushing against them. Tentatively he brought us closer. I raked my hands into his hair, pulling him closer. I bit and pulled on his lip, earning a low growl from Edward. He lifted me up and sat me on the counter.

"I enjoyed waking up with you this morning," he whispered against my ear. Shivers riddled my body.

"Same," was the only intelligent answer I could muster. The things he was doing to my neck were insane.

"Would you like to stay tonight?" he dipped his head lower, to where my bra met skin, gently tracing the area with his tongue.

"Alice isn't going to be here tonight, would you like to stay here?" _What the hell? Where did that come from_? His eyes got big as he brought his lips back to mine.

"If you want me to," he trailed off. I crashed my lips against his. _Yes, it is the only thing I wanted_. I felt my chest lighten and a smile creep onto my face.

"I really do," I whispered against the skin under his ear. I let my hands trail down and get a hold on his belt. His phone started to vibrate and he sagged his head on my shoulder.

"What?" he practically barked. _How 'bout a little more payback?_ I started to trace my lips along the opposite side of his neck. Gently I bit down, illiciting a small moan from him.

"No, we'll be right down. Bella has the cake ready. OK, see you in five," he slammed his phone into his pocket. "That just wasn't nice," he growled and slid me off of the counter. "We have to go," he sounded disappointed, "You go get ready, and I'll finish icing." Reluctantly I made my way to my room and threw on a shirt. By the time I was done brushing my hair and teeth, Edward had the cake iced decently. I went over it again, smoothing it out slightly around the edges.

"Hey, Edward?" I suddenly asked as we made our way to the door.

"Yes, beautiful?" he batted those eyelashes. _What was it I wanted to say_?

"Why did I hide this morning?" He stopped as I locked the door behind me.

"I didn't think you'd want people to get the wrong impression," he trailed off.

"And what impression is that?" I bit back. He grabbed my hand.

"That we were just fooling around," again with the eyelashes.

"But, Edward, we were," I corrected.

"No," he whispered and brushed his hand along my cheek, "I'm not just fooling around with you." _Fuck_.

"I don't want to tell them either," I finally agreed, "I just thought, maybe you were ashamed, regretful." His eyes narrowed, as if in anger.

"That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. I like you Bella. You're smart, funny, amazingly sexy, I can't get you out of my head. I want to constantly be around you." _Shit. _I didn't know what to say, I just stood there, mouth agape.

"Do you trust me?" his eyes fixed onto mine. _No._

"Yes," I nodded. A smile stretched across his face. He pulled me along and we made our way downstairs. He dropped my hand at the last instant, but threw a sorrowful glance over his shoulder at me. I just smiled and winked.

"Bella! That looks amazing!" Alice appeared at my side, pulling me away to the opposite side of the bar. I set the cake down and finally got a good look around. Light were strung all over ever available surface. A small table was set up in the middle, and all the stools had been moved along the walls.

"Alice, this looks amazing," I gushed. She just shrugged and kept fluttering around adjusting things. We finally got everything set up to Alice's approval, and sat at the bar lightly chattering.

"What's going on?" I heard Rosalie gasp as she walked in and we all turned to her. Before anyone could say anything, Emmett dropped to one knee beside her, grabbing her hand and attention.

"Rosalie Hale, I love you with all of my heart. Will you marry me?" She gasped and started to pull Emmett up.

"Yes!" she screamed and engulfed him. He slid the ring on her finger once she let him go. The wave of congratulations washed over them as we all hugged them.

"Alright," Alice started, "Let's do this right. Edward, do your thing, Jasper get the food, Bella light the candles, then run for it."

"What?" Rosalie gasped as we began to run around. "Where are you all going?"

"Its just you two for the night," Alice winked. I lit the candles as Jasper sat down their food.

"Dance with me," Emmett whispered to Rosalie as Edward started to play. Alice and Jasper slid out the back door with a wave, and I crept towards the stairs and took a seat.

_I think that possibly, maybe I've fallen for you. Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you. I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, I wanna come too. I think that possibly, maybe I'm fallin' for you. No one understands me quite like you do, through all of the shadowy corners of me. I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much. All of the the while I never knew, I never knew just what it was, about htis old coffee shop I love so much. All of the while, I never knew. _

I watched Rosalie lay her head against Emmett's chest. I'd never seen him so happy, his face practically bursting with an intense excitment. He held her so close his chest as they swirled around.

_I think that possibly, maybe I'm fallin' for you. Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you. I've seen the wateres that make your eyes shine. Now I'm shinin' too because, oh because, I've fallen quite hard over you. If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know. If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone. _

I saw tears streaming down Rosalie's face as she buried it in Emmett's chest. He did the most simple gesture of wiping them away and holding her closer.

_I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much. All of the while I never knew, I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I lvoe so much. Allf of the while I never knew, all of the while, all of the while, it was you..._

Edward set the guitar down and quietly crept towards the stairs. I stood up and wiped the tears from my own face. They just kept swaying in place, giant tear stained smiles on both of their faces. _That's what I want_. Edward held out his hand and we stole upstairs.

"That was really nice," I smiled and kissed his cheek as I opened the door and led him inside.

"It was the least I could do," he muttered. "How was your day?"

"It was great, I just got to hang out," I smiled and led him towards my bedroom. "How was yours?" Edward sat down on my bed and held his arms out for me to sit on his lap.

"It was horrible. I could only think of having you right here the whole time." I couldn't help the blush that I knew was creeping up my cheeks.

"You have quite a way with your words," I giggled.

"I'm serious," he grinned. I yawned accidently. "We better let you get some sleep." I stood up and made my way to pick out something to sleep in. "I'll, uh, I'll just leave for a second," Edward whispered quickly.

"No, stay," I whispered and pushed him back down. _I give up with you already, just go for it_. I slid off my shirt and jeans quickly before I could change my mind. Edward stood up next to me and lifted his shirt off. _Fuck me_. I leaned up to graze my lips on his. Eagerly he placed his on mine, searching for more. I wrapped my hands along his neck slowly. Gently he laid me down on the bed and held himself above me. I let my tongue explore his quietly.

"We can stop," he pulled away slightly. I felt his breath fan across me as I finally decided to take a breath. I brought my lips back to his quickly. Edward pulled away again. "Do you know what I did today?" he propped himself up on his elbow next to me. _What the hell_?

"Planned the surprise?" I asked.

"That took about an hour," he chided me. "For majority of the day, I had this image in my head, of you, laying against me. It was the sweetest memory. I had to write this for you," he murmured and placed his lips against mine.

_You cool your bed-warm hands down on the broken radiator_, he let his hands start to graze along my stomach as he whispered the words to my skin.

_And when you lay them freezing on my, I mumble "can you wake me later?". _Gently he traced along the lace of my bra, and let his lips slowly move along my jaw and neck.

_But I don't really want you to stop and you know it so it doesn't stop you._ He whispered against my collarbone.

_And run your hands from my neck to my chest_. He brought his hand behind my back and slipped my bra off gracefully.

_Crack the shutters open wide, I want to bathe you in the light of day_. He dipped lower, slowly grazing my breasts with his tongue and breath.

_And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body_. I let out a low moan as he kissed each breast.

_I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute._ His warm lips moved lower, kissing along my stomach.

_Cuz the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you_. His tongue swirled along my navel, kissing along the soft skin below it.

_It's been minutes, its been days, its been all I will remember_. His soft hands trailed along my legs.

_Happy lost in your hair and the cold side of the pillow_. He slowly slipped my underware off, gently grazing his fingertips along every inch of leg he could, never breaking eye contact with me.

_Your hills and valleys are mapped my intrepid fingers_. He slowly kissed his way higher along my thighs.

_And in a naked slumber, I dream all this again. _"Edward," I whispered and moaned all at the same time. His lips finally made their way up to mine, and I eagerly begged to taste him again.

"You're beautiful, Bella," he sighed. I let my hands trail along his chest, and slowly worked at the button of his pants. Gingerly, he slipped them off, and we both lay there, staring into each other's eyes.

"I like you," I finally managed to mutter. He crashed his lips against mine. I felt him bit my bottom lip and pull it gently. I let my hands glide along the planes of his body.

"I love you," he whispered as he planted open mouth kisses along my neck. _I love you too_. Each movement was full of caring, gentle, almost restricted. I felt Edward move around me gently.

"I can't say it," I suddenly realized. He pulled away and his eyes were filled not only with lust, but something brooding.

"You don't have to Bella. I understand." I wrapped my legs around his waist. _I love you!_ His lips met mine, stifling my moan. Gently, he rocked against me, and I could feel the pressure mounting. I assaulted his back with my fingernails, raking against them roughly. Our bodies, slick with sweat, glided together beautifully.

"Bella," he growled. I felt myself release suddenly, moaning against his neck.

"Edward," I tried to yell. I felt him release a second later. Instantly he laid butterfly kisses against my neck, cheek, and lips.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you," he smiled and pulled me against his chest. I let myself enjoy this perfect moment as sleep finally took me.

___________________________________

**Oh man they did what? **

**Review please and I'll have a present in the next one. **

**The present will involve and empty storage closet and no pants. **

**just sayin...**

**KThanx**


	5. Bad Girlfriend

**Music**

**"Bad Girlfriend": Theory of a Deadman**

**Edward POV**

"Edward," I heard a soft voice calling me in my dreams. All of a sudden I felt something settle on top of me. _Oh shirt, what a great way to wake up_! I opened my eyes just as Bella grabbed my lip between her teeth. _Fuck me_. I couldn't hide the moan that erupted from my chest. "Edward, you have to go," she trailed off as she climbed off of me. I sat up and watched her get dressed. Almost unaware of me, she ran around the room looking for clothes. I couldn't help but groan when I saw her slip on a pair of jeans with no underwear. "Edward! Get going, Alice is going to be home any minute," Bella hissed as she slid on a bra and shirt and threw me my clothes. _Mental note: check to see if she puts panties on later_. I slid my clothes on and slid behind Bella as she hastily put her hair up in a messy ponytail in the bathroom.

"Hey, it's ok, calm down," I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me.

"Sorry, I just, I don't know," she trailed off and pulled away from me. "I have a lot to do today before work." We walked to the door as I absently played with Bella's fingers. She smiled at me as she opened it quickly.

"Want to grab some dinner before work?" I asked as I hugged her closer. She looked around as if trying to find something else to talk about.

"I can't, I have to go with Alice and Rosalie. They texted me to tell me to ditch work and go celebrate the engagement with them. But, I can't leave Seth to man the bar alone. So, I'm just going to dinner with the girls."

"Ok," I sighed. She smiled and kissed my cheeks quickly.

"Rain check?"

"You bet," I cheered up eagerly. "Would you like to come over tonight?"

"Um," she shuffled and pulled out of my arms to open the door, "I don't know."

"I'm not expecting anything," I tried to reassure her, "I just want to be near you."

"Why don't you come stop by work later? It's ladies night tonight," Bella daftly changed the subject.

"Alright, I just might." She tiptoed up and kissed me chastely.

"I hope you do," she trailed off.

"I love you," I smiled and kissed her forehead. I watched her turn ghostly pale.

"I, uh, I, I have to go," she quickly retreated. _Great. What the hell did I do now? _

I spent the rest of the day lounging around my apartment, putting the last few boxes away and finally officially moving in. The images of last night whirled through my head. _Bella had said she loved me_. I was more sure of that than any other part. I continually thought about how her skin felt against mine, the noises she made, the movements. _Down boy_. I was brought out of one of my many reveries by loud knocks against my door.

"Edward!" I heard Jasper and Emmett yelling. "Come on, dinner time!" I threw the door open to see them standing there grinning like idiots.

"What are you talking about?" The grabbed me and slammed my door shut for me as they carried me down the stairs.

"Emmett's taking us all out to dinner to thank us for helping, and to celebrate with Rosalie. Then, we're all going out on the town!" Jasper informed me with a giant smile after they sat me down and let me walk down the last flight of stairs by myself.

"Thanks Em," I smiled as we were greeted by Rosalie, Alice and Bella on the street. I tried to smile at Bella, but she just avoided me completely. We started to walk down the street as Alice and Rosalie chattered about wedding plans already. _I can't take this anymore_. I grabbed Bella's elbow and slowed her to walk with me in the back of the group.

"What's up?" she acted as if everything was normal.

"Bella, what the hell is going on? You won't even look at me?" I practically hissed at her.

"Nothings wrong Edward," she still had that fake smile plastered across her face.

"I'm pretty sure when I told you I lov-"

"Edward, I'm sorry, but I don't want to hear that," she dropped her eyes and pulled her elbow from mine.

"Bella, I won't say it, but that's how I feel. I don't expect you to say it." She just kept walking. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Edward. I can take care of myself," she snapped.

"Alright." I let her catch up with the rest of the group as I trailed behind quietly. The whole time at dinner I couldn't help but steal all the glance I could her way. My heard couldn't sit still when I saw her staring at me a few times. _What the hell? This girl is going to be the death of me._

We all stopped in front of the pub after the walk back. Everyone wished Bella a goodnight and started to walk away to the night out they had planned. I just made my way upstairs as a rage grew inside of me. _What was I getting myself into? Clearly Bella didn't know what she wanted. She never meant what she said. _But that was dumb, I knew what I felt. I knew what I wanted. I spent a good two hours debating what I wanted to do. _Go downstairs and just tell her that I wasn't going to give up? Stay upstairs and pussy out? Fuck her right there on the bar? _I liked option three. No. I'll go with option one. I finally manned up enough to make my way downstairs to find the bar packed completely to the breaking point. There was definitely a higher concentration of women then previous nights. I casually slid up to the bar and caught Bella's eye. She winked and maneuvered her way towards me. _Ok, so now she's alright with me? _Seth was busy putting on a show for the eager girls at the bar, so I allowed myself to grab her and kiss her quickly. I deepened the kiss until I was sure I couldn't contain myself. _Option three is looking good all of a sudden. _

"Well, hello," Bella breathlessly smiled and handed me a drink.

"Hey there gorgeous," I breathed. I watched her hips move as she walked away to fill more orders. I spent the next few minutes watching her twirl her hair around her fingers as she flirted with some guy at the bar. I saw him slip a giant tip in the container and laughed to myself. I almost jumped across the bar when I saw her push her chest out and and pout with this one woman a few minutes later. She then lined up two shots and took them with her before gently pecking her lips. _Fuck me_. She then searched for me and winked.

"Excuse me," I heard a sensuous voice behind me. I whirled around to find the blond from the other night.

"Yes?" I grinned. _Two can play at this game_. I took her in eagerly. She wasn't as beautiful as Bella, but definitely attractive.

"Would you like to dance?" she smiled and rested her hand on my forearm. I took a swig from my drink and looked back at Bella to see her glaring at the woman. _Press my luck? _

"I would love to, I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?" I asked as she led me towards the floor.

"Tanya," she smiled as she started to grind against me. The song continued and I just went along with it. She seemed way more into it than I thought she would be.

"Would you like to grab another drink, and what is your name?" she whispered breathlessly, giggling as we stood rooted in the same place.

"Edward," I whispered back. "I'm sorry, as much as I would love to, I have someone waiting for me."

"Some other time," she whispered and let her hands trail along my waist. _DTF for sure_. I made my way back to the bar to see Bella still glaring at Tanya in the crowd. She looked at me and smirked. Suddenly she was whispering with Seth who in turn lifted her up on the bar.

"Hello ladies and dicks!" she yelled and everyone yelled. "I'm looking to give some shots to the sexiest girls in the place, but I need you all to dance for them!" she started clapping and helping a few girls to the bar top. A familiar rift started to blare. The three girls that joined Bella on the bar started to grind against each other quickly.

_My girlfriends a dick magnet, my girlfriend got a habit. She's hot, can't stop, up on stage doing shots, tip the man he'll ring the bell, get her drunk she'll scream like hell. _Seth handed the girls all shots, who then downed them and kept dancing.

_Dirty girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town. Grab her ass, actin' tough. Mess with her, she'll fuck you up. No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned, but she's comin' back to my place tonight!_ The girls slid off the bar and started to dance with guys on the floor. Bella kept dancing, puling different girls up with her. I was mesmerized as her hips swayed and her eyes were filled with something, I don't know what it was, but it was hot.

_She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat. She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth. I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end. You know what she is, no doubt about it, she's a bad, bad girlfriend!_ Bella hopped behind the bar, content with the chaos that ensued in the club. She started to dance with Seth, grinding against him. He eagerly placed his hands on his hips and moved with her.

_Red thong, party's on, love this song, sing along. Come together, leave alone, see you later back at home. No one really knows if she's drunk of if she's stoned, but she's coming back to my place tonight. I say, no one really knows how far she's gonna go, but I'm gonna find out later tonight. _I could feel my fists ball up as I watched her move with him easily. His hands trailed along her hips. Whistles and cat calls were thrown around as people started to watch.

_She likes to shake her ass, she grinds it to the beat. She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth. I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end. You know what she is, no doubt about it she's a bad, bad girlfriend! _I almost lost it as she turned to face him. She grabbed his hair and puled his head back before she barred her teeth and bit his neck. I saw his eyes roll back in ecstasy.

_Doesn't take her long to make things right. But does it make her wrong to have the time of her life, the time of her life. My girlfriend's a dick magnet. My girlfriend's gotta have it. _Before I knew what was happening I was behind the bar grabbing Bella and pulling her towards the back.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" she barked at me as I flung the door to the supply closet open and flung her inside. I watched her bottom lip slip between her teeth. _Fuck me_.

"What the hell is your problem?" I yelled. I saw her glare back at me, just as angry.

"What the hell is _your_ problem!" she snapped back quickly. We were left in a staring contest as both of our chests heaved under the pressure.

"Bella, I don't know what you're talking about. I've been busting my ass to show you that I like you, and the next thing I see, you're grinding on another guy, assaulting his neck! Do you think it's easy to watch that? Fun for me to see you do that?" I finally let go of the hold I had on her elbows. She set her eyes and thought.

"Oh really, what's wrong? Jealous?"

"Fuck yes I was jealous, Bella! I want to be the only one to touch you like that!" I couldn't help by scream back to her. Her face changed between astonishment and anger.

"Why me! Edward, you obviously can have anyone you want. I saw you with the blond bombshell on the floor. Way to be a hypocrite. So it's perfectly fine that you do that, but not for me! I don't understand you sometimes." Her voice fell, no longer yelling. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, for fear that it would be the wrong thing. I grabbed her chin and stared at her.

"I was only doing that because I saw you flirting with all those people at the bar. It was hard to see, but she didn't mean anything. The whole time I was out there I could only remember dancing with you," I trailed off when I saw her eyes leave mine. "You were jealous weren't you?" I couldn't help but laugh. Her nose crinkled indignantly.

"I may not be able to say that I love you, but that doesn't mean I want other girls touching you," she snapped.

"But you want to touch me?" I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.

"Nope," she answered firmly. I couldn't help but feel my whole body drop. She pressed her body against mine and leaned to whisper in my ear, "I want to fuck you." _Oh shit_. She traced her tongue along the outer shell of my ear and I could tell I was already into this.

"Really?" I managed to mumble. She grabbed my hand and slid them along her ass. Her lips met mine quickly. I groaned as she nipped at my lip. Eventually I let my tongue explore hers. I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist, eagerly grinding against my already obvious arousal.

"Seems like you aren't objecting," she grinned evilly as she bit down on my neck. I pushed her against the back wall and ran my hands under her shirt to run my fingers over her bra. I felt her moan against my neck as she continued to suck roughly. I pulled her shirt over her head when she finally released my neck. I took this opportunity to attach my lips to her chest as she arched into me. She raked her hands through my hair as I licked along her soft skin, all the while rubbing her breasts.

"Edward," she moaned, "please," she trailed off when I brought my lips back to hers. I put my foot up on a shelf and balanced her on it as I unbuttoned her pants and slid them down to her ankles. Her hands gripped the shelf above her head, making it easier for me to assault her neck and chest. My eyes practically fell out of my head when I saw that she wasn't wearing underwear.

"Oh, Bella," I moaned. She wrapped her legs back around me and brought her tongue back to my mouth to explore. I slid my hand down farther, eliciting a moan when I found what I was looking for.

"Fuck," Bella sucked in quickly. Her hips bucked against my hand as I massaged the wetness gently. "Harder," she screamed. I plunged two fingers into her and she arched into me harder. I could feel her chest jumping up and down against me. _Shit, I can't even handle this. _

"I need you Bella," I groaned. I removed my hand and fumbled with the button at my jeans. Eagerly she grabbed me and positioned herself close to me.

"I need you Edward," She moaned as I slammed into her hard. "Fuck!" she screamed. I tried to muffle her screams with my mouth. Her hips worked along with mine. I moved a hand lower again and started to rub her. "Shit!" she barely managed to scream. "Edward... I'm" she couldn't finish her sentence before I felt her contract around me and arch unwillingly. I increased my rhythm, feeling the pressure mounting around me. Bella's body was riddled with after shocks as she rode it out longer. I finally felt the release come as I dug my hands into her waist and thrust harder. We stayed perfectly still as the world around us finally caught up with us.

"Bella," was the only intelligent thing I could whisper. She smiled and slid her legs out and stepped onto the ground.

"That was," she trailed off as she slipped her pants back on. _Oh, not again_. _Does she even know what she's doing to me?_ I buttoned mine back up and handed her shirt.

"Yeah," I uttered. She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "Thanks," she winked and headed back out to the bar. I tried to move, but I didn't know what to do. _What? _I grabbed her elbow and flung her back against the wall in the hallway.

"Bella, I need to ask you something," I trailed off. She looked at me awkwardly and started to try to straighten my hair.

"It looks like you just had some amazing sex," she giggled. I shook my head and tried to remain focused. I took all of my energy not to take her right here.

"Please give this a chance?" I eyed her eagerly. She bit her lip and nodded.

"I want to try, Edward, I just don't want you to get hurt." A lightbulb went off in my head.

"I won't. Just, just try."

"Deal," she smiled and hugged me.

"What the hell? I knew it!" I heard Alice giggle and scream.

"Shut up Alice!" We both yelled.

"Bella, Seth is going to get raped if you leave him behind that bar alone much longer," Alice chided her. As Bella walked by I saw her whisper something in her ear and Bella just blushed.

"And you!" Alice hopped over to me. "You better be good!" I could tell how serious she was, and it scared me slightly. _I won't hurt her_. "Have you seen the extra glasses?" Alice asked after she felt as if I was scared of her. I just shrugged.

"I think we brought that box and put it in the storage closet," I smiled and kissed her goodnight as I made my way upstairs. I heard Alice scream as she walked into the closet.

"It smells like sex in here!" I laughed the whole way to my room, perfectly content at every aspect of my life.

**Bella POV**

"We're going to have a long talk about this, miss," Alice whispered in my ear as I tried to make my way back to the bar. "You can't just fuck people in closets, it's unsanitary and against health code violations I'm sure." I could feel the blush creep up my neck.

"It smells like sex in here!" I heard Alice scream as I made my way back towards the bar to help Seth. I couldn't believe we were still so busy, but whatever, more money. The only thing I could think about was what had just happened. Not so much the part about trying. _That sex_... I tried not to let my my wonder too much, or I'd be marching upstairs to Edward's apartment.

_Do I go to his room tonight? What the hell is going on_? I absently stumbled around my duties as the night wore on, until I suddenly looked out and realized that we were almost done cleaning and putting everything away. I stumbled up to my room, exhausted from work and closets and thinking. I climbed into my own bed. I could smell Edward on my sheets. I smiled. _What are you smiling about? You're in a heap of trouble!_ I am not, I can do this. _Sure you can. Sike. You can't get over Jake_. Shut up, fuck.I've learned to deal with him. _Really? Him? Sure._ I took another breath and Edward's smell soothed me. I could do this. _From this moment on, I'm all in to trying. I'm jumping in_. I grabbed my phone and texted Edward that I'd see him tomorrow. _Starting tomorrow_. I put everything out of my head and slid into an unfit nights sleep.

_________________________________

**Ok, another chapter done! Hope you enjoy!**

**Thank you so much to mfrancesf for being one of the best, loyal readers ever!**

**Your reviews always cheer me up and make me want to keep going!**

**I appreciate every review!**

**Thanks!**

**Next chapter music preview: **

**"Take it off" the Donnas**

**"All I Need" Mat Kearney**

possibly...

=)

**XOXO Lovies!**


	6. The Fear You Won't Fall

**Music**

**The Fear You Won't Fall: Joshua Radin**

**BPOV**

_Fuck you alarm clock_! I slammed the button down. Edward resumed slowly moving his hands along my sides as I eagerly nipped at his lips, trying to get any response from him I could. I could almost feel his weight on top of me as he gingerly ground against me and I pulled him closer, begging for more friction.

"Bella!" I heard Alice banging on the door as she snapped me from my dream, "Come on! Why would you hit snooze AGAIN? I've heard your alarm go off like five times! You're going to miss your class!" I rolled over and stepped out of bed angrily. _I had to hit snooze again because Edward is such a good kisser in my dreams_. I slumped into the bathroom and splashed water across my face. I shouldn't be dreaming about Edward so much, but here I was again, already on Friday of my first week of classes, and he had been the only thing I'd been able to think clearly about for the past week. I pulled on some clean clothes and brushed my teeth, forgoing a shower in hopes of making class on time. Its not like I had even seen him since our last run-in. In all honesty, I'd been avoiding him at all costs, trying to spare him the hurt that inevitably followed in my wake. He tried to figure things out, but I think I'd finally confused him enough. Unfortunately I had to see him tonight to give him something. _Its not unfortunate, you've been looking forward to this since Wednesday_. I pushed all of these thoughts from my mind. Of course I could just be a friendly person and talk to him. I was just being ridiculous. _I just needed to find the balance between friendly and taking him back to that closet_. _Oh, that closet_..

I rushed around the apartment eagerly trying to find everything. Luckily, campus was only a few blocks away, so I knew I would make it once the giant brick buildings came into my view. The day dragged on slowly, and again, the only thing I could think about was Edward. _This is getting ridiculous_. I dragged myself to the tiny diner on the corner of campus to meet Alice and Rosalie for our customary Friday lunch date.

"Nice of you to finally make it," Rosalie snorted as she hugged me and let me slide inside the usual corner booth.

"Rose, leave her alone, she's exhausted," Alice chided her, "I think you work too much during the week. You should cut back."

I just shook my head and smiled, knowing full well that wasn't the reason I was having trouble sleeping. _I hadn't slept well since the night I slept in Edward's arms_. My mind replayed that night again for the five hundredth time.

"Well when are you going to start the plans?" I heard Alice start to raise her voice at Rosalie.

"Alice, we're only sophomores in college. We're not getting married anytime soon. We plan on a very long engagement." Rosalie huffed as the waiter took our order. Alice huffed as well, and we sat in silence for a few minutes after he walked away awkwardly.

"I love you!" Alice shouted out of the blue. Rosalie and I looked at each other then to Alice as the laughs wouldn't stop coming out.

"Oh, Alice, don't worry. You'll be the first person in line to plan it, I promise," Rose held up a pinky and Alice shook on it. I couldn't help but laugh at them, which might have been a mistake since they turned their eyes on me, and I'm pretty sure the only thing I could be compared to is a deer in the headlight's of two semi's.

"And you!" Alice turned her wrath to me, "You have some explaining as to this mood you've been in lately."

I looked to Rosalie for support, but she had the same disapproving glance that Alice did. "I haven't been in a mood!" I growled back as the waiter handed us our food.

"You're right, you don't even have moods, you're in a daze, emotionless, like a zombie!" Rosalie finally joined it. "And don't go blaming it on work and classes, there is no homework the first week."

"I don't know, I just have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry guys," I trailed off and started to pick at my food.

"And?" Alice egged me on. I bit my tongue. _Somehow this doesn't seem like the proper place or time to start attempting to explain how damaged I am, and how I won't put Edward through the wreckage that is my life_.

"Just life, you know?" I tried to smile my way out of it. "So, what's going on this weekend?" I daftly changed the subject. Luckily, Rosalie bought the bait, and started to chatter about some parties. Alice glanced at me in an almost begging look. I smiled and mouthed 'Later' to her. Alice dove into the conversation with Rosalie. I was able to pretend smile and agree, without thinking much. Lunch went by quickly and as we left Alice gave me a hug, tighter than normal.

"Whenever you're ready," she whispered and smiled. I melted into her hug. _How did she always know?_ I made my way to my last class of the day, the whole way across campus. I pulled on my headphones as I started the long walk, and instantly was caught up in the music blaring from my headphones. Suddenly I was sitting on my butt on the sidewalk.

"Hey, what's your damage, dickwad?" I yelled at the back of the man standing in front of me.

"If I'm not mistaken, you ran into me," he huffed as he spun around. I was left staring at the most beautiful, and oddly familiar, pair of green eyes. "Bella?" Edward laughed and put his hand out to help me up. I grabbed it and tried to ignore the electric charge that surged through my body. He held onto my hand after I was already standing up, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away. "I was just thinking about you," he sighed and pulled me into a hug. I melded against his hard body, smelling his cologne deeply. _Stop it, idiot_.

"Just thinking about me, huh? What about?" He smiled that crooked smile that made my heart stop for a minute.

"Well, that I haven't seen you at all, and that needed to change," he laughed melodically, "Clearly, I can wish things, and they just appear, and insult me."

I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks. "Sorry about that, its been a long week." Edward stepped closer to me, closing the distance between us.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" His thumb grazed along my cheek gently.

"Um, no, nothing at all," I smiled and pulled myself away. "I have to get to class," I trailed off and started to wave and walk away. Edward walked next to me. "Don't tell me your class is this way?" I huffed.

"Nope, I'm done with classes for the day, I just figured I could be a gentleman and walk you to class," he smiled and held out his hands. I looked at him quizzically. "Just give me that," he sighed and grabbed my bag. We started to walk awkwardly. I tried to focus on just making it to class without saying anything stupid, or just grabbing him and kissing him right there. "So, Bella, you've been avoiding me?"

"What? No I haven't, I've just been really busy," I trailed off as we continued to walk in silence.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he whispered as we reached the building for my class. I could feel his breath against my neck as he leaned in towards me.

"I guess," I shrugged, "I could keep your secret."

"Well," he pulled away, "its more of a problem, you see," he handed me my bag, and stood close to me until my back was against the wall. _Holy shit, hands, just stay down, just keep it cool_. "I just haven't been able to sleep for the past week," he sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"That's a really lame secret," I tried to laugh. Again, he ran his hand along my jaw, cupping my cheek gently.

"That's not my secret, merely a fact that I have to live with," he trailed off and leaned closer to me, "The secret is that I would give anything to know what it is that I have to do to convince you that I'm in this." Before I could even silence my thoughts about comprehending what he was saying, I felt his lips against mine. My body became magnetized again; pulling closer to his as I tentatively grabbed his shirt and made our bodies connect. All too soon, he pulled away. "I'm trying. I wish you'd give me more credit."

"Edward, I'm sorry, but my mind is on overload right now." I pulled away from his arms and made my way to the class. He smiled as watched me walk inside.

"I'm not quitting," he yelled as he walked away. I slid into the building, trying to avoid the stares of the other students. _What the hell was he doing? _I wish he would just leave me alone, and for goodness sake, I'd wish he would stop kissing me.

Finally, as my day ended, I made my way back home, searching for a few minutes of alone time. I wanted just a few minutes to not think, to be completely and utterly alone, especially in my own mind. _Nope, Edward is still starring in a few fantasies_. I slumped on my bed and turned on my record player, hoping the music would relax away the mentally draining day before I had to go to work and face Edward. Images of his strong green eyes, boring into mine flashed through my mind. _Shake it off, he's better off without you; the closet was just a moment of weakness_.

Suddenly, I heard Edward's voice start to flow from the small speakers I had set up next to my bed.

_Digging a hole and the walls are caving in; behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying, I'm breathing in. Come find me. It hasn't felt like this before; it hasn't felt like you. And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel, this way. And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could. Can't get my mind off of you. I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it, that's part of it all. Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall. It hasn't felt like this before; it hasn't felt like home before you. _

I walked over to see what this was. How could he have gotten his music into my record player without me noticing? What did this all mean? His soulful voice continued to swirl along with the beautiful chords.

_And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel, this way. And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could, can't get my mind off of you. And I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call. Thought being alone was better than was better than. And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way. And I miss you more than I should, than I though I could; Can't get my mind off of you. And I know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way. And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could. Can't get my mind off of you. _

Finally, I opened the lid to my small record player, only to find a note of elegant script taped to the lid. I felt my heart start to beat faster than before. _He shouldn't be having these effects on me; I could fight this. _This was a losing battle.

_"Bella-_

_I believe you promised me a date. I'll see you after work. My room._

_Yours always, _

_Edward_

_P.S. please enjoy the record, its one of a kind, and all yours, as is my heart"_

I stared at the note in silence, rereading it a few hundred times, memorizing ever letter. A familiar song started to play all of a sudden. I recognized the song Edward had played for me in the music store. Disbelief riddled my body as I eagerly sat down next to the record player, soaking up every word and every note. The next few songs were various ones that Edward had credited writing about me, all of the ones he'd played for me already, even his first song. Nothing else in the world existed. I was breathing for each note, waiting to hear more of his beautiful voice. The final song played, and I had never heard it before, until the words started. _This is the song he sang before we had sex_. My mind flashed back to the caresses he whispered into my skin, the feeling of his lips and hands clouding my memory. _You have to give him a chance_. I started the record over and started to get ready for work, letting his velvety voice drift along my bedroom. _What's the worst thing that could happen if I actually tried?_ He could leave, just like the other ones. _That's irrational. _Is it? _Yes. So what if he does? What if this is the real thing?_ I thought Jake was the real thing too, and look what that did to me. _But you're just idolizing that. You were going to break up with him for a reason, there was no passion. _That doesn't mean I didn't love him. _Yeah, but you weren't in love with him, and that's fine. Just try. _I could just try.

**Edward POV**

I checked the mirror again, trying to tame my hair in some way, but it was useless. Anxiously, I checked my apartment, trying to make everything perfect. The clock ticked the minutes off quickly, but not quick enough. I was just praying that Bella would show up. _What else could I do? I've done everything in my power to get her to trust me_. The knock at my door startled me enough to make me jump. I held my breath as I opened the door to find Bella standing there, clad in jeans and an old baggy sweatshirt. Her hair was up in a sloppy pony tail, and I could tell that she has only a tiny amount of make-up on, but her brown eyes still glowed back at me as she smiled awkwardly.

"So," she trailed off and started to play with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"I'm glad you decided to come," I smiled and let her in, getting lost in the backdraft of her strawberry scent.

"Well, I figured I had to, or you'd never leave me alone," she laughed and stood in the middle of the room, taking it all in.

"You're right about that," I laughed and walked over to the couch with her. I saw her mouth hanging open as she saw my set up.

"Edward, what is all of this?" she stared around in disbelief.

"This," I motioned as I sat down on the blanket I had spread out on the floor, "is our date." I smiled as she spun around, looking at the lights I had strung up on the ceiling and over every available inch of space above our heads. She sat down across from me.

"I mean, what is all of this?" she stared at me as I got up to put on the finishing touches. Swiftly, I ran over and turned off the other lights, so that only the strings of white christmas lights glowed.

"I heard that you used to get in trouble for sneaking out at night to stargaze, so I thought we could go stargazing, but of course, its raining, so I thought I'd make us our own galaxy," I trailed off as I sat next to her, taking in her beautiful skin and eyes twinkling in the glow of the lights. She kept looking around the loft, with the furniture pushed against the walls, almost completely empty, except for our blanket in the middle and microwave at the edge.

"Edward, this is," she stopped herself as she stared at me.

"What? Do you want to do something else? I know its not as good as real stars," I tried to fix this. _This was a dumb idea, idiot_.

"No, this is perfect," Bella smiled and I'm sure was laughing at how big the smile got on my face. She pulled her knees up to her chin and sat gaze at the ceiling. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, but all I could think about was being closer to her; her warm skin, soft lips. _Control yourself_.

"So, how about dessert?" I suggested and wiggled my eyebrows for effect. She giggled and shook her head at my expression. "'Smores?"

"How?"

"Microwave," I laughed and rolled over to make us a few 'smores. "You can't have stargazing without 'smore, am I right?"

Bella's giggle encouraged me even more. "You're right. You really did think of everything, didn't you." A yawn escaped her quietly. I couldn't help but find myself frowning at the idea of her leaving already.

"How was work?" I asked as I fixed up the 'smores. Bella rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Oh, just the best. Who doesn't like drunk guys slurring at you and picking fights with each other. Always a blast," she trailed off and shook her head at the thought.

"Sounds like it was tiring." I handed her the 'smore and her eyes lit up slightly.

"Yeah," she trailed off and started to play with the marshmallow that was seeping out of the graham crackers. "But, this date definitely made the night worth it."

"Yeah?" I couldn't help but smile as I took a bit of my own. I saw the blush creep up her cheeks slightly. _God, she's sexy when she does that, conscious reaction or not_.

"Yeah," she affirmed and continued to play with hers, gingerly eating it. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," she trailed off as she took another bite, "I'm just... It's complicated."

"I know," I answered, finishing my own 'smore, "I was just afraid you had... regretted... what had happened..." I trailed off as I laid down on the blanket with my head in my hands, staring at the ceiling.

"No," she stopped me instantly, "I didn't. This is just, new to me," she smiled and slid down so she was laying the same way as me. Her elbow touched mine, and I could feel warmth radiating from that point on my body. Silence filled the space again as we both sat thinking about our new revelations. _She didn't regret it, not at all. _"Thank you for the record," she turned to look at me as I watched her eyes dart around the ceiling. I was instantly caught in her gaze. She bit her nip absently, waiting for my response. _Fuck me_.

"You're welcome," I returned her smile. Her breath hitched for a minute.

"But, I don't think its very fair that you have written all those songs, and I haven't given you anything," she trailed off and turned so that she was laying on her side, facing me. I mirrored her action, so I was facing her. Our bodies were so close, I could feel the pull, ushering me to touch her in some way.

"But, you've given me inspiration for those songs," I tried to explain, "I couldn't have written them without you. I've never been able to write songs before, but, I meet you, and next thing I know, I can't stop." I felt her slip her leg between mind as she moved closer to me as she tried to hide the blush that burned her cheeks in the pale light.

"What if I were to tell you that I let someone else listen to the record?" she sat up indian style next to me. I rolled back onto my back and shook my head.

"I wouldn't mind. It's your record." I just shrugged.

"What if I were to tell you that you have a talent scout coming to watch you perform tomorrow?" she started to bounce slightly. _What?_

"What?" I sat up quickly. "Bella," I shouted and grabbed her shoulders, "What?" She just started to laugh as she grabbed my hands and pulled them down and placed them on her thighs. _Perfect, her beautiful, perfect thighs, no focus, what?_

"That woman," she spat slightly, "The one you were dancing with," she trailed off. The realization hit me when I realized who it was that she was talking about.

"Tanya?"

"Yeah," Bella trailed off, "Her." I lifted her chin with my finger so she could look at me.

"You're beautiful when you're jealous," I smiled at her, "Even though it's completely absurd, and you have no one to be jealous of."

"That woman," she continued as she smiled and lowered her eyes again, "works for a record company. I heard her talking about some guy who played at the pub a few times last week, and how she wanted to see this 'bronze-haired god' again, so she could show him a few good uses for those fingers of his." I couldn't help but laugh at this. Bella just stared at me indignantly. "Anyway, I asked her who she was talking about, and she said it was some guy named Edward, so I told her that 'bronze-haired god' was my boyfriend, and I would appreciate it if she didn't make vulgar comments about him in front of me." I saw her face turn the most brilliant red. My eyebrows shot up at her word choice.

"Boyfriend?"

"I just said that because I really hate her," Bella trailed off. "I didn't mean it." My heart dropped slightly. _Wait for it, earn it_.

"Ok, so you were telling me about a talent scout?" Eagerly Bella started her story again, happy to be past the awkward part.

"Yes, well she tried to remove the foot from her mouth, which was incredibly fun for me. And I told her that your fingers were amazing at everything, and if she didn't believe me, she should have her boss come listen to you tomorrow. And she said she needed a sample of your music. By this point I was freaking out because I couldn't believe she was actually considering it," Bella became animated and so deeply involved in the story, I almost couldn't listen to her, but instead just enjoyed watching her tell it. I watched her hands fly around quickly and he eyes grow as the story progressed. "So, I gave her the record, and she said she'd have her boss here tomorrow to hear you." She let out a breath as she finished her tale. I grabbed her cheek and kissed her suddenly, without realizing what I was doing. Her lips struggled against mine for a spilt second, before I felt her move against me eagerly. I pulled away before I could get carried away. I held my face only slightly away from hers, and watched as her eyes opened slowly. Her breathing slowed gradually, and I could feel her warm breath against my lips, begging me to kiss her again.

"I'm sorry," I trailed off. She raked her hand into my neck and pulled me closer to her again. Her lips eagerly grazed mine. This time I wasn't pulling back. My hands grazed her hips as I pulled her towards me. Before I knew it, she was sitting on my lap with her legs wrapped around my waist. It wasn't until we needed air that she pulled away.

"I guess I should give you surprises more often," Bella sighed and let her hands rest against my chest.

"Thank you. I can't believe you did that!" I couldn't help but kiss her again, slightly more gentle this time, letting my tongue graze along her bottom lip. She pulled my shirt, making me pull her tighter against me. _What the hell is happening? _"Bella, are you going to avoid me for the next week?" She straightened up slightly.

"No," she smiled that smile and looked me square in the eye. "I'm going to be doing everything in my power to be around you as much as you want."

"That might be a problem," I whispered. Her eyes bulged slightly.

"Edward, I don't know what you mean. I mean, I'm trying. I'm really trying, right now. I don't think its alright that you just play these games, when all you want is the chase, and you don't really want me. How could you do this?" her hysterics were painful for me to watch as I tried to quiet her, still sitting on my lap. She shook her head from side to side until I finally had to just grab it and make her look at me.

"Bella, I wish you'd get it in your pretty head that I want you. I just think the problem will be that I will never want to let you go." I wiped the tear from her cheek. "I don't want to let you out of these arms," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"I think I'm alright with this," she whispered. I smiled slightly at her as I pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. I was lost in her eyes already before her phone started to vibrate. She shifted slightly, trying to reach in her pocket. The only thing I felt was her grind against me. _Even on accident, she hits the right spots_.

"Hey Alice," she smiled at me and listened to Alice.

"No, I'm fine. I left a note on the counter." Bella rolled her eyes as Alice continued to yell on the phone. I took this opportunity to slowly move my lips to her neck, gently dragging them along her soft skin. I felt her hold her breath for a minute before letting out a breath quietly.

"I don't think I'll be home tonight," she barely managed to hide a moan as I bit down.

"I have to go. Night, Alice." Before I knew it, Bella threw her phone on the floor and wrapped her arms around my neck. "That wasn't very nice."

I raised my head to look at her. "Payback. I think I took it easy on you," I smiled and brought my lips to hers. "So you're staying tonight?"

Her eyes stared back at me. "If that's alright with you."

I laughed to myself. "Of course. Like I would have let you leave anyway." I wrapped my arms around her hips. She tried to stand up quickly.

"Oh, like you could have made me stay?" she smiled and pushed against my chest. I rolled over so I was on top of her as she squirmed below me. I waited until she stopped wiggling and lowered my lips to her neck again, where I chastely kissed a few times.

"I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do," I whispered against her jaw as I kissed a line to her mouth. Her hands found there way to the collar of my shirt as she pulled me closer and let my tongue find hers. _Where were her hands going? _

"Ok," she pulled away for a second. "I need to go get some clothes to sleep in."

"I have a better idea," I smiled at her and ran my hand along her side, just under her shirt. She let my hand travel higher as I left a trail of goosebumps in my wake.

"What's your big idea?" she giggled and squirmed under me. I brought my lips to hers with a crashing force. I felt her lips part as I explored her even more. All too soon I pulled away and stood up.

"I'll be right back." I heard her let out a huge breath and sit up slightly, no doubt her face was turning red. I grabbed a pair of my boxers and shirt and made my way back to the living room. "I think these'll do right?"

She stood up next to me and kissed my cheek. "Thank you." Before I could move, she was making her way towards my bed.

"Aren't you coming?" she winked. I felt my jaw drop when she pulled her shirt over her head.

_Probably sooner than expected_.

_____________________

**I'm so sorry this toook forever...**

**I feel so bad, and I promised to get this out like last week. **

**Think you so much to every one who kept encouraging me to continue. **

**the next chapter will be better I promise. **

**I loveee every single review. **

**the more I get the sooner I get the urge to update. **

**=D**


	7. Its a Wonder

**Music: **

**"Heartbeats": Jose Gonzalez**

**"The Professor": Damien Rice**

**"It's a Wonder": Joe Purdy**

**Edward POV**

"Please stop wiggling," I sighed into Bella's hair, pulling her closer to me. I could feel her warm skin glide against mine as she arched her back slightly, pulling my arms tighter around her. I took a huge breath of her strawberry smelling hair. The events of the night before flew through my head, and a smile spread across my face eagerly. _Bella is in my arms right now_.

"We have to get up eventually," I heard Bella sigh. I pulled her closer to me, bringing her body flush with mine.

"Nope," I whispered into her hair. I sat there swimming in her hair and letting myself occasionally kiss her neck and shoulders, to which I would be rewarded with a small moan or giggle. There was nothing that would make me want to move. She pulled away from me slightly, much to my dismay, until she turned and was facing me. I let my hands rest on her hip, slightly tucking my fingers in the elastic of my boxers she was wearing. I let my eyes stay shut and pulled her back so we were once again flesh to flesh.

"You're insane, we can't stay here all morning," she trailed off as I let my hands gently slide under the baggy shirt I let her borrow. Her hands traced along my chest softly.

"Why can't we just stay here, and be a universe of two forever?" I sighed. I felt her body vibrate slightly as she giggled.

"Because eventually you're going to get sick of me," she whispered against my neck. I peeked an eye open to look at her. Her hair flew about in all directions, curls everywhere. She had her bottom lip stuck between her teeth as she bit nervously.

"I doubt that will ever happen," I laughed and leaned my lips down to meet hers. I felt her hand creep up into my hair and she pulled us closer together. "Stay, and be the queen of my universe. We can live forever in these sheets."

"I want to, but we can't," she sighed and kissed my neck slightly.

"Are you not happy here my queen? Have I not paid the proper homage?" I pulled back from her with a surprised look on my face. "This just won't do. We can't have an unhappy queen." I sighed and rolled on top of Bella.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she laughed and pushed me away slightly.

"We must make the queen happy," I laughed and threw the sheet over my head, but kept Bella's face on the outside of the pocket I had created.

"I am happy," she giggled, "You're just insane." She barely got out the last word before I lifted her shirt up slightly and began to kiss her stomach gently.

"I am not insane," I mouthed against her creamy skin, "I live to serve the queen of my universe of two." I set numerous open mouth kisses from the edge of the boxers to underneath her breasts. _Thank God she didn't sleep in a bra_. I could feel her take ragged breaths.

"Edward, you have to get ready for tonight, I'm not going to distract you," she whispered. I peeked my head out from my cave slightly to look at her.

"There is no other pressing issue for today besides thoroughly ravaging my queen," I threw the sheet back over my head.

"We can be a universe of two later tonight, after the show, but don't you think you should prepare, practice, I don't know, get in the zone?" I heard her mumbling until she let out a squeal. I slid my boxers down her legs that she eagerly rubbed together. _My God, her legs were gorgeous._ I kissed along her thighs eagerly. I could feel her back arching slightly.

"I think I'm in the zone," I whispered against her thigh. Slowly, I allowed my kisses to reach where she wanted.

"Oh, God," I heard Bella let out a low growl, which only egged me on that much more. As I let my tongue explore more and more, Bella's breathing got more and more sporadic, as did her coherence in statements. "Oh, universe, fuck, two, later," she panted. I slid my fingers up higher, slowly arching them inside of her, urging her closer. Her hips bucked nervously against my movements. It wasn't until I heard her moan loudly that I finally stopped, letting her body relax. I kissed along her stomach, back towards her lips once again, slowly lifting the sheet the take a peek at her face, letting a bashful grin play at my face. I could only see her hair throw half across her face, and her fists still rooted firmly in the blankets, as she tried to catch her breath.

"My queen?" I laughed as I pulled her close to me again and laid beside her. "My beautiful queen, have I convinced you to rule the universe of these sheets? Can I keep you happy?" I saw two beautiful brown eyes open slightly as her breath steadied as she nodded and smiled.

"I'm convinced that we should never, ever leave these sheets," she cooed and slid back under my arms, kissing my chest appreciatively. I don't know how long we stayed in this moment of bliss, but it would never last long enough. We never let go of each other as the minutes passed as we talked about every possible thing that came to mind.

"Edward," I heard her whisper, waking me from my perfect sleep, her still in my arms. I felt something biting my neck, and I couldn't help but moan. "Edward, my phone's vibrating."

"Leave it. We don't have phones in this universe," I whispered as the biting and sucking at my neck increased. "But you can keep doing that."

"I'm going to go check it," Bella stated. Reluctantly I let my hands slide away from her waist. I opened my eyes long enough to survey the apartment, noticing how weird the light looked when it filtered in through the open windows. I saw the clock on my nightstand saying it was already five o'clock. I rolled over and watched Bella search through her discarded jean pocket's for her phone. She flung her hair around trying to keep it out of her face with little success. I could see my boxers rolled up dangerously high on her waist. _Goddamn those legs_.

"OH shit, I'm sorry, I didn't even realize how late it was," I heard Bella answer the phone. I sat up and let the sheet drape across my body. Slowly, as if not even noticing me, she pulled the boxers down, revealing the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. Almost painfully, I watched her slip her jeans on. _If she doesn't wear underwear, I'm going to end up dead._

"Alice, I'm on my way downstairs. Let me shower and I'll be at work in about an hour." Bella eyed me and tried to stifle a giggle when I threw myself backwards in a pained expression, covering my face. She clicked the phone to speaker.

"Bella, I'm going to kick your ass next time I see you! Tell my brother to get his ass ready or I'm going to come up there and get both of you!" I heard Alice yelling. I removed the hands from my face to watch Bella slowly pulling my shirt over her head, tauntingly. "Bella! I swear! I'm calling Seth in. I'm going to,"

"Alice, she'll have to call you back," I hung up the phone and sat at the edge of the bed. Instantly the phone started to ring again, but I ignored it.

"Edward, that wasn't very nice. I have to go," Bella scolded me as she turned away from me and slipped the shirt over her head and her bra on swiftly.

"No," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around her once again.

"Why don't you want to do anything today?" she turned to me and slipped her shirt on.

"Who wouldn't want to spend all day with a beautiful woman in their bed?" She raised her eyebrow in disbelief.

"You're nervous about the show tonight aren't you?" I scoffed at her loudly.

"No, that'll be easy. I'm afraid of you wising up and not wanting to come back." Again her eyebrows raised and I saw a small blush creep up into her cheeks.

"I want to come back," she smiled weakly. "But right now, I have to go to work, and you have to go earn superstardom." She kissed my cheek and walked towards the door. "I'll see you after the show. I'll be the one at the bar being dazzled."

"I'll see you then," I sighed. "I'll be the one kidnapping you to my universe again."

"There's no where else I'd rather be," she called as she descended the stairs. _God, I loved her_.

**Bella POV**

_Oh God, what was happening to me? _There really was no other place I'd rather be than back in the universe Edward had created us in his sheets. It had been so easy to let the day slip away, just laying around, talking, touching... The slamming door brought me back from my dream-like state.

"Bella?" I heard Rosalie call as she made her way down the hall towards my room. I turned the water off and grabbed a towel just as she walked into the bathroom. "You, my little friend, have some explaining to do."

"I don't have anything to explain," I sighed and pushed past her into my bedroom. I managed to grab all of my clothes quickly and started to get dressed as Rosalie sat down on my bed. I pulled some jeans on quickly.

"Oh, I think you do," she started laughing as I put my bra on and looked around for my shirt.

"What are you talking about Rose?" I pleaded with her, already over any future conversations I'd be having about Edward. She managed so point at my stomach slowly.

"What are those?" she laughed more, gripping her sides tightly. I peaked down at my stomach quickly to see a few bruises forming where Edward's lips had been earlier.

"Fuck!" I yelled and threw my shirt over my head. "Don't say anything." I stopped her before she could even start.

"I think your blush says it all," Rosalie sighed. I rolled my eyes and tried to get ready at warp speed. _So what? I had nothing to hide. I'm an adult who spent the night with another adult_. "Rosalie, can we please just forget this ever happened?"

"Forget what?" she winked as we made our way out to the living room.

"Thank you," I laughed. _At least Alice won't find out about theses stupid stomach hickeys. _"How's everything going down stairs?"

"Rotten. We're already filled to capacity and it's only eight. Alice called me in to work the bar, and Seth and Emmett are bouncing. So far we've thrown out a handful of people."

"What? We never have to throw anyone out!"

"Well, Edward can put on a show apparently. Hurry up, he's waiting for you to start his first set." Rosalie grabbed me, "And we've left Alice all by herself at the bar. I'm sure she's going to kill us both." I couldn't help but laugh. It was almost impossible to even move around the floor as we made our way towards the bar. I got a few pinches that I didn't really appreciate. _God, its insane here tonight. _When we finally reached the bar, I felt absolutely horrible about Alice being left by herself. She was running ragged already trying to fill orders of the angry people waiting on their drinks.

"Bella! I haven't seen you in ten years! I've missed you!" she grabbed me tightly. _She is ridiculously stronger than she looks_.

"Alice, it's been less than twenty-four hours," I chided her.

"Hey, toots, how about a drink?" I heard some random guy yelling.

"Alice, sit for a minute, Rose and I can handle this." I let Alice sit on the back counter and I started a long line of shot glasses on the bar while Rosalie started filling orders.

"Money on the table please!" I yelled and collected the money. I looked around at the row of confused faces. I grabbed two bottles from the bar, filling half of the shot glass with one and then a little of the other on top. "Blow them out before you drink my friends!" I shouted as I put the bottles under the bar and pulled out a lighter, watching a slow flame move down the bar. It was greeted by numerous 'oh's' and shouting of all kinds as everyone blew out the flame on their drinks and took it back.

"Bella! What are you doing?" Alice yelled.

"Hey, calm down please, this is way easier than filling individual orders!"

"Again! Again!" a slow chant erupted.

"See Alice, it's fine!"

"Alright, get out of the way, lets do the whole bar!" She laughed as she started lining glasses the whole way along the bar. "Money and tips please! We don't look this good for cheap!" Alice shouted as she filled the glasses. I did the same and started to collect. _Damn, this was easy!_

"Same rules! Blow before you drink!" Again a flame erupted across the bar and glowed for a moment before everyone around the bar took them back. Again cheers erupted. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar blond near the stage.

"Alice, I'll be right back," I whispered and hopped over the bar. It was insane trying to make my way through the dancing bodies towards the stage. I managed to see the Tanya holding onto Edward's arm as she introduced him to some guy in a suit. I managed to catch Edward's eye and he immediately pulled her arm away from Tanya. Before I could blink, I was wrapped in his arms.

"Hey, sexy," he whispered and kissed my cheek. I could feel the blush creeping over my cheeks. "Bella, this is Aro, he is in charge of scouting new bands." I stared up at this beautiful man's pale blue eyes. _God, he's gorgeous!_

"It's nice to meet you," I smiled.

"Aro, this is Bella, my," Edward trailed off slightly. _Oh shit_.

"I'm his girlfriend," I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Ah, what a lovely couple," Aro gleamed at us.

"And you remember Tanya," Edward motioned towards her as I stuck out my hand to shake hers.

"Yes, I do!" I beamed and giggled, putting on my best fake happy face. "Nice to see you back here." Tanya grabbed my hand limply and rolled her eyes without Aro seeing.

"Well, I just came to wish Edward luck," I smiled and Aro smiled back at me. "I need to get back to work. Can I get you guys anything?"

"Gin and tonic," Tanya smiled coyly at me.

"Scotch please," Aro smiled.

"Alright, I'll be right back," I smiled towards them and pulled Edward aside for a moment. His green eyes searched my face and a crooked smile spread across his face. "What is that goofy grin for?" I laughed.

"I think you're dazzling," he sighed and pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear, his eyes piercing my own. He took my breath away. I stood up on my tip toes and leaned my forehead against his.

"You dazzle me daily," I sighed.

"After my sets, I'm obligated to go have a late dinner with Aro. Can you come? I don't want to be alone with Tanya," he laughed.

"She might rape you," I giggled slightly with him.

"There is only one person I want taking advantage of me tonight." His grin spread a little farther as he looked up at me between those long eyelashes. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his lips to mine slightly.

"I can't go, We're packed tonight." Edward's lips met mine again, this time more urgently. His puppy dog eyes stabbed at my heart.

"I'm going to miss you, my queen."

"I'll be your arm candy next time you have to impress fancy record executives."

"Can I see you after?"

"I was counting on it, my king," I leaned into him. "Now, go knock them dead. I want you signed by the third song." He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed me into him, letting his lips wash over mine. Hungrily I pulled him closer too. "I have to go get them their drinks," I laughed, trying to catch my breath.

"I have to go get a deal," he smiled, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For at least giving me the chance to make my dreams come true." I pulled away and smiled.

"Get out of here and kill it," I slapped his butt as I walked away. _What the hell just happened?_ Girlfriend. That word is scary. I mixed up Aro and Tanya's drinks as Edward made his way onto the stage with Emmett and Jasper.

"Hey everybody!" Emmett shouted, "How are you feeling tonight?"

A roar erupted from everyone. "Great, well we have our favorite performer back tonight, the newly formed 'Such a Simple Fool' will be doing the first set of the night." Again the crowd applauded as Edward and Jasper both sat down on the stools on stage.

"Alice, what's Jazz doing up there?" I asked as I handed her a few beers.

"He's playing second guitar I guess. I don't know what that means, but he's helping Edward apparently." She wondered away before I could ask her more.

"Hello," I heard Edward's voice flow through the bar. "I'd like to play a few songs for you," he chuckled.

The crowd applauded and cheered. "This is my friend Jasper, he'll be helping me out. Everyone say Hello to Jasper!" Random 'hello's' echoed in the applause. Jasper waved to everyone. "So, who here got laid last night?" Edward egged the crowd on. I felt a giant blush creep across my face as Rosalie and Alice both threw me shocked glances, and snickered to themselves. I then watched them start cheering and clapping along with everyone else. _Oh my god, I'm going to kill him_. "Jasper, how about you?" Edward turned toward Jasper as they both tuned their guitars slightly.

"You bet," he grinned.

"Ew, Jasper shut up, I forgot that you date my sister," Edward sported a disgusted look on his face. The crowd ate it up.

"Sorry man, you're sisters hot," Jazz egged him on more. "Isn't she? That's her back there at the bar!" Everyone hooted and whistled as they agreed with Jasper. Alice just waved back and blew Jasper a kiss.

"Ok, enough of that." Edward sighed. I made my way back towards the corner that Aro and Tanya were watching. I was relieved to see them laughing along.

"Well, what about you Edward? I'm sure someone had to take you home last night. Right?" Jasper shot back. I heard a bunch of cat calls from the audience. _Oh, fuck no. He's mine_. No, what? stop thinking like that.

"I'd take him home," I heard someone shout from the mass assembled near the stage. Edward just grinned and winked.

"Well, actually I took someone home last night," Edward laughed and a few groans escaped from the audience.

"Thank you, Bella," Aro laughed as I handed him his drink. "He's really good with the crowd," Aro beamed.

"Yeah, that mouth is bound to get him into trouble," I laughed and handed Tanya her drink.

"Bella, come watch from here. It doesn't look like anyone's ordering drinks right now." I looked around, almost trying to escape.

"Alright," I smiled and leaned against the wall next to him.

"Oh really? Was it any good?" I watched Jasper egg on Edward more.

"A gentleman never kisses and tells," Edward zipped his lips. The crowd laughed and applauded. "Thank you," he smiled and looked at me. "Alright Jazz, enough playing around, let's get down to business. I was told that I had to be signed tonight by the third song or I wasn't getting laid ever again." Jasper started to play while quietly laughing to himself. Edward winked at me, and I could feel Aro's eyes on the back of my head. _My blush must be unbelievable right now_.

"He's amazing!" Aro beamed behind me. Edward started to pluck as Jasper strummed, and it sounded amazing; a song I hadn't heard yet.

_One night to be confused, one night to speed up truth. We had a promise made, four hands and then away. Both under influence, we had divine scent to know what to say, mind is a razorblade. To call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me, no._

"Yes, he is," I could barely breath as I watched him up there, his eyes, boring into nothingness, dreamlike. His fingers moved up and down the frets, adn the other delicately plucking faster than anything I'd ever seen. There was no smiling on his face, his eyes were solemn, painful.

_One night of magic rush, the start a simple touch. One night to push and scream, and then relief. Ten days of perfect tunes, the colors red and blue. We had a promise made, we were in love. To call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me, no. To call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me, no._

"We have to have him," Aro whispered to himself.

_And you, you knew the hands of the devil. And you, kept us awake with wolf teeths, sharing different heartbeats in one night. To call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me, no. To call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me, no._

The last few notes faded away and the crowd clapped. I was right there with them. Almost like snapping out of a trance, Edward smiled graciously.

"Well, ok. This one goes out to the many, many failed attempts that always just seem to come up, am I right gentleman?" A giant hurrah erupted from the crowd of men. Edward and Jasper clinked beer bottles as they both took a nice long swig. "Ladies, please be more gentle on us!"

_Well I don't know if I'm wrong, cause she's only just gone. Here's to another relationship bombed by my excellent breed of gamete disease. I'm sure when I'm older I'll know what that means. Cried when she should and she laughed when she could. Here's to the man with his face in the mud. And an overcast play just taken away , from the lover's in love at the centre of stage, yeah!_

"Bella, come sit down here," Aro guided my back towards the tall tables in the corner.

"Can I get you something else to drink?" I smiled as sweetly as I could. _Edward better appreciate this_.

"No, thank you," he smiled even sweet. "I wanted to ask you a few things about Edward before I talked business with him."

"Aro, listen, I'm probably not the best person to have answers," I laughed awkwardly.

"I just want to know if you think he could do it," he faded. I turned to watch Edward up there, strumming harder.

_Loving is fine, if you have plenty of time, for walking on stilts at the edge of your mind. Loving is good if your dick's made of wood, and the dick left inside only half understood her. Loving is fine if it's not in your mind, but I've fucked it up now, too many times. Loving is good if it's not understood. What makes her come and what makes her stay? What makes the animal run, run away, year. What makes him stall, what makes him stand, and what shakes the elephant now, and what makes a man? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. No, I don't know you anymore. _

I watched his fingers slow, and eventually stop as the last chord stuck the air. The crowd clapped harder. I heard an "Amen" yelled from the back of the bar, and everyone laughed. I turned to Aro, beaming.

"I think you'd be an idiot to pass up on him. Someone is going to make it so his music is heard all over the world, it's going to happen. You're a smart man, I bet you have good taste. Don't let this opportunity pass." I stood up to make my way back to the bar.

"Thank you, Bella," Aro smiled casually. "I hope to be seeing you around soon."

"I hope so too," I waved and tried to maneuver through the wall of people that was amassed around the stage. Everyone still in awe of Edward. _Damn his magnetic personality_.

"Well, folks, this is the clincher I think. I was told if I wasn't signed by the end of this song, I would lose her forever, and be forced to live in my own universe, all alone," Edward moped jokingly.

"Live in my universe!" I heard someone yell from up front. Everyone laughed again.

"Well, Edward, I think I'll let you do this one by yourself," Jasper set his guitar down. "I just cannot carry you any longer."

"I guess I could try this one alone. Everyone, a round of applause for the newest member and his debut performance. Someone get this man a shot and a beer on my tab!" I watched Jasper slide down the stage towards the back as everyone applauded and gave him high-fives. Edward just started to play quietly.

"Alright, this is my last one of the night, folks. I'll be back again next week, if you'll have me." The crowd clapped and screamed a collective yes. "Alright, last one of the night then." He started to play quietly. I finally made it back to the bar to see Alice sitting on Jasper's lap, him holding her quietly.

"You did great Jasper," I whispered as I took a seat on the bar next to Rosalie. He just smiled and hugged Alice closer to him. She kissed his forehead. _God they are too perfect. _I couldn't fight this jealousy. Rosalie wrapped her arm around me as the bar was entirely quiet, save for Edward's playing.

_You pick me up and you set me down. You never give me no runaroud. You don't mistreat me like those other girls do. Hell, it's a wonder that I don't fall in love with you. You take the train and you come visit me, and sometiems I drive to you. And we speak, hearts broken, and you lick my wounds. Hell, it's a wonder that I don't fall in love iwth you. I see the wrong ones comin' from miles away, dressed up in different clothes. But you know when they get closer all their faces are the same. It's a wonder I don't see through all their wicked ways. _

I watched him play again, that same sorrowful look in his half lidded eyes. I could see his messy hair damp from sweat from the stage lights. I could only think about being wrapped in his arms in his bed, in our universe.

_You lay me down and you kiss my mouth. There ain't nothing like the feel of a girl from the south. You're everything I've come to know to be true. It's a wonder that I don't run away with you. You pick me up and you set me down. You never give me no runaround. You don't mistreat me like those other girls do. Hell, it's pretty clear why I've fallen in love with you. _

The applause was the loudest of the night. I watched him thank everyone before grabbing Aro and Tanya and heading out the back door. The house music started to play again before I even realized he was gone and a few minutes had passed.

"Bella, are you alright?" Rosalie asked as she started to make drinks.

"No," I whispered, grabbing my chest tightly. _I'l falling in love with him_.

_______________________________________________

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	8. What Makes a Man

**Bella POV**

_I feel fine_. There is a lot wrong with that statement I realized as I woke up in the grey light of my room. _I'm alone_. I sunk deeper into my quilt and wrapped it tighter around me as I checked my clock; 6:26. _I've only been asleep for two hours_. I tried to close my eyes again, but sleep just wasn't coming as easily. Reluctantly, I got up and sat up against my headboard. _Where was Edward?_ Thoughts ran through my head about where he could possibly be; and then I looked around my room. A vase of blood-red roses sat on my dresser, another sat on my windowsill, and a few more were sitting along my floor in various positions. I hopped out of bed to check them, quickly collecting the cards that were in them.

_My Queen-_

_I came in much too late, and was afraid to wake you. Join me as soon as you wake. I'll be waiting, with a record deal._

_-Your King_

I threw the cards on my bed and raced out of my room, faster than I think I'd ever run before. When I reached the door to Edward's loft I mentally debated whether or not I should knock. _You used the "g" word last night, remember? Just walk in._ Slowly, I let the door creep open and I slid inside once the crack was big enough. I saw a trail of Edward's clothes lying on the ground and his jacket thrown lazily over the couch. _What did he need to get naked for so quickly?_ My mind wandered to places that scared the shit out of myself. _Was he with someone? _It would make more sense, he was incredibly gorgeous, I didn't even understand why he'd be with someone like me anyways. I closed my eyes tightly as I pressed open the bedroom door. I stood fully in front of an open door and held my breath before I opened one eye quickly and took a cursory look at the bed. Edward was passed out on the edge of the bed, his arm hanging over the side, and the blankets barely covering his waist. I could see the ripple of his muscles in his back and shoulders that led to a beautiful dip just above his perfect, yet hidden, ass. His bronze hair flew about in all directions like normal, except now it looked as if he hadn't even tried to tame it. His face was gentle, peaceful, and oddly more content than it normally was. I was captivated by his lips, slightly open, occasionally moving, and his pure facade. His eyebrows crinkled every now and then, as if he was troubled by his dream, but only occasionally. _Goddamn, he's hot._ Most importantly, he's all mine. I reached over and gently let my fingernails glide against his back, feeling him tense slightly. A small moan escaped his lips. I leaned over and let my lips kiss just below his earlobe.

"Bella," he grunted. I smiled at the effect I was having on him.

"Edward," I moaned in his ear quietly, egging him on more. I watched a smiled creep along his face. _Toying with a sleeping Edward is so much fun!_ "Edward, I need you." I whispered, a little louder than before. He stirred a little more. _Ok, I just want him to wake up now_. I rooted my hand behind his neck and brought his lips to mine. I traced his bottom lip with my tongue, begging for more. Gladly, he permitted me entrance and I felt our tongues move in unison until he pulled away, both of us breathless.

"Bella," he groggily whispered, his eyes now open and focused on my own. "You got my note?" he grinned, that perfect, indescribable, knock-my-socks-off grin. _How could he do that just after waking up?_

"Yes," I managed to utter.

"What are you doing?" he eyed me quickly, taking in my too big t-shirt and sweat pants combination.

"I just woke up," I stood up, all of a sudden feeling extremely awkward. Edward rolled over and pulled the sheets open, revealing his own set of sweat pants.

"Welcome back," he grinned and motioned for me to climb in. Eagerly I hopped in and pressed my body against Edward's. His lips crashed against mine as soon as his arms were around me. "This universe hasn't been the same without you," he sighed. I let my hands rest on his chest, feeling the beats his heart was making slowly, calmly.

"I'm glad to be back," I reassured him. "I didn't sleep that well in my own universe." Edward tucked my head under his chin so I was laying across him almost.

"I didn't sleep well without you being right here," he conceded. I let his heartbeat lull me towards sleep.

"Wait," I finally mumbled a few minutes later. "You have a record deal?" I looked up at a smiling Edward.

"I have a record deal," he sighed.

"You have a record deal." I repeated. _Holy fuck, this was all happening_.

"I have a record deal," he smiled a little wider.

"You have a record deal," I squealed and sat up quickly.

"I have a record deal." Edward's eyes shined. I finally heard the thunder start booming outside and I jumped inadvertently. Edward laughed at me. I slid my legs over his and rolled on top of him so I was straddling him.

"You have a record deal," I smiled, staring into those giant green eyes. "What does this mean?"

"This means," he laughed and slid his hands on my hips, "that you're officially sleeping with a musician." I wiggled slightly on top of him and watched him take a sharp breath.

"I've always wanted to do that," I smiled and slowly raked my hands against his chest. "What does this mean for us though?"

"Well," he gulped slightly as I let my hands slip under my thighs, "It means um, it means that, uh, I don't know."

"It means," I slipped my shirt off and threw it on the floor, "that you have a lot of work ahead of you, right?" I watched Edward's eyes bulge slightly and felt something else bulge. _Oh sweet Jesus_. Edward nodded. "And that means that I won't get you all to myself whenever I want," I suddenly hated this realization. Edward's eyes narrowed.

"No. You have no one to compete against. You can have me whenever you want," he slid his hands along my sides. "You're my queen." I smiled at this and wiggled a little more.

"This deal is going to mean a lot of changes," I sighed. "But, I'll be here waiting every night." Edward smiled a giant smile.

"That sounds like a deal I can agree to without a lawyer present."

I leaned down and sucked and nibbled his neck.

"We can figure out the logistics later," Edward moaned. _Fuck yeah, I'm winning_.

I made my way lower, kissing every piece of skin I could find.

"I don't like that you're still wearing pants," Edward grunted as he wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over, holding his body just above my own. _Dammit, that was hot_. I felt his hands trace lower until they hooked in my pants.

"Me neither," I managed to utter before his lips crashed into mine. Before I could even realize what was happening, we were both fumbling around trying to quickly pull off our remaining items of clothing. "Edward," I mumbled against his neck. I pushed him over and straddled him once again. I let my hands trace down until I grabbed him tightly.

"Mmmm Bella," he hissed. _Yeah, you're mine now_. I continued to kiss along his neck and clavicle as my hands worked harder and harder. "Fuck," he whispered. "Bella, I need you now," he tensed, and rolled me over.

"Ouch!" I screamed as we both hit the floor.

"I'm so sorry," Edward stuttered as he checked to make sure I was alright.

"Edward, I'm fine," I tried to explain.

"Are you sure?" he stood up in all his wonder. _Goddamn, he's hot_. He looked me over, still not believing that I was alright. He helped me up with a small grin on his face.

"What's so funny?" I giggled slightly. Edward's arms slithered around me, pressing our bodies together.

"I guess I can't believe how smooth I am," he chuckled, "I think you're clumsiness is rubbing off on me."

"I am not," I was silenced with Edward's lips against mine, "Clumsy," I managed to utter a moment later. His lips moved to my neck where they slowly massaged and sucked. I dug my hand into the back of his neck and hair. "You're torturing me," I mumbled as I wrapped one leg around his waist, hiking myself up a few inches. I heard a thud, but didn't realize I was pinned against the wall until Edward hitched my other leg up around his waist.

"You're torturing me, every day," he growled as his lips trailed down onto each breast, causing me to arch into him. "Every thing you do is sexy. I can't control myself."

"Mmmmm," was the only thing on my lips as his lips sucked and bit harder.

"I'm addicted," he growled as he thrust into me.

"Oh, shit," I screamed as his nimble hands slid lower, starting to stroke me to match his movements. Edward's noises amplified with my own as our bodies struggled against the wall. My nails dug into his shoulders and his hand wrapped around my waist. I kissed along his neck and jawline between gasps, feeling every sensation mounting.

"Edward," I screamed when I finally reached the peak. He continued to work harder as a grin escaped his lips. By now the pleasure was almost unbearable.

"Mmm, oh God, Bella," he gasped. We didn't move, letting our heaving chests slow slightly. Reluctantly, I felt Edward shift, and I couldn't help but pout, eliciting a slight giggle from Edward as he carried me over to the bed and laid us both down. I sat there again, wrapped in his arms, listening to his heart beat slow down.

"You know that this is going to be difficult," he reminded me as he played with a stray piece of my hair.

"I know," I smiled and kissed his chest.

"But, I swear that nothing will ever be more important than us," Edward vowed and kissed the top of my head.

"I know," I repeated.

"I love you," he sighed a few minutes later. I felt a tiny sob stick in my throat.

"I know," I whispered.

**Edward POV**

"Bella, my queen, it's time to go or we'll be later," I yelled as I walked into her and Alice's apartment.

"Don't you dare rush us, Edward!" Alice yelled from the back. Jasper, who was sitting on the couch, began to snicker.

"Shut up," I slugged him and sat down across from him. "Here's your tie," I threw the tie at him.

"Thanks," he scowled. I watched him try to tie it himself. "I can't believe Alice is making me wear a tie," he trailed off. It was my turn to laugh now.

"Come on Jasper, let me do it," I grinned and tried to help him with it. "You have to look nice because today we get paid my friend, and Alice thinks that you have to look sharp to get a payday."

"But look at you! You don't have to wear a tie!" he huffed.

"Because I look good enough already, and you need all the help you can get."

"Edward, are you sure you want me to sign alongside you? This is your baby."

"Jazz, this is our baby now. I couldn't have done this without you."

"Aw, look at how cute they are," Alice was suddenly giggling beside us as I finished tightening Jasper's tie.

"Hey, don't judge us please," I laughed. "Where's Bella? I have something for her."

"She's just putting on a few last minute touches, go ahead back and hurry her up."

Almost as if I had been waiting for her permission, I quickly walked back towards Bella's room. Before I reached the door I heard her record playing and her humming along quietly. I stood in her doorway, watching her flutter around her room. _Damn, she was gorgeous_. Her little black dress hugged her in all the right places, and I wished it went just a little bit higher on those legs. Her hair was curled softly and clipped on one side, and those heels, oh God, those heels. She was gorgeous. I watched her sway her hips slightly to the song I had written for her.

"Edward!" she yelled, "I'm ready."

"Are you sure?" I answered. She swung around quickly and clutched her chest for a moment.

"Jesus Christ, you scared me." she laughed to herself. I walked over to her and tried to show her how much I needed her already, letting my lips reach hers.

"I'm sorry," I smiled when she pulled away. "You look beautiful."

"You clean up pretty nice yourself," she laughed. She pulled away to apply some lip gloss in the mirror.

"I have something for you," I walked up behind her.

"Edward," she chided me in the mirror. I pulled the necklace out of my pocket and slid it around her neck.

"Thank you. The past month has been so busy, and I know I haven't been around as much as I want," I fastened it behind her and kissed where it fell.

"No, you've been amazing."

"No, I just want you to know that you have my heart," I smiled when she turned and started to fiddle with the simple heart necklace that now hung there.

"It's beautiful," she whispered. Her lips gently met mine, and eagerly I was wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Hey, let's go!" Alice yelled from the living room. Reluctantly, Bella and I pulled apart and laughed.

"We better get going," she sighed as her forehead rested against mine, "We have a fancy music biz party to go to," Bella grabbed my hand and led me towards the door, "Apparently some guy is signing his deal today." We met up with Alice and Jasper and made our way to the party. The car was filled with mine and Jasper's nerves. The girls just chattered about restlessly. _I'm signing a deal today._ Bella suddenly grabbed my hand when we parked.

"Come one, babe," she kissed my cheek. I grinned nervously as we made our way upstairs towards the party.

"Edward!" I heard Aro's voice over the booming music. "Bella! You look lovely," he smiled and kissed her cheeks and shook my hand.

"Are you ready?" he smiled. I just stared back at him and felt the blood drain out of my body.

"Yes, he is," Bella answered for me and squeezed my hand, and with that we made our way to the stage.

The party passed with an array of handshakes and fake smiles. Bella smiled and played the part dutifully, never letting on that she was bored. I found myself barely listening to everyone around me, and instead watching her mingle and talk to other people. Her eyes were so full of life, and her smile never wavered; she shook hands, laughed when she was supposed to, she was perfect. I felt more and more guilty as the night went on, thinking about how the past month had been a blur and she was taking it all in stride. She never complained that most nights, I didn't come home until late, and most of the time I was exhausted after playing three shows a night, plus school and work kept her busy and tired as well. But, she had kept her promise and every night, she was sleeping in my arms, even if it was for just a few hours. She also made it to a few of the shows, eagerly listening to the same songs and smiling the whole time. _You're a lucky bastard; a lucky, selfish bastard_.

"Excuse me gentlemen," I suddenly smiled as the suits around me rambled on, "I have something to attend to." I left and found Bella talking to a few other women.

"I'm sorry, may I steal her for a few?" I smiled at the group and wrapped my arms around Bella. They smiled and nodded.

"How's it going?" Bella smiled and kissed my cheek as I pulled her towards the door. "Hey, wait, where are we going?"

"I think I'm done. Let's go home."

"Edward, we can't just leave your own party," she laughed.

"Jasper and Alice left already," I whined and pouted.

"I don't want you to get in trouble," Bella justified.

"I won't get in trouble, I'm already signed," I answered and pulled her towards the car, "Plus, Aro will understand if I want to leave to completely ravage my beautiful girlfriend like she deserves." I saw a blush creep up on Bella's face as she averted her eyes. _God that was beautiful_. The ride home was quieter, as I let Bella drift off to sleep in the passenger seat.

"Hey, Bella, we're home," I gently shook her shoulder. Her doe eyes stared back at me as I helped her out of the car, and helped her climb the stairs. "Would you like to stay with me tonight?" I asked her. She laughed to herself.

"I don't know why you have to keep asking that."

"Just making sure," I smiled, as I slid the key into the door.

"Wait!" Bella yelled happily. "Please close your eyes."

"What?"

"Just close your eyes," she laughed. I held my hand over my face as I heard her open the door. "Ok, follow me," she pulled me through the door and sat me down on the bed. I heard her rummaging around in the bedroom. "Ok, open them."

My eyes shot open to behold Bella, standing in front of me, holding a guitar case. I smiled and searched her face for an answer. She sat on the coffee table across from me and sat the case on my lap. My fingers traced the words she had printed on the case, 'A Simple Fool'.

"Bella, this is absolutely amazing!" I leaned over to kiss her, but she pulled away.

"Open it," she smiled. I cracked open the case to see the guitar I had played at the music store. I ran my hands along it gently. Bella sat there looking me over quickly with a giant smile on her face.

"This is," I trailed off, completely surprised.

"This is the right one right?" she asked nervously. I sat the guitar and case aside for a minute and pulled her on my lap.

"This is perfect, its, its the most perfect guitar ever," I whispered against her lips reassuringly, "But, I can't believe you spent so much on it. I really don't think you should take it back."

"No, its for you," she quickly answered, her brow furrowed.

"Its absolutely perfect," I answered, "Just like you." A blush crept along her neck and cheeks.

"So, how long do I get to keep you here," she trailed her lips along my neck, letting shivers take over my body.

"A day, then Jasper and I are on our way down the coast."

"So soon?"

"Yeah, Aro wants us earning those big checks," I chuckled, fingering the necklace I had given her.

"How long are you going to be gone?" her eyes peered back at me, saddened.

"A week," I sighed, finally realizing how long I'd be without Bella in my arms.

"What about school?"

"I just have to work on a few things, but I should be ahead," I assured her.

"I'm going to miss you," she whispered and buried her head in my shoulder. I lifted her chin to look at me.

"Bella, I'll be coming home to you."

"I know," she sniffled, "I'm really proud of you."

"You're my number one priority," I vowed.

"In that case, you should take me to bed or lose me forever," she laughed. I hitched her legs up around my waist and carried her towards the bedroom.

"Anything for you, my queen."


	9. Starstrukk

**Music:**

**"Starstrukk"- 3OH!3**

**"Supermassive Black Hole"- Muse**

**Edward POV**

"Jasper, you ready to head home yet?" I yelled as I pounded on the door to his hotel room.

"Be out in a few," he yelled back, "I'll just meet you at the car." I walked back towards my Volvo and slipped on my ray bans. _These are probably the best purchase I've ever made_. I laughed to myself, thinking about picking them out with Bella sometime last month. God I couldn't wait to get home. This week of touring had been killing me. I picked up my guitar case and slammed the trunk, while waiting for Jasper to lug his gear out so we could leave this nasty hotel in the middle of the desert and make our way back home. _I am going to die if I don't get to touch Bella soon_. Jasper slipped into the seat next to me and we were on our way home.

"Excited to see the girls?" Jasper laughed to himself.

"Don't act like you aren't," I snorted. The nights had been hard on us both, running from bar to bar putting on a decent show and then driving to the next town in the early hours, maybe sleeping during the day, and trying to get ahold of the girls before we went on stage. _This is what you always dreamed of though, so you can't really complain_. I yelled at myself. This opportunity was golden, and I wouldn't ever pass it up.

"Oh, I'm excited, but a little birdie told me that they aren't expecting us home until tomorrow, and they might be going out tonight." I groaned at his news. _I'd have to wait to see Bella then_. "Why are you slowing down?" Jazz questioned me as my lead foot let off the gas slightly.

"I was rushing home to see Bella, but if she's going out, I'll just be asleep by the time she gets back," I was almost ashamed by how lame I sounded, but I didn't care. It was like she had been torturing me all week; whenever I called she somehow managed to be naked apparently, and I couldn't get those images out of my head, not that I really wanted to, but damn they were distracting.

"I guess you've never seen Rosalie, Alice, and Bella drunk together," Jazz trailed off, bringing me out of my own dirty reverie.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about them, together, drunk," he trailed off again, a lightbulb suddenly going off in my head. I raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. "Let's just say, that's how we all know so much about them; they're quite, um what's the right word, open to discuss themselves and what they want."

"You've got to be shitting me," I felt the engine growl as I pressed the gas a little more. "I guess there's no harm in us trying to get home before they go out."

Jasper just sat in the passenger seat smiling to himself. My mind raced at all the questions I would want Bella to answer. _This is like a jackpot_.

**Bella POV**

"Alice, are you sure you have the bar covered?" I yelled as I attempted to find something to wear. I rummaged through my closet in just jeans and a bra, hoping to find something that Alice wouldn't yell at me for wearing.

"Yes, Bella," she poked her head in, "stop worrying and put some clothes on please."

"Like you're one to talk," I mumbled, "You aren't even out of your towel yet!" I yelled as she ran down the hall.

"Both of you need to hurry up," Rosalie yelled from the kitchen, "I'm lining up our first round!" I threw on a shirt and checked my hair quickly. _Good enough_.

"Alright Rosalie, reward! First one done!" I smiled as I saw her standing at the kitchen, looking, well, just like Rosalie always did; gorgeous.

"Finally! Alright Bella, you're reward for beating Alice," she smiled and handed me a shot. We downed ours quickly and started swigging on the beer in the fridge.

"Alice!" we both yelled a few minutes later.

"Five more minutes," we heard her call from the bedroom.

"Alright, another," I smiled as Rosalie liked us up a few more shots. Let's just be honest here, Rosalie's version of 'one more shot' is about three more.

"Bella, I can't wait," she finally smiled, I could tell the shots had to be hitting her right about now, considering she'd no doubt had taken a few before I had finished getting ready.

"Rose go turn on some music please," I begged. "Alice please hurry up!" One of my favorite songs started to blare from the stereo in the living room.

"I'm hurrying!" she yelled back, "It takes time to look as good as I do." I laughed quietly to myself and took another shot and danced my way into the living room.

"Rose, this ladies night was the best idea you've ever had, even though I really miss Edward," I sighed, still dancing next to her. Rosalie grabbed my hands and we danced a little bit longer.

"I know you miss him, but he'll be back tomorrow, and I honestly can't believe that you're willing to trust him so much. It makes me happy to see you so happy," she smiled and continued to dance. Somehow Alice ended up in the living room with us, wielding a bottle of vodka and dancing along as another good song came on.

_Nice legs, Daisy dukes, makes a man go [whistle] Thats the way they all come through like [whistle whistle] Low-cut, see-through shirts that make you [whistles] thats the way she come through like [whistles]. Cause I just set them up, just set them up, just set them up to knock them down. Cause I just set them up, just set them up, just set them up to knock them down_

We continued to all dance around and alternate sips of the bottle, while whistling along, sometimes on cue, most of the time off. It was always second nature to dance with them, after working at the bar for so long, I think I'd danced with Alice and Rosalie more than any other people in the world.

"Guess we're just having our own party," Alice laughed and grabbed my hips as I wiggled in front of her.

_I think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out,now. L-O-V-E's just another word I never learned to pronounce. How, do I say I'm sorry cause the word is never gonna come out now. L-O-V-E's just another word i never learned to pronounce_ _Tight jeans, Double D's makin' me go [whistles] All the people on the street know [whistles whistles] Iced-out, lit-up make the kids go [whistles] All the people on the street know [whistle whistle]_

I took an even longer swig of the bottle.

_Push it baby, push it baby out of control. I got my gun cocked tight and I'm ready to blow. Push it baby, push it baby out of control, This is the same old dance that you already know. Push it baby, push it baby out of control. I got my gun cocked tight and I'm ready to blow. Push it baby, push it baby out of control. Cause it's the same old dance that you already know._

For a few minutes, the fact that I had been missing Edward flew out of my mind, and I actually had a good time, dancing and just being free, until everything started to spin, and I sat down quickly on the couch. _Dammit, gravity and alcohol limits._

"We look fucking hot tonight," Alice slurred and pointed at the three of us as she slumped on my lap on the couch. Rosalie sat down next to me, still swigging from the bottle.

"Shame no one gets to see it," she mumbled.

"Shut up, Rose, you're hot everyday," I groaned.

"Bella, thank you!" a tiny glisten threatened her cheeks. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, you're hot too all day Bella," Alice smiled and hugged me tightly.

"Thanks Alice, so are you," I reassured her.

"Are you hitting on me?" Alice giggled.

"Yes," I agreed and started laughing.

"Oh, so you've conquered one Cullen, and now you want the other. I'm on to your games, you sick-o," Alice attempted to keep a straight face.

"I didn't conquer the other Cullen," I informed her and took another gulp from the close to empty bottle, "but I do love him."

"Oh, my, God!" Rosalie squealed, "I knew it!" _Oh shit, you probably shouldn't have said that_.

"I'm so happy for you!" Alice hugged me again, but pouted slightly.

"Oh, what's wrong Alice?"

"You used to love me the most out of all the Cullens, but now, now I have competition," she looked genuinely sad. Rosalie tried to hide her laughter, and I threw her the bottle.

"Alice, you are my first and favorite Cullen, I promise," I whispered and kissed her cheek. Instantly she brightened.

"Good! You're my first and favorite Bella," she explained, with the most honest look I've ever seen.

"Hey, what am I?" Rosalie complained.

"Shut up Rose," Alice giggled, "Clearly Bella loves me more than you." _Oh shit, this wasn't going well at all_.

"Hey remember how I love Edward? Let's comment more about that, shall we?" I tried to distract them, but it was no use. I grabbed the bottle and took a huge gulp, suddenly feeling ok.

"Alice," I interjected their bickering, "I love you." I reassured her and grabbed her cheeks and kissed her quickly on the lips.

"Rosalie," I turned to her, "I love you too," I repeated the same thing I had done with Alice, but this time Rosalie grabbed my cheeks and held on a little longer.

"Fuck me," I heard someone mutter, but I was distracted. _Somehow I'm making out with someone, maybe I should open up my eyes_. I felt tongue and lips, softer than anything I'd ever felt before.

"Jasper!" I felt Alice jump off of my lap and squeal. I was still distracted, until suddenly I wasn't making out anymore. I opened my eyes and was left staring at Rosalie. _Shit, hopefully I wouldn't remember this when I sobered up, or in five minutes_. I smiled at her and she just smiled back.

"Fuck me!" I heard again, this time in a low gasp from somewhere on the other side of the room. I searched for whoever had said that. I saw Alice, and Edward, and Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie.

"Edward!" I yelled and ran over and threw my arms around his neck. I brought my lips to his, savoring the sweet taste I'd been missing for the past week. Before I got carried away, I pulled back. "Are you really here, or am I incredibly drunk?"

"I'm really here, babe," he answered, capturing my lips again, "and you are torturing me with your extracurricular activities."

"What?" was the only intelligent answer I had after he left me breathless.

"You and Rose," he muttered.

"Oh, yeah whatever," I tried to avoid this subject, "It happens all the time." His eyes got bigger.

"What?"

"Um, you know, I don't know," I tried to sound coherent. I looked around the room for help, but Alice was literally tangled up on Jasper and he was attempting to carry her to the bedroom. _God-willing they'll make it, or else some freaky shit was about to go down in our hallway_. I saw Rosalie and Emmett on the couch. _Apparently Emmett appreciated the show Rose and I had put on for them_. "Can we just forget about that?"

"Sure, until tomorrow," Edward chuckled. I wrapped my arms around his neck again, making his lips meet mine, slightly lower. "Can we get out of here?" he murmured against my lips. I don't really remember how, but somehow we ended up in Edward's bedroom.

"Wow, you're like, the Flash," I whispered.

"I couldn't wait to get you all to myself," he smiled and again I'm sure my heart stopped.

"Well, you got me, what are you going to do now?" I smiled at him as seductively as I could.

**Edward POV**

If I thought seeing Bella and Rosalie groping each other was hot, having Bella biting her lip and standing in front of me, asking me what I wanted to do to her was by far the sweetest thing that had ever happened in my whole life. _She's going to kill me with these thoughts_.

"I missed you," I smiled and trailed my hand along her cheek. She crashed her lips against mine suddenly, letting my tongue explore hers, I could feel myself already wanting to lose control.

"Edward, I missed you so much," she whispered, a sad edge to her voice. Instantly, guilt flashed through my whole body. Bella pushed against my chest so that I fell back against the bed, sitting on the edge.

"I want to show you how much," she smiled.

"Bella, you don't have," i trailed off as she pulled her shirt up over her head. _Fuck_. In the dim light of my room I could see her lacy blue bra against her creme colored skin.

"Oh, I want to," she smiled, slipping her hands under my shirt and pulling it over her head. "I haven't seen you in a week, and I want to show you what you're missing here at home."

"Believe me, I know what I'm missing," I gasped as she straddled my lap and started biting along my neck. "But I hate being away from you."

"I'm proud of you," she purred as she fumbled with my belt. I picked up her and let my pants slip off. Instantly, she grabbed me and started to work me over.

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned. I fumbled with her pants before I finally just threw them on the floor. I picked her up and sat her down on my desk. I started ravaging her neck, trying to get to every piece of skin I'd missed for the past week. She continued to slowly torture me.

"Edward," she gasped as my fingers found what they'd been waiting for all week. Slowly, her breath began to quicken and he back started to arch. "Edward, I can't take it, please just fuck me."

"Gladly, my queen," I smiled and brought my lips to hers as I slid her underwear off her legs.

"Fuck!" she screamed as we finally connected. "Fuck," she gasped for air. I gripped the edges of the desk and worked harder into her. She bit at my neck between gasps and moans, her fingernails digging into my back. I let my hand help her along a little, slowly torturing her and letting the pleasure build until she was just a frantic blob, begging for something. It wasn't long until I felt her clench down on me. I let her ride out the waves that followed, eventually finishing right after her. I continued to kiss along her chest and neck as her breathing attempted to control itself.

"Fuck," she mumbled. I lifted her and carried her to the bed and tucked her under my chin. "Nice to have you back," she sighed.

"I missed you my queen," I sighed, finally content.

"I love you," she whispered as she trailed of to sleep. _I wish you weren't drunk_.

"I love you," I answered and pulled her tighter to me. _God, I wish you could really mean that_.

_____________________________________________

**So, another chapter down. This one was just a fun one for me to write. **

**I wanted to do something that would show Bella being crazy, and not so worried about everything in her life. **

**Plus, who knows what's going to happen next...**

**well, I actually do... and its pretty interesting. **

**review for a quicker update?**

**thanks!**


	10. First In Line

**Music**

**"Just Another Old Love Song": Joe Purdy**

**"First in Line": Matthew Mayfield**

**"Breathe In, Breathe Out": Mat Kearney**

**Edward POV**

"So tell me, how did you end up here?" the leggy blond prodded. I took another gulp of the coffee sitting in front of me and gazed out the window towards the rainy Seattle street.

"A girl," I started with a small grin. _The most gorgeous girl in the world_.

"A girl?" The reporter repeated, jotting notes in her notebook and pressing 'record' on her tape recorder.

"Yeah," I laughed slightly, "Isn't that how all musicians end up writing and playing?" She stared back at me with her piercing blue eyes and absently tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I think a lot of people would beg to differ," she quickly informed me with a smile.

"Then those people just aren't being honest with themselves," I whispered and leaned over the table towards her. "There's always a girl."

"Would you care to explain?"

"Well, I started playing because this girl asked me to. More like I had to play in order for her to go out with me. Back home, in San Francisco, she made me play in front of some record guys, I asked my good friend Jasper to play with me, and before I knew it the record was finished and here I am, talking to you."

"I feel like you skipped some of the story in there. All of this happened in the past few months?" she lowered her gaze to her coffee.

"Yes, and after New Years, I'll be touring. It's been a whirlwind to say the least," I grinned a little more and felt my pants start to vibrate. "I'm sorry, but could you excuse me for a moment?"

"Of course," she nervously fiddled with her jeans.

"Hey beautiful," I smiled at Bella's voice. The reporter blushed at overhearing me. I leaned back in my chair again. "Yes, I'll be home by eight for dinner. Yes, I'll pick up cranberries. I love you too." I chuckled to myself as I sat my phone down.

"The girl?" the reporter asked nervously.

"The one and only," I laughed. "I give interviews to lovely reporters by day, and pick up cranberries by night. I'm a jack-of-all-trades I guess." She laughed along with me, still taking notes.

"So, tell me about starting out, what influences your writing, what makes Edward Cullen tick, what's the mastermind behind 'such a simple fool' like to do for fun?" she started firing.

"You're going to have to slow down, miss, I'm kind of dense," I laughed again.

"I doubt it," she corrected me, "I heard your in medical school. Are you still in it?"

"Can I start with the first question?" I laughed. She nodded, slightly embarrassed by her frazzled questions. "Well, my influences would have to be, I can't really explain it, everyday life is the largest influence on me. Or more particularly, waking up in the morning, there is a few minutes where the whole world yawns and starts beating again. That's what I like to hear, to portray in my music, something universal." She stared at me, gawking.

"Wow," she muttered.

"Let's see, me, what is there about me? Well, I love baseball games, and drinking. Is that enough? I think that's all there is to me," I laughed and was joined by the reporter giggling.

"Your family owns a bar in San Francisco correct? That's where you started playing?" She prodded further.

"Yes, Cullen's pub. We're a very narcissistic bunch. I played there my first night in town, all thanks to my other best friend, Emmett. Oh, you can insert a shameless plug if you'd like. That'd be great," I grinned and saw her start to blush.

"Of course," she giggled nervously.

"And it was there that you met this girl, correct? I'm supposing we won't be getting her name huh?"

"No, I'd like to keep her all for myself thank you."

"That's probably best. Once the world sees you, they're going to be throwing themselves at you."

"I doubt that," I scoffed, "I hate to break it to the world, but I'm happily in love, with the queen of my universe."

"She's very lucky," the reporter faked a smile. _I'm very lucky. _"So tell me about your family. You're adopted correct?"

"I have a wonderful family. I have a twin sister, Alice. She's, well, she's definitely one of a kind. She's actually going out with Jasper."

"That's cute. But how can you have a twin if you're adopted? Is she your biological twin?"

"I have probably the best parents in the world, Carlisle and Esme. In fact, they live over in Forks, about an hour away from here. They're meeting me at the airport and we're all getting together for Thanksgiving in San Fran."

"Are you just going to avoid the adoption questions?" The reporter huffed.

"Yes, as far as I'm concerned, parents are the people who love and raise you, and Carlisle and Esme raised me, they taught me kindness, compassion, respect, honor, love, they taught me everything I know, and I could never have asked for better parents."

"Tell me about them," the reporter egged me on.

"Well, Esme is an interior decorator, but she also volunteers at the hospital that Carlisle works at. It's because of them that I've wanted to be a doctor."

"But you're dropping out of medical school?"

"No, I'm still in school. I just do a lot of work on the road."

"But you dropped out of Dartmouth right?"

"No, I actually graduated already with a bachelors in biology. Right now I'm in med school at UCSF."

"Wow," she gasped. "You're too good to be true Edward," she smiled and took another sip of coffee. "How do you have time for all of this, and on top of it, have a girl that you're madly in love with?"

"Priorities. I know what is most important to me, and what I want to have at the end of the day," I took the last swig of my coffee, "And luck. I'm probably the luckiest guy in the world."

"You're a wise man," she continued, "Can you tell me more about the reason you wrote the song "Miracles"? Its getting a lot of radio time around here these days."

"I hate to cut this short, but I'm needed to go play a song before I'm allowed to leave, and if I'm late for Thanksgiving dinner, I just might be single," I smiled and stood up to leave. The reporter stood up and shook my hand.

"No, I think I have enough for the story. I'll send you a copy, but be ready," she warned me, "once your story gets out there, you're going to be getting a lot of calls for more and more interviews, and your coy answers won't fly."

"Who's being coy?" I gave her a charming smile.

"Goodbye Edward Cullen," she laughed.

"If you're ever in San Francisco, stop by, just tell them you know the owner, I'll buy you a drink."

"I'll be sure to take you up on that," she smiled and started to walk out.

"Aren't you going to listen? How will you know if I'm any good if you don't hear me live?" I gave her a wink.

"One day your charm won't work on getting reporters to hang around and promote you anymore," she chided me and sat down.

"I can at least use it while I have it," I chuckled, "But I'm sure it will always work on beautiful reporters like yourself."

"I'm already staying, you can lay off with the big eyes and quick words, sir."

"Its not something I can turn on and off," I laughed and walked towards the stage to meet Jasper.

"Ok, Jazz, one more and then we're going home." Jasper ran his hands through his long blond hair. I could tell the days have been wearing him down and being away from Alice was just as hard on him as being away from Bella was hard for me. "And make it good, we have a reporter staying to watch, and we need the buzz."

"No pressure," he laughed, easing the mood.

"No pressure," I mimicked. We stepped out on the little stage to a surprisingly large crowd. Flash bulbs went out from every angle. I grinned at Jasper and he just grinned back, completely floored at how packed the coffee shop was.

"Hello," I spoke into the mike. "Thanks for coming. We're just doing one song tonight, but I feel honored that you all came to see it."

Jasper started playing, and I started to pluck along with him. "Maybe two," I trailed off and winked at Jasper. The crowd cheered.

_come on in out of the cold, lay your cares on me, cause when your here there's nothing wrong, you're as far as i can see. You're as far as i can see. Just another old love song comin' down, and I've been trying to make you understand that my love for you is real and I can feel it when you take my hand when I'm holding you near. Let me hold you near. just another old love song comin' down. just another old love song comin' down. just another old love song comin' down._

I made my way towards the front row while Jasper looked on, baffled.

"Would you like to come up so I can sing you a song?" I asked this girl. Her face paled slightly and she nodded, following me towards the stage.

I sat back down as she sat down between Jasper and I.

_so if you feel the sun is sinking down, just call out my name, cause i would make this whole world spin around, just to see you again, just to see you again, just to see you again. just another love song comin' down._

"Ok, I think we can try just one more, huh Jazz?" I asked him.

"I guess, but we better not be late for dinner," he grinned. _Oh fuck_.

"And what might your name be?" I asked the brunette.

"Julie," she breathlessly answered.

"Would you mind if I serenaded you?" I asked and put on the biggest puppy dog eyes I could.

"Not at all," she smiled.

"Ok, this is a song I've just started working on, it won't be on the new album, but I figure you will all enjoy it, hopefully."

I started to play and Jasper joined along with me.

_I'll run my fingers through your hair tonight. There's no one else, I'm sure of this. I need you now. I'll give you, all of me. I'll make you mine. If you'll take me, and make me, your first in line. Well I made my home in your, heart and your eyes. And you laid your hands on my chest and you called it home. I'll give you, all of me. I'll make you min. If you'll take me, and make me, your first in line. I see you, I've kissed you, two hours, I'll miss you. I've taken I'll make it. I'll give you hope. I'll give you, all of me. I'll make you mine. If you'll take me, and make me, your first in line. _

The last few chords played out, and cheers erupted.

"Thank you," I smiled, "We're 'Such a Simple Fool', and we appreciate this warm Seattle welcome." I walked off the stage after hugging the girl and thanking her. She latched onto me and I had to peel her arms from around my neck. _Jesus Christ, she's stronger than she looks_. As soon as we made our way towards the door, we were assaulted with pens and papers for autographs. I had to stop for a minute and regain my composure. _They were asking for my autograph_.

"Could I take a picture with you?" some girl asked me. I posed for hers and a few more. _This is absolutely crazy. What the hell is happening?_ After what felt like hours, Jasper pulled me through the sea of girls and we grabbed our gear and made it to the taxi waiting out back.

"I could get used to this," Jasper sighed contentedly.

"Looks like we're going to have to," I grinned even bigger than before. "This is happening."

"Airport please," Jazz told the cab driver. "Let's go home."

**Bella POV**

"Alice, did you set the table and everything?" I called from the kitchen.

"Of course I did," her indignant voice startled me as she was way closer than I thought she was. "Everything looks beautiful downstairs, miss anal retentive." I shot Alice a glare as she fled from the kitchen. I pulled everything out of the oven and tried to make it presentable. _Damn, this smells good_. I laughed to myself.

"Hey Alice, I'm going to jump in the shower, I'll be right out."

"Ok," Alice yelled from downstairs in the bar. "Everyone should be here in about 45 minutes." I ran to go get ready. Thoughts of Edward drifted through my head. This whole seeing him every other week was starting to wear me down, and all I wanted was him, close to me, so I could touch him, hear him, see him. At least I would have him all to myself for the holidays. He promised me no record deals or shows, just him catching up on homework and us, together every night. I finished getting ready in record time, and unfortunately I had to busy myself with taking things downstairs before everyone arrived. My stomach was in knots and I could feel the tension I was holding, waiting for Edward to arrive. Alice was just as bad as I was, except she couldn't hide it. She was bouncing around, perfecting her arrangment downstairs. I had to admit, it looked gorgeous; a giant circular table filled the bar, and decorations hung around with candles all over. It even smelled like a home with all the food I had been up making. Pies lined the bar and food covered every spare inch of the table.

"Hey, anyone home?" I heard Emmett's booming voice coming from the front of the bar. I ran into the main area, set down the food I was carrying and threw my arms around Esme and Carlisle.

"Whoa," Carlisle huffed, "That's quite a welcome." He kissed my cheeks and smiled as he took me all in. "Bella, you look more and more beautiful every time I see you."

"You look more and more like your mother," Esme agreed. I buried my face in her shoulder, feeling finally as if my family had arrived. I wiped a single tear away.

"And you guys look better than ever," I smiled at them as Carlisle wrapped his arm around Esme. I heard someone clear their voice behind them.

"Excuse me, but I also think you look beautiful," that beautifully velvet voice seeped through. Before I could even comprehend my own actions I threw my arms around Edward, and I felt him contract his arms around me. I finally found his lips after what felt like an eternity apart.

"Oh my God, I missed you," I whispered as he hugged me tighter.

"I missed you," he sighed and kissed my forehead. Over his shoulder I saw Alice and Jasper locked in the same embrace. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to meorize every inch and moment that I was in Edward's arms. _Its scary how much I need him_.

"I'm ready to eat!" I heard Emmett yell. I turned to see everyone already sitting at the table.

"I'm here," Edward assured me. "I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

"Swear?" I pleaded with him before I dropped my arms. He brought his lips to mine to seal the deal. I smiled and let him drag me to the table. Everyone started pouring wine and filling there plates as chatter filled the room; everyone catching up, making plans. I caught myself just gazing at each person I loved, remembering for just an instant all those that weren't here with me now.

"Alright, its time to say what we're thankful for," Carlisle cleared his voice before everyone started to eat. "Any volunteers?"

"I'll go," Esme smiled and stood up as Carlisle sat down. "I'm thankful that I have all of my kids together, they're all healthy and happy, and they are doing what they love." Carlisle cleared his throat, "Oh, and of course I'm thankful for my husband, I guess," Esme trailed off and everyone laughed. "Carlisle, you're turn," Esme picked. Carlisle cleared his throat and stood up as Esme sat down, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm thankful for new beginnings, for my family, and for this lovely dinner," Carlisle winked at me. "Ok Jasper, your turn." Jasper stood up awkwardly.

"I'm thankful for every day I'm allowed to wake up next to Alice, and for every opportunity that I've been given." He sat back down.

"My turn!" Alice stood up before Jasper could pick someone else to go. "I'm thankful for the great friends we have, the family, for Jasper, and for my designs being picked up my a fashion house!" she practically squealed the last bit of news.

"Alice that's amazing!" everyone congratulated her.

"Thank you, I just found out a week ago, and its been hell trying to hid it from you all," she blushed and sat down quickly. "Bella, your turn." I stood up quietly, and tried to formulate what I needed to say.

"I'm thankful for all the love in this room, all the love you have all shown me and each other, all the love I've found this year, and all the chances I will have to show you all how much you mean to me," I sat down quickly, trying not to start crying. "Edward, your turn." He leaned in and kissed my cheek before standing up.

"I'm thankful for all the dreams that have been allowed to happen this year, all the things I've gotten that I never realized I was missing, for family and friends, and for the all expense paid European tour I'm about to embark on!" I felt my heart stop.

"Edward are you kidding me!?" Jasper jumped up in disbelief.

"That was the phone call I got when we were on our way back. Aro says the article is a smash and his phone has been ringing off the hook so much he had to disconnect it or his wife would divorce him, again."

"Edward! Jasper!" Esme beamed and hugged them both, "I'm so proud of you!" Alice jumped up and hugged Jasper. Emmett clapped them both on the back.

I put on the bravest face I could muster.

"Yeah, apparently its the best place to start promoting yourself," Edward smiled and laughed.

"I'm so jealous, that's amazing!" Emmett laughed.

"Don't be jealous, you're coming too," Edward laughed. Emmett's face dropped and he slumped down in the chair.

"What?"

"I need a body guard apparently," Edward grinned, "And I couldn't think of anyone better than my favorite brother bear."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Emmett bellowed. He looked to Rosalie longingly, as if for permission.

"You can go," she smiled.

"YES!" he yelled and kissed her cheek. Edward let the chaos ensue as he sat back down next to me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" his green eyes pleaded with me.

"Nothing," I smiled, "I'm so proud of you, this is amazing news," I kissed him, lightly, trying to hide all the anger and fear I was holding onto inside.

"I love you," he assured me and wrapped his arm around me. Before I could answer him Emmett was clinking his glass for everyone to settle down. In a moment everyone was grinning from ear to ear and gazing at Emmett and Rosalie, standing hand in hand.

"Edward, I want you to know that the only reason I'm letting Emmett do this is because we need the money," Rosalie started out.

"Yup," Emmett just nodded his head along.

"I expect you'll have him home in less than six months," Rosalie continued.

"I think so, yeah," Edward nodded. _Six months at least? _Fear gripped my chest and the room started to spin. _Could I make it six months?_

"That's good, because I'm due in seven," Rosalie stated as if it were nothing. We all did a double take.

"What?" Everyone asked at once.

"I'm pregnant," she laughed and Emmett wrapped his arms around her.

"That's wonderful!" Esme hugged them both.

"Esme, we've always looked to you as a mother figure, we were wondering if you and Carlisle wouldn't mind being honorary grandparents?" Emmett asked timidly.

"We'd be honored," Carlisle shook his hand tightly, and Emmett pulled him into a hug.

"Oh, this is just so sweet!" Alice beamed. "You know what this means right?"

"Oh God," I rolled my eyes, already suspecting where this was going.

"Baby Shower!!!" Alice yelled.

"That's a while down the road," Rosalie huffed and sat down.

"Doesn't mean I can't dream," Alice stuck her tongue out at Rosalie. Dinner passed with plans being thrown around, talk of Europe and babies, and plans for the future; talk of how big the band was becoming hurt my heart. I spoke when asked a question, but other than that, I couldn't bring myself to comment on the world around me changing so much; everything turning upside down. Dinner waned into dessert, which waned into talking and gossiping until the night was running away from us.

"Well, if you'll excuse us old folks, we're going to bed," Carlisle laughed.

"I'll help you with your bags," Edward got up and grabbed a few, and started making his way up to his apartment. "You guys get my apartment. It should be clean since no one's been in it for a few weeks," he trailed off. _Yeah, no one's been in it because you're gone, all the time_. I thought to myself, trying to get rid of the bitterness that was seeping into every thought I had. It was taking all my energy to not break down, to not let this weight break my chest. I started cleaning up the dishes as everyone said goodbye and made their way to their own rooms, and Rosalie and Emmett made their way home. By the time Edward came back down, I had the dishes done and was just sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Hey," he whispered.

"You promised," I muttered, still staring at the floor.

"Bella, you knew that I'd have to go on tour eventually," he started, and pulled my chair up across from me.

"How long?" I stared back at him, unworried about the tears that were streaming down my cheeks.

"Four months. We'll leave January first and be there until May," he muttered, grabbing my hand and trying to rub circles on it. I started laughing as soon as he told me how long.

"Four months?" I just continued to laugh. "Four months?"

"Come with me," he lifted my chin so I had to look him in the eyes.

"I can't just leave Alice and Rosalie here alone, especially now that Rosie is having a baby."

"Bella, I love you. We can do it," he started, "I know we can, but I won't be able to do it if your not waiting for me."

"Of course I'll wait," I sobbed, "I can't imagine doing anything else." His lips were against mine, then they moved to my cheeks, kissing my tears away. "I was just worried that you wouldn't wait for me, you'll find someone else in a far off city, and I'll be waiting for you here, for nothing," I trailed off, finally telling him my deepest fear. He pulled me to his lap, kissing away every ounce of doubt I had for the moment.

"That is absolutely absurd. You hold my heart," he whispered against my neck. "I wrote something, just for you, its not going on any CD, it won't get played at any show, its just for you," he trailed off.

"Please, let me hear it," I sighed, wiping away the tears in my eyes. He gently set me on the bed.

"Bella, I love you, I won't ever be able to tell you how much, I won't ever be able to persuade you that you're it for me, but I know that I'm only whole when I'm with you." He pulled his guitar out, the one I bought him.

_Breathe in, breathe out, tell me all of your doubt. If everybody bleeds this way, just the same. Breathe in, Breathe out. Move on and break down, if everyone goes away, I will stay. We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes. I'm not letting go, you hold the other line. Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes. Hold on, hold tight, if I'm out of your sight. Everything keeps moving on, moving on. Hold on, hold tight, make it through another night. Everyday there comes the sun with the dawn. We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes, I'm not letting go, you hold the other line. Look left, look right, to the moon and the night, everything under the stars in your arms. There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes. _

I didn't realize how much it was hurting me until he finally finished. I felt my body start to shake with sobs. Edward wrapped his arms around me and laid down beside me.

"I love you," I managed to articulate. "I'm afraid of losing another person I love."

"I'm not going anywhere," he tried to reassure me. I just buried my face into his chest.

"Marry me," he whispered.

"What?" I tried to control my sobs.

"Marry me. I can't live my life without you," he sat up slightly.

"Edward, we're too young," I tried to persuade him, still wiping tears from my cheeks.

"Marry me, Bella. I don't want anyone else," his eyes pierced me, down to my soul. _There was no one else I wanted either_.

"Yes," I finally managed to mutter. He pulled a simple ring from his pocket.

"This is my mother's, my real mother's," he smiled at me as he slipped it on my finger. "Bella, I hope you'll see that I love you, and only you. Distance will not make me love you any less, nor will it make me want someone else more. You are all I want," he spoke sternly as he laid back down and tucked my head back under his chin. "This is where you belong," he whispered and kissed the top of my forehead. He started to hum my song again, and through the tears and continued sobbing, somewhere I fell asleep, in my own personal heaven.

______________________________________________

**Yes, there is a lot going on in there.**

**The next few chapters will take each situation and explain it a little further.**

**hey did you enjoy it?**

**I hope so!**

**let me know what you think!**

**and what should Rosalie and Emmett's baby be named?**


	11. Sink Into Me

**Edward POV**

"Please stop," Bella huffed as she threw herself on my bed. I stopped packing for a minute and looked at her, savoring every second I would get to be in the same room as her. Her dark hair was tossed around her face, and her eyes shut tightly. I saw her chest moving up and down, and my eyes ravaged her body. I threw the shirt I was folding into my bag. The past two months seemed to have sped by incredibly too fast, and now, here we were, on the brink of spending half a year apart.

"Bella, I have to finish packing," I smiled to myself as those beautiful brown eyes opened. I saw her mouth turn in a frown and the pain in her eyes. _Oh, don't do that, I have to pack_. I sighed to myself as she huffed again and covered her face with those small porcelain hands. "You could help me pack," I suggested as I started to fold more clothes. I saw her start to bite her bottom lip, signifying she was thinking about it. I instantly started to think about all of those things I wanted to do to those lips. _She's driving me insane; I can't get enough of her_.

"I will have no part in helping you pack to leave me for six months," she responded as she sat up against the headboard, pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, and set her chin on them. She stared at me with big pouty eyes. _It will probably kill me to be away from her_.

"I'm coming back," I corrected her, "and you're coming to spend the summer with me. You're only here for three months."

"Three months," she chanted to herself as she tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "Only three months." _Only three months, might as well as be a lifetime_. I shook my head and continued to pack. As much as I hated it, I had to get it done since Jasper, Emmett, and I were supposed to be on a plane tomorrow morning, bright and early. Granted, I probably shouldn't have put it off until the last night, but I couldn't bear to tear myself from Bella when I was with her during the spare moments I had. Its true, Aro had kept good on his word that we weren't going to be doing any shows or any more recording; however, that didn't mean interviews and publicity went on hold. Every day it seemed Jasper and I did a million photo shoots and about a thousand interviews. In the past half of a year, we were gaining incredible amount of popularity, and it was almost overwhelming. On top of that, this first tour was looming over everyone, like a blessing and a curse.

"Edward," I heard Bella trying to get my attention, "Did you hear me?" I looked up as I zipped up the giant suitcase and threw it on the growing pile.

"Huh?" I gazed at her dreamily, giving her the best smile I possibly could. I saw her smile for a brief instant.

"What's this?" She motioned towards the magazine in her hands. _Shit_.

"That's just that one interview I did up in Seattle," I made my way into the bathroom to get my bag.

"The Real Edward Cullen by Samantha Faye. Edward Cullen, or as he's soon to be known as, the charming mastermind behind the lyrically driven 'A Simple Fool', is one that the world might not be ready for, but watch out world, he is coming out with a vengeance. With lyrics driven straight from his soul, he sings about every day life, and ultimately the love that drives him," I heard Bella reading form the other room. I hung my head in the bathroom as I gathered my toothbrush and other random bathroom utensils. _This interview was horrible_. The author danced between hitting on me, and calling me the next big thing every sentence.

"We managed to catch up with the aspiring, and modest, singer at his showcase in Seattle. Wearing a simple pair of jeans, a plain black shirt, and a pair of Bob Dylan-esque shades, Edward graciously answered a few questions before he had to run off to the show. Fiddling with his coffee, he finally took the sunglasses off when I sat down, and gave me his crooked smile he's becoming quite famous for. "Sorry, I couldn't see you," he laughed breahtlessly. "My sister, Alice, she dressed me and Jasper. The only thing I picked out were the sunglasses." And with that we were introduced to Edward Cullen. Completely at ease, Cullen joked about his influences, his family, and his music, all the while oozing boy-next-door charm. 'I like baseball' was the only thing he could think of to say to describe himself, however when it came to everyone else in his life, Cullen was eager to tell us everything. His family, which he has extended to include his best friend, and body guard, Emmett McCarthy, runs a local Pub. 'Cullen's pub. We're a very narcissistic bunch,' he confided, 'I played there my first night in town, all thanks to Emmett. Oh, you can insert a shameless plug if you'd like. That'd be great'.

Ever the comedian, the easy going guitarist was only tight lipped about two things: the fact that he is adopted and his super secret girlfriend. When questioned about her he just winked and sat back in his chair with an 'Nope, no name for her, I'd like to keep her all to myself, thank you'. Ever evading the adoption question, Cullen explained what has morphed him into the man he is today as the fact that his parents 'taught him kindness, compassion, respect, honor, love, they taught me everything I know, and I could never have asked for better parents'. This gorgeous California god isn't just all modesty and killer smiles, he also has the brains, as evident in his passionate and well-written lyrics. 'I graduated with a bachelors in Biology from Dartmouth, and right now I'm in medical school at UCSF' he said quickly, as if it were nothing at all. WIth a family-minded attitude, and a general concern for those around him, Edward was in no way, shape or form let in on the secret that he is an incredible artist, with amazing star-power, as well as killer stage presence. It would appear that no one was going to try to drill that in his head either as he picked up a phone call and politely excused himself. 'Sorry,' he tried to apologize after he was gone just a minute. 'The girl,' he confided and smiled, perhaps bigger than we'd seen him smile yet. He was being asked to bring cranberries home for dinner. 'I give interviews to lovely reporters by day, and pick up cranberries by night. I'm a jack-of-all-trades I guess', he quipped.

With an easy smile, charm and confidence to match, he chatted with us about anything and everything under the sun, almost unaware of the hoards of girls trying to sneak glances at him and grab his attention. It's true, after the show, Edward and his band mate, and best friend, Jasper Hale, were nearly ravaged after their performance, and were forced to run into an awaiting taxi after a few photos and autographs, they both seemed oddly unaware at how much they are loved already, especially by the young ladies. When called out on his apparent appeal, the ever modest Cullen simply laughed it off with an 'I doubt it'. When called on his charm, and the fact that he undoubtedly used it as a tool, he simply laughed 'Its not something I can't turn on and off'.

But, as much as he tried to deny it, there is no hiding the fact that his venues have been selling out, and even more, that the public is demanding more and more 'Simple Fool'. Expected to release an album in a few months, Edward is a relatively new face to the music scene, as he was just signed in early September. This fact hasn't stopped him from becoming a tour de force on the hearts of those around him, touring up and down the west coast, sometimes playing three to four gigs a night. When asked how he managed to balance everything, school (Yes, he is in medical school), work (Yes, his family owns and runs a Pub in San Francisco), family (apparently a very interesting family and extended bunch of friends), and a special lady in his life (sorry girls, this prince has already found his damsel), Edward again just smiled and told us, 'luck, it's all luck. I'm probably the luckiest guy in the world'. His modesty is almost at an unheard of level. In all honesty, we were hooked on his every word as he continued to explain why he started playing, and what his life consisted of: 'A girl' he answers as he stares out the window towards the Seattle street. This is not the last of his many candid answers to deeper questions. 'Isn't that how all musicians end up writing and playing?' he asked us playfully, 'if anyone tells you any differently, they're not being honest with themselves. There's always a girl'. After a few minutes of chatter, again directed away from himself, Edward had to excuse himself to play his set. 'I have to go, if I'm late for dinner, I might just end up single after all'. The world can only dream.

Ever the gentleman, he even invited us to a drink at his family's pub with 'If you're ever in San Francisco, stop by, just tell them you know the owner, I'll buy you a drink'. And with that Edward Cullen ran backstage to join his band mate and childhood friend (yes, he's one of those types, ever loyal), as 'A Simple Fool' took the stage to a packed house the crowd's cheer was deafening. The stage presence was electric as Edward and Jasper played a beautiful song, sure to be on his new album. However, it was during the middle of the song that Edward's true personality came out as the crooner made his way into the audience to pull a girl onstage with him. 'I think one more song will do, huh Jazz?' Edward affectionately joked with his friend. 'I guess, but we better not be late for dinner,' they joked. The evident down-to-earth attitude of the whole band was infectious, making everyone feel as if they were best friends, even if it was just for the short show. 'Would you mind if I serenaded you?' Cullen asked tentatively, giving the poor girl the most dazzling smile ever imaginable. With a simple nod, he started playing. 'This is a song I've started working on, it won't be on the new album, but I figure you will all enjoy it, hopefully,' he smiled nervously. And it is with that attitude and personality, as well as amazing music and lyrics that Edward Cullen and 'A Simple Fool' has found their way into the heart of every listener. His album hasn't stopped playing at our office, and we expect great things from this musical genius, mark our words; we see big things for this young man." _Wow, I guess Bella didn't see the letter_. I sighed happily to myself and made my way back into the bedroom. _I guess not_. I cringed as I saw Bella's face in complete shock and hurt.

"To the Editor," she read, her throat already sounding as if it were constricting, "I would love to find out more about Edward Cullen. More importantly I'd love to find out who this girl is, because undoubtedly she isn't worth him. Signed, Biggest Fan."

"To the Editor," she started again, "It's too bad Edward Cullen is taken, I'd love to show him what he's missing. Signed, hot and heavy."

"Bella, stop," I tried to make her stop reading, but her eyes kept scanning the page until she threw the magazine on my nightstand. The letter that Samantha had written and tucked inside flew out. _Fuck me_. Bella picked it up and scanned the page. It killed me to watch her face contort in pain.

"I think this is yours," she slammed it into my chest as she walked out the door. I balled up the paper and ran out after her, but she was already downstairs in her room.

"Bella, talk to me," I slammed her door behind me, only to instantly feel guilty for being angry. She sat in the middle of her bed, tears welling in her eyes. "Bella, my Bella."

"S-S-S-She, th-th-they," she sputtered, "I-I-I don't compare."

"You're right," I whispered as I sat down next to her, enveloping her in my arms. "You don't compare. You don't compare to anyone because you are above all of that. I couldn't imagine comparing anyone to you, because you are the epitome of everything. Bella," I raised her eyes to look at me, "You don't trust me, do you?" It finally clicked that she shouldn't be so worried about that. Inevitably, I would have to deal with fans.

"I do, I just don't trust them," she whispered and lowered her head, "What if you find better? What happens then?"

"Impossible when I've already found perfection. You are my life," I spoke forcefully.

"I don't know if I can do it," she started to cry again. "I don't know if I can be away from you. I'm addicted, and selfish, and a horrible person. I used to be stronger, I used to not care, but you did this to me, you made me love you and now you're leaving." She pushed against my chest and tried to escape, but there was no way I was letting her go. He tiny fists pounded on my chest, but I just held her tighter until she tired herself out enough that I could pull her into my lap, and tighter against me.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered and sniffed. I ran my hands through her hair and buried my face in her neck.

"I won't go, if its going to hurt you so much, I won't hurt you, I can't."

Bella went rigid completely. "No," she sat up much straighter, hiding her emotions, she put on a stern face. "You are going, and you're going to be an impossibly huge star, and three months will fly by. Its only ninety days. I can do ninety days."

"Its exactly one hundred and twenty three days," I looked at her to gauge her reaction.

"I can do one hundred and twenty three days," she tried to convince herself. "I can't do one hundred and twenty four days, but I can do one hundred and twenty three."

"I'll call you every spare second," I tried to make her a little more happy. "And send postcards from every city and town that we visit."

"And I'll talk to you, no matter what time it is here," she seemed to perk up slightly, "And text, we can text."

"Of course," I smiled as she seemed a little more at ease. "And you'll call me, and it won't matter, day or night. Forget time zones, they don't exist." I kissed her cheek gently and she lowered her head under my chin.

"We're going to have to do this all over again after Europe," she sighed weakly.

"Let's take it one day at a time," I persuaded her. _Fuck, I hadn't even thought about that. _Was I going to be alright constantly bouncing from city to city? "In the mean time," I laid down, allowing her to lay on top of me. She placed her chin in my chest and looked up at me with those innocent chocolate eyes. "Why don't you start thinking about our wedding?

"Would you mind if we eloped?"

"Nope, as long as you're there, I don't care."

"Ok, wedding planned. We're going to Reno."

"Reno?" I looked at her and chuckled.

"Yeah, we're totally not classy enough for Vegas," she laughed to herself.

"Oh, so now you're just a comedian huh?"

"Yes, I suppose so," she wiggled her eye brows at me and laughed at herself. _I wish I could stay, right here, in this moment forever_. I ran my hands along her sides and gently started to rub soothing circles on her back.

"You know that you're the person that I'm in love with, you're my universe, my queen, don't you? I need you to believe it," I begged her to believe me as I soaked her into every inch of me.

"Yes," she whispered, dragging her fingernails along my stomach.

"I'm never going to leave you," I promised, more as a vow for myself than for her.

"I know," she agreed. I watched her eyes droop until her breathing settled. I didn't dare to move, instead I spent the night listening to her talk and say all the things she could never utter. My name was mingled with lust and an amazing love that it made me pull her tighter. As the sun began to rise outside I could feel her heart start to race against my chest. "forever," she muttered, gripping tighter onto my shirt.

"Forever," I whispered in her ear, "Forever."

**Bella POV**

"Fifty three down," Edward greeted me on the opposite end of the phone. _Only fifty three? Fuck_.

"And it was easy as pie," I lied.

"I'll call you after this interview," he rushed. I savored each word of his smooth voice.

"Alright," I smiled to myself, "Knock'em dead killer."

"I love you, my queen," he muttered.

"I love you more, my king," I answered.

"Doubtful," he chuckled. The sound of the dial tone brought be back from my day dream. Refusing to say goodbye made it even harder almost, but I doubt I could handle hearing that word from him. My mind instantly was back at the air terminal, fifty three days ago. The terminal was packed with people uttering goodbyes in the early sunlight filtering through the loose layer of fog that hugged the city. 'I'm a phone call away,' he tried to assure me. I had long since given up trying to hide the tears; they freely covered my face now as I clung to Edward's shirt helplessly and his long arms constricted around my back. 'one hundred and twenty three, starting right now,' he whispered. I grabbed his cheeks and pulled his lips back to mine, trying to give him every ounce of love and passion I had for him, but it never would seem like enough. His nimble fingers wormed their way through my hair as he leveraged my neck to give him more access. We both heard the over-com calling the final time for his flight. Breathlessly, I pulled away, leaning my forehead against Edward's, and soaked up those green eyes one more time. I slipped my letter into his palm. 'Read it on the plane,' I instructed him. He kissed me again as he pulled himself away towards the terminal. I stood on the platform, watching the man I loved take a plane across the world. 'Are you alright?' Alice whispered as she wrapped her arms around me. Tears stained her face as well, and I could see how hurt she was. 'No' I answered honestly. 'We'll make it,' Rosalie whispered as she joined into our hug. To this day I can't figure out if it was a hug, or we were all doing our best to hold each other together, as surely I would have fallen apart right there, had it not been for them. _No, thanks to them I managed to wait until we got home to completely break down_.

The first week away from Edward passed almost like a dream; or nightmare. Alice poked her head into my room the first night, crying as I was. 'Can I sleep in here?' I just nodded and scooted over. It's almost been like that ever since. Both of us finding it impossible to sleep completely alone. It soothes me to hear Alice breathing and feel her shift every now and then. Numerous nights, Rosalie had just stayed with us; in fact, she pretty much moved in, electing to only spend about one night a week at her own apartment.

The days had turned into a walking daze for us all consisting of school, work, and phone calls. I walked around my room now, and marked another day off the calendar. _Seventy left_. I gazed at the wall next to my bed, littered with postcards, and smiled to myself. Random clippings from magazine's filled the surrounding area. Edward was making quite a ruckus, and I couldn't have been prouder. The fact that he was living his dream made my heart swell every time I thought of it. I curled back into my bed, completely exhausted from school and work and late night phone calls. I fingered the letter Edward had hidden under my pillow, then laid it back on the stack of letter's I'd since found all over my room and his apartment. It had taken me a few weeks to make my first trip up there, but I needed to smell like him, so I had gone upstairs to steal one of his shirts. I found a few letters, and continued searching until I found them all. Each one made my heart break all over again, but in a good way, I think.

As if on cue, Alice poked her head into my room as my lids started to shut.

"Bella," she whispered, sobs chocking her. "Bella, I need to show you something."

"Alice, what's wrong?" She sounded sadder than normal. We had all gone into emotional paralysis a few weeks ago, having cried every tear we could imagine producing. _Honest to God, now we just sort of dry sobbed and walked around like ghosts_.

"Just, come out to the living room, please," she closed my door behind her. Slowly, I got out of bed and squinted my eyes as the light from the kitchen blinded me. Alice and Rosalie sat at the kitchen tables with magazines surrounding them.

"Bella," Rosalie whispered, "We just got these magazines, but we thought you should see."

"See what?"

"Bella, we're so sorry, we love you," Alice tried to reassure me as I grabbed one of the magazines from the table.

"The Tour that's heating up this winter" one of the titles read, with pictures of Edward on stage singing with his touring mate, and show partner, Jennifer Johnson. I opened to the article and started reading. Quotes about 'natural chemistry' and 'candid affair' leapt off the page at me. Pictures covered the spread of Edward and Jennifer, out at bars, on stage, smiling and happy. I picked up another gossip magazine. "America's Pretty Boy" was the title. Edward's interview was woven between even more pictures of him and Jenn. "The Sexiest Stars on the Rise" Cosmo yelled at me. I opened up to the interview and saw under Edward's picture 'yes- he's looking for that special someone'. I read the interview more. "So any special ladies in your life? Edward's answer: [laughs] the only woman I'm seeing is Jennifer [Johnson]. She's brilliant." "Music's Hottest New Dou" another magazine punched me in the gut. I flipped inside to see Jenn's face next to Edward's. "Headlining together on debut tours, Jennifer Johnson and Edward Cullen (A Simple Fool), have been spicing up the music scene for the past two months. What makes Working with Edward so much fun? Jennifer: He's absolutely a lyrical genius! Why wouldn't I want to work with the best that's out there; he knows his stuff, is gritty, and honest, all amazing qualities to have. Not to mention, he's not too shabby on the eyes." I threw the magazine down, and picked up the final one. The cover was plastered with a gritty image of Edward, kissing Jennifer at some grungy bar. His bronze hair was tousled and her hands were running through it eagerly, his hands on her shoulders.

"No," I whispered, suddenly losing my voice. "No, no, no no no," I chanted down the hallway to my room to grab my phone. I dialed Edward's number mechanically.

"Hello?" A groggy female voice answered.

"Hi, yeah," I tried to hold back tears, "I'm looking for Edward, this is his phone, right?"

"Oh, yeah sorry, I must have grabbed his off the nightstand. I'll look for him, give me a second?"

"Ok," I muttered, anger and bitterness seeping into my voice.

"Edward, stop, oh gosh that tickles, phone for you," I heard her giggling.

"Hello?" his velvety voice asked. I hung up as the walls around me started to close in.

"Bella?" I heard Rosalie and Alice at my door. "Are you alright?"

"Perfectly fine," I lied as I packed my bag.

"Can we come in?" They begged. I threw the last of any necessities in my bag and opened the door.

"You can go in, but I'm leaving."

"Where are you going?" "You can't leave!" "Bella don't do this" they both were yelling.

"I need to get away," I responded cooly. " I need to go right now."

"Let us come with you," they both pleaded.

"I'm going home. Don't you dare tell... him," I bit angrily. "I'll call you when I get there."

Before I knew it I was driving towards Forks. I didn't think about anything else but driving until I pulled into the driveway of my old house, climbed in and threw myself on my old bed. It was then that I started crying, as the sun came up in the usually cloudy town of Forks. _Fifty three days is all it took to completely fuck my life up, again._. I cried until the sunlight was completely covering my room, and then, as if by some strange miracle, I slept.


	12. Even Now

**Music: **

**"Even Now": Dashboard Confessional**

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

**Bella POV**

Tuesday

_Even now I can smell your clothes, freshly from the wash, still hot from the dryer. Even now I can smell your skin as I wrap you in a towel, lay you on the bed, and try to love you. Even now I can feel your arms. I can feel your breasts. I can hear your songs. And I always can find you again. Even now I can feel your hand, gently over mine, with almost no weight at all. Even now I can feel your eyes watch me as I strum much too late at night. Even now I can see you smile. I can hear you hum. I can hear you sing. And I always can find you again._

"What the fuck?" I screamed and slammed my hands against the steering wheel. "Seriously? You're going to do this to me now?" I continued to pummel my dashboard of my old rusty truck angrily, not caring how ridiculous I looked at the intersection. Eventually, anger subsided to hurt and pain as tears started to bubble up behind my eyes. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I screamed as the music continued to fill the small cabin. I kicked the floor through my tears and tried to rip my the wheel from the dashboard.

_Even in the dark of night. Even in the lowest light. Even as the world outside is spinning, And spinning. Even now I can feel your hair, blow across my cheek as we sit in one of two chairs. Even now I can feel your face resting on my chest, wrestling for sleep and failing at it. Even now I can see you sleep. I can see you dream. I can see you fly. And I always can find you again. And I always can find you again._

I continued to have a violent fit, flailing about until I realized the song was over, and the light was green. I took a deep breath and gunned it for home, trying to avoid looking at the crowd that I was sure was watching me have an emotional breakdown, right on Main street. 'That was Forks own, Edward Cullen of A Simple Fool, playing the single off of his debut album that has already gone platinum in Europe and is well on its way here in the states. The band will be finishing up their first tour of the U.S. with a concert in San Francisco this Saturday. As you can remember the tour started with a sold-out show right here in Seattle. We can expect a home show right here in Forks, this Thursday, at The Lodge. Get your tickets now,' the radio host trailed of as I slammed the forehead against the steering wheel once I parked in the drive way of the old house on the corner. _Ugh, its good to be home_, I thought to myself, ready to just collapse. I turned off the truck, grabbed the grocery bags and wondered into my childhood home just as rain started to pelt the ground. _Summertime in Forks, fucking perfect_. I walked towards the kitchen and clicked play on the answering machine, expecting the messages to be all from Alice and Rosalie, checking up on me as if I was still a child. I started to put away groceries, and sure enough, Alice's voice was the first message.

"Bella Swan, I will not, I repeat, NOT hesitate to come up there and kick your ass myself, then drag you kicking and screaming back here, where you belong. Its been six months, and if you don't at least come face things, I don't know what I'll do. I miss your face. Stop punishing me because of my stupid idiotic brother's commitment issues. I love you. Call me please." I clicked erase as I laughed to myself, mentally putting it at the top of my list to call Alice sometime soon.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Rosalie's voice greeted me angrily, "I swear to God that I will help Alice fulfill any recent threat she has left you if you aren't back here within the next week. Bella, I'm due within the next two weeks, and so help me God as soon as I pop this sucker out, I will personally drive there and smother you. Don't make me do it, hey, stop it Emmett. Bella, its Emmett, I'm so sorry for Rosalie. We just hope that you're alright and would very much appreciate it if you would come back. At least talk to Edward- shut up Emmett, don't say his dirty name I swear I'm going to." The message stopped as they ran out of time. I cringed to hear his name again, but more to the fact that I had to go back so soon. I couldn't miss the baby. I knew I would have to go back, and start my life again, without _him_.

"Bella, this is Esme, we're leaving at three o'clock on Friday for San Francisco. Carlisle and I bought you a ticket. Call us back as soon as possible." I hit delete. Apparently I'd be going back sooner than I expected. I ran my hands along my tense neck trying to relax. I did not want to go back to San Francisco. There were too many memories. _How am I supposed to go back to normal, as if nothing happened and my time with Him was just a dream_. I fingered the ring that sat on the counter awkwardly before I sat it back down where it had been sitting for the past few months.

"Bella, its Edward, I've given you space, but I can't take this. I love you. Call me back." I instantly hit delete after his flawless voice trailed off. Even after all this time, that voice practically pulled my heart out of my chest and strapped a piece of dynamite to it. As the messages ended I slumped down on the couch, reluctantly flipping through a few magazines absently. I didn't much pay attention to what I was reading, but instead wondered back and forth between what my life had become. _A failure that ran away from problems and refused to emotionally involve yourself because when you did, it bit you in the ass_. That sounded about right. Thank God I had been able to just finish up my classes for last semester pretty much online, since most of them had just papers for the finals anyway, it wasn't as if I had missed much. I guess I had quit my job; I mean, it wasn't like I was going back to the Pub to work anytime soon, and I didn't call off the last time I was supposed to work. And what had come from the past six months? Absolutely nothing. I had accomplished no goals in getting over Edward Cullen. I tried. I tried my damndest, but it was near impossible. The stack of post cards littered the chair next to the couch. Alice was never good at keeping secrets. They were all daggers that stabbed me everyday I had to look at them, but I couldn't throw them away, I just couldn't. I had taken to just automatically throwing out any flowers that were periodically delivered to my doorstep. If I hadn't I could have opened up my own flower shop. Unopened letters were sprawled across the coffee table, mocking me at every glance. As I raised my head to survey the room, I realized that even now, no matter where he was in the world, Edward owned my heart, and he always would. _But its for the best, I won't hold him back, but I don't mesh with his lifestyle. _Lightning illuminated the darkness that was looming outside, and thunder cracked just as I switched on the lamp. A headline caught my eye before I flipped the page. 'Sullen Cullen: America's Newest Hottie's Secret Life'. I read the article, describing Edward and how well his band was doing, as well as how he was the newest 'it' thing out there, and had too many fans to count. It described how he had stopped touring with Jenn as soon as he came back to the states, claiming 'she caused discontent in his life'. The magazine made it out that they were jilted lovers, who were rivals now, and just couldn't be near each other ever again. I was fuming mad again. The picture stared back at me; it was Edward, sunglasses on, hood pulled up over those bronze locks, and zipped up tightly. He was coming out of a show in New York. I threw the magazine across the room and sat in my own pile of anger, resentment, and guilt. The phone began to ring, but I just pulled a pillow over my face, already starting the job for Rosalie.

"Isabella Swan, Victoria from LIttle Lamb Publishing, I was calling about the story you submitted. Please call my office as soon as possible, I'd love to talk to you about it." I froze where I was. I ran to the phone and replayed the message a few times before realizing what she had actually said. I never submitted my story, in fact I had no idea where it was. I remember having my notebook in a coffee shop in Seattle, but I lost it there. How did it end up in her hands, and how did she know it was mine? I started to dial the number when there was a knock at the door. I debated whether or not to pretend I wasn't home before I remembered the truck in the drive way, signifying that I was home. I slammed the phone down and stalked over to the door. On my way, I picked up the stray letters and post cards and threw them into a pile of the chair before running to the door. I flung it open to see a pair of beautiful teddy bear eyes staring back at me. I smiled slightly.

"Hey," I smiled a little bigger as he engulfed me in a one-armed hug.

"I'm not too early am I?" he pulled away but kept his arm wrapped around me tightly.

"Nope, perfect timing." I grabbed the pizza from his other hand and set it down on the coffee table. He walked over and slumped down next to me. His muscles rippled under his button up flannel shirt.

"I missed you," he whispered as his warm breath tickled my neck and he tucked a piece of stray hair behind my ear. I just giggled anxiously. "So, what's the plan for tonight?" he asked, pushing his hair out of his own eyes with a head toss.

"Game's on," I trailed off and flicked on the Mariner's game.

"Good choice," he laughed. We ate the pizza on the floor with mindless chatter about the day. He truly put me at ease. I was grateful that he was here, making me feel slightly less alone. I got up to put the leftover pizza in the fridge during the seventh inning. I sat down next to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Come here," he whispered and picked me up until I was sitting on his lap, straddling him. I stared into those gorgeous teddy bear eyes, dark and smoldering. He tucked his hand behind my neck and brought my lips to his. I didn't fight it, but tried to embrace it as much as I could. _You're not Edward_. I tried to feel the same about him as he felt about me, but there was no fighting the fact that he wasn't the man I was in love with, and the man who broke my heart. The phone made me jump and he let out a small chuckle.

"Let the machine get it," he trailed off, running his hands along the edge of my jeans. _No sir, we were not doing that._ I had played coy the whole time I had been 'seeing' him, never willing to make that last jump. _I just couldn't see myself making love to anyone else but Edward_.

"Bella, sorry, Esme again, we leave at six, sorry about that. Let me know when a good time to pick you up would be, alright? Talk to you soon, sweetheart."

He pulled away from me and gave me a quizzical glance. I bit my bottom lip, already afraid of where this conversation was going to go.

"Leaving?" he looked hurt. I ran my hands up to his collar and wrapped them around his neck.

"I have to go back to San Francisco for Rosalie. She's having the baby soon. I don't plan on staying too long." I answered, nipping at his lip, trying to distract him. He pulled away slightly and I moved to his neck. He tasted like cinnamon.

"When do you leave?"

"Friday." He looked at me, with a pout starting on his bottom lip. I decided a change in subject would be best. "So, a publisher called me today," I trailed off. His eyebrows shot up and a smile appeared on his face.

"That's amazing!" he laughed and hugged me. _That's why we're together_ I thought to myself. He wasn't extraordinary. He owned the bakery over on Third street. He was stable, strong, and mellow, everything I needed. Passion wasn't important anymore. _My heart burned for someone else_.

"Thanks," I laughed. His eyes turned serious.

"Do you not want me to go with you?"

"Where?"

"San Francisco." I eyed him curiously. _I hadn't even thought about it, actually_. "Because I understand, if you're afraid for me to meet your family. I mean, I just understand." He looked away. I ran my hands along his cheeks, feeling the slight stubble starting to form. His eyes drooped towards the ground.

"Would you like to go with me? I would love to show you off," I faked a smile. His eyes studied me, trying to figure me out.

"If you want, I'm not forcing you to," he trailed of, but I silenced him with a kiss.

"I didn't even think about it, since I'm only going to be there for a week at the most. But I'd love for you to come. I'll call Esme tomorrow and tell her to add one more to the itinerary." His smiled and hugged me again. We spend the rest of the night sitting there, me telling him about what he should expect. _Everything except Edward_. I let out a yawn suddenly as he talked about who he was going to leave in charge for the week.

"I better be going," he trailed off, almost waiting for me to offer for him to stay here. _Sorry, buckaroo, not ready for that_.

"Ok, I'll call you tomorrow," I smiled and kissed him as he walked out the door.

"Sweet dreams, Bella," he whispered and kissed my cheek.

"Night, James." I sat back down on the couch, now fully digesting the idea that I was taking James back to San Francisco with me. _It might make things easier; to see my new life's possibilities, instead of all the painful memories of what could have been_.

**Edward POV**

Tuesday

"Jasper, I'm going out for a little bit, can you go talk to the Lodge owner?" I asked as I pulled my hood up and grabbed the car keys. It as damn near impossible to go anywhere without being noticed.

"Sure man," Jasper smiled as he yelled from his adjoining room. _He's probably just glad I'm not laying around still_. I couldn't lay around, knowing Bella was so close to me right now. I tried to get over her. I tried to forget, but it was like, I wasn't breathing. Everything I had achieved was worthless if she wasn't there with me, egging me on to achieve new goals, smiling at my shows. I shook my head, trying to put that pain away, and figure out a way to get her back. I slipped out the back of the hotel, trying my hardest to not have some paparazzi following me. _That's all I needed, getting caught stalking by a bunch of stalkers. _

The sun was setting by the time I found her house. Truth be told, I felt so creepy just showing up. _She's going to hate me_. I hurt her, I was the cause of this. I should have said no. I shouldn't have let Jenn get the wrong idea. I should have been more careful, but I was new to this whole game of being a celebrity. _I broke Bella, I did what I swore I never would do, even if it wasn't true, I screwed up, I affirmed her fears_. I took a few deep breaths, trying to ready myself for everything I wanted to say to her. I started to get out of the car, until I saw some guy approach the front door with a pizza in his hand. _Bella usually doesn't like pizza_. Before I could move, I saw him hug her. _Its a small town, maybe he's an old friend_. Then, he kissed her. They shut the door and I felt my knuckles grip the steering wheel. I didn't move, I just tried to rip the steering wheel out of the car completely. _I'm too late_. I sped back to the hotel, not in the mood for anyone or anything. They were waiting outside the hotel to snap a picture. I should have pulled around back. I pulled on sunglasses and a hat on, and took a deep breath to make it through the crowd. I plastered a smile on my face and got out, giving the valet my car.

"Edward! Edward!" I heard my named shouted from every direction as I dove in. I signed a few things that were thrown in front of me then ran inside without a word. By the time I was in my room, I was tense all over. _Who the fuck was that guy? _I picked up my phone. _Even if she didn't want me, at least I could finish what I started_.

"Victoria?" I asked as the familiar voice rang through the phone. "Its Edward Cullen. I was just wondering if you got the manuscript I sent you?"

"Oh, yes, Mr. Cullen. I actually just called the author. I also got your list of demands. Its highly irregular for us to put such things in contracts, but I'll personally make sure she knows her schooling will be paid for."

"Good," I let out a breath. Now, Bella would never know, but she would be set for life. "What did you think of it, honestly?"

"Honestly? Its going to be the flagship of our year. I can already tell. I predict a bestseller. I have a meeting with Ms. Swan tomorrow. Would you like to be present?"

"No," I cut her off quickly. "I'm just an anonymous backer. Don't tell her who paid for the schooling. Let her think you all are. Everything else she'll earn ten times over, I'm sure of it."

"Alright," she agreed, although I could tell she was puzzled. "Is there anything else I can do for you Mr. Cullen?"

"No, thank you. Goodnight." I hung up quickly and flung myself into bed. _Do I push it? Do I let her move on?_ The thought of her having a new life killed me. I felt my chest tighten. _If it made her happy, I'd gracefully back out, but she'd always have my heart_.

**Bella POV**

Wednesday

"Isabella Swan?" the gorgeous red head motioned for me to follow her to her office.

"Its just Bella," I smiled as she motioned for me to sit down across from her desk that was piled high with manuscripts and post-it notes. Her black eyes studied me and I blushed awkwardly. _Maybe I shouldn't correct her, ever again_. She smiled at me.

"Well, Bella, I loved it," she smiled and rummaged around her desk.

"Thank you."

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here, because honestly, I don't have time to do that," Victoria pulled out a giant folder and handed it to me. "That is a contract, it states that we will finish paying for your schooling. We believe that you need to be well rounded, in case this is your only book." _My book? _I felt my heart start to race and the pounding in my head threatened the drown out what she was telling me. "You're young, twenty right?" I nodded, afraid my voice would give away the squeal I was dying to give. "Ok, we should have you touring in December than, so you can at least go back this semester. Then, you'll tour again as called for. Inside is also a check. Its your first check, one of many we hope. You can have a lawyer read over it if you'd like. In fact, I would appreciate if you would."

"You're offering me a book deal?" I finally caught up with the conversation. I felt the blood draining from every extremity of my body. She stopped her business-like front for a second and leaned forward.

"Bella, I haven't read a book so, so, so full of pain and self-awareness in a long time. Honestly, you've become my pet project, because I believe you have more in there you need to write. You're young, you can only get better, hence why we have stipulated that we will only accept another manuscript after you've graduated with at least a Bachelor's degree. Don't get your hopes up, but I expect your first book to be a bestseller. Here, we like to get to know our authors, we won't rush you, and we will try our hardest to not edit what you've written. We will sit own and have brainstorming sessions. Hell, I'll let you read me the same chapter seven hundred times if that's what you need. We would love for you to join our company." I didn't have a proper response. I just stared at her, like I was deaf and dumb. "Now, I would love to take you to lunch to talk more about this, and about you so I can get a press release ready for whenever you sign that contract."

I was swept up in a flurry of activity and before I knew it we were having an easy lunch and she was grilling for a bio and press release. Talking about it was easier than I had expected. The meeting went well, and before I knew it, I was driving back to Forks, smiling the whole way.

_Even in the dark of night. Even in the lowest light. Even as the world outside is spinning, And spinning. Even now I can feel your hair, blow across my cheek as we sit in one of two chairs. Even now I can feel your face resting on my chest, wrestling for sleep and failing at it. _

"Shut the fuck up, radio!" I screamed and again, started to punch anything and everything within arms reach. I pulled into an empty parking spot in front of the bakery and sat there, pushing Edward from my thoughts, putting on my mask. _Like there are two different you's; the public and the private one. The public one is completely fine, but the private one is stuck, forever stuck. _I shook my head at the memory.

"Bella," I heard James yell as I walked in and was engulfed again. I snuggled into his chest, taking in his sugary smell. "How'd it go?" I reached up and kissed him, harder than I had immediately wanted to.

"You're looking at a soon to be published author," I finally squealed, letting out what I'd been holding for a few hours. His eyes grew big as he hugged me tighter, swirling me around in front of his customers.

"I knew you'd do it. Let me grab my coat, and we'll celebrate!" he started to shout towards the kitchen, but I stopped him.

"No, that's alright, I don't want to take you away from work," I trailed off.

"No way, I'm not letting you get away from celebrating the best news ever!" he hugged me again.

"No, I have to go run some errands. Can I just meet you somewhere for dinner or something?" I smiled my fake smile. His eyes softened. "Please?" I pouted sweetly.

"Alright," he finally have in, and I pulled his lips down to mine again. "Tonight, I'm cooking for you for a change. I'll see you at my place. Seven sharp."

"Deal," I giggled and he closed the door to my truck after he walked me back outside. I started to back up, and gasped. I thought I saw a splash of bronze against the grey clouds. I turned around, but it was gone. _You're just going crazy_. I chided myself and set my jaw, finally ready to do what I should have done months, if not years ago.

My truck rumbled along the same roads I'd known since my childhood. The clouds, the same ones that always hung around this town, bellowed a warning of the rain that was inevitable. I reached the end of the shops in downtown, and forests surrounded me on both sides. Almost, as if acting by itself, my truck pulled off onto an old dirt road and through the set of old rusted iron gates. I saw a black car parked to the side of the gates. Someone was at the top of the hill, standing under the only tree. I couldn't make out who it was, although they looked tall. They had their back to me, and from what I could see, they were in al black. I parked, just inside the gate and made my way towards a very unfamiliar spot near the edge of the forest, and sat down on the ground between two giant tombstones. I felt the cold ground, radiating frozen chills through my whole body. I clutched at my chest as my heart beat faster and faster, so fast I was afraid it might break through the scar that held it bound inside me. Memories flooded my mind and beat my brain into mush. I had so much I wanted to say, to both of them, but, words were chocked behind sobs. Sobs I finally let riddle my body. Sobs I had been holding back for years. Sobs I had held for the losses in my life, for guilt, for pain, for Jacob, my dad, and now, Edward. I ran my hands along the cold grass that covered them now, trying to pretend it was actually them. Tears streamed down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. So sorry," I sputtered out, clinging to his tombstone. "I love you, and I miss you. So much, oh God I miss you." I sat there, saying all I needed to say to him, spilling everything, every secret, every hidden desire I had since denied to myself. I kissed the cold marble stone.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm trying. I'm trying my hardest to make you proud. I love you so much. I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing. It's all a mess." I couldn't talk anymore, sobs ripped at my chest. "I never meant for this to happen." I laid down, between the two plots, not really caring that it was so cold, and the rain was threatening to burst forth at anytime. I shoved my frozen hands in my pockets, fingering the envelopes, still unopened. The rain came then. I don't know how long I laid there, but night was coming, and it was coming fast as the cold rain sliced through my jacket and clothes and bit me to the bone. Shivers, sobs, and tears melted along with the wind and rain. I sat up finally, as one lone light clicked on in the cemetery. I frantically clawed at the ground under me, digging as deep as I could, until my hands hurt and my muscles refused to dig any farther. My legs ached, begging for me to stretch, but I refused. I pulled out the letters, folding them and sipping the bag had put them in, I shoved them, deep, deep into the tiny hole I had worked so hard on. I couldn't tell what time it was, I didn't know what was happening, except for the idea that I was trying to bury my past. Trying to figure things out, and it just wasn't working. I covered the letters. slammed my fists into the ground, letting all the anger, guilt and pent up feelings surge through my body with each strike as I covered the hole. The rain swirled around me as thundered trumpeted in the background. The only thing I heard was the pounding in my ears as I laid down again. holding my knees at my chest, trying to not break.

I don't know how long I was laying there, but it must have been long enough for the rain to drive me completely crazy. A familiar bronze haired man cradled me tightly to his chest. I knew he must be talking, because I could feel his chest humming, but I just couldn't hear anything. I could barely keep my eyes open, my body felt weightless, exhausted, and just plain sore.

"You have to be more careful," the velvety voice scolded me.

"You, you cheated on me," I whispered, still unaware of why my subconscious would choose to have my hallucination as the man that had finally broken me completely.

"I love you," the hazy figure whispered to me as his lips grazed my forehead. I felt my throat tighten in a soft sob as I grabbed at the shirt, trying to keep this dream with me, so I could feel whole again.

"I'm not whole," I mumbled, "My universe." I felt a heavy blanket covering me, and somehow I was wearing dry clothes.

"You have my heart," the voice mumbled. _Fuck you subconscious_.

**Edward POV**

Wednesday

I found myself unable to sleep. I was up early, much before the sun was even close to peaking over the clouds. I dressed, and made my way out to main street. I liked the peace that came at this hour. No one was following me around, no one was asking for autographs. I was just some other guy. I loved what I was doing with my life. I loved every night I got to play music for a living. My dreams were coming true, and I was so grateful, but it was hard. _I needed something more, something fame couldn't give me, ever_. I drank an infinite number of cups of coffee in the local diner, signing just one autograph the whole day. It was into midmorning, and Jasper and I were supposed to have a practice session, but I decided against it. I couldn't make myself play today; not after what I saw last night. I made my way back onto the street and relished in my anonymity. Then, I saw a rusty red truck pull into a parking spot in front of some bakery. Bella got out of the car and went inside. I paused, not knowing if I should follow her, talk to her maybe. _Just get it over with_, I tried to convince myself to make my feet carry me to her, but I couldn't. I watched him hug her through the window. He swung her around as she laughed happily. _I guess I had my answer_. She pulled him down and kissed him. I felt my stomach tighten and my mind race. _I could easily smash his face in. He's not much taller than me, I think I have a few pounds on him. _They walked outside together, him wearing a stupid grin and her smiling. I felt like a stalker, but my feet weren't moving. Something about Bella caught me though. It wasn't the smile that I knew. Her dimples were missing, and here eyes weren't full and off in their own world. _She's not happy_. She started to pull away and I threw my hood up, hoping she wouldn't see me gawking at her like a madman. _Maybe that's what I've become; I've got nothing else_. I slipped into my car and pulled out. _I needed someplace to be free. I needed to be away from everyone. _I took a few turns and made my way out of town. I found some old dirt road I'd never been down before. It was the cemetery. _Perfect_. I parked and made my way to the top of a hill. From up there, I could see out over the forest, all the way to the mountains and the ocean. I leaned against the tree, trying to figure out exactly what I wanted. I heard a car approaching and I pulled my hood up again. _Great, they managed to find me, and I don't even know where I am_. I snuck a peak and saw a familiar red truck approach. _Fuck, now I just look like a fucking stalker for sure_. I hoped she wouldn't recognize me. I waited until she parked and walked to the opposite side of the gate until I snuck another peak. I saw Bella, sitting there between two tombstones. I felt myself break and yearn to hold her. I saw her start to sob, I heard her, begging and pleading. _She's facing her demons, why shouldn't I?_ I watched as clouds formed and covered the sky above us. It started to rain and I had to stand up from under the tree. I had assumed Bella had long since gone back home, but when I looked down, there she was, burying something. I saw her punching the ground, lightning illuminating her tear stained face. She laid down on the ground. _Do I help her? WIll I just hurt her more?_ I hated being so weak; not knowing what to do. She didn't get up. I waited, I prayed she would, but she didn't. I couldn't wait any longer. She'd catch pneumonia out here in the cold rain for this long. I ran down the hill towards her and picked her up. She seemed so out of it. Her body was limp and she was just plain exhausted.

"You have to be more careful," I scolded her, relishing the feel of her body once again. I carried her to her car and drove her back home. She fell asleep instantly as I buckled her in and started off. I carried her into the house and stripped her down and put dry clothes on her. I laid her on the couch and covered her with a wool blanket.

"You, you cheated on me," I heard her whisper. I froze, afraid she finally realized who I was.

"No, I didn't," I answered, running my hands through her wet hair. Her eyes shut again. "I love you," I whispered as I kissed her forehead. Bella clung to my shirt. _She needs me_.

"I'm not whole," she murmured. "My universe" she continued. I pulled the blanket up closer around her and she clung to that instead. _She still loves me_. I felt happy again. This was all I needed. I knew I had to get her back.

"You have my heart," I whispered as I watched her drift into a complete sleep. Slowly, making sure everything was cleaned up and there was no trace of me, I made my way back outside. The rain was still falling, but I didn't care. I started walking back towards the cemetery. It wasn't that far and in an hour I was parked outside of Bella's house again. _I'm really sorry about this_. I grabbed the envelope and went back into her house. I looked for a place to put it that I knew she would see. Something on the counter made me pause. _Its the ring_. I fingered it, feeling all the more hopeful. Bella slept soundly in the living room. I slipped the envelope under the ring and checked on her once again. I made my way back to the car, turning the heater on, and waiting for sleep. _I was going to talk to her tomorrow, come hell or high water_.

**Bella POV**

Thursday

The pounding in my head seemed almost tangible. _Because it is. _I heard the door being beaten senseless, and shot up, regrettably. _I don't remember drinking anything last night_. I looked down and saw that I was in sweats and a sweatshirt. The living room was bathed in sunlight, but I couldn't tell what time it was. The door was continually being banged heartily while I remembered what had happened last night. _I must have dragged myself home_. I slowly stood up, trying to ignore the pain in every joint.

"Bella!" James yelled as he pulled me to him tightly. "I was so worried. What happened?" I couldn't answer when my face was mushed so tightly into his hard chest.

"I just fell asleep, I had a rough night," I confided. Worry clouded his eyes. "Why aren't you at work?"

"I called in until I could find you, I was worried. I called all night and all morning."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I took my phone off the hook last night," I confided.

"Are you ok?" he prodded further. I felt the mask slide into place.

"James, I'm perfectly fine, and I resent you worrying so much. I'm sorry I didn't make it last night, I should have called, but," he silenced me with a kiss.

"I'm sorry I was worried about you," he laughed, "How dare I." I laughed along with him for a second.

"You better get to work, as you can see, I'm fully functioning, and completely fine," I twirled for him so he could see that I was fine. He studied me again, trying to figure me out. _No one should be able to figure you out_.

"Alright, I guess I'll see you tonight?" he asked.

"I have to go say goodbye to Angela tonight. I'll see you tomorrow though, for the trip." I lied.

"Ok, call me," he whispered against his favorite part of my ear. I giggled and pushed him away as he laughed with me. I kissed him and just like that he rambled down the stairs to his car. I waved as he pulled away, the fake smile playing at my face until he was out of sight, and I let it drop. A flash caught me out of the corner of my eye, and I saw an oddly familiar car sitting across the street. I shook my head and slammed the door behind me. I rushed upstairs to get ready for my day. I had to go talk to Victoria again before I made my way back to San Francisco. Apparently I would be working with their office they had there, and I was supposed to get the card of my liaison down there in case I needed anything. I smiled at the thought of telling everyone the good news. Then, I wondered if I actually wanted anyone to know. The things I wrote were personal, I don't know what they would think if they read it. Fear and anxiety gripped me again. _I won't tell them_. I finished getting ready and rushed downstairs to grab my keys and make a dash for Seattle. I would make it in just enough time if I really pushed my truck. An envelope on the counter caught my eye. _I'm pretty sure I got rid of every envelope yesterday_. It wasn't postmarked, nor did it have a stamp, but there it was, sitting underneath the ring with my name scrawled on it in elegant writing that I recognized. _Seriously?_ With a shaking hand I opened the envelope to find a single ticket waiting for me and a note.

_The Queen of My Universe- _

_I am incomplete without you. You have my heart, forever and always, forever ago. I love you, _

_Your Humble Servant_

I clutched my chest and memorized every letter, looked for every hidden meaning. _I sill love you_. I wanted to shout it from every possible rooftop, in every single language. I stared at the ticket. Tonight. I could see him tonight. I ran to get in the truck and make my way to Seattle, trying to figure out what I wanted. On one hand, I had a good thing here with James. I had stability, I had love, _sort of, if you can call unpassionate friendship love_, I was finally stable. _But this wasn't what I wanted_. What I wanted would hurt me; it would leave me curled up in a ball in my bed, begging to finally break down. My meeting with Victoria was long, or at least that's what it seemed like. She kept giving me awkward glances, but I hardly noticed, I was in the middle of an eternal battle over the contents of my soul. _Who was I kidding, Edward owned me, heart, mind, body, and soul_. Almost as if someone had hit fast forward, I was sitting in my truck outside of the Lodge, fingering the ticket and the ring. _You have to do it_, _say goodbye. _I took a deep breath and made my way through the packed line towards the entrance. I only faltered a few times, pausing and debating just scalping the ticket.

"Bella Swan?" I heard a gruff voice calling me. I looked up to see a giant of a man coming towards me. He wore a tight black shirt, and you could see his giant menacing body underneath. He had staff written in bold on the front of his massive chest. "Hello, I'm Harvey," he smiled and tried to put me at ease. _I'm far from ease, giant man_.

"Hi," I squeaked meekly. He laughed a hearty laugh.

"I have specific instructions to bring you to a private table, if you don't mind following me," he held out his arm and pushed his way through the crowd. I felt oddly assured with him leading me. I could barely see over the crowd to begin with and had he not been dragging me, I probably would have gotten lost.

"I knew it!" A familiar voice screamed, over the packed floor as Harvey led me towards the high table set up in the corner. I saw that head of jet black hair sticking up in all directions, and I knew who it was. I felt a smile creep across my face as Alice latched herself to my body. For someone so small, it always surprised me how strong Alice was. _I would gladly put money on Alice beating my new friend Harvey in an arm wrestling match_. I hugged Alice with everything I had, finally realizing how much it was hurting me to be away from her. She was my sister, and I had abandoned her. I felt horrible. "I'm so happy to see you," she sobbed into my shoulder. I wiped a few tears from my own face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her over the opening band. She held her head close to mine and her hand wrapped tightly around my forearm, as if she was afraid I'd make a break for it at any minute. _She knew me too well_.

"I came to see the show. I actually just got into town about an hour ago. I was going to stop by tonight if you didn't show, but I knew you would," she informed me. She finally pulled away from me and took me in. "You look horrible."

"Thanks, Alice dearest," I laughed as I sat down next to her, since her fingers were still holding mine in a death grip.

"I mean it, but you look, I don't know, you aren't, I can't explain it. You're not happy, but you're not broken. I don't know what it is," she trailed off, staring at me intently for a few minutes.

"I'm starting over Alice," I informed her. Her face dropped, and for a second I saw her calm facade crack.

"You still love him, or you wouldn't be putting yourself through this pain right now," she informed me. _She definitely knew me too well_.

"I'm with someone else," I informed her, trying to pass my fake smile off on her, but it wasn't going over as well as I had expected.

"Who?" she was finally excited and hounding me with questions. I filled her in about James.

"Well, I've been seeing him for about two months now. I met him at the bakery he owns. I like to be around him. He's nice, very sweet, and he keeps me grounded. I appreciate him." I informed her. She scoffed at me, almost a little angry. "What?" I yelled at her.

"You 'appreciate' him. Bella, what the hell are you doing?" She glared at me.

"I'm moving on," I fumbled, trying to convince her, and myself, that I was making the right choice.

"You 'appreciate' him? Bella you're not moving on, you're giving up on everything. You're not fighting anymore. I can't believe the day has come when I would see you give up. You're settling." I was shocked. My mouth gasped for air as she dropped my gaze and watched the first band.

"I am not, I'm trying Alice. I'm just trying to breathe," I managed to whisper in her ear.

"There's no point in breathing, if you're not breathing with passion. Don't just exist Bella, live." I couldn't help it, tears started to stream down my cheeks. Alice saw and her face melted.

"I don't know if I can," I whispered and sobbed as she held me close, tucking my head under her chin and rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so forceful. I love you Bella, I'm just worried, that's all." I nodded my head and pulled away with a smile.

"I love you too Alice, its good to see you." She smiled back at me, genuinely, deeply. We chattered and caught up as an intermission started and we waited. I felt the dread growing inside of me. Alice continued to talk about Rosalie and the baby and all the plans they had. But, I was too distracted. I anxiously fingered the ring in my pocket, hating the way it weighed me down. Then, it happened. The curtain rose, and there, not twenty feet away from me sat the man I was destined to be in love with forever. The man I would never have, but always want. _Why did you come? You could have just mailed it back to him_. Jasper and Edward sat on two stools, facing the crowd quietly, waiting for the crowd to quiet. The crooked smile was there, fully intact, making my heart beat madly. _There's something wrong_. The smile wasn't the same, it wasn't the one that I loved, it wasn't the one that I traced, the one I yearned to see; it wasn't filling his face, making his eyes glitter. Even in the different lights, I could see how dim his eyes were.

"Thank you, we appreciate it," he laughed. The laugh was similar to the one that haunted my dreams, but it lacked its spark, its inflection was all wrong. He and Jasper joked around, getting the crowd to give over to their charm. I watched Edward's every movement. He ran his hand along the stubble that looked as if he hadn't shaved in a week. He ran his hand through his disheveled bronze locks. _Oh my god._ I had to fight the urge to cry and laugh all at the same time. He was right there. His piercing green eyes met mine for an eternity. I saw a glimpse of the Edward I loved. The one I said goodbye to so long ago. The one I clung to, begging for him to not find another. I looked away when I remembered the pain, the pain that I felt when I realized he could do better, and he in fact did do better. They started playing.

"He's a shell," Alice leaned over and whispered, as if reading my thoughts. "He's not the same person anymore. You made him happy. I'm not asking you to talk to him or give up your life up here, but Bella, you need to realize that he never cheated on you." I nodded. _I realized he hadn't cheated on me_. I heard the story in countless messages and postcards. But I was giving him the easy out. He could do better; he should do better than me. I wasn't good for him.

"I know, but he needs someone better than me." Alice rolled her eyes and for a second I saw pure anger flash through her. She mumbled something and turned away, watching the show. Each song cut me to the bone, remember Edward playing them for me, alone in a quiet room, remembering when he had whispered them against my skin. I couldn't break down here, I had to be strong. Familiar chords started to play, and I gripped Alice's hand tighter. _No, he can't do this to me, not now_. I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything else. _He promised. Not this song. This was mine. _ I had long since pushed it deep deep down into my brain, never wanting to hear it again.

_Breathe in, breathe out, tell me all of your doubt. If everybody bleeds this way, just the same. Breathe in, Breathe out. Move on and break down, if everyone goes away, I will stay. We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes. I'm not letting go, you hold the other line. Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes. Hold on, hold tight, if I'm out of your sight. Everything keeps moving on, moving on. Hold on, hold tight, make it through another night. Everyday there comes the sun with the dawn. We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes, I'm not letting go, you hold the other line. Look left, look right, to the moon and the night, everything under the stars in your arms. There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes. I will stay, I will stay, I will stay. I'm not letting go._

"Bella?" I felt Alice shaking me.

"Sorry," I grinned, firmly attaching the mask. I wouldn't slip like that again. "Just got rattled." I looked up and the stage was empty. _How long had I been zoned out?_ The crowd was starting to thin out when Alice grabbed my hand and made me face her.

"Are you ready?" she appraised me.

"Yes." The ring in my pocket gave me confidence. The sight of the fans and the packed room waiting to see him gave me the confidence that I wanted Edward to not be burdened down by myself. _He is meant for greatness, I won't stand in his way_. Alice hugged me and smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Rosalie will be jealous she didn't come and see you. Thank God you're coming home tomorrow," Alice chattered, and I tried to figure out a way to tell her about James.

"I'm bringing James home with me," I finally blurted. Alice's face went blank and then she smiled.

"Alright. That'll be nice. I'm excited to meet him." I smiled at the effort she was making.

"I won't be moving back until September." I also clarified for her. Her face fell slightly.

"Alright," she smiled, "I'm just glad you're coming back. I miss you." I smiled and my heart broke slightly.

"I'm asking James to move with me down there." Alice's face dropped again.

"Alright," she muttered through tight lips. I hugged her tighter this time.

"I love you so much Alice for supporting me on this. Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you," I laughed as she hugged me back, easing away from anger the more and more happier I was getting. I heard a voice clear behind us.

"Ms. Swan, would you please come with me? How are you Ms. Cullen?" Harvey looked awkward at our emotional showing.

"Harvey, I told you a million times, its Alice. Don't make me kick your ass," she stuck her tongue out at him.

"I'm shakin' in my boots," he pretended to shiver. I couldn't help but laugh at little Alice jumping up to punch this well over six foot, three hundred pound machine of muscles. After Harvey just picked her up and put her back on her stool Alice calmed down slightly, a mischievous smile in her eyes.

"I'm coming Harvey," I jumped up before she could go at round two. Alice blew me a kiss as I walked away.

"See you tomorrow sweet tits." I couldn't help but laugh at her sitting there, like a two year old in time out.

"Where are you taking me, Harvey, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I've been sworn to secrecy," he laughed that deep laugh again. He sounded like a rumbling train. He opened the door to the black car I'd seen before; the same one from the cemetery and outside my house this morning. I felt anger building inside of me.

"You're his body guard, aren't you. I refuse to go with you." He looked at me oddly.

"I was told you'd say that also."

"Oh yeah? And what else were you told?"

"I was told that I was allowed to pick you up and carry you if need be, but I'm asking you to get in the car because I have a bad knee that acts up when we get in such humid areas. So, could you make this easy on me?" I stared at him, hands resting on my hip truly debating it. I got in the car. "Thank you," Harvey laughed.

"I hate you," I growled as I buckled up and waited. I watched street lights passing outside the window as we sped down the only road that mattered in Forks. Somehow Harvey pulled into my driveway and I was surprised to see the lights on inside. _I knew I hadn't left them on when I left because it was day time_. I jumped out of the car before he could open the door and bolted to my door as the rain started to spill from the clouds. I paused before I opened the door, but flung it open after my resolve crumbled. There, sitting on my couch was Edward Cullen.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I whispered. I had wanted it to come out much more forceful, but my voice just couldn't find any force. He ran his hand threw that hair. I longed to do to the same. Pain was in his eyes and washed across his face. I wanted to kiss the pain away. _No, you're doing this for his own good._ I fingered the ring again, it seemed to give me strength. He stood up, and threw the postcards on the table.

"You kept them all?" he asked, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"You will answer my questions in my own house," I said, this time my resolve and mask coming back.

"I needed to talk to you. Do you know how long its been since I've seen you, since I've talked to you? Two hundred and eighty two days. That's six thousand seven hundred and sixty-eight hours that I haven't been able to breathe Bella. That's four hundred and six hundred thousand, and eighty minutes that I haven't felt whole or complete. That's twenty four million, three hundred and sixty four thousand, eight hundred seconds that I've missed you. Bella, I just don't understand what happened to us. I explained everything that happened. She wasn't anything. I didn't even kiss her, that picture was her drunkenly kissing me, I pushed her away. I am sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want to hurt you. It meant nothing. There is no one else that means anything to me. There's only you. Its always been you." He took a step towards me, but I mirrored it and took a step away, fighting every fiber in my body that wanted to fling myself at him right there. Pain flashed across his face and I saw him break slightly. "Bella, I'm right here. I'm giving myself to you. I'll stop touring. I just, I can't live without you." He took another step forward, and I backed against the door.

"No, I don't want you to stop. You can't just come back Edward, I've moved on." I tried to sound confident, but everything sounded like a question. "I can't mesh with your life. You're destined for great things, and I won't hold you back. I refuse to kill your dreams and happiness."

"I'm not happy without you, Bella!" he yelled. I could see the anger rippling inside of him. "I've seen him. You don't love him Bella. You can't. You aren't yourself around him. Don't you spout off this martyr bullshit with me. You're afraid. Scared of what we could be. Yeah it was hard, but anything worthwhile is hard. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to die. I'm not Jacob, I'm not your father." He screamed louder, walking towards me, making me look at him. I glared at him. "I can't move on from you. You are my life. You have my heart. You are my universe." His green eyes had the passion back, he was the man I loved again. "You can't limit yourself to, to this James. You don't love him."

"How dare you!" I yelled back, pushing his chest away from me. _Fuck, I could feel the charge from that small contact_. "How dare you tell me I don't love him, Edward. You don't know shit. How dare you spy on me, how dare you keep doing these things to me. Why can't you just leave me alone?" I choked down a sob that threatened to break through.

"I saw you. I saw you at the cemetery. You didn't tell him you went there. How much does he know Bella? Does he know anything about you? He knows the public you. I love you, and not the public you, I love the secret Bella. The one that's just as fucked up as I am. The one who has a dead boyfriend and father and mother. The one who hurts more than she'll let on. The one that helped me be a better person. That's the Bella that I love, and not this fake ass mask that you wear around." He screamed more, throwing the postcards across the room. "I read your book Bella. I was the one that sent it to Victoria. I read your pain, and I knew what it all meant. You can't fool me, and that's what scares you so much. But I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of being raw and hurting with you. Stop fighting it." Anger rippled through my body but I had no response for him. I had no more answers, just what I knew I had to do. I fumbled in my pocket and pulled out the ring.

"I believe this belongs to you," I set my jaw and felt my brow furrow. I slapped it into his chest and held the door open. "If you would kindly leave, that would be great." He stayed rooted in the spot next to the door.

"I'm not giving up," he whispered. "I won't ever leave you. You'll always have my heart. Whenever you realize that, let me know, but I'm not going to stop trying." He set the ring down on the table next to the door. "This is yours, it was always meant for you." He stopped in the doorway and turned back to me. I choked at the tears that were already falling down my cheeks. He cupped my face and wiped the tears away with his thumb. For that instant, the lightning lit up the sky and I saw him, perfectly. I saw him, the man that I knew he was, the man that I wanted to be with forever, but couldn't because I was afraid. Everything he had said was right. "I'd rather fight with you, than love anyone else. I'd rather fight for you, than love anyone else. I'd rather die than live a life without you." Before I could scold him and push him away, his hand was on the small of my back and the other rooted in my hair. His lips met mine, and as much as my mind told me to fight, to struggle and push away, I couldn't. I raked my hands in his hair and pulled him closer, as if I were fighting for oxygen itself. It was like I hadn't been able to breathe in six months, but now, I felt my heart beat again, I felt my lungs fill, I felt the fog clear. There was so much passion behind this simple kiss, so much love. I clung to him, afraid he would leave, or even worse, that he wouldn't. He pulled away slightly and stared at me, that genuine crooked smile back on his lips. _I was in love with him_. He let his hand trail across my cheek before he took a step out the door. I was in an absolute daze. My mind raced back and forth. _James, stability and normalcy. Edward, the love of my life_. He was halfway down the porch stairs before I realized he was leaving.

"Edward," I screamed, running after him in the rain. He turned to me, a genuine look of surprise on his face. I stood next to him, gazing up at him trying to figure out what I wanted to say. Nothing seemed right. "I'm sorry," I sobbed. The rain swirled around us as he wrapped his arms around me, and I finally felt at home; I finally felt whole again. "I'm an idiot." I blubbered. He tried to soothe me. I pulled away for a minute and held his hand. I turned it over, and placed the ring in his hand. He looked at me again, this time the hurt more tangible. "Can you give me this, some time, when we figure this out?" His eyes lit up in understanding.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered and kissed me again. He kissed me there in the rain until our bodies were numb, until there was no feeling at all, until the rain disintegrated us to nothing but a puddle of one person.

"I'm messed up Edward," I whispered, once we came up for air.

"I'm a masochist, remember?" he laughed and pulled me closer. A flash went off somewhere behind us and thunder started again. "I better get you inside." Edward picked me up and carried me inside. I felt whole in his arms. No matter what was coming, I felt safe.

**Edward POV**

Thursday

I woke up with a stiff neck. It took me a minute to realize where I was. _Oh, God I smelled horrible_. I sat my seat up and turned off the heater. The sun outside was blinding me. The noise that woke me was that man banging on the door. _Fuck, its too early for this douchebag_. The urge to hit him intensified. He hugged her when she opened the door. They were talking and I wanted so much just to kill him. Bella was wearing her mask, it was evident. Last night wasn't just a typical night, it was a night of pain, and she isn't really alright, asshat. I saw him lean down after a few minutes. I clenched the steering wheel and tried to look away, but there was no fighting it. _I'm a masochist_. As soon as that douchebag left, I checked the time, and had to speed back to the hotel. _Jasper is going to kill me if I miss rehearsal_. I ran inside to meet Aro, Jasper and Harvey right as the morning meeting was starting. They eyed me, but decided to not ask about my appearance.

"I'll be right back," I smiled and ran into my room to find a pair of clean clothes. They continued to talk about the show and the end of the tour. _Thank fucking God_. I sat there, thinking about Bella even more now. _She wasn't happy with that man._ The meeting ended and Jasper went with Aro to do a few interviews at the local paper. It was good practice for him.

"Hey, Harvey," I clapped my hand on the giant man that had been my savior a few times. "Can I ask you to do a favor for me?" He eyed me slightly.

"Sure," he agreed. I knew he would, he usually did everything we asked of him.

"Tonight, I need you to wait for someone outside. She's about this tall," I made a motion of how tall Bella was. "She has dark brown hair that's just slightly curly. I'll find you a picture before the show alright?"

"Ok, and who is this?"

"Bella Swan," I smiled at her name, "Just take her to the table with Alice."

"Anything else?" I stared at him, trying to figure out how I would be able to get her alone.

"Bring her to this address after the show," I answered and wrote it down quickly. "An extra ten thousand if you manage to get her there." His eyes lit up a little more.

"You got it, Mr. Cullen."

"Its Edward, I thought we've been through this, Harvey. You're a friend."

"Sorry, Edward," he laughed.

"Its arlight," I laughed, "Now, don't tell her where she's going. She hates secrets, but don't let her get it out of you."

"Check," he agreed.

"Alright, and she's going to put up a fight, but I don't care what you have to do, even if you have to carry her kicking and screaming, just get her to this address."

"You got it, boss."

"You make it sound like its a mob hit."

"It'd cost you twenty if it was a mob hit," he answered with a straight face. I had no idea if he was joking or not, but decided not to push my luck. I waited for Jasper and we made our way over to the Lodge to get everything ready and run a sound check. My nerves intensified as the time ticked by slowly. By the time it was time for us to go on stage, I was an absolute mess. I watched our warm up band from the side of the stage. Then, I saw her sitting there. She was so close. I watched as she hugged Alice and they talked, deep in concentration. I watched her brow furrow and her nose scrunch as she thought about what she really wanted to say. The mask was breaking. _She can't lie to Alice_. Alice's face, on the other hand was that of absolute anger.

"Are you ready, man?" Jasper caught me off guard.

"Of course, let's make this one good," I lied. The first band got off the stage and we took our places, tuning slightly and prepping in general, joking slightly. The crowd cheered as the curtain rose. Jasper and I talked and got some laughs and claps along the way. We were finally ready to start.

"Thanks a lot, we appreciate it," I smiled to the crowd and got a few whistles. Jasper just laughed at my side as he checked the set list taped to the ground below him and we started playing. I let it all out there. The only thing keeping me sane every night was being able to put every ounce of pain into every song we played. I looked up and locked eyes with Bella. Her eyes studied me, and I'm sure she saw everything about me. We played a bunch of songs, and there was only one I could think of to tell her how much I still needed her. I started to play, Jasper joined, even though he didn't know much of this song. He was good at complimenting me though, so he played a few chords and figured out the pattern quickly. I sang with all my heart, leaving myself raw and unprotected, right there on the stage.

_Breathe in, breathe out, tell me all of your doubt. If everybody bleeds this way, just the same. Breathe in, Breathe out. Move on and break down, if everyone goes away, I will stay. We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes. I'm not letting go, you hold the other line. Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes. Hold on, hold tight, if I'm out of your sight. Everything keeps moving on, moving on. Hold on, hold tight, make it through another night. Everyday there comes the sun with the dawn. We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes, I'm not letting go, you hold the other line. Look left, look right, to the moon and the night, everything under the stars in your arms. There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes. I will stay, I will stay, I will stay. I'm not letting go._

I looked up after it was over, and Bella looked like she had been kicked in the stomach. Jasper and I bid our farewells to the crowd and ran off stage. I winked at Harvey and he understood.

"What's up with him?" Jasper laughed.

"You know, he's Harvey, he's weird," I laughed along with him. Jasper eyed me curiously. Obviously he had noticed Bella in the crowd.

"I'm fine, go see Alice," I slapped his shoulder and he brightened. I changed shirts and slipped on a new jacket. Somehow I managed to sneak out undetected by the crowds. I quickly walked over to Bella's. Once inside, I turned on the light and waited. A chair full of papers caught my eye though as I waited and I saw the stacks of postcards. _She kept them all, from every city_. I flipped through them all, and smiled at seeing them worn from handling. I heard her walk up the porch and hesitate at the door. I took a deep breath and waited for an eternity. She stared at me, motionless in the doorway. I saw how frazzled she was but was trying to hide it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she squeaked out. _Shit._ I ran my hands through my hair, unable to do anything else but fidget. I was a wreck, and it was finally coming out.

"You kept them all?" I asked, standing up and pinching the bridge of my nose, suddenly frustrated at the mixed messages.

"You will answer my questions in my own house," she stated firmly, my Bella slipping away again to this public Bella.

"I needed to talk to you. Do you know how long its been since I've seen you, since I've talked to you? Two hundred and eighty two days. That's six thousand seven hundred and sixty-eight hours that I haven't been able to breathe Bella. That's four hundred and six hundred thousand, and eighty minutes that I haven't felt whole or complete," I began, just throwing everything out on the table that I could. It all rushed from my lips like a train and I couldn't stop it. "That's twenty four million, three hundred and sixty four thousand, eight hundred seconds that I've missed you. Bella, I just don't understand what happened to us. I explained everything that happened. She wasn't anything. I didn't even kiss her, that picture was her drunkenly kissing me, I pushed her away. I am sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want to hurt you. It meant nothing. There is no one else that means anything to me. There's only you. Its always been you." I took a step towards her, but she took a step away. I couldn't possibly begin to describe the pain that I felt when she pulled away from me. Anger started to bubble under my skin. "Bella, I'm right here. I'm giving myself to you. I'll stop touring. I just, I can't live without you." I took another step forward, and she backed against the door. _She honestly didn't want me_. The realization hit me, no matter how much I loved her, maybe she was gone forever. _I should have left the tour, I should have chased her_.

"No, I don't want you to stop. You can't just come back Edward, I've moved on," she stated as if it were fact. _There was no hope_. "I can't mesh with your life. You're destined for great things, and I won't hold you back. I refuse to kill your dreams and happiness." She answered.

"I'm not happy without you, Bella!" I yelled. _How could she think I could be happier without her?_ I let it all out, not holding back anything. _If this is my one shot, I'm not going to waste it_. "I've seen him. You don't love him Bella. You can't. You aren't yourself around him. Don't you spout off this martyr bullshit with me. You're afraid. Scared of what we could be. Yeah it was hard, but anything worthwhile is hard. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to die. I'm not Jacob, I'm not your father." I screamed louder, walking towards her, I grabbed her chin and made her look me in the eye. _She's going to see me now, if this is the only moment I have, she is going to see it._ She glared at me. "I can't move on from you. You are my life. You have my heart. You are my universe," I finally cracked, "You can't limit yourself to, to this James. You don't love him."

"How dare you!" she yelled back, pushing mu chest away from hers. _I felt the magnetism pulling us closer_. "How dare you tell me I don't love him, Edward. You don't know shit. How dare you spy on me, how dare you keep doing these things to me. Why can't you just leave me alone?" she choked down a sob.

"I saw you. I saw you at the cemetery. You didn't tell him you went there. How much does he know Bella? Does he know anything about you? He knows the public you. I love you, and not the public you, I love the secret Bella. The one that's just as fucked up as I am. The one who has a dead boyfriend and father and mother. The one who hurts more than she'll let on. The one that helped me be a better person. That's the Bella that I love, and not this fake ass mask that you wear around." I screamed more, throwing the postcards across the room, that up until now i forgot I had in my hand. "I read your book Bella. I was the one that sent it to Victoria. I read your pain, and I knew what it all meant. You can't fool me, and that's what scares you so much. But I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of being raw and hurting with you. Stop fighting it." Anger rippled through my body but I waited for her to answer. She fumbled in her pocket and pulled out the ring. _She still has it, and she was carrying it tonight_.

"I believe this belongs to you," she set her jaw and furrowed her brow. She slapped it into my chest and held the door open. "If you would kindly leave, that would be great." I couldn't move. The ring weighed me down. _How? No, why? This isn't how we're supposed to be_.

"I'm not giving up," I whispered. "I won't ever leave you. You'll always have my heart. Whenever you realize that, let me know, but I'm not going to stop trying." I set the ring down on the table next to the door. "This is yours, it was always meant for you." I stopped in the doorway and turned back to face Bella. Tears were falling from her face, and each one cut into me. I wiped them away with my thumb as I cupped her face; her skin was as soft as I remembered. Lightning flashed, and I saw the love in her eyes; the love she was fighting. "I'd rather fight with you, than love anyone else. I'd rather fight for you, than love anyone else. I'd rather die than live a life without you." She opened those perfect, kissable lips to tell me something, but I grabbed her, rooted my hand in that soft brown hair, and let my lips meet hers, once again in a torturous lifetime of passion. She didn't struggle or pull away. I felt her melt against me as she rooted her hands in my hair and she kissed me just as feverished. God, the kiss felt like heaven, like what I remembered, except it was better than the dreams I'd had. _She loved me, no matter what she said, I wouldn't let her sacrifice our life together because she thought I wouldn't love her, or she was holding me back; she did just the opposite, she made me this man that I am now_. I pulled back, letting her breathe, thinking it unwise to suffocate her with my lips. I couldn't help but smile, at least for this instant, I had her. She just stared at me, and I managed to pull myself away.

"Edward," she screamed and ran to meet me out in the rain. I turned to see her jump down the stairs and throw herself to me. _I can't believe it_. She looked at me as if she wanted to tell me something. _Say it, just say that you'll have me_, I begged her with my eyes. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. The rain swirled around us as I wrapped his arms around her, smelling the familiar scent of strawberries. I finally felt whole again. "I'm an idiot." she blubbered. "I'd rather fight for you, than lose you and not live." I tried to soothe her, but she pulled away for a minute and held my hand. She turned it over, and placed the ring in it. _Wait, what? This was not the plan_. "Can you give me this, some time, when we figure this out?" I couldn't contain the smile on my face as my heart beat itself crazy in my chest. _She wants us_.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered and kissed her again. I kissed me there in the rain until our bodies were numb, until there was no feeling at all, until the rain disintegrated us to nothing but a puddle of one person.

"I'm messed up Edward," she whispered, once we came up for air.

"I'm a masochist, remember?" I laughed and pulled her closer. A flash went off somewhere behind us and thunder started again. "I better get you inside." I picked her up and carried her inside. I felt whole with her in my arms. No matter what was coming, I felt like I had gotten my universe back.

_________________________________________

**So, this is a long one. But necessary. I guess I could have split it up into three chapters, but that's not the fun part, and this fight isn't the happy ever after fight either, I have way more planned.**

**Hope you enjoyed. **

**Don't worry, things may be looking up, but there's no up for very long I suspect. Need we forget who Bella left behind in Forks?**


	13. In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

_'Have you ever seen a man so_ shattered

_as the man that you are looking at?_

_No._

_I could try again if you wanted me to_

I swear I'd be a better man;

_if roses and daises won't do the trick_

_then I'll create another perfect plan._

_I swear to the heavens I'll forget the past,_

just tell me that you need me back.

_Have you ever seen a man so shattered_

_as that man you refuse again to write back?_

_Oh,_

_I just need you, my river;_

I just need you, my love.

_You are looking east with the _heaviest heart

_that I can ever recall seeing._

_Time is not the answer that you wanted to hear,_

_but time is what your going to get_

_Have you ever seen a love burn brighter_

_than this man's love that you are looking at?_

Love, come and save me,

_from the burning._

_Love, go and save him,_

_from the drowning,_

_love.'_

_- "Love, Come Save Me" by: Right Away, Great Captain!_

_'Talk is cheap, _

_but baby not to me. _

The words you speak can bring me to my knees.

_I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, _

_as long as you're not leaving._

_I meant to tell you the truth;_

_despite the curses I lack,_

the burden off my back_._

_But still I am asking for you, _

_for you._

_Please don't leave me, _

I am begging you.

_My hands are shaking and my hearts in two. _

_I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay,_

_as long as you're not leaving._

Just as long as you're not leaving.

_Talk is cheap, _

_but baby not to me. _

_The words you speak can bring me to my knees. _

_- "As Long As You're Not Leaving" by Matthew Mayfield_

**Music:**

**"Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay": Otis Redding**

**"These Arms": Otis Redding**

**"I've Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)": Otis Redding**

**Bella POV**

It felt weird to actually sleep. I mean a good, solid, no dreams, wake up in the same spot you fell asleep in, whole cerebral shut down, exhaustion-induced sleep. I woke up naturally, as if I had slept for weeks on end. I opened my eyes tentatively, afraid of what I would find. The room was still dark, and the only noises I could hear were the creaks and groans of the old house and Edward's steady breathing. He was still here, under me on the couch in the middle of the night. In the pale moonlight I saw him again. It was like rediscovering your favorite book, or finally finding an old picture of a memory that had long since been filled away. Hell, it was even so much better than remembering a sweet dream well into the afternoon of the next day. But this wasn't a dream, and Edward was real; I could touch him, I could hear him breathing, I smelled his musky scent, strong and much like the forest around the house. A smile spread across my face at the grin that was on his lips. His arms were wrapped around me, gently clasping the fabric of my shirt. I laid my hand on his chest, feeling the tremors of his heart underneath. _I could finally breathe_. I was an absolute idiot for giving this up. Nothing in the world felt right, until I was in his arms. _But, what am I going to do?_ I had to figure this all out. There was James, and time, and so many obstacles between us, it was near impossible to wrap my head around it all. I slowly extracted myself from the cocoon Edward had fabricated, and pulled the blanket up a little higher on him. He sighed and continued to sleep, a child-like peacefulness washed across his face. I ran my hand along his hair, pushing it off of his face. _God, I can't believe I tried to leave this universe_. Slowly, I snuck out the back door and sat on the old bench on the porch. The summer storm had long since passed, and now, in the waning night, I could see the stars I craved so much. A half-moon sat above the mountains in the distance, and save for the rustle of tree branches, there was no noises. A million thoughts ran through my head as I tried to comprehend the situation I was now thrust into.

_James_. I had started a new life here, I had a career that was just starting, and for Christ's sake, I was only twenty years old. _Whose to say there isn't more out there? Whose to say that maybe I should just stay here, write, and try to figure out what the hell I want from my own life?_ James was a great man. He offered everything my life lacked; he was stable, secure, good, kind, mellow, and most importantly, he wasn't leaving me, he was here, for good. _Alice didn't know what the hell she was talking about_. I could be happy here. I tried to convince myself of this fact, but no matter how many times I chanted it, I just couldn't convince myself that I would ever be as happy waking up in James' arms as I just was in Edward's. The James versus Edward debate was enough to make my head explode.

_My life_. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do. _Did I even want my book published?_ How dare Edward submit my book for me, it wasn't even done, it wasn't perfect. I felt a mild anger ebbing inside of me. I shook my head to try to make the thoughts disappear, but ever second I was bombarded with more and more questions; questions that were life defining. Here I was, standing in the middle of a giant crossroads that spread out in a million different directions in front of me, and I honestly had no idea which one I should choose. I was alone, sitting on the edge of a the precipice of my life, teetering on the edge of giving my life up to chance and decisions that I wanted to make, regardless of the outcome, choices that I could make with my heart, with my gut, with no logical processing behind them; or, I could choose to step away from the cliff, choose the path of least resistance, and live an average life. I could go quietly into the night, or I could grow my balls back and make my own decisions about my own life. _The only problem being, I have no idea what the fuck I want anymore_. Edward ruined that the moment he stepped back into my life. Hell, he ruined that the moment we locked eyes.

_Edward_. I love him. I felt my chest hurt slightly under the pressure that was building at the admission I had been running from for the past few months. _But could I trust him?_ He said beautiful things, he looked as if he meant them, but I couldn't shake the idea that one of us was going to be giving up everything for the other, and that meant one of us would have regrets. I couldn't let him give up music, but music involved touring, and touring involved fans, and fans involved women throwing themselves at Edward. _But he wouldn't cheat; he didn't cheat_. Could I let everyone else break us? That would be unfair to everyone, mostly Edward. _How can I figure out what I want from Edward, for us in a relationship, if I don't even know what I want from my own life, from myself?_ The realization hit me like a semi. I have no idea who I am. I've been skating around, just living, not thriving, and now, when I have the chance to do something, to try to be great, to possibly be with someone great, I was throwing it away because I have never just been myself, or tried to do anything for myself. There's always been someone else to live for, someone else to thrive for. I don't know how to make myself happy. If I can't be happy, how can I make someone else happy? _Fuck, what the hell am I supposed to do? I don't want to lose him_. That fact was concrete. _Was I willing to do anything to fight to keep him?_ This question was the one that had been haunting me. I never ran away from Edward six months ago, I ran away from what we were becoming. I was afraid to fully love him.

I watched the sky become grey, and the trees became daunting silhouettes against the brightening sky. The birds began to sing their sweet songs as the wind whipped branches and leaves in accompanying harmonies. I watched as stretched out clouds became illuminated pink and purple against a pale golden pink background. The mountains stifled the full force of the sun as it hid from bringing another day just yet. _I just need a sign, something, anything to show me which path I should take_. The forest continued on in its normal way, never hearing my silent plea. The wind continued to breathe slightly as clouds marched across the sky, stifling the sun that was begging to break through. Dark clouds hid the golden sunrise as they sailed over the high mountains like the sun couldn't manage to do. _Please, give me something, I just need to know what I should do. Is it too much to ask for a poke in the right direction?_ Tears silently streamed down my cheeks as every ounce of me begged for anything to fix me, for there to be one clear moment in which I could decide what I really wanted. Tears ran to my knees as I buried my face in them and hugged them closer to my chest. Thunder crashed against the forest walls as the birds seized their songs and the wind flushed amongst the branches as they played their song louder now. Lightning illuminated the clouds in time with the thunder, until suddenly all was silent again. I looked around, searching for something, but everything was still. It was is if I was suddenly stuck in time, everything else around me was frozen, and I was stuck, forever stuck. Then, tiny drums started to play around me, in beat with the beating in my head and chest. A clean smell filled the air as leaves dipped and ducked under heavy raindrops. Rain smeared the landscape in front of me, until the colors of the forest ran together in a blur of greens and browns.

"I thought you ran away," a familiar voice oozed from the doorway as I nearly jumped out of my skin. I looked over at Edward, leaning against the doorjamb, in all of his grinning glory. I felt my heart sink and melt all at once.

"Thought about it," I muttered as I sat my head back down and watched the rain slow and the forest come back into focus. I heard Edward laugh slightly as he walked over to the bench and sat down next to me. He didn't try to put his arm around me, or sit too close, which I appreciated more than any other act he could have done. Instead, he mimicked me and pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see a far off look in his eyes, as if he was thinking about everything that had just bombarded my mind.

"I don't know what to say," he whispered, and his shoulders relaxed. _That made two of us_. The thunder clapped louder, as if it was getting closer to us, and the rain picked up once again. It collected in stray puddles around the yard, and I heard it whooshing out of the gutter, and clinking against the windows.

"Me neither," I admitted. Lightning streaked across the dark clouds and light up others, as if pulsating to the music of the wind and rain. We sat in silence as the storm raged around us, neither wanting to say the wrong things, and both afraid of saying what we both wanted to confess.

"I want to fix this because I never stopped loving you, and I can't stop loving you," Edward finally said, forcing each measured word out slowly, as if confessing his deepest sin to the priest. I heard each word dripping with passion. I could feel my resolve fading quickly, but today I wasn't going to be swept up with emotion, I wasn't going to make plans, I wanted to throw the dice and see where it landed, not force it, just let the cards fall where they may.

"I want to fix this too," I finally managed to utter. Edward turned his head to look at me, leaning his cheek on his knees now. I turned also as lightning again lit up the day and illuminated his features. His eyes were burning and diving deep within me, trying to see what I was thinking about. I gazed into those beautiful green gems, seeing down to his soul once again. "But I have a lot to figure out," I whispered as I turned back to the symphony before my porch. As if on cue, thunder emphasized my words and echoed in the silent woods. "And I don't want you to wait for me." The wind picked up as a gust burst forth, throwing leaves and branches around and howling through every crevice.

"I'm not going to wait," he answered as he let his knees drop and his feet hit the floor. I closed my eyes at the thud it made and tried not to cry, holding back sobs and stifling the tears I wanted to let lose. _I had wanted him to wait_. I couldn't cry now, I wouldn't do that in front of him. The rain came forth, as if everything before had been a prelude to the downpour that was ensuing now. The day was almost as dark as the night once again. I tried to steady my breathing as Edward shifted and turned his body towards mine. "I want to be there while you figure things out." He ran his hand against my cheek as I held my breath once again.

"Edward, I think its pretty clear that I'm no good for you. Last night, I don't know what came over me," I let my gaze drop to the floor as I studied the cracks, trying to avoid the burning that was rising in every extremity of my body as I lied to him. Thunder boomed as the storm was at its most violent, destroying every piece of silence.

"I'm not giving up," he whispered as he leaned closer to me, finally wrapping his arms around me. _Not this again_. I felt my heart beating faster, as the tempo of the rain increased and the thunder rumbled continually. "I'll see you at home, my love." He lifted my cheek, and I was forced to stare back into those eyes. _How can he do and say such simple things that made me never want to be away from him again, no matter what I had previously decided_. He searched my face more, as if trying to tell me how much he loved me with just one look. Slowly, his lips moved closer to mine. The thunder was louder how, trumpeting in my ears, and lightning flashed repeatedly as the rain turned into a monsoon, almost beating the thunder in volume. My breathing stopped as I felt his warm breath on my lips. His soft lips brushed mine as his thumb traced along my cheek and his hand cupped my face. The thunder cracked at its loudest for an instant, and then stopped. The only sound left was the rain. I couldn't fight it anymore. His lips danced with mine once again. All too soon, he pulled away and gazed at me intently. "I won't leave you," he whispered as he stood up. I heard him leave a few seconds later, making his way through the house and out the front door. I heard his car starting and make its way down the street. I didn't move at all while this happened. I felt paralyzed. The knowledge that he wasn't here anymore hurt, and I could feel his absence. The familiar twinge in my chest signaled that he wasn't near me anymore. It hadn't dulled with time, it never subsided; instead, I had gotten used to it, I had lived with it for so long, I lived with the pain. The rain slowed to nothing more than a drizzle as the worst of the storm passed over. I watched as the day lightened as the sun poked through the trailing clouds every now and then. I finally found a way to move again after a few minutes, and thought it best to start my day. I stood and walked to the railing, gazing out as far as I could into the forest. A familiar song started again, reassuringly as the leaves were accompanied by the melodies of the birds and light rain drops. I felt a smile fade across my face as I gazed up over the mountains, finding a sliver of a rainbow forming.

Within a few hours, I had the house completely locked up, just as it was six months, two weeks, three days, seven hours, and forty nine minutes ago. The utilities were beings shut off, the little food I had was thrown out, the trash was taken out, and sheets covered all the furniture so they once again stood like ghosts in the vacant house. I triple checked all of the windows and locks, shut off every light, unplugged every plug. This time, leaving felt right. My old truck was piled high with a few boxes a one lone suitcase that I would carry with me on the plane. The whole morning, I avoided thinking about anything that would happen in more than an hour. For now, I was thinking in the moment, literally. I parked and made my way to to post office where I mailed the boxes to San Francisco. A growing dread was spreading through my body as the hour I had been fearing rolled around the corner, the hour that I had to talk to James. I figured that if I refuse to think about it, if I just ignore what was coming, than I would make the choice that I really wanted when the question came up. _This is the best idea I've ever had; just wait until the moment, then act. _I wasn't going to spend one more minute doing something I didn't want to do, or being someone I didn't want to be. Thoughts about James started to creep in my mind as I pulled into a parking spot outside of the bakery. I rolled my head on my shoulders trying to relieve the tension that was building. A familiar noise filled the cabin of the truck as I rubbed my eyes. The rain started again as I ran into the bakery. I shook some rain from my hair as I searched around the empty shop for James.

"Hey, didn't expect you here so soon," I heard a booming voice behind me. I twirled around to find myself staring directly into those teddy bear eyes that had soothed me so much the past few months. I smiled slightly as he wrapped his arms around me. I let him hug me, but I couldn't bring myself to hug him, knowing that I had been kissing Edward a few hours ago. "I have my suitcase at home, are you ready to go now? We could stop by my house on the way if you want, or do you want me to meet you there?" James shot off a ton of questions as I felt a fuzz creeping in to my mind. _Ok, deep breathes, you can do this_. "Hey, what's wrong?" he finally asked a few minutes later after chattering absently. I looked up to see him smiling a huge smile. _Fuck, of course you're not going to make this easy_.

"I think we need to talk," I trailed off, cursing how cliche I sounded in this moment. I watched as the smile faded on his face and his brows furrowed. He stood across from me, moving his arms to cross his chest defensively. His tall, muscular frame towered over me, even from that far away, and I felt my muscles tense. His eyes narrowed as he became someone I didn't even recognize. "James," I started, not really knowing where I was going to go with this conversation. _For Christ's sake, he had his suitcase packed already_. I tried to sound out my words carefully, not wanting to hurt him, not knowing where I was going.

"Spit it out, Bella," James hissed through clenched teeth. He ran his hands through his hair and became noticeably agitated.

"I think it'd be better if I went to San Francisco alone," I started, fidgeting with my fingers, but finally looking up to his eyes. They burned with something different, something I'd never seen before. I saw his chest moving up and down, as his breathing deepened.

"You're not coming back, are you?" he seethed. I looked back at the ground and tried to find my words, only to find that my throat had gone bone dry. "Are you?" he screamed now, slamming his fists against the counter.

"No," I whispered. I tried to hide the realization that I was happy at the idea of not coming back.

"Why?" he barked, "I don't understand you Bella." James took a step closer to me as thunder stormed outside. The giant window darkened slightly. "You're happy here. We're happy. We're starting a life. I can provide for you, I can love you." His voice was softer now, almost pleading. _Fuck, don't do this_.

"James, I don't know who I am, I don't even understand me, but I know that there's more out there than me hiding out here from the world." I looked up, startled at the words that came barging out of my mouth. He rolled his eyes and scoffed as he threw his hands in the air, as if giving up on me.

"Why would you consider this hiding? You're moving on to better things. I've been patient, been letting you get over your last relationship, and I know thats been hard on you. So I was patient, but now, you're just going to throw yourself back into his whole family. I won't let you do that, Bella. I know what's best for you, and staying away is best, staying with me is best. I love you."

"You don't love me, and its none of your goddamn business what I do with my life," I fumed, suddenly becoming angry at the thought of him controlling me. _He didn't know anything about me_.

"It is my business Bella, I want to protect you, I want to make you happy," he tried to remain calm, but my stubbornness was pushing him to the edge of his limits.

"I'm sorry for what I've done. I'm finally seeing now that I only tried to use you to get over someone else, and that's not fair to you. I am truly sorry for that James, you deserve so much better."

"Dammit Bella," he cut me off as he threw the stools off of the table, "We had plans. I was ready to give up everything for you, I was ready to go with you to meet your family, to help you, and this is how you thank me? You apologize for using me? This is all news to me! I love you, and now you're here, telling me that you don't want me! That you don't need me! That you don't love me! I deserve better," he mimicked me, slamming things around the shop. I felt shivers running through my body as things crashed around me and the thunder boomed, as if amplifying each item. "I never asked to fall for you, but I did!" he seethed.

"I don't even recognize you right now," I stated, looking at him firmly. I set my feet and watched as he stared at me, completely stunned. I grabbed at the opportunity for him to stop throwing shit and having a temper tantrum. "This has nothing to do with you. I just don't know who I am. Do you understand that?" I yelled back. "I don't know what I want anymore, and I can't continue with a charade. I'm not going to use you anymore." I made my way to the door, feeling tears falling down my face. James stepped in front of me.

"I don't want you to go," he stated. "Stay."

"Clearly, we weren't meant for each other, especially since I didn't even know there was this side to you," I gestured to the mess around me. His eyes blazed again for a moment.

"I'm sorry," he begged, "Just, don't do this. Stay. I want to fight for you. I'll do anything." He grabbed my shoulder's gently. I ran my hand along his cheek. Thunder crashed and lightning lit up the darkening sky once again. The moments passed like lifetimes.

"I'm sorry, for everything," I pulled myself from his intense gaze and let my hand drop, tears falling from my cheeks like the rain outside. His hands gripped my shoulder's a little tighter as I tried to move and leave.

"I won't let you do this to me," he snarled.

"James, you're hurting me. Let me go," I struggled to speak as a sob clutched at my chest. I pushed against his chest, but it was as futile as trying to push a wall. Suddenly he let me go and walked away. I was stuck in the moment again, everything slowed down, as he stood aside and glared past me, not even meeting my eye. I didn't bother looking at him as I walked out the bakery slowly and made my way to my truck. When I looked up once I had crawled behind the wheel I was met by those eyes again, staring deep into my soul, filled with something I still didn't recognize. I looked away as I tried to catch my breath, but I couldn't. I made it about halfway to Seattle before I had to pull off to the side of the road and completely melt down.

Nearly an hour passed until I was able to remove the paralyzed feeling that had commandeered my entire body. I continued to make my way to the airport to meet Carlisle and Esme, trying desperately to gorge myself of tears and sobs before meeting them, but it was getting damn near impossible. Almost as if acting by itself, my truck pulled off an exit before the airport, and parked itself in front of Victoria's office building.

"Bella, what can I do for you?" her voice gave way to the worry behind it, no doubt from my haggard appearance.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked, not really understanding what I was doing there to begin with. _To hell with it, I'm just going to go with whatever I'm doing_.

"Of course, sit, sit," she ushered me inside to her overfilled office and sat behind her desk.

"I don't want my book to be published," I let a breath out, almost not comprehending what I had just said.

"What?" she looked at me with startled eyes. We sat for a moment in silence before I could even understand what I wanted to say.

"I don't want credit for it. Please, use a fake name. I'll continue to use this name, I'll write however many books you want, I just, I want to do something else with my life, and having what I've written associated with me won't do anything but hurt me," I trailed off, "Please, I know you have expectations for me, and everything, I'll give you the check back, I didn't cash it. I just, I can't do it." I finally felt as if I could breathe again as I looked up at her to gauge her reaction. She sat there, eyes burning again, and her fingers steepled in front of her mouth.

"Bella, people don't really get the opportunity that's presenting itself to you, and here you are, wanting to go unrecognized for all that your novel can accomplish. I don't get it." She looked up at me, almost begging for me to explain, but I just stared back at her, fully exhausted of having emotions and being completely illogical. "But, I have a feeling that even you don't know why. I'm going to publish your book, under a pen name. I'll still need you to write press releases and what not, but other than that, I swear to keep your name a secret."

"Thank you," I smiled and stood to leave.

"And Bella," Victoria stopped me. "I hope you figure it out." _I hope so too_.

**Edward POV**

"You look like shit," Alice stated as she hugged me tighter than necessary. I smiled at her and she smiled back, softening her death glare slightly.

"What's wrong with how I look?" I egged her on as Jasper wrapped his arm around her and we made our way out of the terminal. She rolled her eyes and socked me in the arm. I feigned hurt which just made her giggle slightly. "Well, its not like all of us are super fashion designer interns or anything."

"Hey, that doesn't mean you can't have more style than jeans and a t-shirt," she retorted. I rolled my eyes this time as we managed to grab our bags and make our way to the car. As soon as we walked outside, the flashbulbs started going haywire. I pulled my hood up, and Jasper gave Alice his as we tried to push through to the waiting car. Questions were being thrown back and forth, but it was all too loud for me to hear just one. We hopped into the car and made a mad break for freedom.

"That was awesome!" Alice breathed loudly in the driver's seat as Jasper laughed a little. The rest of the ride home was Alice chattering about this and that, and how excited she was for the baby to be coming soon. Jasper listened intently while I stared out the window towards the foggy streets. I watched as trollies zoomed up and down streets, and beneath orange street light glows, couples walked down the dreary streets. Church bells tolled as the hour struck and I could feel each toll as the noise reverberated through my bones. I couldn't keep my thoughts from moving back to Bella. I leaned my head against the cold glass of the window, and stared up into the cloudy sky. I yearned to see the stars behind them, almost as much as I ached to be near her again. _But, I promised to wait, to give her as much time as she needed_. I wouldn't go back on my words, and I wouldn't push her. _If she wanted James, she could have him, but nothing would make me stop loving her_. The realization shook me to my core with desire and fear in an odd combination, both fighting for supremacy. I knew she had a lot to figure out, and granted I had no idea what it all was, but god dammit, I wanted to be there with her, to support her. _I wasn't going to let her push me away, not if she thought she wasn't good for me_. I laughed quietly to myself at the absurd idea that Bella thought she was wrong for me, that she would just hurt me. The idea of her hurting me was like oxygen suddenly becoming toxic. She was something I needed, just like air to breathe, and that could never hurt.

I was snapped out of my reverie when I heard Alice say Bella's name as we approached home. My ears perked quickly.

"Bella got in a few hours ago. God, its good to have her home. I think she's here to stay, and she didn't bring that jerkwad, James. Jasper, I don't think you understand how hard it was for me to act supportive."

"I know, sweetheart, but you did a good thing, and look, now she's back, and hopefully things can get back to normal, somewhat. Did you talk to her about coming to LA with you this semester?"

"No, I let her go to bed after she told me her story from today. She looks like hell Jasper. I'm glad she's back, but, I just don't know what to do anymore. She's trying, she honestly is, but I miss her so much." Alice trailed off as we approached the apartment. _Was I the reason Bella was hurting?_ _Had I come on too strong? Was she coming to LA?_ My heart quickened at the thought og having her closer. I saw a herd of people waiting for us and cursed the phonebook for having us listed. _I never thought they'd be waiting at home for us_. Again we pushed our way through the crowd and made our way upstairs. I said goodbye to Jasper and Alice at their door, fighting the urge to run in there and see Bella; to tell her everything was alright. Luckily, my logical side won out, and I took the first step towards my apartment. The steps were rough, especially the farther away I got from their door.

Stepping into my apartment was a surreal experience. Everything was exactly where I had left it. I dropped my guitar case, and threw my suitcase on the couch as I looked around the room, suddenly feeling more at ease that I had been for a long, long time. _But, I wasn't as at ease as I was this last night, when Bella was in my arms_. Truth be told, I hadn't been that happy in a long time. Even though, I knew that we both had no idea what we were doing, or what we would do for the future, for that moment, we were infinite, and we were a universe again, and most importantly for a short time, she was my queen. I threw my jacket on top of my suitcase as I made my way over to my record player, and after browsing the familiar records, slid one on that I knew would soothe me a little, and hopefully stop my nerves from rattling my bones to dust. The past year had been eventful to say the least, but here, sitting in my living room, letting familiar riffs fill my room, reminding me why I loved music, why I wanted to do what I was doing, I felt at peace with every decision I had made. Looking around my apartment only made me think of Bella even more though, as every inch of the room brought back an onslaught of reminders of her.

_Sittin' in the mornin' sun, I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come. Watching the ships roll in, and then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah. I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away. I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay, wasting' time. I left my home in Georgia, headed for the 'Frisco bay, 'cause I've had nothing to live for, and look like nothin's gonna come my way._

I closed my eyes, letting my head lull against the back of the chair. I wished things could be simple. Bella wouldn't ask me to give up music, and I wouldn't ask her to give up writing or her life here, or in Forks, if that was what she wanted, but we couldn't live apart and still be together. Truth be told, I couldn't live without her in my life at all, let alone know she was at home, hurting and waiting for me to come back. We were both running parallel to each other, waiting for an intersection that looked like it was never coming.

_Look like nothing's gonna change, everything still remains the same. I can't do what ten people tell me to do so I guess I'll remain the same, yes. Sitting' here resting my bones, and this loneliness won't leave me alone. It's two thousand miles I roamed, just to make this dock my home. Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away. Sitting' on the dock of the bay, wasting' time._

I didn't move as the song finished, relishing in every note, every ounce of passion in the song. The song ended, and the next started. I groaned at the realization of what song it was.

_These arms of mine, they are lonely, lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine, they are yearning, yearning from wanting you._

"Hey," I heard an even more beautiful, albeit sleepier, voice come from my bedroom door. I looked up to find Bella, leaning against the door in nothing but a pair of my old boxers and wife beater, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head, and her eyes gleaning like never before. I could feel my jaw drop, not fully believing that she was standing there. I saw that blush creep up her cheeks, as a bashful smile played at those plump lips I dreamed of kissing.

_And if you would let them hold you, oh, how grateful I will be. These arms of mine, they are burning, burning from wanting you. These arms of mine, they are wanting, wanting to hold you,_

"Hey," I replied weakly, finally finding my own voice. We were locked into each other's eyes, almost not wanting to look away or say anything to ruin this. "I can't believe you're here," I finally trailed off.

"Today, I've been making decisions that make me happy, doing things I want to do, no matter what will happen. This seemed like the only logical choice to make." I continued to stare at her, this time a smile appearing at my lips.

_And if you would let them hold you, oh, how grateful I will be. Come on, come on baby, just be my little woman, just be my lover, oh I need me somebody, somebody to treat me right, oh I need your woman's loving arms to hold me tight. And I...I...I need...I need your...I need your tender lips._

Slowly, Bella made her way over to the chair and stood in front of me. I stood up next to her and pulled her lips to mine, moving in time to the music, I felt her wrap her tiny hands behind my neck as she affirmed how much she wanted to be there. Slowly, she pulled away as her hands slid down my chest.

"I don't have anything to give you," she looked up at me through her long eye lashes, with completely somber eyes. I chuckled slightly and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I've only ever wanted you."

Bella laughed at me now, filling the new song with her melodic laugh. "I think its ridiculous to want something you've always had." We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like forever.

_There were time and you want to be free_, m_y love is growing stronger, as you become a haven to me. Oh I've been loving you a little too long, I dont wanna stop now, oh with you my life, has been so wonderful, I can't stop now._

"I love you," I whispered, "And I'm going to do anything to show you that."

"I love you," a tear trickled down Bella's cheek as she smiled even bigger now, "And I'm going to do anything I can to show you, every day, if you'll let me try."

_There were times and your love is growing cold. My love is growing stronger as our affair grows old. I've been loving you a little too long, long, I don't want to stop now. I've been loving you a little bit too long. I don't wanna stop now. No, no, no. Don't make me stop now, No baby. I'm down on my knees Please, don't make me stop now. I love you, I love you, I love you with all of my heart, And I can't stop now. Don't make me stop now. Please, please don't make me stop now._

________________________________

_**OK, so the first two songs I put the lyrics to at the top. I feel like both are perfect points of view for each of them. Can you guess whose is who's?**_

_**The reason I used only Otis Redding songs is: **_

_**1.) well they all fit so freeking well it was ridiculous**_

_**2.) sittin on the dock of the bay had to make a reappearance if you remember earlier chapters.**_

_**3.) a record was being used... not shuffle on an ipod...**_

_**anyway. I hope you liked it. This was immensely hard for me to write. Any questions on where they are in their thinking, let me know. I tried to get it all out there, but hopefully more will play out as we continue. **_

_**Thanks for every review and addition! I love it! **_

_**If I didn't respond to a review, I'm super sorry, I normally do, and if I missed yours, I'm super sorry!**_

_**Ok, this is by far too much rambling for my tastes. **_

_**XOXOXOX**_


	14. Til Kingdom Comes

**Music: **

**"Four Kicks": Kings of Leon**

**"Sin City: My Bed sheets, Your Legacy": Southcott**

**"Sweet and Low": Augustana**

**"Til Kingdom Comes": Coldplay**

**Bella POV**

"Bella, how much do you love me?"

I pulled my blanket up a little higher over my ears, and mumbled something even I didn't understand. The warmth from my quilt was far too inviting for me to worry about whoever was calling for me now. I tucked my knees up higher until I was in a little ball, safe from the world.

"I'll take that as a lot." _I must be home_. I tucked my hands in tighter, clinging to the blanket, knowing all to well the tendency for them to be ripped form me before I was ready to get up for the day. I heard something slam down on my nightstand and the smell of coffee radiated under my blanket. I rolled over and hunkered down. _No way I was getting out of bed until I absolutely had to. _I had been having enough trouble falling asleep the past week, now, when I was good and tired, I wasn't giving up on that ever elusive dream world. I felt the bed shift as new weight was added to it. Without thinking I shifted over and made more room for whoever was joining me. _This was a new tactic_. I was wary to let my guard down, so I tried my damnedest to fall back to sleep.

"Bella, I've tried everything," Rosalie's voice whined and huffed a few minutes later. _I'm not going back to sleep_. I let out a huge sigh and finally turned over as I pulled the blanket down. The room was too bright for my tastes, and I'm sure the face I was making was extremely attractive, but I just couldn't see anything. My hair splayed out and covered half of my face, and my arm had long since fallen asleep, leading to horrid pins and needles pricking every inch of my limb. _Just great_. Rosalie was sitting against my headboard, staring at her huge belly. _Check that, she wasn't staring, she was glaring_. "I've jumped up and down, I've walked miles, I've even made Emmett have sex with me," she vented. Tears were hiding behind her eyes as I sat up and looked around my room, still trying to figure out what was happening. "Its just not going to come out. She hates me, and she's never coming out. I have a parasite that is going to live inside of me forever." I ran my hands through my hair to free my face and finally fully opened my eyes as I acclimated to the sunlight dripping through my blinds. Rosalie handed me a cup of hot coffee. We sat in silence for a few minutes while my brain caught up with the situation. We must have looked odd, two grown women, leaning against a headboard, sipping coffees, completely in our own worlds, staring into nothing.

"So," I started, not really knowing what I should say, "you had sex with Emmett in your, um, condition?" I sipped on my coffee more. Rosalie continued to rub her stomach.

"Yes! God Bella, I'm so frustrated in that department its not even funny!" Her eyes burned and her chest heaved as she let out a huge breath. I couldn't help but spit a little coffee as I snorted a laugh. I saw a tiny smile on her lips as she tried to remind herself of the gravity of the situation.

"Rosalie, you are not host to a parasite. The baby will come when she's ready. You're only two days over your due date. Stay calm," I tried to persuade her.

"That's easy for you to say," she huffed as she rolled out of my bed, "I haven't seen my toes in months. I'm like a weeble wobble. Look at me!" she pleaded. I looked at her, taking in the 'beauty' of pregnancy. Her eyes were sunken slightly from worry, her hair, usually beautiful and never up, was tied in a messy bun, she wore just sweat pants and an old t-shirt of Emmett's. Her stomach was quite large, but she was carrying a whole new human being, so I thought that was a good thing. She just stared back at me, waiting for me to say something. I slapped on the biggest smile I could.

"You look beautiful," I tried to persuade her. She laughed and sat back down at the end of my bed, leaning back to accommodate her giant stomach. "No, Rosalie, I promise. I hope I look half as gorgeous as you if I ever have kids." She softened a little at my statement. _Score, the way to make Rosalie happy is to call her pretty; works every time_.

"You'll have kids," she assured me. I pfft'ed her and rolled my eyes.

"I doubt it. I'm not even sure I want kids."

"Oh, I've seen the way Edward looks at you," she raised her eyebrows, "That man wants to impregnate the fuck out of you." I don't think my jaw could have hung any lower.

"Rose, that is, by far, the most horrible thing I've ever heard. And its completely wrong. We are a long way away from kids. A long way." I clung to my coffee harder now, as I tried to get my eyes to stop shifting around and my muscles to relax a little. I felt like those stereotypical black cats at Halloween that have their back completely arched as they hiss angrily.

"Whatever," she waved it off as she picked up some magazines from my nightstand.

"I mean, me and Edward are just getting to know each other again. We haven't even, you know, practiced making babies yet since we've been back," I lowered my voice and my eyes. _What a topic to have to talk about first thing in the morning_. She continued to flip through the magazine, not looking at me. "Weren't you just bitching about being a fatty? Now you're questioning my lack of a sex life? Your mood swings are out of control."

"I'm carrying a child that refuses to leave my womb, I have stretch marks, my boobs hurt, all I want to do is eat and have sex, in that order, and I'm never going to have the same body I had nine months ago, ever again. I feel like I'm allowed to have emotional fluctuations." She handed me the magazine as she said this all cooly. "Plus, check out those goo goo eyes," she pointed. I gasped as I came face to face with a picture of Edward and I eating ice cream cones at the park from the other day. Edward's eyes were locked on my face as I moved my hands and told a story. _I've never seen him look at me like that_. The caption caught my eye as I analyzed the picture: "America's hottest star spotted with mystery brunette eating cones in the park. Looks like more than friends. Awfully engrossed, aren't we, Edward?"

"Wow," I looked at Rosalie, completely stunned.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Now, take a look at the newest stories from today." She handed me the other magazine. This time there were more pictures, ranging from ice cream cones in the park, to the movies, to driving in the car. "They're really hunting for your blood," Rosalie laughed. I read on, as the article described me as a 'gold digger' and 'unknown accomplice'.

"Do you think I could find out who took these? I'd love a copy of this one," I pointed to the one of us at a local record store, laughing about something, "We look so cute!" I gushed and Rosalie laughed. We skimmed the magazines in comfortable silence. I was completely distracted with the fact that my picture was in gossip magazines. Edward and I had been reconnecting, but ever since the first night back, we hadn't even said those three magic words again. _I hadn't even spent the night with him_. I internally groaned. There was nothing I wanted more than to stay with him, but he was determined to take it slow, and not push me. _God, he was an idiot_. I just wanted to jump in, completely. The past week had been a blur of us being together whenever he wasn't busy doing interviews and paperwork and all that jazz. I had finally finished signing my contract and working on the manuscript for the book. Victoria was really excited, and I was just glad she was still working with me, and not throwing me out in the cold after what I dropped on her before I left. Edward was almost more excited about it than I was, constantly asking me about how it was coming, and what my plans were for the next year. Truth be told, I hadn't really thought about it much. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to go back to school. As horrible as that sounded, I wanted to take a year off and just, be. I kicked myself every time I thought about not going back. I was so close to getting my degree, having started as a sophomore due to advanced credits from high school. I had hoped coming back would make choices more clear, but instead, I was just bombarded with new ones.

"There's my favorite groupie," I heard Alice giggle from my doorway. I looked up to see her smiling smugly.

"Doesn't anyone sleep around here?" I threw daggers at her. She just smiled back sweetly. It would be an understatement to say that things between Alice and I hadn't been great since I left. She felt as if I shouldn't have run away, like I should have tried harder, and I couldn't explain how ready I was to break. We were at a stalemate. I was glad to be back, and although we were in the middle of a standoff, I was relieved to be back with my best friend, no matter what kind of hell she was giving me.

"Oh no, dear," Esme walked in behind her and sat on my bed next to Rose, "Did we wake you? It's already the afternoon though," she trailed off and I smiled at her as I could see the worry on her face.

"No, I should be getting up anyway," I tried to make her smile as I climbed out of bed and stretched slightly, "Edward's taking me to a baseball game soon." Three sets of eyes grew slightly and smiles spread across all of their faces.

"That's sweet," Esme smiled to herself.

"Interesting," Alice also smiled, "The reporters are going to have a field day with that!" I rolled my eyes and groaned.

"Why aren't you in the magazines?" I whined, throwing the blanket back over my head.

"Because," Alice started, ripping the sheet from me. _I really must be home_. "I marked my territory long before he became some sex symbol. Now, I'm not a gold digger since I knew him when he wasn't famous. Take a lesson, girlie, this is how the big kids have relationships."

"I don't wanna," I whined like a five year old.

"Very mature," Rosalie laughed as she and Esme flipped through the magazines more, commenting on pictures of Edward and I.

"So what are you going to wear?" Alice smiled to herself.

"You want to dress me, don't you?" She didn't bother to answer, just let out a high pitched squeal and clapped her hands as she bounced around.

"Fine, I'm going to shower. Rosalie," I hugged her and kissed her cheek, "you aren't carrying the devil's spawn," I smiled at her as she too stood up to leave, "hopefully," I added and ran into the bathroom as a magazine smacked against the door.

"I'm going to go walk some more," Rosalie huffed and I heard her start to leave. "I'll talk to you later, gold digger," she yelled.

"See you soon, host," I giggled to myself. _Damn, I'm on a roll today_.

"Oh, you girls," I heard Esme laugh a little to herself, "I'm off to meet with the building inspector," she said to Alice. "Goodbye Bella, I'll see you later," she said loud enough for me to hear. I stuck my head out of the door to say goodbye, but she was already gone. Alice was the only one left, searching through my drawers. I rolled my eyes at the thought of what she was going to put me in, but knew that I had to wear something good, or else I'd be judged by millions about how wrong I was for Edward based off of my shirt.

"Hey, hurry up and shower," Alice looked at me sternly. I pulled my head back in the bathroom quickly and got ready for a nice shower. The warm water felt amazing against my stiff muscles. Needless to say, I was not entirely used to being back in this bed. I missed Edward's bed, and his arms. For the first time in a week, James popped into my mind. I don't know what triggered it, but I couldn't shake him. I missed him as a person, as my friend.

"Bella, hurry up," Alice yelled as she banged on the door, "The game is an afternoon game, not a night one. You can't be late." I rolled my eyes as I stepped out and wrapped in a towel before taking another towel to my hair, trying to shake the thoughts from my head along with the spare droplets. For two hours, Alice combed, dried, puffed, teased, plucked, and attacked my face as well as making me try on a few different pieces of clothing. Ironically, when she had finished, I looked pretty much like I always did. My face had just a little bit of make-up on it, mostly mascara and lip gloss, and my hair was pulled into pigtails that were slightly more curly than my hair normally was. I loved what Alice had picked out for me. I stood in front of my full length mirror, completely surprised. In fact, surprised is an understatement. Alice had laid out a pair of jeans, chucks, one of Edward's LA Dodger jerseys, and a pair of aviators.

"Alice, I could have picked this out," I laughed as I finished getting ready.

"Yes, but the fact that I did makes it perfect," she smiled back at me, "You can't look like your trying for them, then they win." I looked back at Alice, finally feeling as if we were back to normal. A genuine smile spread across my face as I hugged her tightly.

"Oh, dear God," I heard a low rumble at my door. I turned around quickly to see Edward standing there, leaning against the door, looking as gorgeous as always. He wore his other jersey, and his hair was hidden under a matching baseball cap. He took a step towards me as Alice detached herself from me. I tried to cling tighter, but she wormed away.

"Well, you two kids have fun," she giggled and pranced away. Edward took another step and immediately met my lips with his. I really didn't bother saying goodbye to Alice once he was within touching distance. Edward's breath was intoxicating as he finally pulled away, but just enough for us to breathe. He tugged on one of my pigtails gently as a smile played at his face.

"These, have to be the sexiest things I've ever seen you wear," he growled, crashing his lips into mine again. I couldn't help but smile against his lips as a hum reverberated in his chest. I felt his hands trail a little higher from my hips, under the jersey. I pulled away slightly as his hands dropped.

"Nope, we have a game to go to," I smiled. He gave me one of the most irresistible grins, and I felt my resolve fading.

"We could stay in," he mumbled, letting his fingers hook in my jeans, "Then we won't have to perform for the circus out there." His smile faded slightly as I saw his brow crease.

"I want that," I made him look me in the eyes, "I really do want to stay in with you." _Fuck me, that pout was horrible_. "But, you've been looking forward to this all week! You love the Dodgers. We can't let them determine what we do. Let them talk, we know what's true. Clearly I am just with you for your money, and they will just have to get used to that," I said with a small laugh.

"Well, as long as we all have an understanding. How much will it cost me to keep you right here today, and possibly tonight?" he traced my jaw with his thumb and fingers, leaving a burning trail along my cheek.

"Exactly one baseball game," I answered, instantly regretting not staying in with him. Edward only chuckled in response. I reveled in the lightness that existed, at least for the moment, between us. I felt his fingers hook a little lower in the tip of my jeans. I gulped noticably. "Besides, how often do they play each other?" He leaned his head against my shoulder as he removed his dangerously low creeping fingers. _Fuck, no come back!_

"Pretty often, there are over a hundred games in one season," he mumbled. I interlaced my fingers with his and pulled him towards the door.

"Come on, I'll make it worth your while later."

**Edward POV**

"Is there going to be a home-run soon?" Bella sat on the edge of her seat, searching the field. I couldn't help but laugh at how much she sounded like a ten year old. She rested her head in her hands that sat on the edge of her knees. Surprisingly, she was very interested in the game, which had made it even more fun for me. Every two seconds she was asking me about a player, or what was actually going on, or some rule she didn't understand. It was incredibly cute. I leaned back in my seat and let my arm rest on the back of her chair. Our seats were amazing. I'd never had seats on the first base line before, but these were spectacular. We could see straight onto the field, and practically touch the dug out. _I owe Aro for letting me use his season tickets_.

"Hopefully," I smiled as she sat back and smiled back at me. I felt her hair resting on my arms, and even though it tickled my arm, I didn't move. Bella grabbed my fingers and played with them absently, as if not even realizing what she was doing as she continued to watch the game. The sun was beating down on us, and I was infinitely jealous of the sunglasses Bella had brought. I had forgotten mine until we were walking into the park. Its not like I could even go back home anyway, what with the gaggle of paparazzi waiting. I wouldn't subject Bella to direct contact with them any more than I had to. I didn't have a problem with them spying, well, I did, but I'd rather they kept a distance than surrounding us dangerously. So far, Bella had been a good sport, answering a few questions, and being extremely polite with them, which was so much more than they deserved. I was even shocked at how well they responded to it, giving in when she asked for a little more room, stopping yelling so much and taking turns, and even helping carry a few grocery bags. The only thing I made her promise to try to keep secret was her name, but that was out there now also, and I was worried. So far, no one had time to print it, but I had a feeling it was about to hit the fan when her past started coming up more.

"But we're winning right?" she tried to decipher the score board again. I silently crossed my fingers, hoping she wouldn't make me explain what all the numbers meant again.

"Yes," I nodded, the grin spreading a little more. "I never knew you'd be so into baseball." She just looked back at me, as if I had said the most ridiculous thing ever.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean, look, there's that guy, and he throws to that guy, and there's a bat, and running, and grass," she trailed off, running out of things to point and name.

"You have no idea what's happening, do you?" I laughed.

"No, not at all," she smiled weakly. "But I do know that they can literally get into a pickle, and you aren't allowed to hit people with the ball."

"Wow, I'm pretty impressed," I laughed. She smiled a little bigger before leaning in, and chastely kissing me.

"Is it time for the stretch yet?"

"Bella, we're only in the fourth inning," I couldn't help the laughs escaping me now. Her brow furrowed.

"Oh," she sighed, "Then that just means more baseball to watch!" she actually sounded excited. And with that, she turned back towards the field and clapped along with everyone else.

"Bella, we just got out, remember we're rooting for the guys in blue," I smiled.

"I knew that, I was just using reverse psychology."

"Oh, my bad," I laughed.

"You're a jerk," she laughed and grabbed my hat.

"You're a thief," I laughed and tried to get it as she held it away from me. I leaned over her, trying to reach it, but damn it was way too far. Instead, I decided to try a new tactic. I looked her straight in the eyes, and kissed her. I felt her melt beneath me and her muscles relax long enough for me to grab the hat.

"Ha!" I squealed and sat back down in my seat.

"That's not fair," she huffed and sat back, watching the game. I watched her out of the corner of me eye. She actually seemed to be watching, but I couldn't really be sure. I moved my hand to her thigh, and she shifted and crossed her legs, a tiny smile playing at her lips. I turned to look at her now, fully. _She's most sexy when she's pissed at me; and those pig tails don't hurt either_. The past week had been nothing but torture. I told her I wanted to take it slow, but fuck me if every night I didn't go to bed ready to throw her down and take her. Everything about her screamed for me to make love to her; her lips, her hands, her heaving chest, her eyes. _Oh God, her eyes_. Somehow they were always filled with this unplaceable emotion that smoldered, and just begged for me.

"See something you like?" she laughed, finally turning to me, and lowering her shades slightly.

"Very much," I answered, finally taking a breath again. I don't know how many times a day I would catch myself day dreaming about her, but I would have to bet it was majority of my life. I pulled my hat off and ran my hands threw my hair, trying to get rid of the hat hair. Before she could say something else, I put it on her, careful not to ruin those damn sexy pig tails. "There, now you look like a true fan." I leaned back and admired her. She blushed a little. _Fuck me, the blush_.

"Here, we can trade so your eyes won't hurt," she handed me her sunglasses.

"How do I look?" I asked, giving her a cheesy grin.

"Irresistible," she murmured, and then leaned into me, and I put my arm around her, feeling like the king of the world. Here I was, watching my favorite team, play my favorite game, with the girl I loved, sitting in amazing, first base line seats. Now, if only I could grow some balls and ask her to stay with me.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I leaned down slightly to whisper in her ear. She just nodded as she clapped at something that was happening on the field.

"So, this year, I was thinking. Since I have to do a lot of things in," I couldn't finish my thought. Bella jumped up, but stayed completely motionless. The crowd was on their feet too, as a crack echoed throughout the park. I stood up, just in time to see the ball fly right over the wall, and into the bay. Bella jumped up and down as she hugged me.

"Home run!" she laughed. She kept clapping as the men rounded the bases. "That was awesome! Now I know why you love baseball so much!" she was ecstatic and absolutely smiling from ear to ear. I smiled as she settled back down. Inside, I was groaning. I'd been trying all week to ask her to move with me to LA, but so far, I hadn't any luck. Every time the words tried to come out, something stopped me. Everything she was dealing with now, was for me. The photographers planted outside of the bar, them following us around, snapping pictures, her name being thrown around, it was for me, and I wasn't sure if she'd want to move with me to a place where it was just going to get worse. I rolled my head back, agonizing over how I had come so close, but was so far. I felt her weight lift off of my side, and when I raised my head and looked up, she was staring at me.

"What's wrong?" she looked worried, and for the first time, completely uninterested in the game.

"Nothing," I smiled weakly.

"What were you going to ask me before we were so rudely interrupted?" she smiled, trying to lighten my mood. I took a deep breath. _Now or never_.

"I was wondering if you'd like to m-"

"Hold on, phone," she mumbled, and looked at me apologetically. I slapped on a happy face as I returned to the game to let her handle her business. _Now or never was just an expression, I want to ask her, but its like fate has other ideas_. I was an absolute idiot. Why couldn't I just blurt it out? Why couldn't I just say it? _I have nothing to give you, no career, in fact, it will probably make your life that much more difficult, but dammit, I need you, I want you, I love you. I'll do whatever it takes, and if that doesn't work, I want to go anywhere with you. I'll stay here. I just want you to know that I don't make any decisions without you anymore. Bella, would you like to move to LA with me?. You are my life_. That shouldn't be too hard to say, right? Unless you're a giant toolbox like myself.

"We have to go," she stated as she grabbed my hand and stood up. She could barely hold in the excitement that was bubbling up inside.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused by her smile and urgent attitude.

"That baby!" she squealed, picking up our pace as we snuck out of the row. _Great, now I'm getting cock blocked by a newborn_.

**Bella POV**

Edward was quiet as we ran out of the ballpark, through a sea of photographers, and raced through the crowded streets towards the hospital Rosalie had been taken to. Its not like I expected him to be extremely talkative, but, I could tell that something was wrong. He wanted to ask me something, and it must be important, because he seemed anxious. In all honesty, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know what he was going to ask me. _It sure as hell isn't going to be something easy_. I sighed as we pulled into the hospital and made a break for it, running the whole way. I wasn't going to wait for him to bring it up again, I was just going to let sleeping dogs lie; now, I had a baby to see.

"Is it here?" I tried to catch my breath as we ran down the hall, only to be met my Alice, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle sitting in a waiting room. "What happened? Where's Rosalie? Did we miss it?"

"Breathe, Bella," Jasper tried to calm me down, but I just couldn't catch my breath. Edward regained his composure before I did, and forced me to sit down. I could see everyone's smiles as they laughed at me to themselves.

"Well, someone could fill me in, anytime," I huffed, searching all of their faces. Edward traced soothing circles on my shoulders.

"Rosalie went into labor about two hours ago," Esme informed me, "and we haven't heard anything since."

"Two hours is a long time," I couldn't understand why no one was as worried as I was. "Should we do something? What do we do?" _Clearly I'm bad at situations that involve pressure_.

"No, its perfectly fine," Carlisle tried to assure me, but I couldn't really feel easy about one of my best friends being in labor. "Bella, trust me, I'm a doctor, remember?" I smiled weakly and nodded. Alice excused herself to make a few calls, and Jasper followed her. I closed my eyes and tried to regain my normal heart rate, but that was getting even more difficult with the things that Edward was doing with his hands, lightly grazing ever spot of exposed skin. Carlisle and Esme went to go grab a cup of coffee a few minutes later, suspecting we were heading for a long night. The tv on the opposite wall blared the rest of the baseball game.

"At least we get to see the end of the game," I tried to cheer Edward out of the funk he seemed to get stuck in every time he thought about asking me that question. "The seats aren't as good though," I trailed off. Edward pulled off the cap I was still wearing and kissed my forehead as I tucked my legs under me and we huddled together to watch the game on the more uncomfortable chairs in the world.

"I'd say that any seat near you is a good seat."

"Good one," I giggled a little, "And by good one, I mean that was the lamest line I've ever heard."

"Damn, that was the best I got," he chuckled.

"I guess I can live with it," I shrugged as he laughed a little more and we sat, contently watching the baseball game. I tried to pay attention, but two issues kept playing pong in my brain. Every other minute I thought about Rosalie, hoping everything was going alright, and the pain wasn't that bad. Any second I wasn't thinking about Rose, I was thinking about the elusive question Edward couldn't seem to ask. In my mind, watching these things bounce back and forth was numbing and dizzying, all at the same game finally ended, and we had won, but neither Edward nor I wanted to move as a recap started.

"Hey," I tilted my head up and towards him, but not moving my body.

"Hey," he returned, kissing my forehead quickly, as if I had just startled him out of a secret reverie.

"What was the question you wanted to ask me?" I felt his muscles stiffen just enough.

"It wasn't anything important," he trailed off. I sat up now, and faced him. As if on cue, his tell popped up and a one-sided grin appeared on his face as he tried to laugh it away.

"You're lying," I stated cockily. He recoiled for a second defensively.

"No I'm not. I promise it wasn't anything that can't wait." Then, the next tell came as he tried to kiss me. I hopped up before his lips could meet mine. _A feat in its own_.

"I know you're lying because you just tried to kiss me!" I pointed out like a detective in an old gum shoe movie. Edward stared at me as if I were crazy.

"So, every time I try to kiss you, I'm lying?" He looked at me skeptically, trying to keep his voice low.

"No, just, stop it. No, wait, I just know that you're lying. Ask me now, or forever hold your peace," I stood straight, regaining my composure. _No way he was going to try to distract me_. I stood there, hand on hip, waiting for him to formulate words.

"Ok," Edward started. I smiled to myself in victory. "So, there are a lot of things changing, and I don't want to lose you. I will do anything to keep you, including going back to school and forgetting all about music." I tried to interrupt him but he shh'ed me. "Let me finish this, please? I think I messed up." the green eyes glistened as he furrowed his brown and ran his hands through his hair anxiously. "_I_ have nothing to give you, no career, in fact, it will probably make your life that much more difficult, but dammit, I need you, I want you, I love you. I'll do whatever it takes, and if that doesn't work, I want to go anywhere with you. I'll stay here. I just want you to know that I don't make any decisions without you anymore. Bella, would you,"

"Bella, I think I need to talk to you," A very somber Alice popped out of no where. Jasper was no where in sight, and Esme and Carlisle were talking with a nurse across the aisle.

"Jesus Christ," I heard Edward mutter under his breath. I gave him an apologetic look and he forced a small smile for me as he mouthed 'later' to me as Alice pulled me away. My body followed Alice, but my mind was a few feet away, with Edward. His eyes burned still with the passion that he had just been invigorated with. I would say yes to whatever question that was, I just couldn't be away from him, and whatever it was, I needed it, if he needed it.

"Alice, what the hell?" I practically screamed as she pulled me to a hidden corner. I instantly regretted my words as I watched my usually perky friend crumble against the wall and slide down to the floor. "Oh, Alice, what's wrong? Huh? Tell me something, anything," I begged as I joined her on the ground, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. She didn't cry, just snuggled against me, wrapping her arms around her knees. She stared at the tops of her knees blankly, as if not really seeing them.

"Jasper and I got into a fight," she said, without emotion. I rubbed her shoulders, trying to reassure her.

"How bad?" I asked, almost nervous to hear the answer.

"Pretty bad," she smiled slightly. _Oh God, this can't be good_. "He is just being extremely selfish. Bella, what if I'm not ready to give myself to him completely, and he's not okay with it?" She turned her big brown eyes to me, pleading for the correct answer.

"Alice, that doesn't sound like you," I started, mildly confused, "You've always said you were meant for Jasper. What's given you cold feet?" She just shook her head, trying not to answer my question. "Come on," I pleaded.

"Bella, I love you," Alice smiled and hugged me tightly.

"I love you too. But," I answered, not letting her get up, "We're not letting this go. You never let me run, you always make me fix things, or vent. Let me help," I begged.

"There's nothing to help," she trailed off, "he wants me to give up something I could never."

"What? Fashion? School?" I tried to think of something that meant the world to Alice, but I couldn't think of anything Jasper wouldn't approve of. She just lowered her gaze and shook her head. "What then, Alice?" I asked, getting agitated.

"You," she whispered. Everything thought in my mind froze. My mind went blank, and my muscles completely froze. Every fiber of me stopped breathing, pumping, and thinking.

"What?" was the only words I could stutter. Alice hung her head, leaning her forehead on her knees.

"He wants me to go with him, no matter what, but I can't, I can't leave you. We take care of each other. I won't let you run away, and I can't abandon you. And, I don't think I can love someone who would make me choose," she mumbled into her legs.

"Alice," I started, not really knowing where to go with my thought, "I can't,"

"It's a girl!" Emmett's loud voice could be heard for miles as he came busting in through the double doors. He was still wearing his mask and gown, but I knew he was smiling. Alice looked at me and put a smile on as she stood up, and lifted me.

"Later," I whispered in her ear as we took a few steps toward Emmett. She nodded somberly.

"Guys, I'm a daddy!" he boomed. Everyone hugged and congratulated him eagerly before he ran back inside to make preparations for us to come visit. Edward snuck up and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, suddenly feeling about three inches tall.

"Is everything alright?" he whispered against my neck. I shook my head, trying to hold back tears.

"It will be," I answered as i decided what I knew I had to do.

"You're lying," he chuckled.

"I know."

**Edward POV**

"Allow me to introduce you to Emma Hale McCarthy," Emmett whispered as he tilted the tiny pink bundle towards us. The tiny baby was sleeping soundly, and seemed most at home in Emmett's hands. He held her tightly, smiling from ear to ear. God, how I envied him. _Wait, what?_

"She's absolutely beautiful," Bella whispered, looking between Rosalie and the baby. Rose just smiled an exhausted smile at us. Bella sat next to her on the bed, and held her hand tightly. "I'm sorry I called her the devil's child." Everyone else in the room looked at the bed with awkward glances. Rosalie just smiled a huge smile.

"I'm sorry I called you a gold digging hussy who deserves to carry a child for the gestation period of an elephant," she let out a breath.

"I only heard gold digger," Bella asked between small laughs.

"Oh," Rosalie trailed off, "I must have been thinking the other part then." Emmett handed Rosalie the baby, and the females continued to fawn over it. Watching Emmett, so protective, happy, and in love was awe inspiring. _I want what he has_.

"There's nothing quite like a baby to make the world come into perspective," Carlisle said softly as he clapped my shoulder.

"Yeah," I let out a soft breath, watching Bella hold Emma. She was a natural, and it looked so right. _I need to get these thoughts out of my head right now_!

"Emma's is a beautiful name," Alice smiled as she held the baby now.

"She's named after me," Emmett puffed out his chest a little more. Everyone looked to Rosalie for confirmation.

"It's true," she sighed, "We had decided on Emmett Junior if it was a boy, but this stubborn child decided to not only infest me, but be a girl, so we compromised. She's keeping my maiden name as her middle name though." Emmett smiled a little wider as Esme held the baby now.

"Oh my goodness," Esme sighed, reeling in the warmth of the newest addition. "Hello, gorgeous girl, I guess I'm a grandma." I saw tears starting to form in her eyes as Carlisle stood behind her, looking over her shoulder at the peaceful child. Rosalie and Emmett were all smiles as they sat on the the bed together. Everyone that mattered in our lives was in this room at this exact moment, and it was beyond perfect. Bella wore a smile that was indescribable. I knew for the moment she was at ease with the world, and that made me at ease, regardless of where we stood. "Here you go, Uncle Edward," Esme handed me the bundle and shook me out of my day dream.

"What? No," I trailed off, but it was too late, I was now face to face with this wrinkly, beautiful, perfect specimen. "Like this?" I tucked her against my chest awkwardly, extremely afraid she would break at any given moment.

"Perfect," Esme smiled, and I returned it, gaining some confidence. I glanced up to see Bella and give her an awkward smile. She beamed at me with wide eyes.

"You can call me Uncle Eddie," I whispered to the sleeping child. A nurse came in to check on Rosalie, and Emmett started to ask her questions, so I was left watching the baby. _This is absolutely terrifying_. Emma had a wondrous smell to her, that was amazingly indescribable, and it took under ten seconds for me to fall in love with her. Slowly, she opened her eyes after letting out the tiniest yawn I'd ever seen. Rosalie's blue eyes stared back at me, as if appraising me. Emma undoubtedly was Rosalie's daughter. Every facial feature screamed Rose, except for her hair, which was almost an exact copy of Emmett's golden curls. Suddenly, a cry erupted from my arms, and terror seized me.

"What did I do? Did I break her?" I handed her to Rosalie, and she quieted some.

"Don't worry Edward, its just time for dinner," Rosalie reassured me. It took a few minutes for my heart to stop pounding.

"We better let you get to it," Alice laughed as she leaned over and kissed Rosalie and Emmett's cheeks. "I'll stop by tomorrow alright?"

"Same with us," Carlisle spoke up, kissing Rosalie's forehead and shaking Emmett's hand. Esme followed Alice's suit as we all formed a line to say goodnight to the newest honorary Cullen. Bella leaned in and whispered something to both Rosalie and Emma before giving Emmett a huge hug and saying her goodnights. I was the last one out, closing the door behind me, I caught one more peak at their family. Emmett sat, doting happily as Rosalie fed Emma. Everyone was glowing and content, and in that moment, I felt a new wave of envy. _I wanted an uncomplicated life_.

"Hey, are you coming?" Bella stepped up beside me silently, and scared me.

"Will you move to LA with me?" I spewed quickly. She looked up at me with a confused look on her face.

"What?"

"Will you move to LA with me next year? I have to relocate, and I don't want to lose you, but we don't have to, I'd be happy to forget everything and have a baby," I rattled off quicker than before. Bella's face paled slightly as we stood there for a few minutes in awkward silence.

"Let me get this straight," she tarted cautiously, "You want to either move to LA, be a musician, and fulfill your dream, or you want me to start popping kids out as you fall into a life you were fighting to avoid, just so I can have you home very night by five?"

"No, its not like that," I tried to recover, "I just meant," Bella's lips met mine before I had a chance to ruin things again. I felt her hands root themselves in the nape of my neck as she pressed herself up on her tip toes to kiss me harder. After a second, I responded, wedging my hands in her hair, and tilting my neck down to make access easier. The whole world stopped as we froze in this moment. Slowly, I felt Bella's hands loosen from my hair, followed by her setting herself back on the floor and pulling her lips from mine.

"Edward, I would love to move to LA with you, but it doesn't have to be a one or the other thing. We can have children, one day, far, far down the line," she whispered, trailing off with a few more 'far's'.

"But you want to move with me?" I picked her up and swung her around happily, ignoring everyone else in the hallway. She bit her lip and nodded as she smiled at me eagerly. In a second, we were wrapped in each other again, forgetting everyone else. _Damn, she is going to kill me_. I broke away from Bella just as a groan rumbled in her throat. I pulled her along behind me, hurriedly making our way to the end of the hall. I opened the last door and pulled us both in when no one was looking.

"So, are we just going to make supply closets our thing now or what?" Bella laughed as I clicked on the overhead light. I wiggled my eyebrows mischievously as I scooped her cheeks and brought those lips to mine again, sucking and kissing with ever ounce of myself.

"I've needed this for so long," I moaned against her neck as she ran her hands along my chest and shoulders. Bella just moaned in response. Her hands pulled me closer to her skin as I greedily worshiped what I had missed for so long, nipping and kissing softly along the trails I had mapped out so long ago. Her skin was still the sweetest sin to me, just as I knew it always would be. I slid my hands along her stomach, pulling her shirt up, but allowing me greater access to more skin that I craved. _I was addicted_. Bella bit my neck roughly, making my eyes roll back farther in ecstasy. In an instant, I had Bella's jeans joining mine in a pile on the floor as she wrapped her legs around my waste. We had forever to worship, now, we needed to be together, to feel that connection.

"I love you," I moaned, as our bodies moved together, mixing together all those old emotions, fanning the fires we had missed for so long. Bella's fingers dug into my shoulders as she kissed me, full of want and need. We drank in each other's moans as I ran my hands along her burning flesh.

"I love you," Bella whispered as she clenched around me, causing me to last just a little after her until we both became a sweaty mess of nothing, taking deep breaths and trying to to move.

"We really have to stop meeting like this," Bella laughed. I sat her down again as she unwrapped her legs from my waste. Slowly, I tortured myself by watching her get dressed again. I slipped my pants on absently, watching her slip hers higher, covering those legs that I wanted.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to do better, but I couldn't wait," I stuttered, finally realizing the moment I just ruined. Bella smiled as she put her bra on.

"No, I feel like this is our style," she slipped her shirt on, but not before something caught my eye, "Anytime I'm with you, I'm happy, whether its in a supply closet, or our own bed. I love you." She threw me my shirt before trying to fix her hair.

"I love you," I smiled as I wrapped my arms behind her, kissing the skin at her neck a little softer this time. I traced my hands along her stomach, lifting her shirt back up.

"Edward, we really have to go," she laughed as she tried to pull her shirt down, "As much as I want to live in here forever," she trailed off.

"Oh, its not that," I said smugly, "I was just wondering when you got a tattoo."

________________________________________________________________________

**Hope you like it! Questions you should be wondering that are going to come up: Alice? Tattoo? LA? Babies? James? Jenn? Tour? Book? I think those are the only things, haha. **

**Ok, more importantly, I got the suggestion that maybe I need a Beta, sooo, I'm just throwing it out there for anyone: Want to be my Beta? Think it over, let me know. I'd really appreciate it. **

**I appreciate each and every review, so please, don't be shy. Ask me anything, tell me I suck, tell me you love it (hopefully), What you never want to see happen, or even what you want to see. **

**I respond to each one, I promise!**

**So, hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you like it. **

**love!**


	15. Against The Grain

**Music**

**"Hold You In My Arms": Ray LaMontagne**

**"Against the Grain": City and Colour**

**"I was Once a Loyal Lover": Death Cab for Cutie**

_**"87": Sam The Boy**_

**Bella POV**

"That really tickles," I mumbled, keeping my eyes still shut tightly, avoiding the morning light. I felt Edward's chest vibrate against my stomach as he laughed to himself. He continued to trace a line on my skin, no doubt fingering the lettering etched there forever. I could feel his warm breath on my exposed stomach, and felt completely whole for a moment. His chin was digging into my stomach, but I didn't care, I loved feeling him on me. I ran my hands through my hair and over my eyes, trying to push today away. _Not today_. I cringed as a wave of sadness pummeled me.

"I can't help it," Edward whispered, still dragging his fingers along the skin below my right breast. "Why?" he breathed.

"We've already been through this," I grumbled, "I don't know." He shifted and I knew he was staring at me, trying to figure me out.

"You're lying," he chuckled before lowering his lips to kiss the elegant scrawl. I didn't want him to know why; it was a dumb reason. "Please, tell me Bella. I can't read your mind." I finally peaked and looked at his face. He was still leaning on my stomach and I wrapped my knees around him. His brow was furrowed. When I though he had been joking, he had been completely serious. _He really wants to know_. I closed my eyes again, already hating today for more than the normal reasons.

"If I tell you, will you make me a promise?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Depends."

"After I tell you, we have to start packing," I leaned up slightly and peaked through one eye, watching him mull over my new request.

"Why? Can't we just take a plane and buy new stuff?" he asked, trying to work around my guidelines. I shook my head, and he scowled slightly.

"No!" I graoned, "We're leaving tonight, and we can't put it off any movers have to come get the boxes."

"Fine," he whispered. "We'll start packing." I sat up on my elbows and took a deep breath.

"When I went back home, I figured out that no matter what happened, I would never get over you," Edward's eyebrows shot up a little, but he soon regained his composure. "I never wanted to forget who I was when I was with you."

"Bella," he started to interrupt me.

"No, let me finish," he nodded. "I couldn't get that song out of my head, it was sort of a mantra for me, and I never wanted to forget it, and who it made me. As much as it hurt me, I knew that I needed it. So, I went to a shop in town, and had them write 'breathe in, breathe out' and then, the rest is history." Edward sat up, and I just prayed he wouldn't laugh at me. I covered my eyes with my hands, afraid a few tears would betray me. Instead, I felt Edward's lips on mine and the warmth of his body enveloping mine.

"I love it even more now," he sighed as I opened my eyes. He had a giant grin on his face, as he kissed my nose. "Its the most sexy," he kissed my gently, "beautiful thing I've ever seen." I couldn't help the smile on my lips as he kissed me again. "I love you."

"I love you too," I smiled. We sat in our own world again, completely content. I felt the rest of the world melt away for a while. That was, until Edward's phone started to vibrate from the nightstand.

"Stay here," he whispered as he leaned over me and picked up the phone. "Hello?" I started to kiss his neck tenderly.

"I don't care, buy it," he moaned slightly. "Yes, I'd love it if you could have the papers here tomorrow, we'll be moving in about two weeks, until then we'll be at the hotel." I ran my hands along his chest as he shuddered and I slipped my hands along the dip in his lower back. "Whatever, schedule anything you want, I'll do any interviews. I have to call you back." Before I realized what was happening, Edward had us flipped around as he threw his phone on the ground and started to tickle me. The phone started to vibrate again. Edward hung his head and rested on my shoulder.

"My queen," he huffed, "It seems as if I'll never be able to fully ravish you." I ran my hands along his neck as I kissed his forehead.

"Go, take care of that. I'll start packing up my room," I whispered, getting up behind him.

"I love you," he whispered as he kissed my forehead. "And, we have a house."

"I love you, and I can't wait," I squealed as he swung me around. I crept out of his room as he picked up the phone and proceeded to moan to whoever it was about whatever it was he was being forced to do. I fumbled downstairs, still in sweats and an old t-shirt. Today I wouldn't be changing, I wouldn't be getting dressed or showering. Our apartment was quiet, which was unusual. Normally, Alice would be running around, or Rosalie would be over; but not now, not today. Rosalie was at home recovering, and Alice was, well, Alice was in just as bad a shape as I was. She still hadn't told me about the fight with Jasper, and I couldn't push her. She had enough on her plate, moving and getting ready for her internship. I know that I needed her though. I was freaking out about the move. _We were getting a house_. I wanted to jump in, with all of my heart, but things were happening so fast, and now, we were jumping into a whole new lifestyle I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle. My head spun as I stared at the empty boxes sitting in my room. Slowly, I began to pack up all of my earthly belongings. In all honestly, after two decades of life, I didn't have much to show for it; nothing but a pitiful excuse for a record collection, two boxes and a suitcase of clothes, and a box of things I chose to keep that were my mom and dad's. After a few hours of packing everything else, I started to dissect that ratty old box. I fingered Jake's old letterman jacket, running my hands along the patches and buttons, smiling at remember him and his goofy grin, standing at my door that first night. The jacket still had a faint smell of him, a musky, earthy smell, that I always was reminded of whenever I walked in the forest. Tucked under the jacket was a few old home movies and picture albums. I stacked them up and set them aside, rummaging in the bottom for something I had long since forgotten about. A police badge sat in the bottom corner tucked under my cap from graduation. I ran my hands along the smooth silver, remembering all those times as a kid I had played with it when my dad picked me up when he got home from work. I wiped my face slightly, moving the tear that had appeared. I threw everything back in the box and taped it up quickly, feeling an anger growing inside of me. Hurt gripped at my heart, making it burn and thump so loudly, I thought it'd rip right out. I threw the box under a few others, and after carefully wiping my cheeks and taking a deep breath, I crept toward Alice's room.

"Al, are you getting up today? I'm leaving in a few hours," I whispered as I closed the door behind me.

"I don't want to," Alice whispered without moving. I took a running jump and hopped into her bed.

"Well this sure is a switch," I giggled as I crawled into the blanket on the other side of her. Alice turned to me as she sat up against the headboard.

"Why are you in here?" she asked timidly. _This isn't the Alice I know and love_.

"I just finished packing, and I don't know, it was hard." She stared at me for a minute.

"You went through the box, didn't you?" she asked, sitting up a little more.

"Yeah," I trailed off.

"Let's get this started then." Alice spent the day listening to me tell stories about them. She laughed and cried with me, feeling my hurt, and enjoying when I was happy. Today meant more to me than any other day of the year. The day drifted between us telling stories, and sitting in a reverent silence, wrapped up in the blankets and our old pj's, not wanting to move, and both being perfectly alright with that. We sat in silence again, both thinking about different things. I started to think about my dad and Jacob. There were only a few days of the year that really hurt me; holidays, their birthdays, and the day of the accidents. Most days I was getting better, not hurting as much, choosing to live in the moment, and live to be a better person because I know I have to make them proud, but those days that hurt, I was letting their death beat me. Today wasn't about that. Today, I was allowed to be paralyzed, to hurt completely, but hurt not because they were gone, but because they lived.

"Do you remember the first time we did this?" Alice asked as she stretched her arms above her head slightly.

"Not really," I answered honestly. The first time Alice had tried to get me to talk, and open up, I was still delusional, not even talking or functioning.

"That makes sense, you were pretty comatose still," Alice looked saddened by the memory. "You didn't talk, didn't move, I think the only reason you ate was because I guilted you into it," Alice mused. I just nodded, remember all the times she came over and made me eat, and all the times she would remind me to move after hours of sitting in the same place. If it hadn't been for her, I would have just laid in my bed and died.

"I remember you telling me that there were certain days I could be as sad as I wanted, and I didn't have to try, but every other day, I had to try to live." I smiled at the memory. Alice hated seeing me like I was, completely lifeless, and she knew the only way to get me moving was to use guilt. I knew it hurt her to have to use that, but I understood why she did.

"I've always felt like that came out wrong. I never wanted you to get away from the hurt, I just wanted you to deal with it all, or at least try. I just don't know," Alice trailed off shaking her head.

"No, I understood," I tried to make her smile. "These days are important to me. You showed me that I can't give up on my life. They wouldn't have wanted me to give up, they would want me to be an even better person. But, you showed me that I can still celebrate their life, and not their deaths."

"I did that?" Alice giggled a little.

"Yup," I agreed, "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Alice, I feel better. Thank you for this," I smiled at her, truly grateful for her. _She only wanted what was best for me; she always had, but now, it was my turn to step up for her_.

"You're welcome, Bella, You know that I love these days as much as you!" she laughed, finally feeling at ease, as her guard had dropped slowly all day.

"Today isn't just about my ghosts, though. Not anymore." She looked at me with a puzzled glance. "Spill."

**Alice POV**

"Bella, today is about celebrating who you are and just being obscenely sad, not for my stupid drama," I scolded her slightly, laughing a little. She just stared at me a little harder, trying to figure out what was really wrong with me with a glance.

"Alice, if you don't tell me, so help me God, I will leave right now." _Looks like I'm going to lose this one_. I stared at her, not really sure if I should lie, or just tell her the truth.

"I first heard about you while I was visiting the hospital to have lunch with my dad," I started.

"Alice, I think you can skip ahead a little. I don't see what this has to do with you and Jasper," Bella looked at me confused. _It has everything to do with Jasper and I_, I wanted to scream at her, to make her see how confused I was, how much it hurt to know that someone I loved, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, resented my best friend.

"Just, let me finish," I took a deep breath, trying to start over. "My dad told me about your situation, he told me about what had happened to your mom, and then how you had your dad's heart. I hadn't ever heard of anything like it before, and for the first time in my life that I could remember, I cried for you. I cried for someone else beside myself. For my whole life, I had been the baby. Edward had been my big brother, my dad called me princess, and I was best friends with my mom. I never had any hurt in my life, never. I'm ashamed to admit it, but now I realize how selfish I was back then."

"You were just a kid, no one should know pain, not at all," Bella whispered. I nodded as she forced a smile, trying to make me feel better.

"Neither should you, but for some reason, your story hit me. Here you were, a girl my age, already having lost three of the most important people in your life. I just couldn't comprehend that. I will always feel blessed that you made me human."

"Alice, I never did that. If anything, I owe you for always making me take another breath and get out of bed. I couldn't have done that with out you."

"Ever since then, when I asked my dad if it was alright if I hung out with you, I've felt really protective. I promised you that I wasn't going to let you hurt ever again, because you had already been through too much."

"I don't remember that," Bella scrunched her eye brows in confusion and disbelief.

"You were still in the hospital. I remember you were so pale, and were barely breathing. It was more a promise for myself. But, it was that promise that I've always wanted to keep. I don't know why, but Bella, when I met you, I learned that there was more in the world than myself. That's what inspired me to intern at the place I'm going to this year. All of the proceeds from the clothes go to fund research for cancer, and food for starving nations. That's what I want to do with my life, I never want to go back to being selfish."

"Alice, you're not making sense. You can't keep that promise, its unrealistic. I already know that there is hurt in the world. Its really alright. I won't ask you to give up your life just to make sure I'm happy."

"I know," I whispered, "I just, I don't know anymore. When you left, I felt like I had failed. I didn't know if you were going to come back. And now, here I am, ready to go to LA and leave you. I don't want to be someone else who walked out on you."

"Alice, you would never be someone like that, and you never failed," Bella tried to convince me. "I don't see what this has to do with Jasper though."

"I told him that if you didn't go to LA, I couldn't." Bella's jaw dropped slightly.

"Alice, you shouldn't have done that. I'm going to LA. I wouldn't have let you stay anyway," Bella practically yelled at me.

"I know that now, but then, Jasper went off about how I would always chose you over him, and he couldn't compete."

"It came down to me versus him, didn't it?" she asked sorrowfully.

"Pretty much," I mumbled. "I just can't love someone who would make me choose, you know?"

"You should have chosen him," Bella frowned.

"What?"

"Its never been a battle. You can have us both. I know you want to protect me, but you can't watch over me forever. It seems like you're the only one who thinks that."

"Because, you don't remember how bad you were. You almost died yourself. You almost killed yourself. I can't watch that again, and I won't let that happen!" I fumed, seething from her denial.

"Alice, if I ever needed you, I know you'd come running, and I'd do the same for you, but you can't use me as an excuse not to commit to Jasper."

"What?" All the air escaped my lungs.

"You're afraid of moving in with him, of moving, and of life changing to a point that you won't ever get it back. But, if there's one thing I know, life is never static, its dynamic, always changing, and you can't fight that."

"Bella, that's not it at all," I scoffed.

"Yes, it is. You're afraid to leave the security of your life, and take a risk."

"No I'm not!" I yelled.

"Alice, things aren't going to go back to how they were before. I'm not going to break again. I've learned to deal with it all. I hurt, but I have so much to live for, you don't have to worry about that. Rosalie had a baby, she's starting her own family, your parents are going to start traveling, Edward and Jasper are starting their careers, and always moving, you have a new career that's starting. Here we are, on the brink of our lives, and you're afraid. I am too, but even though everything is changing, we'll always have each other." I was speechless. Bella just sat there with a stunned look on her face, as if her outburst had been a giant epiphany for herself as well. The words floated around my room, every second gaining more and more meaning. "I love you for being my best friend, but could you honestly think that I would let you do this to Jasper, for me?"

"No," I whispered, suddenly ashamed. "I have to talk to him, don't I?" I asked timidly with a small smile.

"Yes," Bella answered for me with more enthusiasm than she had all day. We stared out the window as the sun started to set, casting a golden glow across my room, and not really moving again, completely caught up in our own worlds.

"I wrote a book," Bella stated after about an hour of silence. I felt my jaw drop.

"What?" I said again, for what felt like the millionth time today.

"I wrote a book and its going to be published under a pen name. I feel like I have to tell you," Bella answered still looking out into nothing.

"I told Edward where you were, when you went to Forks," I spewed, instantly putting my hands over my mouth. Bella just laughed at me.

"I miss Jacob and my dad so much. I feel guilty for having his heart."

"I hate that you hurt, and I feel even worse and guilty that I met you, because the only reason I met you was because they died." I had never told Bella that, but now seemed like a good time to just purge.

"I got a tattoo," Bella smiled at me, lifting her shirt slightly to show me the elegant writing of _breathe in, breathe out_ on her.

"I'm afraid there is more out there for me, and I'm wasting my time with Jasper."

"I don't know if I'm ready to move to LA," Bella whispered.

"I don't know if I'm ready to move to LA," I confided. We sat in silence again after confessing.

"We're pretty screwed, huh?" Bella laughed, bumping my shoulder with hers.

"Yeah," I agreed, wholeheartedly.

"We'll be ok, won't we?" she asked timidly. For the first time all day, I smiled feeling the world resettle and become peaceful.

"Yeah. I have no doubt that we'll figure it all out."

"Glad one of us has some hope," Bella laughed as she snuggled back down in my blankets, fighting against time and change.

"That's all we need."

**Edward POV**

_It all starts, in eighty-seven. She's just a little girl, in Washington. In her eyes, you'll see a little bit of the Pacific, she keeps a piece of it. And we've got, no place to go, but up. I think this is a really good thing we've got going, without knowing, what comes next. I think I could be happy with you, for a long time, if you're all mine, what comes next?_

I let the last chords ring as I shook my head, completely unhappy with what I had just written. I just couldn't get anything right today. I knew today was going to be a bad day when I woke up, and Bella told me she would be with Alice all day. _Something has to be wrong_. I wish she would tell me what was happening. Instead, I had to spend the day doing interviews with Jasper, and then, on top of that, I had to pack. Today was draining, to say the least. I shook my head, reading over the scrawl on the legal pad in front of me. I started again, hoping I could fix it somewhat.

_I regret, the handful of times, that I have made you cry, and I apologize, but don't forget to read those last few lines, and please just come inside, its so damn cold tonight. And we've got, no place, to go, but up. And we just need someplace to grow, because, I think this is a really good thing we've got going, without knowing, what comes next. I think I could be happy with you, for a long time, if you're all mine, what comes next?_

"Sounds good." I turned around quickly to find Bella sitting on the floor against a chair. A smile inadvertently spread across my face.

"You're not supposed to hear this," I put my guitar down and opened my arms for her to come to me. She sat on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I liked it though," she whispered, burying her head in my neck as I wound my arms around her, holding her close against my chest. "Who was it about?"

"That's a ridiculous question," I scoffed. "Clearly its about Emmett."

"Oh," she giggled. "Well, I loved it."

"How was your day?" I asked as we soaked into each other on the coffee table.

"Healing," she whispered. I wanted to ask more, why, how, what, but I knew that it wasn't my place. If whatever happened today made her happy, I didn't care what happened. "How was your day?"

"Boring," I shrugged, "We were invited to the Grammy's."

"Oh," she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she sat up and looked at me, "Just your average Thursday, huh?"

"You know that I'm not going to buy into that stuff. We can go if you want to," I trailed off.

"Of course we're gong Edward! This is your job!" she bellowed. I couldn't help but laugh at her outburst.

"But, we'll be moving in that week, and adjusting to LA. Do you really want to go then?"

"Of course! This is a big deal!" she was getting angry, and I loved it.

"Fine, I guess we'll go." She snuggled herself back down, mumbling to herself about how I was an idiot and she was even dumber for loving me.

"Ok," I mumbled, pulling my arms a little tighter around her. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," she whispered, digging deeper into my chest. I wasn't sure if she really meant it, or if she was just putting on a brave front, but to her credit, Bella stood up and eyed me with a giant smile on her face. "Let's go." With that, we finished packing up our suitcases we'd carry, including my guitar case and a backpack for Bella. By the time we finished 'saying goodbye' to the rooms, our car was waiting to whisk us to the airport. The whole car ride, Bella was quiet, staring out the window at the passing city. I wanted to say so much, but I couldn't think of anything good enough. It was easy for us to slip into the airport undetected, but just to be safe, I had Bella wearing my baseball cap pretty low on her head while I pulled my hood up and covered my head. The plane ride was a completely different story. I had to sign a handful of autographs, and take what felt like a million pictures. Bella waited for me in our seats, and I felt so guilty. _She needed me now_. As soon as the attendant turned on the fasten seatbelt light, I ran to Bella's seat to find her staring out the window into the night.

"Are you alright?" I asked, afraid she would finally realize the mistake she was making by moving with me, and bolt off of the airplane. She turned and smiled at me, the orange glow from the lights outside illuminating her face.

"More than alright," she whispered, as I put my arm around her and she curled into my side. "I love you." Her face rested on my shoulder as the plane started to take off. I could smell a warm strawberry scent from Bella's shampoo spreading around me, even under the old cap. Her hand clutched at my shirt carelessly as we took off. I shut my eyes in pain, feeling the weight of my decisions fully now. My whole life was sitting beside me, coming with me to LA, giving up everything to be with me, so I could follow my dream, and I had no idea what I could give her. Lights clicked off around us as the cabin started to settle into a quick nap before we arrived at LAX.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered, aimlessly drawing with her fingers on my pants.

"How I'll never be able to tell you or show you how much I love you," I responded, noticing how the corners of her mouth pulled upwards slightly.

"I have the same problem," she giggled, "but I think this is a really good thing we've got going. I think I could be happy with you, for a long time, if you're mine." I couldn't help but laugh a little as she sang my song back to me in a hushed tone. I wrapped my arms around her tighter.

"You're too good to be true, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I know," she nodded solemnly. Again, silence filled the compartment for a few minutes.

"What are you thinking about?" I whispered as I watched Bella trace more and more against my thigh. She shook her head slightly. "Come on," I pleaded.

"I don't want you thinking I'm giving up everything for you. We're partners. I need you to realize that," she trailed off. _God, its like she can read my mind_.

"I know. Partners, fifty-fifty," I smiled at the idea. I felt Bella's mood shift, and mine along with hers, as if what had been bothering us both was suddenly cleared up in so little words. I felt waves of excitement and wonder at the whole world that was in front of us, waiting, for _both_ of us to start, _together_. Bella shifted for the first time since take off, pulling something out of her back pack.

"Let's celebrate our new life by focusing on where we're going," she had a glint in her eye as she held up a magazine. "You're most recent interview." I groaned slightly, rolling my head against the headrest.

"You know I don't want to buy into that stuff," I said, frustrated. She just flipped open the magazine without even listening to me.

"Oh, this isn't to praise you, I plan on making fun of you," Bella grinned mischievously. I smiled even bigger, infinitely grateful for the person Bella made me; carefree, humble, a better person than I had ever been before, and filled with hope for the person I could become. "Ok, so," she cleared her voice and began:

"World, meet Such a Simple Fool. Such a Simple Fool, meet the world. Now, meet Edward Culle, the man behind Such a Simple Fool, who is absolutely anything but.

In a recent conversation with Edward he told me that earlier in the day he had done nothing except listen to records and praise the queen. Whatever that means. Nothing is every very ordinary with the man from Washington state. He also told me about a really dangerous run in he had with an escalator and a pair of moccasins. "Sometimes when I'm riding an escalator and I get to the top I don't pick my feet up and step off like a normal person. Instead I just lift my toes enough to get over the metal lip and I let the escalator push me off itself. Well, once I was walking around in the Seattle airport and I did that but failed to lift my toes high enough. The sole of the shoe got dragged under the metal lip and the escalator bucked me off and out of the shoe. I got up and saw that the shoe, which was standing straight up on its toe, had brought the crowded escalator to a complete stop. I salvaged what I could of the shoe and quickly scurried away. I'd imagine the technician was not too happy to discover the rest of it still jammed in the top of his broken escalator." Yes, these are the kinds of stories Edward would rather talk about than his front page exploits, captured on the front of every gossip column in the states. Surprisingly down to earth, Edward regaled us with stories of his new niece, daughter of body guard, Emmett McCarthy, and how the Dodgers were doing this season. Get this man started on baseball or old vinyl records, and you'll be hearing nothing else. "Its probably my biggest vice, I am in love with old vinyl. Its so unpractical now, but I guess I'm just old fashioned." Old fashioned doesn't begin to describe the crooner from the northwest. Its almost as if he took etiquette lessons. "No," he shook off our comment, "my mother just raised me to be polite." And with that, another hour was gone, swapping stories with Edward about family, friends, and life in San Francisco. The only subject that Edward seemed to avoid completely, was rumored girlfriend, Bella Swan. "We're very happy," he grins, bigger than ever before. Edward, Edward, Edward, you should know that's not a good enough answer when you have hoards of screaming girls at every concert! You're going to have to dish one day, buddy!

A few of the best bands, in my opinion, have originated in Washington. Agreed? Some examples are Death Cab for Cutie and Nirvana. On how Washington has influenced Edward's songwriting he explains, "Oh I don't know, that's kind of difficult to figure out an answer to. I've definitely spent a whole lot of time listening to grunge and Death Cab. I hope some of it has rubbed off on me. It's not something I intentionally do, like try to mimic their style or anything. If you enjoy something enough and then you create work in that field it's going to be reminiscent of that original work a lot of the time. The hard part is to use what you liked while still bringing enough of yourself into it to call it your own. But, I grew up listening to worn out records ranging from Joe Purdy to Otis Redding to Bob Dylan to Kings of Leon to the Strokes to ACDC. The whole world is an influence."

Describing his writing process. "I think the main inspiration I have, is life. I don't have just one type of song, I have a song describing a break ups, hate, love, family, friends, anger, happiness, sex, love, peace, its all there, things I face every day. Why would I try to write about anything else? Someone can only write about what they know, and I may not know much, but I do know about a few things. I write things that I can't say out loud," Edward said.

When asked if Edward wants to share any exciting news about upcoming albums or tours he said, "Yes, very exciting news. New album is coming out in a few months, and a tour will follow no doubt."

On a side note, Edward's new song "Even Now" is my current addiction. It's one part Jack's Mannequin, one part The Fray, one part Reliant K and five thousand parts Such a Simple Fool. Go listen. "

I looked at Bella's face as she read, and saw her blushing slightly.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Praising the queen? Seriously?" she blushed a deeper shade of red.

"From that whole article, the only thing you're worried about is my joke that qualified me as a freak?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes. And the fact that the whole world is in love with you. It's almost a little gross." I stuck my tongue out at her.

"I'll bite it off," she quipped, flipping through the magazine some more.

"Please," I whispered, leaning close to her ear, "Don't make promises you don't intend to keep." I heard her breath hitch as I smugly sat back in my chair was we descended to our new home. I pulled my guitar case down and picked up Bella's bag for her. The driver was apparently going to grab our luggage for us, so all we had to do was make it to the car. As the rest of the plane exited, I decided now was a good time to talk to Bella.

"This is going to be rough," I started. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm more than capable of handling a few photographers. I mean, don't I just look lovely for the front page tomorrow?" she asked, motioning to her hair, flying out in strays from under the baseball cap, wearing my jacket and a pair of old jeans.

"More than beautiful," I muttered, kissing her forehead, "But, these are going to be a different breed of photographers than we had at home. They want blood. So, just don't answer anything, keep your head down, and we'll make a break for it. Bella huffed, hating that I was treating her like a helpless child. But, I knew better. I shuddered at the thought of run ins with paparazzi and fans; ripping clothes, pulling my hair, scratching, light bulbs blinding me from every angel.

"Let's do it," she smiled. I intertwined our fingers, pulling her close as we made our way out to the terminal.

"Stay close," I whispered as I wrapped my arm around her waist, and pulled her to my side. Instantly, as we turned the corner from the gate, screams erupted. "I love you," I whispered in her ear. The only response I got was a squeeze on my hand, but it was more than enough. I only saw flashes and the world went silent. The noise was so loud, I knew that if Bella needed me, I wouldn't hear her, so I tried my best to watch her, while navigating us through the crowd. Questions were being thrown at us from every side. "How was the flight?", "Where's the new house?", "Are you getting married?", "What's happening?"

"The flight was lovely," Bella answered, surprisingly keeping cool.

"God, I love you." She just smiled back at me as we climbed into our car, shutting out the screaming people behind us.

"This isn't going to be so bad," she smiled, but I could tell she was shaken. _She should be, we just had a crowd of fifty people snapping pictures and yelling at us, hell, I was anxious_.

"We can do it," I assured her and tried to calm her. "Let's go home," I whispered as the car started to move.

"Home," she repeated after me, kissing my jaw.

____________________________

**Ok, so song: "87" by Sam The Boy. Check him out on myspace. AMAZING!**

**Hope you liked. Now its getting good! LA is next. **

**Please let me know what you think: What should happen next? What do you think is going to happen? **

**I know, it as mostly filler, but it moved us along, and lets just say, its going to be getting pretty good, I promise!**


	16. Hand on Your Heart

**Music:**

**"I know, I Know, I Know": Tegan and Sara**

**"Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades": Brand New**

**"Black Wedding": Meg & Dia**

**"Strip Tease": Danity Kane**

**Bella POV**

_Shoulders down, Leg Out, Bend Over, Lips Pout, Bat Eyes, Show thigh, Lift em Up, Don't Touch. I got a proposition if you want it (if you want it). Dare you to let me run some game on you (game on you). Undress me with your eyes. You're in for a surprise. What's underneath my exterior? You do your best to put your name on it (Name on it). But you could never put your claim on it (claim on it). Create your fantasy, Which role you wanna be? Check the reflection in the mirror. I know you like it, the way I do it private, You can't deny it. Just wanna please you. Blow out you candle in my birthday suit. Surprise. Just let me make your night. I'll do you like you like. I'll fulfill your needs. Keep your tip this one on me._

I couldn't help but sing along and move my hips as the music flowed through every room in the house. Edward had made sure that we had a huge stereo system installed before we ever started moving in, and at first, I never appreciated it, but now, it seemed almost necessary. I continued to direct movers and furniture delivery guys around the house as they set up our new life. The house looked like a spanish mission, and as much as I argued with Edward about getting such a big house when it was only the two of us, I was falling in love with it. The giant kitchen, with all new appliances didn't hurt that much, neither did having an office with book shelves already mounted into the walls. The only reason I agreed to it though, was because it was the smallest of the houses he had told me about, only four bedrooms and three bathrooms. _Only..._ We had agreed to change one of the bedrooms into a music room, consisting of a wall of records and Edward's piano and guitars. I usually snuck into that room when I missed him. Something about sitting in there, listening to the silence, made me feel closer to him.

"Go ahead and put that in the master bedroom. Last door at the end of the hall," I motioned to the group of me carrying a giant bed set upstairs. I smiled as the bed and wrought iron bedposts made their way upstairs, internally counting down the hours until we could christen it. Edward was at 'work' as we liked to call it. Even though it wasn't an average nine to five, it kept him away from home a lot more than I'd like. The past month had been a blur of moving preparations and hiding from cameras. Edward constantly apologized for what he was getting us into, but I just kissed him, and told him not to worry about it. Truth be told, I really didn't mind what happened outside of our universe. It didn't bother me that I was in every gossip magazine, every week, being picked apart. Edward and I were happy, and everything they printed wasn't true. We just didn't let it bother us, and that's how we had been going about our life, pretending that we were normal. As the movers buzzed around me, I started to unpack a few random boxes, trying to adjust completely. But, I wasn't sure if I would ever feel completely adjusted. It was hard to be away from everything that was familiar to me, everything I had ever known to be stable.

Alice wouldn't be down here until September, so I was still a month away from having her here. But, I suspected that her and Jasper needed some time to sort out their relationship. _I mean, it pretty much was my fault that they were fighting, as much as Alice would deny it_. We still weren't sure if Rosalie and Emmett would be moving here. Edward had offered Emmett the position as head of his security, but Rosalie loved San Francisco, she loved the bar, and she didn't want to raise her daughter in Los Angeles. _I couldn't really blame her, this town isn't for families_. For now, the only thing I had was Edward. _Not like I was complaining_. Every day with him was amazing. No matter how busy he had been, there was always time for us to be, well, us. We went to lunch, movies, I hung out with him at the studio, we went record and grocery shopping. If it weren't for the crowds that followed, you'd think we were an average, everyday couple. The only thing we avoided was reading magazines, well gossip magazines. We still read Edward's interviews and profiles in music magazines, but anything else was forbidden. We had a silent agreement about that, which I appreciated. Every morning, no matter what he was doing, if he wasn't there when I woke up, there was a note. Usually something simple like 'lunch at 2, my love?' or 'I'll never get over how beautiful you are, my queen'. Simple reminders of why I was in love with him.

_You know you want my strip tease, if you want it say please. You know you want my strip tease, if you want it say please. You know you want my strip tease, if you want it say please. You know you want my strip tease, if you want it say please. I can make it if you want it. You been real good and I can tell you on your best behavior Slowly I remove all my articles-of-clothing and I let you come and sneak a peak. What's behind door number 3? Take off your blindfold to see clear. The walls are talking bout the things we doing. Flip me and try an acrobatic movement (flip it, flip it) This is the center ring, come on come on lets see the main attraction like the Ringling Brothers_

I heard someone clear their throat behind me, and I blushed as I stopped dancing around the kitchen instantly, frozen in embarrassment holding a frying pan and pot in each hand.

_It's so erotic. Here's goes I got a pocket full of candy with your favorite flavors. You can have it now or later. Don't you wanna taste? Don't have no time to waste. I got some tasty cakes, my fillings so sweet, and its good enough to eat_

"Why in the world would you stop?" A velvety voice growled into my ear as I felt a warm body press against me. The blush deepened without my consent as strong arms wrapped around my waist. I grinned a little to myself as I ground slightly against him and the pots fell to the floor. _How the hell can he still make me have butterflies? _Lips found their way to my neck as a strong hand slipped below the fabric of my shirt, tracing lower until they hitched in the top of my pants. The biting and nipping at my neck continued, torturing me as the music thumped still.

_Shoulders down, Leg Out, Bend Over, Lips Pout, Bat Eyes, Show thigh, Lift em Up, Don't Touch. And I just cant stop my clothes from falling down. And we've only got tonight so make it count (one, two, three, four). And I got you on the edge of your seat. Anticipating my strip tease_

"That's quite a welcome," I spun around to meet a familiar pair of emerald eyes, glowing with lust and filled with wanting. "I thought you wouldn't be home until later tonight." I never got an answer; instead I was hitched up onto Edward's waist and set on the kitchen counter as Edward ground against me, two pieces of fabric separating us from what we needed. I could feel Edward pressing against me, and I knew what we both wanted. I captured his lips with mine, pulling on his bottom one with my teeth, I caught a soft moan coming form him. I rooted my hands in his hair, pulling him closer, letting our tongues go deeper as the need for friction increased. _This is not where I expected my day to go, but fuck if I wasn't going to enjoy it_.

"Need," Edward whispered against the skin below my ear, "now." I moaned as his hands slid up my shirt, higher and higher, until they reached below my bra. My legs wrapped around his torso, needing to feel more. Edward and I hadn't been exceptionally aggressive the past month, mostly because of pure exhaustion that plagued us from moving, and press, him for music, and me for my book, as well as job hunting. This new contact was like throwing a match into a barrel of gasoline. I could feel the fire spreading all over my body, radiating from every piece of skin that he touched. My hands dug into his back, needing him closer. "Fuck," he hissed as my hands moved to the front of his jeans and traced gently at the boundary line from the promised land. I smiled to myself at the reaction. _No matter what they say about me in the press, no one could ever take away the effect we had on each other_. We were in a frenzy, working harder and faster, completely out of control. A new voice cleared their throat across the kitchen.

"The movers are done," a deep, familiar voice muttered awkwardly. I buried my head in Edward's shirt, knowing full well that Harvey had just seen us rounding second base on the kitchen counter. Harvey, the giant security teddy bear that was with me every day, forced to 'protect' me from the world because Edward had assigned him to me. Harvey, the man who would no doubt mercilessly mock me because, like Emmett, he enjoyed seeing me blush and avert my eyes awkwardly.

"I think you can take the rest of the day off, Harvey," Edward chuckled, turning around and shielding me. Harvey just laughed.

"I can you you have everything under control here," he managed to say between stifled laughs, "I'll see you in the morning, Bells." I just mumbled and clutched Edward's shirt tighter.

"I thought having our own place meant never being walked in on," I mumbled sliding off of the counter. Edward didn't move, but kept me pinned against it. I could feel him, still waiting for me and I smiled to myself. I raised my eyes to meet his. If it were possible, they were clouded with even more lust than they were a few minutes ago.

"I don't know where you think you're going," he grinned a devilishly crooked grin, intertwining his fingers with mine and pinning them behind my back. I pressed my body into his, feeling the storm build even greater. I pretended to struggle as his eyebrows quirked. "I thought you'd like to know that I took the rest of the day off to be with you." My heart raced as he whispered against my neck.

"Mmmm," was the only intelligent thing I could groan. I gave up struggling, happily defeated as we devoured each other in the kitchen once again.

"I was just thinking about christening our new bed," I whispered, seductively trailing my finger down his toned chest. Like a kid on christmas morning finding a new shiny bike sitting under the tree, Edward smiled and before I knew it, lugged me over his shoulder, carrying me two at a time up stairs towards our bedroom. "What are you," I laughed, clutching at his shirt, "a caveman?" _Not that I was minding the view of his nice ass running up the stairs_. With a swat on my ass, Edward flipped me onto the unmade mattress in our giant, and still undecorated, master sweet. He stood above me on the floor at the edge of the bed.

"Ugh, me Edward," he pounded his chest lightly. "You make love to me now!" he jumped up into the bed beside me, laughing at himself. I couldn't help but join in with him. He slid up on top of me, sensually. _Fuck me if I didn't about explode right there_. His hands slid up under my shirt, bringing it up over my head. Eagerly, hurriedly, Edward's lips licked and nipped at my exposed skin. "You pretty," he grunted. sliding his hand down below the button of my jeans, gently rubbing the fabric from the outside. His long fingers stroked the fabric, all but making me gush right there. "Too much clothes," he grunted, furrowing his eyebrows as he broke away from my lips. I rolled him over as he unbuttoned my jeans.

"Hmmmm, I want to savor this," I whispered, sending shivers over his body as I let my crotch grind against his, um, problem. I watched in victory as his eyes rolled back in his head slightly. I grazed my fingernails over his bare chest as I slid his shirt up, higher until his beautiful chest was naked in front of me. He was like water to me, and I was stuck in a desert. I trailed kisses to the button of his jeans, before making my way back to his lips, making this circuit a few times, while gliding over the bulge in his pants a few times, each time getting a hiss in return as Edward sucked in air.

"Fuck," me moaned as I finally unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down slowly before throwing them on the floor. I slid back up towards him and locked my knees around his waist, straddling him. He pulled me closer, and back to his lips, letting my whole body lean against his. I could feel the heat radiating between us, and the heaving of our breaths that mixed together as it all became too much.

"Let's invest in a loin cloth for you," I whispered as I pushed his boxers down to the floor. Edward chuckled quickly as he flipped me over.

"Still too much clothes, my queen," he murmured as he tugged my jeans down to join his on the floor. "Me love you no clothes," he grunted again as he pulled my panties down to join the growing pile of clothes on the floor. "Perfect," he whispered, trailing his hands torturously slow up to where I needed them. I bucked against him as he tortured me with kindness. I couldn't even understand the incoherent things that were trailing from my lips.

"No," I finally managed to put together words. Edward stopped and looked at me questioningly. I took this instant to hitch on leg onto his waist. "I need you. Now!" I moaned, grinding against him. His eyes shot up as he eagerly met my request. We became one giant mass of breathless, sweaty limbs, scratching, biting, sucking, and rocking together. I could feel Edward's labored breath on my neck between kisses and murmurs of love. As his hands played me all too well, I knew I wouldn't last nearly long enough. I was completely undone right before Edward lost it. We both sat in the aftermath, not moving, regaining our breath and ability to speak. Edward hovered above me, gingerly kissing my clavicle while I ran my hands along his shoulders.

"That," I trailed off.

"Yeah," Edward whispered after a few minutes when his breathing returned to normal. He finally rolled over after a few minutes, and I found my favorite spot on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"I think you were born in the wrong time period," I smiled to myself while gently kissing his chest.

"Yeah?" he asked skeptically.

"You are definitely meant to live in the time of cavemen," I giggled to myself. Edward let out a loud call that sounded like an ape.

"That makes you Jane, if I'm Tarzan," he laughed.

"I think I'm alright with that," I closed my eyes for a minute. "So all day, huh?"

"All day, just me and you," he whispered and kissed the top of my head.

"What'd you agree to do to get today off?" I finally sat up on my elbows and eyed his peaceful face. He was absolutely glowing. His hair was on fire, floating in all directions, and he wore a huge grin; the grin of a man who just got laid. After I asked the question though, his eye brows furrowed. "Spit it out," I begged, already somewhat afraid of what he'd have to do.

"Charity ball fundraiser. Both of us," he muttered and squinted up his face as if I would hit him.

"When?" I laid back down.

"Next Thursday."

"But that's my birthday," I trailed off. I didn't know how I wanted to spend my twenty first birthday, but some ritzy charity ball, talking to the snobs of LA, didn't really sit high up there on the list.

"I know," he muttered, "I'm so sorry. We just have to make an appearance, and then, we can do whatever you want. And, you get me all to yourself the beginning of the day, I swear. On the positive side of this all, I did get today off." I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. Let's just get it over with. Then, I don't know. Can't I just go buy a bottle of Vodka and we can split it and have sloppy, drunken sex?" Edward's chest buzzed.

"If that's what you want," he kissed me again, "that's what we'll do, my queen." I kissed his chest again after tracing circles on it.

"I am glad you got to come home early today though," I confessed, "I have been counting down the minutes until we could christen this bed." Edward sat up, pulling me with him.

"What do you say we christen the shower next?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're insatiable," I giggled as he picked me up and carried me towards the bathroom.

"You're delicious," he murmured. And, with that, we were starting our day.

**Edward POV**

Watching Bella get dressed was probably the sweetest torture imaginable. I just managed to pull on a pair of jeans before I hopped up onto the bed, leaned against the headboard, and watched her pick out clothes. She slid on black lacy boy shorts before deciding to put on her favorite pair of jeans, the ones that rode dangerously low, almost as if she were planning on taunting me all day. _Not like what she wears really matters_. Anything she chose, would mostly likely drive me crazy. I could see the dew from the shower still present on her shoulder as she slipped on a matching black bra. I internally groaned and took a few deep breaths.

"Doing alright?" she asked with an amused tone. _No!_ I wanted to shout and carry her back to that shower. _Oh, thank God for that beautiful shower_. It was probably my new favorite place in the house; tied with the kitchen counter.

"Perfect," I smiled. I watched her ogle me for a minute. I didn't bother to move or cover up, but instead flexed slightly, constricting my abs and chest, and grinning the most seductive grin I could. The blush forming at the base of her cheeks showed me I was hitting a nerve. She hurriedly turned and threw me a shirt.

"Let's go then, I'm starving," she quickly averted her eyes when I stood up, stretched as high as I could as slipped the black shirt she threw me. Slowly, I let the shirt slide down. I could feel my pants sag slightly. By the time I pulled the shirt down, Bella was still gawking at me.

"Like what you see?" I smiled as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Oh, dear God yes," she breathed. I puffed my chest in victory. Bella finished getting ready and I crept down to the music room and pulled out the guitar she had bought me so long ago. I dug behind it, finding the small box I had slipped there. Today hadn't gone the way I had expected. _I had a plan; a romantic, knock Bella's socks off, make her love me forever, plan_. Not that I really minded how the day had progressed so far. Finding her in the kitchen, hips swaying, moving her lips along with the music, I lost every ounce of control I had ever possessed. She was too sexy for her own good. I was addicted to her, and everything she ever did, seemed to just give me another high. _I could still salvage tonight though_. She had no idea about what was coming, but that's how I wanted it. I peaked inside the box quickly, just to make sure, before I slid it into my pocket.

"Hey, put that down," I heard Bella scold me from the doorway, "Its your day off." I tucked the guitar back into the case and turned to her. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail that she had threaded through my old Dodger hat. _Oh, God that hat had nothing but good memories_. I loved to see her wearing it, which she had taken to doing to avoid pictures and blend in somewhat. The worst thing, however, wasn't the hat that reminded me of those fucking sexy pigtails. The worst was my old blue and green flannel shirt she had left unbuttoned from the top three buttons, and rolled the sleeves up loosely. _There is nothing, I repeat, nothing as sexy as a girl wearing your clothing; and when she looks that damn good in it, fuck me_.

"Yes ma'am," I shrugged and sloshed out of the room behind her. "Let's eat."

"Where are we going?" she asked, warily eying the outside world from the kitchen window.

"Secret," I shrugged and pulled her into the Volvo. She huffed. I knew how much she hated secrets, but this would probably make her day, so I wasn't about to give in. We pulled out and navigated through the photographers stationed outside of our gated community. As soon as we were free from being chased, Bella switched on the radio and began to sing along to whatever came on. I loved listening to her. She was completely uninhibited.

"Rose called today," Bella informed me between songs. "She wanted to know what we were going to do for Thanksgiving."

"What do you want to do?" I asked, not really knowing, and feeling incredibly awkward, that for the first time in my life, we were making decisions as a unit.

"Do you have anything going on?" she asked tentatively as we pulled up to the small diner near the outskirts of LA.

"I'm pretty sure I have a show or two the week before, but nothing much. Want to go to San Fran?"

"Rose was talking about coming to visit," Bella trailed off awkwardly, and bit at her bottom lip. For a moment I forgot what we were talking about, and all I could think of doing were horridly, horridly awesome things with those lips.

"Thanksgiving at the new house? That sounds perfect!" I was beyond ecstatic. Bella's face was a mix of surprise and relief.

"Really?" she let out a pent up breath.

"Yeah!" I leaned over and kissed her quickly, "We can have everyone over. It'll be the first of many holiday's in this house." I opened up Bella's door for her, relieved that there weren't any photographers there yet. We hurried inside and grabbed a booth against the back wall. The idea of having people in our home; having our family with us, under our roof, made me feel an overwhelming sense of pride. We were finally starting our life together, and it all felt so, so, right.

"I'm craving a huge nasty burger," I muttered as Bella and I ordered drinks. I tried to avoid looking up at the waitress, who attempted to talk to me. I could feel her body lower close to mine, and I tried to avoid eye contact as much as I could.

"Won't your trainer be pissed?" she giggled and rolled her eyes, noticing the flirty actions of our server.

"I'll just tell him I did a few extra work outs," I winked back at her, to be rewarded with a significant blush as she scanned the menu. The waitress sighed, glared at Bella, and took our orders. Being with Bella was better than being with some actress-wannabe who waitressed while waiting for her 'big break' in tinsel town. I had eyes only for Bella, and I could only hope that she knew that. _I will show her, somehow, someway_. Dinner was a mess of us talking about Thanksgiving, family, and how we liked LA so far. Bella was excited about planning the dinner, probably happy to be able to use the giant kitchen for something more than grilled cheese sandwich and pop tarts. As much as I tried to hide it, I was excited to see little Emmy. Pictures of her covered our fridge at home, and talking to Emmett only made me wish we could see her every day, even more. I still couldn't shake the longing I had to make a family with Bella. As immasculine as it could possibly sound, I wanted a family. Bella had said far, far, far down the road, and there was a nagging in my gut about how far away that actually was. I tried to shake it and focus on Bella tell me about the latest news from Alice and Jasper. It was weird, they always were my role models when it came to relationships, but now, it seemed as if Bella and I were more on track. Dinner was delicious, and Bella and I joked as we stole fries from each other. I was only asked to pose for pictures a few times, and only had to sign a few napkins. Pretty harmless. _Phase one: dinner. Check_.

"Thank you for bringing me someplace that served burgers," Bella laughed, avoiding looking towards the cameras as she picked at a few fries on my plate.

"I knew you'd like it." I slipped the waitress the bill and told her to keep the change. She smiled at me and trailed her fingers along my hand as she picked up the check. When I looked up at Bella and smiled sheepishly, hoping she would have missed that, she just rolled her eyes, smiled at me tightly, and ran her foot up my calf gently. My eyes flashed, dismissing whatever the waitress had said to me, too distracted by Bella biting her lips nervously, but still torturing me. She yawned a little.

"What do you want to do know?" she asked as I took the last gulp of my soda.

"Phase two," I smiled seductively. "And don't even start to complain."

"I don't mind your surprises that much anymore," she grinned, trailing her foot up a little higher. I shifted in my seat as my eyes grew a little wider. _I could get used to sexually repressed, begging to be pleased Bella._

"Bella is that you?" I heard a gruff voice mutter as a giant form filled our table. I looked up to see the man I hated more than anything in the world. _No, not tonight. Not tonight. Fuck!_

"James!"

**Bella POV**

"James!" I jumped up and hugged him tightly, instantly regretting what I had just done. He spun me around and gripped me tightly, laughing the whole time. I slid back down and once my toes it the floor, I looked at Edward. A mix of anger, rage, jealousy, and utter disdain scowled on his face. In a split second he had regained composure though, and I was relieved. I had finally told him everything that had happened that night at the bakery, and let's just say, James wasn't on of Edward's favorite people. But, that had never bothered me. _What happened was mostly my fault anyways, I could never really blame James for being lost in the moment. _Besides, he snapped out of it, so it was fine. I shook my head, put on a big smile and looked back at James' smiling face.

"Hello, James," Edward growled, extending his hand. James shook it for a split second before turning to me with an even bigger smile. James was an ex, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was more of a friend the whole time we 'dated', no matter what he thought, that know it was as if I was catching up with an old classmate or best friend I hadn't seen in a few years.

"What in the world are you doing here?" I laughed and motioned for him to sit down next to me across from Edward. I could practically see the muscles tensing in Edward's neck and shoulders. _Fuck, I sat on the wrong side_.

"I got offered a job down here as a pastry chef when I sold the bakery up in Forks," James played with his fingers awkwardly, only sneaking glances at me, never looking at Edward. "A good friend from school called me and offered me the job when their old pastry chef bailed. I couldn't pass it up, so here I am. Didn't think I'd be running into you though." I looked up from the table to be caught in his teddy bear eyes once again. _I had missed him._ He was calming, and reminded me of my roots, so much. I think that was why I had clung to him so much, he rerminded me of my childhood, of times before everything turned upside down. I looked at Edward and tried to smile. _I just wish Edward would understand that even though I was with James, I never stopped loving him, ever, no matter how hard I tried_. Naively, I tried to tell him that with my eyes. I screamed it in my head towards him, but I don't think he heard.

"Small world," I heard Edward mutter from across the table. I secretly shot him a glare, warning him to be polite. He feigned innocence.

"That's enough about me, how are you enjoying life here? You look amazing" James turned to face me a little more, grinning slightly. I told him about Edward and I's house, everything Edward and I had done, and what we liked to do in the city. _Basically, there was a lot of 'Edward and I like to...'s' in the conversation. _I had hoped that would put Edward at ease somewhat, but he remained stoic.

"What about the book?" James interrupted some story about earlier in the week.

"Printed and read for distribution for Christmas," I smiled.

"I knew you could do it, back when you first told me about it!" he smiled even bigger and gave me a one armed hug.

"Yeah, its been a whirlwind," I muttered, slipping out of his arm.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back, bathroom," James leaned closer and whispered. I looked awkwardly at Edward and saw something start burning in his eyes.

"No problem," I muttered as James walked away. "What the hell are you glaring about?" I turned to scold Edward, but he just looked at the table like a beaten puppy. I got up and moved next to Edward. "Hey," I grabbed his chin, "Talk to me, please." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I don't like him," he muttered through clenched teeth.

"Edward, why?" I dropped my hands as he looked away.

"Because he loves you." I was startled at just how honest he was.

"You're an idiot," I giggled a little and snuggled under his arm. "You have nothing to worry about. I love you, my caveman, and nobody else." I felt Edward's body loosen at this as he laughed a little bit. "But, I need you to be nice, he's a friend."

"A friend wouldn't have been so aggressive with you. I won't forget that," Edward hung his head a little.

"If I can, why can't you? Let's just start over. All of us. Breathe in, breathe out," I leaned down and captured Edward's lips with my own. "Please, play nice," I pulled away when I saw James approaching. Edward mumbled something, but I didn't catch it. When I peaked in his direction, he was grinning stupidly, and for anyone else it would appear genuine, but I knew it was fake.

"Its getting pretty late," I yawned happily letting my fingers dance higher and higher up Edward's thigh on the table. _Now he's tensing for a good reason_. James just sighed. I traced circles a little higher before I started to massage gently. Edawrd went rigid.

"Yeah, I better get going. Why don't you guys stop by the restaurant sometime?" Edward opened his mouth to speak but at that moment I let my hand reach their goal and he snapped it shut.

"That sounds great," I smiled. I finally removed my hand to give James our number at home and he gave us his. We walked outside, and Edward joined us a minute later, pretty aggrivated. James hugged me tightly, holding on for a second longer than necessary. He then proceeded to give Edward a hug as if they were long lost brothers. I watched as he whispered something in his ear, or at least its what it looked like, but Edward just smiled tensely and guided me to the car.

The car ride was silent and tense. Edward zoomed around town at much too high of speeds, but I didn't want to tell him to calm down. He needed to vent, and this was his way, so I just sat back and braced myself.

"Where are we going?" I suddenly realized we were no where close to home. The dark tree's flickered past the dark window at break neck speeds.

"Secret," Edward whispered, his mood finally calming as I watched the speedometer fall below eighty. I finally reached down and intertwined my fingers with his as we pulled off onto an old service road. Slowly the car climbed higher and higher through the trees until we were sitting on the edge of the cliff in an old parking lot for service vehicles. Edward let go of my hand and pulled me out of the car.

"Come on, we're going to miss the show," he whispered as he helped me climb onto the hood of his car.

"What show?" I was completely stumped as to what was happening.

"Just wait, my love."

**Edward POV**

Phase two took a lot more planning than phase one. For phase one, all I needed was to find some food similar to that of Forks, and put Bella at ease. I never dreamed of having to factor in _James_ for any of my phases. As the car climbed higher and higher through the forest, I felt my heart beating faster, and I got a little dizzy. _That fucking bastard. I was going to kill _him. I shook my head, relaxing as Bella grabbed my hand. She smiled at me, and I felt a little more at peace with the whole situation. Every time I blinked though, I saw James' face, hugging Bella, engrossed in her stories, leaning in way too close. On top of that, factor in the little message he whispered to me as we were leaving, and I was back up to wanting to murder him again. His words echoed in my head. Had Bella not been holding my hand, I probably would be attempting to rip the steering wheel from the dashboard.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked, looking extremely confused.

"Secret," I whispered, immediately pushing James to the back of my mind. Tonight was about Bella and I, not him. He would never be included. Finding this spot took so much extra work, but I knew this would be perfect. I checked my watched and sped up a little. Finally, we reached the old gravel parking lot on the edge of the cliff, and I let go of Bella's hand, suddenly intensely excited. I parked and ran around to her door to pull her out.

"Come on, we're going to miss the show," I whispered, lifting her up to the hood of my car.

"What show?" she looked around, even more confused than before.

"Just wait, my love," I whispered into her ear as I pulled her to my chest as I sat behind her.

"What's going on?" she laughed. I just hushed her and checked my watch again. The sun was beginning to set slightly. Slowly, street lights began to flicker on throughout the city. "Wow," she murmured as the sun set lower, turning the stray clouds pink then grey. The sky glowed purple and pink until there was nothing left of the sun behind us. "You remembered," she tilted her head and kissed my cheek.

"Remembered what?" I asked coyly.

"This reminds me a lot of our first date, except on a much bigger scale." I pulled her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her and leaning on her shoulder with my chin. We sat in silence as the night consumed us. I drowned in Bella's scent and hair, pulling her warmth from her, and feeding her my own. She nuzzled against my neck. "This is nice," she sighed.

"It really is," I laughed, never wanting to move, ever again.

"So, is phase two complete?" she asked. I leaned back, pulling her with me so we were laying on the windshield. I kept her tucked against my body still, as the night breeze gave her a tiny shiver.

"Now it is," I said as we stared up at the sky. "I'm sorry we can't see all of the stars, but the lights off of LA are hard to escape."

"No, this is more than perfect," she sighed, pulling my arm around her tighter. I sat there, listening to her talk about constellations and pointing them out, telling me the stories. She was completely mine. In this moment, there was nothing else, just us. Bella, for the first time since that night in the bar, told me about her dad. She explained how he had taught her about constellations when she was little, and Jacob used to tell her old Indian stories about them. She seemed happy to finally talk about them in such a normal way. I wanted to ask her about them both more, but I didn't want to press my luck and upset her. She had divulged as much as she could, I guessed, and that was good enough. I couldn't stand thinking about her hurt. "Don't you have to get up early tomorrow?" Bella asked, a hint of sadness plaguing her voice after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah," I sighed, building up my courage a little more. We sat up, staring back at the city. "Unless you want to hold me hostage." Bella turned around, so she sat facing me and captured my lips in a quick movement. I was startled, but soon, I was moving right along with her.

"I could tie you up," she whispered against my lips, her eyelids still hooded slightly. I let my hand catch behind her neck as I pulled her back to me, begging for access for something deeper.

"That's phase five," I murmured a second later, pulling away slowly. Bella laughed and squinted her face in confusion. My phone started to vibrate in my pocket and Bella groaned, attempting to get off of the hood. I pulled her back to me as I pulled the phone out of my pocket.

"This is never going to come before you," I smiled, throwing it over the edge. Bella's eyes grew wide in surprise.

"I can't believe you did that!" she smiled, kissing me again excitedly. "What if it was important?"

"I doubt it was. You're the most important thing to me." After a few more minutes of kissing her soft, gorgeous, torturous lips, I slid off of the hood, and helped her step down with me. _Fuck, if I hadn't stopped I would have taken her right there on the hood of my car. Not like that's a bad idea..._ Instead of getting back into the car, I stopped in front of her and ran my hand through my hair.

"I'm in love with you," I started, awkwardly fumbling with my pocket.

"I love you too, Edward, and only you. Don't let this James thing bug you," she ran her hand along my cheek. "I only love you. Always have, always will." I smiled victoriously. _Take that, bitch._

"No, you don't understand," I laughed, cutting her off and getting down on one knee in front of her. "I'm completely, hopelessly, and irrevocably in love with you. I want only you, forever. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you how much I love you, but I want you, all of you, every piece, the private and the public you. And I want to give you all of me, forever. You've always had my heart. I once told you that I'd rather fight with you, than love anyone else. I'd rather fight for you, than love anyone else. I'd rather die than live a life without you, and I mean that now, just like I did then, just like I will in twenty are my life. Isabella Marie Swan, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?" I eyed her anxiously. She had her hand in front of her mouth as her eyes furrowed slightly. I pulled the tiny box out of my pocket and opened it, showing her the ring she had once worn.

"Edward," she laughed, wiping her face, "Yes! I love you." Before I knew it, she tackled me to the ground, and I was kissing feverishly.

"I love you, my queen."

"I love you, forever," Bella smiled as tears trailed down her face. I wiped them away and kissed the trails they left. Slowly, I slipped the ring onto her finger and smiled.

"Forever," I murmured against her lips. _Forever_.

________________________________________________

**So, what do you think of that? What do you think is going to happen? What did James say to Edward?  
**

**James is back and their engaged. Who knows what is going to happen next. **

**I do....sort of. **

**Bella's birthday next. **

**Thanks to **hgbkwrm**: I decided throwing the phone out of a window just wasn't good enough. Hope off of a cliff is good enough. haha! good suggestion. **


	17. Sic Transit

**Music****:**

**"Boats and Birds": Gregory and the Hawk**

**"Getting Into You": Reliant K**

**"Sic Transit, Gloria": Brand New**

**"I Only Have Eyes For You": Frank Sinatra**

**"At Last": Etta James**

**Bella POV**

"Hmm, stop Alice," I swatted away the face that hovered near my neck, gently running its lips up and down the sensitive skin under my ear. Instead of opening my eyes, I elected to pull the comforter tighter around my shoulders. I felt strong arms constrict around my waist slightly.

"If Alice wakes you up like that, I'm slightly intrigued," warm breath tickled my neck as Edward's nimble hands played with the hem of my sweat pants. I shrugged a little, rubbing my legs together slightly as his hands slipped higher up my front.

"Sometimes," I lied, wanting to see his reaction. I felt him shift behind me as he sat up slightly and peaked over my face. I couldn't hide the smile any longer as I burst out with laughter.

"Not funny," he chuckled a little, kissing my neck gently. "But I guess I can let it slide on your birthday." I smiled in victory, only to frown in disappointment when I felt Edward get out of bed. _No! Need morning birthday sex!_ I groaned as he opened the blinds to the giant window in our room, letting light wash into the room, effectively burning my corneas in the process. Slowly, I peaked out from under the blanket, letting my eyes adjust to our well lit bedroom. Every box, at least in our bedroom, had been emptied, so it felt as if we were actually moved in somewhat. A few pictures hung on the walls, but mostly, it was simple. A chair in the corner, against the door that opened to our balcony, sat, covered in a few pieces of clothes, and Edward's tux for tonight. I sat up, trying to pull my hair up and tame it somewhat, but I know it must have just looked like a bird's nest. Living with Edward had been a real eye opener. He was a morning person, and I most assuredly was not; I was a neat freak, and he, well, he definitely was an 'artist' in that regard. But, everything that happened, never truly bothered me, if anything, every quirk just made me love him more. It was weird. When I lived with Alice, her not cleaning up the kitchen got on my nerves to no end, but when Edward did it, it didn't bother me. _Well, usually apology sex on the island in the kitchen didn't hurt either_. Like I said, we had definitely grown to appreciate our own house, and each other. Ending up together at night in the same bed was a huge plus, just like waking up in his arms always made the day start out that much better. No matter what our schedules looked like, we always ended up sleeping together, and waking up together. _Hell, I would go almost days without seeing Edward during outside of our bedroom universe, but no matter what, I did get to see him_.

Edward walked out of his closet, buttoning up a pair of pants with a shirt hanging over his shoulder, much like my own cover of _Men's Fitness_. I grinned like an idiot, completely distracted from whatever thoughts I had been having. _Yes please_. I watched him as he sat down on the edge of the bed and put on a pair of socks while alternating between brushing his teeth and running his hands through that beautiful mane of sex hair. I watched the muscles in his shoulders contract and release, adding and moving lines around in the sun. I pulled my knees up and sat my chin on them as I watched him get ready, truly mesmerized by everything he did. It really gave me an opportunity to appreciate him, and finally realize that it was, in fact, my birthday today. The past week had gone by so fast, between hanging out with James, and balancing that with Edward, and responsibilities to Victoria, it was increasingly hard to find time to properly ogle my boyfr-, I mean _fiance_. I played with the ring on my finger happily. That night played through my mind frequently, and each time, I never could convince myself that Edward wanted me forever. It was a good feeling. He must be perfect. Between his career, moving, shows, interviews, writing, and taking time for me, he actually took time to hang out with James and I. _Granted, he didn't enjoy it, but he did at least try, for me_.

"Enjoying the show?" he mumbled as he strutted back into the bathroom and returned without his toothbrush.

"Maybe." I arched an eyebrow and licked my lips.

"Oh god," he moaned, slipping a shirt on and shaking his head, "Please don't do this to me. We have to hurry, or you won't get your birthday presents." I rolled my eyes as he put on his watch and walked towards me.

"Do what?" I feigned innocence.

"Torture me! You have no idea how hard it is to, to, to control myself," he stuttered with frustration. He took a deep breath, calming himself while I smiled on, greatly amused at how flustered he had grown. "Now, get ready for presents."

"I don't want any!" I muttered like a child. Edward pulled a box out from his nightstand and grinned like a shy little boy; it absolutely melted my heart. _Oh God, how was I supposed to be angry at that face?_

"Are you sure?" he asked walking towards me, "I guess I could just throw it away," he mumbled, almost a little sad.

"No!" I screamed and grabbed it out of his hands. He just laughed and sat down next to me.

"I wanted to give you my present before the day got away from us," he explained as I unwrapped the red and gold paper, revealing a white paper box. "I tried to listen to you, and I didn't spend much on it. I made it all by myself," he beamed as I slipped the lid off, revealing the cutest thing I had ever seen. "I know you don't like people to make a fuss, so I tried," he trailed off, trying to gauge my reaction. I couldn't help but laugh, smile, and let a tear slip down my cheek after a minute of staring into the box.

"Edward," I gasped, pulling out the picture frame gently, not wanting to break it since it was made of popsicle sticks. "Its absolutely perfect." Edward smiled, ear to ear as I took in the whole present. The frame was constructed entirely of craft supplies, and it framed a picture I hadn't seen in a long time. In the old polaroid, was me, my arms wrapped tightly around Edward's neck, kissing his cheek through a huge grin. His hair was as messy as usual, and the laugh on his face made me laugh. The lights from the bar in the background glowed around us, completely blurring out anyone else in the picture. We were happy, we were in love. "Where did you find this?" I finally wiped my cheek and looked up at him as he gathered up the wrappings and box.

"I had Alice mail it to me," he just shrugged, as if it was the easiest thing ever. I grazed my hands over the frame and the things it was covered with; Edward had glued our tickets from the baseball game to one side, a strip of his original scrawled lyrics to one song, a fortune from our favorite chinese restaurant back home, and an old cracker jack ring I had given him as his engagement ring. "Do you like it? I didn't know what," I silenced him with my lips. I tried to tell him how much I loved it, leaving us both breathless.

"You don't understand how perfect this is. I don't need you to spend tons of money on me, Edward. I didn't even need this. But this is too perfect. I love it. I love you," I sighed, trying not to cry, letting a giant smile play at my face. He smiled and wiped my cheeks a little.

"None of that," he kissed my forehead and pulled the covers away, "I love you, with all of my heart, but we slept in pretty late, and we can't get behind schedule. Go take a shower while I make lunch." I set the frame on my nightstand proudly, laughing at how perfectly cute it was. I looked up at him, only to catch him bolting out of the room as the phone rang. Before I could protest, he was gone. It was a lost cause though, I had learned early on; once a Cullen hears its your birthday, all bets are off. As I slipped into the shower, I felt a little sad, realizing that Alice wouldn't be there for this important birthday, and neither would Rosalie. They were my family, and had celebrated all of my past few birthdays with me, when I didn't have any other family to be with. Thoughts of the past birthdays played through my head, and by the time I was getting dressed I was pretty bummed. But, as I made my way downstairs I slapped on a happy face, not wanting to deter Edward. He had been an absolute crazy person, making secret plans, hushed phone calls, and going on 'meetings', I couldn't take away his fun of trying to make me happy. _Just smile through it, and you'll get super sweet birthday sex_. That thought alone wiped away any trace of sadness, and I was like a kid at Disney Land.

"Happy Birthday!" a chorus of voices greeted me as soon as I turned the corner into the kitchen. I must have jumped a mile into the air because I was sure I hit my head on the ceiling and was hallucinating seeing everyone crowding my kitchen. I clutched my chest and blinked at all of the faces in my kitchen, surrounded by balloons, streamers, boxes and banners. When my heart finally started beating again, I let out a huge gasp.

"Wha?" was the only intelligent thing I could mutter as I scanned my family before me, all smiling and laughing at my reaction. My eyes fixed on Edward, in the corner holding Emma, as I shook my head in disbelief.

"Surprise," he smiled triumphantly. "Everyone flew in for your birthday!"

"So I see," I smiled, not truly believing they all were here. Before I could really register anything, Alice's vice like hug was constricting my airflow. _She's been working out, because I don't remember her being that strong_.

"Happy birthday," she whispered as I hugged her back just as tight. "You should know that I wouldn't have missed this for anything." She pulled away, still clutching me tightly.

"Oh, Ali, I've missed you," I hugged her again, but this time grabbing Jasper's arm and pulling him into the hug. "And you too, Jazz." I felt his lanky arms hug me back as he kissed my cheek.

"You know we wouldn't miss your twenty first for anything, darlin'" he laughed after I finally pulled away. "I believe you'll be going shot for shot with me tonight." I slugged his arm before I was picked up and swung around from behind.

"No way, she's going shot for shot with me," Emmett boomed as he sat me back down. "Happy birthday, Bells!" he laughed and I hugged him back just as tight, finally realizing how much I missed him and his teddy bear attitude.

"She's not going shot for shot with anyone," Rosalie hugged me gently, but I clutched tighter.

"Thank you," I laughed.

"Well, except for me," she laughed and eyed me evilly. I couldn't help but gulp. I finally pulled away from her a little.

"God, Rosalie you look amazing!" I inspected her as she twirled for me.

"Thanks!" she beamed, "You've certainly gotten hot. I haven't seen a bad picture of you in those magazines." I blushed and grunted a thanks as Esme and Carlisle wrapped their arms around me.

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart," Esme cooed, fixing a stray hair of mine. She stared at me proudly, and I hugged her like it was the only thing in the world I needed.

"If its possible, you look more and more beautiful every year," Carlisle whispered, kissing my forehead. I hugged them tighter, trying to hold back the tears. Them being here, as much as I loved it, made me realize my real parents wouldn't be there. I tried to hide that, focusing on how much I was enjoying having everyone that mattered in my life there.

"Forget someone?" I heard a familiar voice from behind me. I turned quickly to find James, holding a giant birthday cake. "And to think, I even brought cake."

"James!" I hugged him as he wrapped one arm around me, holding the cake with the other.

"Happy Birthday!" he kissed my cheek. I took a step away from him as he sat the cake down, and introduced him to everyone as he slung an arm over my shoulder. Alice was the only one who knew the whole story, so I just referred to him as an 'old friend'. She gave me a slight glare, but I just smiled and pleaded with her silently to just go along with it. _I may or may not have told her that we were all hanging out and being friends_... Everyone gathered around the cake, making awkward small talk with him. A cry from the corner finally interrupted the awkward moment.

"Oh, I can't forget my favorite niece, can I?" I cooed to the baby in Edward's arms. I loved the look on his face as he held her tightly, clutching her to his chest protectively.

"You're only niece," Rosalie corrected me, "Unless Alice has something to share."

"Don't put that on me, Rosalie!" Alice yelled as everyone took seats and stools around the table, laughing.

"Don't listen to them," I whispered to the baby, "Aunt Bella is the only normal one here." I found my chair at the head of the table, and reluctantly handed Emma back to Rosalie. I wanted to hold her so much more; she had grown leaps and bounds since I had last seen her. _God, did she look like Rosalie_. She was going to be beating the boys away with a stick. _Emmett better invest in a gun_.

"Time for presents," Edward whispered in my ear as I sat down and he crept up behind me.

"Excuse us for a moment," I smiled as I pulled Edward into the hallway. Everyone continued to talk about something Emma had just done that was too cute.

"Hurry up, I want cake!" I heard Emmett boom behind us as we scooted into the living room. Edward stared at me with a guilty look, as if he were waiting to be scolded. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him lower, leaning up on my tip toes to reach his lips. He was caught off guard, but not enough to not go with it. His lips moved with mine as I begged for entrance, feeling the kiss deep down in my body. Finally, morality caught up with us as we pulled away for air.

"I love you," I sighed, feeling his labored breaths against my neck. "I can't believe you did this. You even invited James! God, I love you, more than anything."

"I love you, soon to be, Mrs. Cullen."

"We have to tell them." I finally realized, shuddering as the weight on my finger increased slightly.

"Yup," he answered, finally pulling back. "Whenever it comes up, alright? For now, let's enjoy our family. Please don't get mad, but they'll be staying here for a couple days. Well, Alice and Jasper might have to stay until they get the papers figured out on their house." I silenced his rambling once again, showing him how much I appreciated him.

"I don't hear any talking, you have ten seconds to quit sucking face or I'm going to start eating the cake!" Emmett howled. Edward scowled slightly.

"Hey, enjoy them," I reminded him as we both laughed and sauntered back to the kitchen. Edward sat at the head of the table and pulled me down into his lap to open presents.

"Okay, presents it is," I clapped my hands as presents were flung in my face from all directions, as everyone wanted me to open theirs first. About halfway through, we had to stop and sing and have cake because Emmett was at the maturity level of his daughter. _Scratch that, she was a little bit better behaved them him_. As we ate cake and I continued to unwrap presents, I took in my family for the first time since they arrived. Jasper and Alice were leaning together, and they looked, happy; happier than I'd seen them before. Rosalie looked just as stunning, if not more, after having Emma, and Emmett, well, fatherhood agreed with him. I smiled as he rocked the tiny baby in his arms gently. That girl had him wrapped around her tiniest finger, everyone knew it.

"So, you like everything?" Esme asked timidly, knowing full well how much I hated people fussing over me. I smiled bigger than before.

"I loved everything, but nothing means as much as having you all here with me."

"Aw, I'm tearing up over here," Emmett grumbled and we all just rolled our eyes at what a jerk he could be. Edward wrapped his arms around me, as he glanced at the unwrapped boxes in front of me.

"Pretty good haul," he whispered as he surveyed my presents. I just shrugged as I looked over everything on the table. Jasper and Emmett had given me season tickets to the Dodgers for next season, which I knew was more for Edward than for me, but hey, Edward didn't have to know that the whole time I was at baseball games, I dreamed of him in tight baseball pants. I wiggled a little in his lap at the thought. I felt his chest vibrate as he suppressed a groan. Alice had given the most beautiful dress I had ever seen; dark blue and floor length, it was gorgeous. I was deeply honored to be wearing it, especially since it was her first design. Rosalie got all of the girls reservations at some spa in LA, and I couldn't wait to use that, surprisingly. _It just meant some time alone with them, which I was definitely itching for_. The gift that I couldn't stop fingering, however, was the book Esme and Carlisle had given me. It was a beaten up old copy of _Wuthering Heights_, perhaps even more wounded than my own copy, but it was a first edition. I didn't know how much it was worth, but I knew that it was a lot more than I had in my bank account at any given moment. I sighed as everyone chattered easily.

"You missed one," Edward whispered as he sat a new package from the mail in my lap. Everyone's eyes fell on me.

"Whose it from?" I turned to face him, but he just smiled and played innocent. Eagerly I tore into the wrapping paper and postage. _What? Opening presents sort of grew on me_.

"You've got to be kidding me," I gasped as I fingered the book in the box. I almost didn't want to take it out, but everyone was craning their necks to get a better look, I had to take it out and pass it around awkwardly. A note fell out of the bottom that I picked up and read and gasped again.

_'Bella- Happy Birthday. Hot off the press. Hope you've figured things out. Here's your first paycheck. Enjoy, you only turn twenty one once, and you only get a best selling novel, well I know that will happen more than once. All my best birthday wishes, Victoria_.'

"You wrote a book?" A chorus of voices echoed, waking me from my reverie. I just nodded, smiling too big to even imagine answering. Again, I was engulfed in hugs from everyone with utterances of how proud they were. The last person to pull me aside was Edward, and eagerly I ducked my head under his chin, hoping to escape for a second to the security of our universe.

"I'm proud of you," he beamed, squeezing me tighter.

"I love you," I returned as we sat back down with our family and Alice handed me back the book. Before I could take it back for another look, I felt Alice all but rip my arm form its socket.

"Bella! What is that on your finger!"

_Shit_.

**Edward POV**

"I didn't think you had the balls," Jasper laughed as he took another swig of beer. I groaned and shook my head, trying to avoid this conversation again.

"Hey, watch the mouth around the kid, a-s-s-h-o-l-e," Emmett glared at Jasper as he pointed to Emma playing on the floor in the living room.

"So, I see that seeing a child has greatly increased your spelling and vocabulary," Jasper and I laughed.

"I have two words just for you, Mr. I'm-engaged," Emmett growled, "F-U!"

"Maybe not," Jasper and I howled at this. Joking with them brought back the ease that we had never had. Now, when I was in a relationship, I felt like I was on their level. Maybe that's why I stayed away for so long, I felt like I was never worthy of being in their exclusive 'relationship' club. But, the truth was, I really wasn't ready back then, I wasn't mature enough, I wasn't ever in love. Now was a different story.

"I don't want anyone else, just her," I explained, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Maybe your afraid of that James guy," Jasper took another sip. I openly cringed.

"I'm not worried about him," I tried to sound confident. Thankfully, they let the subject drop. I had been trying my hardest to hide how much I hated James. _How could I not hate him?_ He was here to win Bella back, I just knew it, and I'll be damned if I was going to let him. The best way to insure that was to let Bella hang out with him, at least if I pretended to be civil with him, she wouldn't feel the need to sneak around, or feel torn between us. _As much as it was killing me_. I wanted to ram my fist into his jaw when I saw him grin and give Bella a long kiss on the cheek when he arrived with the cake. _Too bad me inviting him gave me more brownie points than he'll ever know_. I smiled a satisfied grin.

We sat and joked for a little before the girls ushered us upstairs to get ready. Apparently, we had to get ready an hour early, so they could have the upstairs to themselves to 'beautify' each other. Begrudgingly, we lugged ourselves upstairs to get ready, so we'd have enough time before the limo came.

"I'm glad you guys could make it for the ball," I laughed as we met in the hallway and tied each other's ties. I could tie a mean tie, but not a bow tie, and since the ball was formal, we all were in monkey suits.

"Well, you can't really fight Rosalie on anything anymore," Emmett adjusted his tie in the mirror in the foyer. "Now, she just uses that 'I'm the mother of your child' excuse. I swear, I'm never going to win an argument every again since I knocked her up."

"Yeah, that's it," Jasper rolled his eyes, "like you weren't pussy whipped before." I laughed at their bickering, finally appreciating them. I missed having guy friends to just lounge around and be complete and utter dicks around. Even if Emmett decided to stay up in San Francisco, at least Jasper was moving here, so I'd have a partner in crime.

"What are you laughing at? I think you're the biggest pussy-whipped man I've ever met," Emmett laughed as my mouth shut tightly.

"Boys, I know I raised you to be fine young men and not talk with such dirty mouths," Esme scolded us as she walked downstairs holding Emma. We all hung our heads like we were ten again, being busted for breaking a window with a baseball.

"Sorry," we all mumbled as she smiled and walked into the living room to put Emma down. I was glad my parents had volunteered to babysit, or else Rosalie and Emmett wouldn't have been able to come to the ball.

"Busted," Carlisle laughed at us as he rounded the corner.

"You're one to talk, gramps," I muttered as he examined us in our suits.

"Embrace it boys, it'll get you laid more," he whispered as he rounded the corner to the living room. I groaned and try to ignore what he had just said.

"Ew, you're dad is totally going to be getting some tonight, in your house!" Emmett ribbed me.

"Fuck, Emmett!" I slugged his arm, "That's disgusting."

"Hey, stop roughhousing," Alice yelled as she walked down stairs. I looked over at Jasper, and he was grinning like an idiot. Alice looked us all over appraisingly and nodded in approval as she fixed Jaspers tie for him before giving him a quick kiss. "You all look good."

"Not as good as you," Jasper murmured, wrapping his arm around her waist and walking her towards the car. Rosalie was next. She looked gorgeous too. You couldn't even tell that she had a baby not more than two months ago. Emmett let out a low wolf whistle as she got to the bottom of the stairs.

"You don't look so bad yourself, stud," she kissed him on the cheek. "You're going to die when you see her," she whispered to me as she walked out to the waiting car. I fiddled anxiously with my hair waiting for Bella to come down. I couldn't get it to stay perfectly right. Not like it ever actually stayed in one place anyway, but tonight, I wanted to look good.

"Not a tad bit narcissistic are you?" I heard Bella's melodic laugh behind me at the foot of the stairs. Quickly I spun around to be met with a sight that stopped my heart and any coherent thoughts I'd ever had.

"You look," I tried to figure out an adjective that would satisfy this situation, but I couldn't. Bella looked beyond beautiful. Her hair was up off of her neck, in some elegant twist, with tiny ringlets every now and then. The dress she wore, _oh my god_, monuments should be made to that dress. _Thank you, Alice!_ It hugged her gently, just enough, and exposed her creme colored shoulders beautifully. The dark blue color made her glow a radiant shade. "You look," I tried again as I finally met her eyes. She had on more make-up than normal, but it was still very natural. Her chocolate eyes burned against the shade of the dress. She bit her lip nervously as I continued to come up empty with words to describe how beautiful she was. "You are the most beautiful person, I have ever met." I took a step towards her. "That doesn't seem like enough to get my point across, but I can't find any words to do you justice." She smiled, taking the final step towards me.

"You don't look so shabby yourself," she smiled, finally releasing her bottom lip from any further torture. Slowly, she ran her hands up my chest to fix my tie. I liked watching her squint her eyes to get my tie just perfect. As soon as she finished, I cupped her cheeks, and slowly, brought her lips to mine. I left a short, lingering kiss there, trying to put behind it every ounce of lust and passion I was feeling at this moment. We stood, inches apart for a few minutes, not really wanting to move.

"Happy birthday," I smiled. "How is it going so far?"

"Its been perfect. I can't wait to show you how much I appreciate it," she whispered, moving her lips slightly lower. Gently, she placed a kiss on my jugular. I tried to keep my whole body from twitching, but it was totally involuntary. Bella laughed against me as she felt what she did to me. "Don't we have some ball to go to?"

"Yes," I whispered, "my queen."

**Bella POV**

Sitting in the limo, surrounded by my best friends, dressed up in expensive gowns and tuxes reminded me all too much of prom. Everyone looked gorgeous, almost unbelievable. Edward took my breath away. He was beyond dashing in his tux. I don't know what it is about a tuxedo, but I had never been so eager to have him all to myself than when I saw him fixing his hair in the mirror. Even now, as I trailed my hand up and down his thigh, I wanted more, even if it was in front of all of our friends. But, I couldn't do that. _Damn_. Everyone was so at ease, joking around, popping a bottle of champagne.

"To Bella, welcome to the legal side of life," Jasper saluted as we all clinked glasses.

"Here's to never having to bail your underage ass out of jail ever again," Emmett seconded his toast and I blushed seventeen shades of red. Rosalie and Alice just laughed even harder, almost spitting champagne all over their dresses.

"Jail?" Edward looked at everyone for the story.

"It was nothing," I hushed Emmett with a glare as soon as he opened his mouth. Rosalie shot him a death glare too, and he swallowed the story quickly. Edward just pouted beside me. _Shit_. I almost wanted to tell him, or at least fuck him. _Wait, that's not an option yet_.

"Perfect song," Alice turned up the volume, saving me from making a fool of myself. Emmett and Jasper started to sing along, making the whole car laugh. Edward's face lit up exponentially as everyone joked and messed around. I loved to see it when his smile spread to his ears, and his eyes danced. I couldn't help but sing and dance along.

_Keep the noise low. She doesn't wanna blow it. Shaking from head to toe while your left hand does "the show me around." Quickens your heartbeat. It beats me straight into the ground. You don't recover from a night like this. A victim still lying in bed, completely motionless. A hand moves in the dark to a zipper. Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets barely whisper, "This is so messed up." Upon arrival the guests had all stared. Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs. No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch, unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships. (Up the stairs: the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.) He keeps his hands low. He doesn't wanna blow it. He's wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and the down. His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up. But the body on the bed beckons forward and he starts growing up._

We all joined in after Emmett rattled off the first part, taking a nice sip of champagne at the end.

_The fever, the focus. The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell. Die young and save yourself. The tickle, the taste of...it used to be the reason I breathed, but now it's choking me up. Die young and save yourself._

I heard Jasper and Alice start to laugh and sing along louder, but what surprised me, was Edward's lips near my ear, whispering along with the song, a husky tint to his words.

_He is the lamb, she is the slaughter. She's moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her. Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect. He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for sss..._

I felt shivers go up and down my body as he pulled away, leaving me speechless and that much closer to jumping his bones at a charity ball. _No, shake it off, Bella_. I took a huge breath, trying to get my mind back on the task at hand. Get through tonight, and then celebrate your birthday, while fully torturing your boyfrien-, no I mean f_iance,_ in the process. _Yes, that'll do it_.

"Bella, are you ready?" Edward held his hand out for me to grab. _Shit, when did the car stop and when did everyone get out?_ I shook my head took a deep breath and took a step out into the flashing cameras waiting for us. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me slightly. "I love you," he whispered. I pulled his jacket a little, pulling his ear closer to my lips.

"I love you, even though you're a tease." I pulled away as we slowly walked down the carpet. I looked up to find him laughing slightly. Being in front of the cameras was weird. I mean, I'd been photographed, _why, I really don't know_, but still I had been for the past two months, but now, facing them head on, it was a new ball game. Edward squeezed my waist, and would lean down to tell me things every now and then, keeping me at ease.

"I wish I had worn my Dodger hat," I mumbled at one point near the end.

"Your hat? I'm pretty sure its mine, and I just let you borrow it," he laughed, finally one of those full face, make his eyes sparkle laughs, as if we weren't in front of a hundred cameras, but instead were back in the limo.

"Fine, I won't wear it," I whispered, "And to think, its the only thing I was going to sleep in tonight."

"Fuck," he hissed, kissing my temple. "And you call me the tease?" I just rolled my eyes as we were approached by a camera and microphone. A beautiful correspondent greeted and complimented us. I wanted to walk away, and give Edward his time on the camera to be interviewed, but he clung to my waist, not letting me move.

"So this must be the infamous Bella Swan," the reporter smiled to me as she introduced herself. I smiled and returned her compliments.

"Infamous seems a bit strong," I laughed.

"Far from it!" she corrected me, "Who are you wearing tonight?"

"Actually, Edward and I both are wearing Alice Cullen originals." Edward held my hand above my head as I did a tiny twirl. I did the same for him, laughing as he ducked under my short arms.

"Alice Cullen, as in your sister?" the reporter prodded.

"The one and only," Edward pretended to grumble, but ended with a chuckle. The rest of the interview went by quickly as Edward talked about what a good cause the charity was, bringing music back to public schools. It was something he seemed to feel really strongly about, and I loved seeing him explain his points.

"And you, Bella, do you play anything?" The reporter turned to me.

"Um, no," I laughed, "I can't even play chopsticks, and I'm even forbidden from singing in the shower. I leave that to Edward." I blushed when that came out horridly wrong.

"If you could, what would you like to play?"

"Ukulele," I replied without thinking. I heard Edward laugh out loud. "What's so funny?"

"Any instrument in the world, and you pick the ukulele?" he chuckled a little more.

"I feel like its a very under appreciated instrument," I tried to sound serious.

"I guess you're right. I smell a collaboration," the reporter laughed. "Ok, one more question then we'll let you two get into the ball room. Would you care to address the rumors about the mystery man that you were recently spotted with, Bella?" I froze slightly, and I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights.

"Those rumors are just that, rumors. He is a very good friend from back home."

"I think that's all," Edward cut me off before I could say anything else, and practically dragged me the rest of the way down the carpet.

"What's the big idea?" I muttered.

"We don't address rumors, Bella. We agreed that we knew the truth, and it was none of their business," his eyes blazed.

"Calm down," I took a deep breath and gave him a few seconds before trailing my hands up his lapel. "Edward, we're going to be scrutinized, it comes with your job and the fact that thousands of teen girls want to jump your bones. They want me to slip up, and they want you to be single. Sometimes we have to just squash them, or at least try, or else they'll snowball." His eyes softened slightly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, kissing me chastely. "Why are you always right?"

"Its a gift, really." With that, we stepped off of the carpet, the situation in the past, and a new understanding brought to the table. I smiled when I thought about it, and how much we had grown. We signed in and made our way into the giant ballroom. It killed the ballroom I had imagined. Here I was, picturing the scene from _Beauty & The Beast_, and this was way more, I don't know how to describe it, magical. _If that's possible_. The ceilings went on forever, and had infinite candles suspended from them. Everything screamed old Hollywood glamor. The giant band at the side was playing some jazz beat that I didn't recognize. The dance floor was pretty full already. I scanned the room to find Alice or Rosalie, but I couldn't find them anywhere. Edward never left my side though, always having at least one hand on me as we schmoozed throughout the crowds. I'd never met so many people in my whole life, and each one just as gorgeous as the next. The hours ticked by, sometimes punctuated by a speech about the charity, sometimes the monotony was broken up by a truly interesting person, but mostly, it was me, feigning interest.

"May I have this dance?" Edward whispered, pulling me from my reverie.

"I don't dance," I started to protest as he pulled me towards the floor. He came to a complete stop and turned to me, grinning like the devil himself.

"Don't move," he whispered, placing a tiny kiss on my neck as he carefully tilted me up and placed my feet on top of his. The slow music drifted throughout the hall as a few couples slid off of the dance floor. I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck, completely captivated by the emerald orbs that shone back at me, once again, holding a silent smile themselves. I felt Edward's hands on my hips as he spun us around gently.

_Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if its cloudy or bright cuz I only have eyes, for you, dear. The moon may be high, but I can't see a thing in the sky, cuz I only have eyes for you. I don't know if we're in a garden, or on a crowded avenue. You are here, and so am I, maybe of millions of people go by, but they all disappear from view, and I only have eyes for you_.

Edward floated around gleefully, but slowly, holding me close. I felt as if I were in a dream.

"You look beautiful tonight, thank you," he whispered, leaning down to my ear.

_I don't know if we're in a garden_, he sang along as he took me off of his shoes, letting me follow him slowly. I mirrored his movements as we slowly twirled around. _Or on a crowded avenue. You are here, so am I, maybe of millions of people go by, but they all disappear from view, _Edward twirled me once, letting me twirl out from him before he pulled me back, wrapping me in his arms before finishing the song,_ and I only have eyes, for you. _The song finished, and Edward finished singing his own rendition.

"You should be a singer," I whispered as he swayed with me as the next song came on. Edward laughed as he picked my chin up from his chest and laid a tiny kiss on my nose.

"And you should be a dancer," he smiled, grabbing my hand and twirling me a little more. Surprisingly, I didn't have a problem dancing when it was with Edward. We laughed and danced the next few songs, completely unaware of the ball happening around us. "Are you having fun?" Edward finally asked as he moved his arms back to my hips and I hung my arms on his shoulders loosely. I smiled and jumped into those deep green pools once again, completely content with every aspect of my life.

"Honestly, I was afraid to come here," I started, "But I am having an amazing time."

"You don't spend many birthdays at balls, huh?" he grinned awkwardly, lifting my feet onto his once again. I just shook my head and laid it against his chest, remembering past birthdays. "They'd be proud of who you are," he whispered, hugging me closer to him. I blinked quickly, forbidding any tears from falling. Edward stopped moving as the song ended, but I didn't let go of him. A familiar melody started to play quietly and I smiled to myself.

"One more?" I looked up at him, my eyes pleading with him. He smiled and started to move again with the music.

_At last, my love has come along. My lonely days are over, and life is like a song. _

"My mom and dad used to dance to this song, whenever it played, or whenever the record would start to play," I smiled, picturing them dancing in our old house, wrapped in each other's arms. "My mom said it was something about her voice, that just pleaded with the heart."

"She's right," Edward beamed at me. I couldn't figure out why, but he was so amazed and happy at what I had just told him.

_Oh, yeah, at last., the skies above are blue. My heart was wrapped up in clovers. The night I looked at you I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I can call my own. _

"I used to slip the record on, any chance I could," I laughed. "The last time I remember hearing it, my dad took the record player into the hospital, when my mom wasn't getting any better," I smiled through the tear I knew wanted to escape, "and he played it while sitting with my mom in her room because she couldn't move from the chemo." Edward didn't say anything, just let me press my cheek against his chest and try to regain control. I felt his lips on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, stroking my back, yet still swaying in time. I straightened up, and became completely happy.

"Don't be. I think its just a sign," I sighed, "A birthday wish from my parents, and their blessing." Edward batted his lashes at me and smiled.

_I found a thrill to rest my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known. Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile. Oh, and then the spell was cast, and here we are in heaven for you are mine, at last._

"I know you're right," he kissed my temple. I felt as if I had just pushed a giant weight off of my chest. "Thank you for sharing that," he sighed, guiding me off of the floor. I let him wrap his arm around my waist as he guided me through the people.

"I'm not sad about it," I smiled, for the first time in my life, actually meaning it, "It felt good to remember a happy time."

"How about we make some more happy memories," a seductive voice growled in my ear. "And finish this birthday right?" I turned, kissed his cheek, and wiped the lip stick smudge I had left, letting his cheek stay in my palm. There probably wasn't a moment that I had been more sure, but now, I knew, I was going to marry him.

"Yes please."

**Edward POV**

"I feel like I'm sneaking in after curfew," Bella whispered as we quietly slipped back into our bedroom after slowly sneaking past my parents in the spare bedroom. As soon as we gently shut the door, I hopped up into the center of the bed, loosening my tie and a few buttons in the process. Bella let out a breath and put her hands on her hips, waiting for me to do something. "Come on, we're supposed to meet everyone downstairs in a few minutes. Plus, James is probably here by now anyways." I noticeably cringed at his name but tried to play it off by hopping out of bed and giving her a huge pout.

"Or, we could go to bed early," I whispered, walking up behind her as she took the earrings out of her ears in the mirror. I heard her moan as I kissed the naked skin on her neck and shoulders. I moved up and down her neck and shoulders, showing each inch the proper homage it deserved, until Bella turned around quickly.

"I want to, but they'll knock our door down, and you know it." She leaned her forehead against mine, pleading with me as she bit her lip. I couldn't say no, and I knew she was right. _This isn't fair_. The whole car ride home, she had taunted me by either kissing my neck, running her hands up my thigh, or just looking at me and biting her lip. It was horrible. "Unzip me please," she sighed, turning back around. Slowly, I inched the zipper down, kissing a line where it had been, down to the small of her back. "Fuck," I heard her mumble as she gripped the bathroom counter. I retraced the line on my way back up, leaving one final kiss on the back of her neck.

"Happy birthday, my queen." I leaned my head on her shoulder, and looked in the mirror. Bella had a weird look on her face as her reflection stared back at me. It was the same look she had when we were dancing to the final song. That whole story had just about knocked me over. I loved hearing about her parents, and I was floored that she just came right out with such a story. It meant a lot to hear it from her, so she didn't feel as if she had to hide that part of her life. I stared back into those eyes as she brought her hand up and cupped my cheek, as if she were trying to memorize everything that was this moment. She kissed my temple tenderly.

"Thank you," she smiled, continuing to get undressed, "for everything." As much as I hated to pull away from this moment, a banging at our bedroom door brought us sharply back into the real world. Begrudgingly, I changed quickly, but kept sneaking looks towards Bella. Watching her get undressed was just as torturous as watching her cover up. She slipped on one of my old shirts and a pair of jeans quickly, soon after letting her hair cascade down from its perch. Watching her shake it out, bend over, toss it around, _fuck_. I had to look away for an instant, or we wouldn't be going downstairs, and Emmett would be barging in on something he would rather not see.

"You ready?" Bella smiled as she pulled her hair up in a sloppy bun and rolled the sleeves of my shirt up, so it wasn't drowning her.

"No," I pouted, not wanting to leave our bedroom.

"How about this, we go downstairs, have a few drinks, and then we come upstairs, and I make sure we do everything but sleep tonight."

"Deal," I managed to agree after I found my voice again. Everything she did seemed to surprise me. She would go from super confident to unsure in the drop of a hat; she was in control when it came to some things, but others, she always needed approval first, but not when it came to what she _needed_ from me. I smirked as we made our way downstairs, deciding that I would just enact my plan. Starting now, operation: seduce Bella was in full effect. She never counted on me egging her on to want to go back upstairs sooner, but I new all of her nerves, and what made her weak. This was going to be a piece of cake. I flopped down on the couch at one end, while the other was occupied by Rosalie and Emmett; Jasper and Alice sat on the floor together around the coffee table that was littered with shot glasses and a few bottles.

"Hope you like it," James smiled as he handed Bella a bottle of vodka. "I had to go to every liquor store in town to find this cheap shit." Bella hugged him as he sat down in the chair next to the sofa. I still couldn't figure out why Bella had invited him over so late, when I thought she just wanted to hang out with family tonight. But, it was her birthday, and she could have whoever she wanted here. Bella tried to walk past me to put the bottle down, but I grabbed her, just as she was about to say something to James, and settled her in my lap. She squealed and squirmed slightly, but gave up after a few seconds of me tickling her. I peaked out of the corner of my eye to find James' glaring at me. _What's wrong, douchebag? Jealous? _

"Your throne," I whispered as I sat her up and wrapped my arms around her. She just grinned, oblivious to the reason that I was keeping her near me. With that, we settled into hanging out with our friends, talking about old times, and reliving some of our favorite moments with Bella. I'd never seen her blush as much as she did at most of her past escapades. The shots made my throat burn, and I elected to just sip on a glass of water instead, letting Bella have as much fun as she wanted. Everyone else was pretty much worse for wear. James' loosened up after a few rounds, and was telling stories about his times with Bella in Forks. He never outright said that they were together, but I knew he was looking at me every time he said something. It all dripped with double meanings. The only plus side to every time he opened his mouth, Bella would hug me, or nuzzle me tighter, as if trying to assure me that everything was alright. _She had chosen me_. Slowly, the couples dismissed themselves for the night, each giving Bella more birthday wishes and hugs. The night moved into the early morning, and the only people left were me, James, and Bella. I quietly ran my hands along Bella's body, slipping higher and higher on her thigh every time James looked away. Having had more than anyone, Bella was less adept at sneaking touches, frequently being busted fondling me inappropriately. James excused himself quickly after Bella got a little too frisky with me. His face was priceless and I couldn't help but smirk as he walked towards the bathroom. I took this opportunity to really get Bella riled up. Its not like it'd be very hard; a drunken Bella, who I'd been toying with all night, was practically no challenge at all. I tilted her back gently and let my lips meet hers. Eagerly, she clawed my neck, pulling me closer. I let my hands trace along the fabric of her jeans at her most sensitive spot, only to be rewarded by a soft moan. I felt Bella grind her legs together, begging for more. I obliged and made the kiss go deeper, suddenly becoming just as eager as she was. Again, a voice cleared in the hallway, as Bella straightened up quickly, and tried to regain her breathing.

"I think I'm just going to go home, its getting late," James mumbled as she sloshed towards the door. _Checkmate_. Bella looked back and forth between us, chewing her bottom lip to pieces.

"You, go upstairs. I'll be up as soon as I say good night," she kissed me again, gripping both sides of my cheeks, but pulling away all too soon, leaving me breathless. _Fuck yes!_ I did a happy dance inside as I took the stairs two at a time, pulling my shirt off before I even made it to the bedroom. I scurried around the room like a man possessed, cleaning up dirty clothes, lighting a few candles, dimming lights. _Cheesy, yes, necessary for Bella's birthday, definitely. _

After a few minutes, I was left pacing the room. I couldn't understand what was taking her so long. _That bastard better not be doing anything_. I finally argued myself into taking a peak out of our window after what felt like an eternity had passed. What I saw made my skin crawl.

I don't know what happened after that. My blood ran hot, my heart beat erratically, and I saw red, and only red. As fast as I had bolted up the stairs, I was down and out the front door in double time. The next few minutes ran together into one sped up memory. I can only really remember yanking James arms off of Bella's as I flung him around, the satisfying noise James let out as my fist came into contact with his face, repeatedly, and Bella's frantic crying as she grabbed my arm to stop me. I stood myself up as she pulled my arm weakly.

"You will never come around her ever again," I spat at the bloody mess laying on the floor, sputtering nonsensical words. "Ever!" I screamed, kicking him in the gut, causing him to double over even more into a huddled mass on the ground.

"Ever."

_______________________________

**Ruh-roh.... **

**what'd ya think?**


	18. Four Kicks

**Music****:**

**"Casey's Song": City & Colour**

**"Easier": Joe Purdy**

_'We'll take to the yard like a cockfight  
Four kicks whose strutting now._

This party is overrated,  
But there ain't shit else to do,  
She's a lovin' on the boy from the city  
I'll be lovin' him under my shoe' 

_- "Four Kicks": Kings of Leon  
_

**Edward POV**

Bella once told me that what had convinced her to come back to me was the rain.

Her father had once told her that no matter how much the rain blurred every line between reality and our dreams, it always made things clearer. I'd never thought much about that; I'd spent most of my life making choices with little thought, just sort of hoping I'd end up alright. I never had real problems, at least none that I had to put serious thought into, not like Bella, who struggled with her life from such a young age. I had never lost, at least not horribly. I lost my mother when I was so young, it wasn't that hard for me to continue with my life, and be happy, and its not like my father was ever around to do anything worth remembering. Essentially, I lived a blessed life. When I was having troubles at home, with my family that loved me, I ran away, all because I couldn't handle being alone. When my only serious girlfriend cheated on me, I started sleeping around. My life was anything but complicated. I didn't have to think about any pressing matters. I never struggled to get up in the morning; I never thrived. At least, not until I met Bella. She turned my world upside down, in such an amazing way. She gave me a reason to think, to thrive, to try. Hell, she gave me a reason to sit on a cold porch and stare at the rain at an obscenely early hour. The first time I ever took the time to even sit and watch the rain was the morning after I went to see Bella. I couldn't figure out if it was Bella or the situation, but suddenly, everything in my mind cleared when the thunder crashed, and the trees shook under the pressure of the rain. Every aspect of my life just made sense. I felt regret and guilt and sadness, all shadowed by an overwhelming happiness. Never in my life had I ever had such a clear moment; I was in love with the woman sitting curled in a ball next to me, searching the rain for answers. Love didn't seem strong enough. I felt as if she were mine, and I were hers, not matter where in the world we were, how far apart, or even how close, I felt a pull to her, and I couldn't fight it.

Now, I wish I had that moment of clarity back, or at least, a rain storm to map out the problem I was facing now. I didn't doubt the fact that Bella did, in fact, hold my heart, and I liked that idea. I simply doubted if this was the life we needed to be living. The reporter had stuck a nerve today. Bella took it in stride, and I loved her for it, but rumors and gossip magazines shouldn't be part of our lives. Sitting on a porch, in a small town, completely wrapped up in ourselves, not having to worry about going shopping and being photographed, not having to worry about friends being misconstrued as love affairs, that's what she wanted, its what she deserved. We would never have that though. Not if I kept up my life as it was now. No matter what happened, it could all be traced back to me and my selfish wants. I wanted to live here, I needed her to move with me when she was perfectly happy back home, surrounded by her friends, I even suppressed every ounce of my gut reaction, and let her hang out with _him_, all when I knew it was a bad idea, but I was too busy to argue with her.

I shouldn't have let Bella be friends with that, that monster. I should have gone with my instincts, and never let that psychotic bastard near her. But, that wasn't Bella. She couldn't seethe bad in people, she wouldn't look at the evil that was so ingrained in a person, it made them unsafe.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, finally shifting from the same position I'd been in for the past few hours after I finally got Bella to sleep.

_'Ever,' I cooed to her as I kissed her nose, holding her face in my hands tightly. My eyes bore into hers as we leaned against the front door, finally inside. _

_'I'm so sorry,' she murmured, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. 'I didn't kiss him. I didn't want to,' she repeated, almost like a mantra. I hushed her as I stroked her hair gently, trying to calm her as much as I could, but she was still slightly under the influence, and I had enough adrenaline coursing through me to kill a rhino. _

_'I know,' I assured her. _No one would want to kiss him._ I felt Bella's sobs slow down as I listened to the creaks and moans of the house around us. _

_'I want you, and only you, forever,' she vowed, looking me straight in the eyes. _

_'As do I,' I smiled, picking her up gently and carrying her upstairs. She had pretty much given up for the day, completely exhausted. Our room was still lit only by candles as I laid her down on our giant plush comforter. I pulled Bella's jeans off tenderly, not in a rush, not wanting to scare her. I dressed her in pajamas, hoping to get her to sleep soon, so she could just forget this terrible night, at least in her dreams. 'Drink and take this,' I handed her a glass of water and an aspirin so she wouldn't feel sick tomorrow morning. While she drank up, I pulled the sheets down and finally tucked her in once she sat the glass down. _

_'Are you going to hate me tomorrow?' she whispered, suddenly worried as I pulled the blankets up around her. _

_'I could never hate you. If anything I'll hate myself,' I mumbled. _

_'Don't,' she whispered, running her hand along my cheek, 'I love you.'_

_'I love you, my Bella.'_

The dim light from the last few candles flickered in our bedroom, bouncing off of Bella's ivory skin. I could see bruises forming on Bella's upper arms almost matching our midnight blue sheets. I leaned back in the chair, trying to rub soothing circles on my temples. _How could I let it go so far? _I don't think I'd ever forgive myself for letting her get hurt. A candle fizzled out in the corner, leaving just one more lighting our huge bedroom. Bella rolled over, turning towards me, her arms grasping at my pillow, almost searching. Her eyelids flickered shut tighter.

"Edward," I heard her whisper, "Edward." I wanted to go to her, to pick her up and hold her tightly until the sun came up, but I couldn't move. Right now, I was too angry to do much good to her. I wanted to, oh God, how I wanted to make all of this better, but I didn't want to hurt her either. It was so easy for me to be consumed by rage when I saw James hurting her, what if I was just like him? I shook the thought from my head. _I wasn't him, I would never be him, I would never hurt her_. My fists clenched at the thought. I couldn't get the images from earlier out of my head.

_'Bella!' I screamed as I barreled out of the house, leaping down the few stairs that led to the driveway. I could barely see her form as it was covered by James' overbearing body. I could see his hands, clamped down on her arms, squeezing tightly, their faces less than an inch apart. I could see the grin spreading across his face, as if he had just won the lottery. He finally tore his lips away from hers._

_"Edward!' I heard her sob as she tried to free herself from his iron grip. I grabbed his arms and flung him around, so he could face me now, and before I knew it, I clocked him; a beautiful right hook, contacting just where I had wanted it. He staggered backwards long enough for his grip to loosen and Bella to make her way behind me. I pushed her behind me, holding my arm out to forbid her from passing. I saw the tears sparkling down her cheeks. James just grinned at us as he used his forearm to wipe some blood off of his lip. _

_'What a shame, you finally had to find out about us this way,' he sneered, laughing at us tauntingly._

_'No!' Bella shrieked, grabbing my forearm tightly. _

_'Now, now Bella, now is not the time to hide it,' he spoke to her, fake sympathy radiating from each word. 'You're the one who told me that you needed me. I was the man who was there for you when he wasn't. I know this, you know this, he knows it.' _

_'I'm the man she wants,' I answered, almost as much for myself as for him._

_'I never said that James,' Bella gasped at his statement.  
_

_'Tell no lies, darling,' he sneered, 'This isn't the life you want. You want me, what I can give you. You wouldn't have kissed me like that if you didn't.' _

_'No!' she screamed, sobs tearing at her mouth as she tried to pass me._

_'Your mine,' I whispered, holding her hand but still restraining her, 'I'm yours.' She continued to clutch at my arm as I explained that to her, trying to tell her how I knew he was just a conniving jackass._

_'Precious,' James smiled mockingly, 'Bella is mine. Maybe if you were more of a man, you'd have the balls to give her what she need, not be the selfish bastard she's unwittingly fallen for.'_

_'I don't love you, James,' Bella pleaded, trying to convince him to stop. _

_"That's not what you've been saying for the past month,' he pleaded with her now, as if I wasn't there, taking a step towards her. _

_'Get away,' I snarled. _

_'Oh, Edward, calm down. One day she'll come to me, just like I told you, I'm going to win her back,' he grinned like a fucking Cheshire cat._

_'No!' Bella vowed, squeezing my hand, no longer sobbing, but tears still in her eyes._

_'It's ok, put on the front now, when we've been caught. I'll be the martyr, Bella,' he winked at her. I decided I couldn't handle it anymore. I ran at him, throwing my fists at his face in record time. I could only hear the satisfying crunches the contact made as he fell to the ground and I continued to punch him. _

_'Stop!' Bella wailed. It wasn't until I felt her tiny hands on my arms that I actually stopped. _

_'You will never come near her again!' I screamed, 'Ever!' I kicked him in the stomach as he sputtered up blood. 'Ever,' I assured Bella as she pulled me back inside, almost like a vow_.

"What are you doing?" I heard Bella whisper hoarsely as sleep constricted her throat. I looked up at the sound of her voice. I didn't even realize that I was sitting on the edge of my chair, hands clutched in my hair, probably looking like a madman. Her hair was strewn to one side, looking like a haystack. I smiled at the look on her face, and her squinted eyes. I let out a breath and sat my hands down, as if in defeat. _None of that mattered. She was here, we were getting married. That's all I needed_.

"Just thinking," I mumbled, not moving. Bella sat up indian style on the bed as she attempted to run her hands through her hair. I shuddered just as she winced as she ran her hands along her arms, over the bruises. She would be sore, no doubt.

"'Bout what?" she tilted her head slightly, studying my face, trying to gauge the situation at hand.

"The rain," I whispered and smiled slightly. We sat in silence for a few minutes, both staring at each other, not sure how to continue. We knew what was coming, we knew what we had to talk about, but neither of us wanted to interrupt this peace; the proverbial calm before the storm.

The last candle flickered out, and the only light in our room was the awkward grey light that was filtering through our window as the sun threatened to come up. The room was stuck in that time, the limbo between night and day, when the earth didn't need a light to see, but it was still dark enough to be afraid. The only sounds were of the world breathing in silence and the screaming in my chest as I wanted to pick Bella up and tell her it was all ok, that we were going to forget this world, run back to Forks, and live our secluded life together. But, something kept me tethered to my chair, chained to my body, forbidding me from fixing the whole situation.

I could only barely make out Bella's shadowed form as she walked towards me, her hands wrapped awkwardly around her stomach, as if trying to hold herself together. I opened my arms as she slid into my lap, wrapping her arms around my chest and burying her face in my neck. I wrapped my arms around her, securing her to me as he feet dangled over the armrest of the chair.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, right into my chest, as if trying to yell it straight to my heart and soul. I trailed my hands along her arms and hushed her sternly.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, "Sorry for trying to be friends with _him_? For seeing the good in people?" I couldn't hide the bitter edge in my voice when I mentioned _him_. Bella pulled her face up and rested on my shoulders. Her warm breath tickled my neck slightly, leaving tiny goosebumps there in its wake.

"Yes," she finally breathed after studying my face, "I didn't think this would happen. There is only one person I want to kiss, and there's only one person I need. That's you." Bella ran her hand down my chest, resting on my heart. "It was never him." She rested her head back on my shoulder. "Ever. I need you to know this. Everything that's ever happened in my life, everything I want to happen, I want to share my stories with you, and I want to make more with you. Hell, its been you since you walked into the bar that night, Edward," she spoke sternly, as if begging me to never question what she was professing to me. _I never would, never could_.

"I never doubted you. I trust you with my heart, now and forever," I assured her. "He is nothing. You don't have to worry about it all, I promise. I'll talk to Harvey, and we'll get a restraining order, and you'll never have to be afraid. You're mine, and I'm yours. Its as simple as that," I assured her, matter-of-factly.

"You still want me? Forever?" she asked timidly. I couldn't stifle the chuckle, leading to her staring at me indignantly.

"I'm sorry, but that's a ridiculous question," I answered, "I'm not going to let him ruin this." I kissed her forehead gently. "I'm sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have let him get the best of me. I never wanted to scare you." Bella leaned up and kissed my lips as I rambled an apology. _She has a horrid habit of doing it, one that I hope she'll never break._

"I could never be afraid of you. Can we just forget last night?" I kissed her back, before she could finish anything else. Our lips moved together, dancing as we had earlier on the ballroom floor, until we saw stars from oxygen deprivation.

"Yes, but I want you to take self defense classes," I whispered, kissing her again, hoping that would get her to agree more easily.

"My father was a cop, you don't think I was trying to defend myself?" she muttered, slightly angry. I just shook my head, not believing her. "Turns out, my knee doesn't reach as high as his crotch, but I did manage to scratch up his arms and stomach." I looked at her, eye brow raised, and oddly proud.

"So I guess you just have to wear heels at all times?" I almost pleaded, a little excited at the thought as I kissed her neck gently, on the spot I knew she loved most, the spot that had since become _our_ spot, right on the jugular.

"Heels and my Dodger hat," she affirmed, "my new day to day clothing."

I laughed at the idea, but definitely approved. "And what if we go out?"

"If we go out, I might put on a necklace or some earrings." We both chuckled as Bella nuzzled sleepily into my neck, laying a small kiss on my vein. The fragrance of her perfume and shampoo overwhelmed me in calm and peacefulness. We sat in this moment, wrapped in each other as the seconds ticked by slowly and the room started to filter in more light than before as the sun finally fought over the horizon. Bella fell asleep soundly, and I sat there, watching the sun streak across her face. The pure innocence of her sleeping renewed every feeling I had ever felt for her. There was no more James, there was no more rumors or problems, as long as we didn't let them break us down, we could do this. We had each other, and I would do everything in my power to keep him from her.

Slowly, I shifted our bodies and carried her towards the bed, tucking her back in again. It took a moment to unlatch her arms from my neck, but I finally got them off.

"Forever," she whispered as I pulled the blankets back up over her. I kissed her forehead gently, letting my lips stay there for a few extra seconds.

"Forever," I murmured as I slid into bed next to her, and pulled her to my chest. _This is where she belonged_.

**Bella POV**

"Mmm, get the phone," I mumbled slapping Edward's chest with my numb arm as I tried to move it. Edward let out a grunt as skin came into contact with skin. I was in my own form of torture as I tried to stay perfectly still so the pins and needles wouldn't cause me to cut my own arm off. I felt his arm constrict around me tighter while the rest of his body stretched towards his nightstand where his cell phone was blaring some horrid ring tone.

"This better be good," he growled. I smiled a little as I burrowed a little more into our warm heaven of a bed and Edward's side. "What the hell are you talking about, Grace?" Edward sat up quickly and got out of bed. _Fuck_. I sat up against the headboard just as fast, rolling my head on my neck, trying to relieve the ever-present tension that seemed to just take up residence there. "I pay you to make sure things like this don't happen!" Edward yelled, storming around the room, throwing on a pair of jeans and a shirt as he ran around getting ready, yelling into the phone as he went. I tried to figure out what was happening, but I couldn't discern it from Edward's half of the conversation, as he either was listening, eyes glowing in anger, or yelling about how this shouldn't have happened. _OK, first, Grace is his publicist, so something must be happening with the news_. That realization didn't make me feel any better as Edward slammed his phone on the dresser and stood in the doorway between the bathroom and our room, furiously scrubbing his teeth. His brow was furrowed, leaving one long crevice up his forehead. It worried me. I just stared at him, afraid to prod as he calmed down. He went and spit, coming back into the bedroom as if nothing had happened.

"Morning," I muttered as he sat down on my side of the bed. Edward just smiled and brought his lips to mine, righting every wrong with the world.

"Now it is," his breath fanned my lips as he spoke, and I temporarily forgot what had already happened this morning.

"What's happening?" I asked, as I opened my eyes to find him searching my face for something.

"Nothing," he grinned.

"Really? You expect me to believe that after your little tirade with Grace nothing is wrong? Your mood wings could give me whip-lash," I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, probably looking like a spoiled child more than a pissed off fiance. The worry just increased on Edward's face when he looked at my arms, and the bruises that covered them. He gently rested his hands on them, clearly connecting them as finger marks from a hand gripping me.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, almost so low I couldn't hear it. I just shook my head, picking my hands up and steadying his face so he had to look at me. I gently ran my hands along the stubble on his face, smiling at the scratchy feel.

"Hey, I love you. Its no ones fault. We're going to work past it," I promised. His eyes reached a new level of solemn as he stared back at me, this time grabbing my cheeks. He brought his lips to mine, just as his phone started to ring again. I moaned against his shoulder in agony when he reached for it and answered._ For some reason, the only thing that flashed in my head was the fact that I was still, birtday sex-less_.

"What do you want, Thomas," Edward asked, emotionless. _Oh shit, first Grace, and now Thomas. _It wasn't going to be a good day. Edward's sorrowful eyes looked at mine again as he stood up and kissed my forehead. "I have to go take care of a few things. I'll see you at the studio tonight? I'll send Thomas over to get you and everyone, alright?"

"Sounds great. I love you," I whispered as he made his way towards the door, growling into the phone. I slammed my head back into the pillows, gripping my hair tightly, trying to wrap my brain around what possibly could have happened. _Sex tape leak? Illegitimate child? Torrid love affair with his person assistant, aka Thomas?_ I groaned at each thought, all of them bad in their own right. _I loved Thomas to death, but if he was having an affair with Edward, I'd be totally pissed_. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought. Thomas and Harvey were like my best friends, I doubt either of them would have affairs with Edward. _No one is having an affair_, I tried to persuade myself. The events from this morning and last night felt like someone were taking a flamethrower to my brain as I recalled every second of it.

_'James! Hey, wait up, I'll walk you to your car,' I laughed as I caught with him as he walked out of the house. He didn't smile, just looked at me darkly, almost wounded. The smile faded from my face as we walked towards the car. I tried to think sad thoughts, so I wouldn't start laughing at any given moment, but the internal countdown until birthday sex mingled with the shots I'd taken made me absolutely giddy to a new degree. We reached James' car quickly, and I tried to hurry a goodbye and thank you, but instead of getting in, he leaned against the door, looking at me intently. 'Ok, well have a safe trip. Thanks for the birthday!' I said cheerily, turning to go back inside. _

_'Bella, I need to ask you something,' James murmured as he caught my wrist and pulled me back towards him. In what felt like an instant, I was wrapped in his arms. I snuggled into his chest, giving him a quick hug before pulling away. I tried to put more distance between us, but he held me close. _

_'What's up gloomy Gus?' I giggled nervously, the night I told him I was leaving him replaying vividly in my mind. _

_'When are you going to come back to me?' he asked sternly, 'I'm getting tired of waiting.' I don't think anything has ever caught me off guard as much as that question. I was never going back to him. Even in a drunken daze, I knew I was going to marry Edward, and he was the man I was lusting after right at this moment. _

_'I don't know what you're talking about,' I murmured, trying to pull my arms from his grip, but he just held tighter, swiftly turning us so I was against the car. _

_'I think you know,' he growled. 'Stop playing coy, you tease. I know that I'm the man your meant to be with, or else you wouldn't keep coming back to me under false pretenses.' He started to lower his lips towards mine, and I panicked. All the classes my dad had made me take flashed through my mind. OK, I wasn't wearing shoes, so I couldn't stomp on his foot with much effect, I couldn't move my arms, so punching, was out of the question, and if I tried to head-butt him, I would just knock myself unconscious most likely. I lifted me knee up, searching for purchase in his most vulnerable area, but I couldn't reach. I kept kneed his thigh, or just kicking his knee with mu foot, hurting myself. Fuck!_

_'No!' I said sternly, 'James I'm sorry if that's what you think, but I love Edward, and I just appreciate you as a friend. I know that there is someone out there for you, but that's not me.' I tried to sound calm, but the fear made my voice falter and lose resolve. James just laughed in my face as he brought his lips to mine. I held my lips together tightly, repulsed at the thought of him, touching me, kissing me like Edward did. _

_'I know we're meant to be together. What do I have to do to show you?' he pleaded with me. I stared into his eyes, no longer seeing the teddy bear brown I loved, but instead, a repulsive darkness was housed in them, making my skin crawl. He brought his lips back to mine. My mind started to fizzle as I tried to think of escape routes. I started to claw at his arms and torso with my fingernails. He just gripped me tighter, the whole time whispering lies and false notions to me. It wasn't until I heard Edward screaming my name that I knew things would be alright. _

_'Bella!' he skipped down the stairs, his eyes burning in anger in the dimly lit street lights. _

_'Edward,' I sobbed, finally realizing I was sobbing and crying at the situation. James' arms released me in an instant, and not a second later, Edward had punched James, and I was safely behind him. _

_Safe_.

"Bella! Are you alright?" A pixie jumped into my bed, lugging a laptop with her. I shook my head at the memory, wanting to shower and scrub my whole body with hot water and a couple bars of soap. _Maybe some rubbing alcohol and bleach while I was at it._

"Yeah, why?" I whispered, knowing full well that my appearance alone today, plus the drinking that went on last night had probably caused Alice to worry a little about my morning after situation. I threw the blankets off of me and sat up, pulling myself up next to her. She was still in her pajamas, which was weird, because Alice was always an early riser, no matter what had gone on last night.

"I saw the pictures," she trailed off. Everything clicked in my mind. _Hence Grace and Thomas' phone calls this morning_; there were pictures of something not good, and Edward and I were involved. _Fuck to the thousandth degree._

"What pictures?" I could barely find my voice, suddenly suffering from a horrific case of dry mouth. Alice just tipped the laptop towards me as she scrolled to the top of the web page. I immediately recognized it as the one that continually pointed fun at all the celebrities, except the ones the designer had a crush on. It actually made me laugh most days, because he had such a huge crush on Edward, and absolutely hated me for being with him, but he could never find anything too horrible to say about me.

"Edward came and woke me up to check on you when him and Jazz went to sound check for the show tonight. He didn't explain anything, but I always check email and the boards in the morning, its a habit. I like to make sure you're wearing decent clothes," Alice tried to lighten the mood, but the title from the post had already killed any ounce of hope I had for the day. _Bella Swan in love triangle, Edward Cullen caught in the middle_ I shook my head in disbelief as I scrolled down the page. The first pictures were from the charity ball. They actually made me smile; Edward was leaning down to me, smiling as I whispered something to him. I didn't know exactly when it was, but I absolutely loved it. The next picture was what killed me. A grainy picture showed what could be me, kissing what could be James. The angle made me think that it was taken at the corner of our block, but I couldn't be sure. The only light in the picture was from the street lights, and it was horribly done, almost like one from a cell phone or just a regular camera, nothing special or the usual paparazzi cameras that cost thousands of dollars. The next picture made my stomach churn. Edward punching James. My hand inadvertently covered my mouth in horror. Even though I'd seen it happen in front of my own eyes, the picture was so much worse. _Seems everyone was wishing Bella Swan a very happy birthday last night after a party for just family and (very) close friends. Sources say the 'friend' has been in the picture for a while now, and Miss Swan and this unknown man have been going behind our dear Eddie's back for the past month. We think its the friend from home, but these pictures won't say. Don't worry Edward, we're here for you!_ I slammed the laptop shut tightly, and pushed it away. Alice ran her hands over the bruises on my arms, her face contorted in pain and bitterness.

"That bastard," she mumbled, laying down next to me. We didn't talk, just sat there. The moments ticked by slowly as every fiber of my body radiated guilt and anger. _I shouldn't be causing Edward any trouble, but that's all I seem to do_. I tried to shake the thought from my head. _We obviously have a lot more to talk about tonight_. 'I know you didn't do it Bella," Alice whispered, bringing me from my self appointed pity party, "You love Edward, and he loves you. Its that simple. Now, you just have to team up and beat all the nay-sayers." The thought had never occurred to me before. _Honestly, why was Alice a genius?_ We just had to team up and beat them. We couldn't let them win, we were united against the lies they put out there, because the truth would always prevail. My chest puffed in pride before I realized how naive I sounded. _That might be true in the real world, but not in Hollywood_.

"Come on, we have a spa day to go to," I smiled, trying to hide every muscle that just wanted to stay in bed and hide away from the cameras that were inevitably multiplying down the street from my house, waiting to catch a glimpse of me. Alice hugged me tightly, and I felt a little bit better knowing I had at least a few people in my corner.

"I never thought I'd hear the day you wanted to go to a spa," she squealed, hopping over me and running towards her room, screaming for the girls to get ready. I rolled over, trying to convince myself to move, and stand up for what I believed in; my love. I opened my eyes after taking a huge breath and calming myself. The first thing that greeted me was the picture frame Edward had made me, and for the first time today, I smiled and knew that everything would be OK.

_Eventually_.

**________________________________________________________**

**So, that's what really happened. Did Edward react? I can't really say, but that's just how I wrote it. I don't think it was too much of an overreaction to be freaked out when someone was hurting the girl you loved. I think I was just feeling really violent though when I wrote this, I can't figure out why though, haha. **

**I know this is a little shorter, and I was going to continue, but I think this is a good place to end until later. And, sadly I feel horribly low on reviews... my heart is imploding.**

**So, coming up: **

**Tour, Christmas, and wedding plans (oh, and possibly more James' being a toolbox)**

**So, let me know what you want and what you liked. **

**Gracias!**

**_______________________________________________________**


	19. It's Christmas Baby Please Come Home

**Music:**

**"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)": Death Cab for Cutie**

**"Leap Year": Maria Taylor**

**"Its Just Me": Escape the Fate**

**"If I Surrender": The Color Fred**

**_____________**

**December 23rd**

**Bella POV**

"Which way?" Edward's voice filled my mind again.

The traffic light at the intersection clicked on and off as we sat, parked in the familiar wintery road. Snowflakes blurred the road slightly as I looked to the right, paused, taking in the residential street that I knew would take me to my house, the house I spent every Christmas for every year of my life; My eyes shifted back to the road to the left, the road that would lead me to the Cullen's house, the house that held every person I needed in my life. The faint dusting on the road was completely untouched as it blinked red then dark with the traffic light. I could feel Edward's fingers gently playing with mine as I clutched his. My eyes want back to the right, to my house. I could go to my house, the house where my mother, father, and Jacob wouldn't be, where a million memories would confront me, each one hurting me just as much as the next, and I could be completely miserable. To the left, there was a warm fire, most likely surrounded my Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and Emma, all enjoying each other and looking much like an image to put a Norman Rockwell painting to shame. Edward's slender fingers kept rubbing my fingers gently. The light had already blinked exactly two hundred and thirty nine times, and I still didn't have a decision. I took a deep breath, allowing the familiar smell that was winter in Forks to reach my nose. The snow started to fall a little thicker, and I knew I was running against time to make my decision.

Edward had left the decision up to me. _Damn him_. He hadn't wanted to assume that I would just like to go home with him, like the stupid, thoughtful _fiance_ he was. I peaked over at him, only to be met by his beautiful, warm green eyes, searching my face with an amused smile on his perfectly sculpted lips. _Damn him_. Now, here we were, parked at an intersection, my indecision putting us at a screeching halt. The only thing that kept running through my mind was something my mother had once told me; that home was where the people that loved you were waiting.

"Left," I whispered, cracking a small smile as Edward's hand tightened slightly over mine as he flicked the blinker down and we made our way home. _Or at least my new home_. Slowly, Edward's Volvo made its way up the winding back road towards the Cullen's mansion. As we made our way towards the house, the only thing that was out of place was a small, almost ancient car sitting at the base of the driveway.

"Wonder who's that is?" Edward mumbled out loud. I just shrugged, already giggly that I was so close to seeing everyone, the moment of indecision long past me. We pulled up towards the driveway, creeping along the snow covered gravel driveway. Off of the headlights, the snow glittered among the trees and danced among the gusts of wind. The front door was opened to a warm glow and a river of people were out and waiting on the front porch before I could unbuckle my seat belt.

"Bella, sweetheart," Esme smiled as she pulled me into a hug, "Merry Christmas." I echoed her wishes as I hugged the tiny woman tightly. She smelled like cinnamon and gingerbread; most importantly, she smelled like family. Carlisle gave me a quick hug before he was directed elsewhere. "Carlisle, help Edward and Jasper empty the car while I get Bella warmed up before she succumbs to the elements."

"Nice to see you too, Mom," Edward laughed. Esme just shushed him as she kissed his forehead and pushed him back towards the car. I shot him an apologetic look over my shoulder as Alice and Esme dragged me inside, leaving the boys to empty the car. The house was just as cozy and perfect as I pictured it. Garland and lights were strung on every available ledge, mingling with the ornaments and decorations strategically placed in every position. As I slipped off my winter boots and coat, and rounded the corner into the living room, I was met with a winter wonderland. The tree was to the roof, which wasn't exactly short, most likely over twelve feet, and made the room smell like the forest, and it brought back every memory of homegrown Christmases. In true Cullen style, the tree was decked out to the nines; white lights, red ribbons, twinkling like the tree from Santa's World at the mall, but better. Various packages of all shapes, sizes, and colors sat, elegantly wrapped in every direction. Up both sides, and over the fireplace, nine stockings hung, each with different decorations, depicting the person's to whom they belonged. I smiled, knowing full well that Alice had spent way too many hours making them for everyone.

"Oh, Auntie Bellie is here!" Emmett clapped his hands like a child. I smiled, scooping my niece from her playpen in the center of the room, and hugging her tightly. She had grown too much since I'd last seen her. God, her hair was a perfect shade of baby blond, with perfect little curls. Her dimples were beautiful when she giggled in my arms. She smelled like heaven, like an absolute angel, having the fresh, just from the bath, baby smell. Emma cooed and chattered in her own made up language as I hugged her closer to me.

"Oh my, what an angel," I laughed as she grabbed a strand of my hair and played with it, completely transfixed.

"I know, I got some good baby-making skills," Emmett laughed as he hugged Rosalie closer to him on the couch. She just slugged him in the stomach, trying not to laugh, and pulled away standing up quickly.

"Get your cute little ass over here," Rosalie laughed opening her arms to me.

"Me or Emma?" I questioned, laughing a little more. Rosalie just rolled her eyes as I handed Emma over to Esme, who took her eagerly. _She was definitely loving the Grandma deal_. Rosalie and I squealed as we ran towards each other, hugging as if we hadn't seen each other in a decade. Before I knew it, Alice was hugging along, even though I'd seen her less than two days ago back in LA.

"I can't believe you waited to get here two days before Christmas!" Rosalie complained, finally letting go of her death grip hug to let me breathe.

"We had to wait for Edward to do some last minute interviews and finishing touches on the album," I tried to assure her as she eyed me like a liar. Truth be told, I couldn't wait to get up to Forks, but we really did have to wait for Edward to finish up his business so we could have more time up here with our family, and more importantly, so we could make a few plans.

"Bella, can I get you a cup of hot chocolate?" Esme rushed in from the kitchen. I hadn't even realized she had even left, but sure enough, there she was in the doorway to the kitchen, bouncing a content Emma on her hip.

"I'll take another," Emmett smiled from the couch. Esme just rolled her eyes.

"I know I could use one," Edward huffed as he stomped his boots in the foyer.

"I'll second that," Carlisle laughed, carrying in our presents for everyone.

"Alright, anyone else?" Esme laughed, smiling joyously at the room full of her children.

"Yes!" Alice, Rose, and I all said in that, we all found spots on the couch and chairs. I found my way to Edward's lap after helping Esme carry in giant mugs of frothy hot chocolate, that of course tasted like heaven.

We all sat around, catching up, wrapped in each others stories, as if we hadn't been apart. I loved the feeling of family. I loved the warm house, the good company, and the togetherness. Sitting in Edward's lap didn't hurt either. He seemed to be paying attention to everyone else, but the way his hands were snaking around my thighs and back, I knew he wasn't hearing a word of anything anyone said, unless it was proceeded or followed by his name. I couldn't really talk though, I mean, my head was right with his as his fingers traced whisper light lines all over my body.

The first couple to peal off of the group was Rosalie and Emmett. They took the baby to bed, as she had already fallen asleep in Rosalie's arms after a few minutes of conversation. It was a precious sight, watching Emmett fuss over the little child that wasn't a fraction of his size. But, there he was, fawning over the tiny angel as if she were made of glass.

"Bella, tomorrow we're going shopping for a few last minute things for dinner, want to come?" Rosalie whispered as she held the baby tightly to her chest. I snuck a glance at Edward and tried to hide my smile.

"Me and Edward have some plans, but if I give you a list will you get the ingredients for a few dishes?" Edward's hands squeezed my hip gently, but discretely, causing goosebumps to erupt and my body to immediately have the urge to start wiggling against him.

"Sure. Night," she smiled.

"We don't want to hear about your sexcapades," Emmett bellowed, sufficiently happy with the crimson glow my skin now showed. Rosalie kicked him in the shin, leaving Emmett mumbling curses as they both walked upstairs, the perfect family.

It wasn't until they had gone upstairs, that talk turned to business. I cringed when LA was mentioned. Edward stiffened behind me also. The bruises had long since healed on my arms, but the fodder for the magazines hadn't.

"Have there been anymore, um, run-ins?" Carlisle leaned forward and asked, dropping Esme's hand as he awkwardly rubbed his hands together. I looked at the floor, unable to meet his glance, and shook my head.

"We've been taking every precaution. I have Harvey around more, especially when I'm away," Edward started, "We even have a restraining order." Carlisle and Esme nodded and smiled, both settling a little more. The whole James situation made my body nauseated. I hated thinking about him, but I just couldn't stop. I didn't know where he was, and I didn't want to, but I believed this was my fault. I must have been giving him the wrong signals. I just wish I could have Edward and James, as a friend. Unfortunately, the world didn't run on wishes and dreams.

"Good," Esme smiled, "I'm glad to see that they magazines are taking a liking to you both." I just blushed slightly, trying to forget how I'd been dubbed _Saint Bella_ in the press. Edward ate it up, thinking it was the cutest thing in the world, but it made me feel awkward. Alice loved to mock me for it, almost every day showing me magazines with articles about how I 'did no evil', ever since I took a job volunteering with children downtown, and was never caught in public half naked, drunk, high, or having sex. _Imagine that, if I act like a civilized human being, I'm considered a 'Saint'_. I just hated having my picture taken at all times of the day, especially when I was out with Edward, trying to be a normal couple. That was the only thing that really sucked. I didn't mind when they found it interesting that I was buying bananas at a local fruit stand, or what I was wearing to some ball or gala, but when we were out to dinner or just walking around the park, having intimate talks, about our family and friends, it really sucked to be followed. Those were my moments, and I hated having to be judged on them.

"I'm just glad its blown over, and we can at least be normal here for a while," I smiled, snuggling into Edward's chest as he leaned against the couch. We both relished in the complete normalcy that was waiting for us in the next few weeks. Alice shifted awkwardly against Jasper's arm, and avoided meeting my gaze. _Shit, what the hell?_

"Oh, no Alice, what was that?" I shot up quickly, becoming all nerves. She just shook her head a little, and I turned my gaze toward Jasper who just continued to look at the ground. "Come on, just spit it out!" I grumbled. Edward looked at me questioningly. I could read my best friend, and she was definitely trying to avoid telling me something.

"There's one," she started. I stood up, not being able to stay still as each nerve ending in my body shot off impulses. _You've got to be kidding me! We've been followed to fucking Forks!?_

"What do you mean?" I started, looking out the window into the dark night. I couldn't see anything buy white flakes as the snow drifts blew outside, swirling into tiny galaxies in the yard and woods.

"There's been a photographer stationed at the driveway since me and Jasper got here," Alice whispered. I could tell she didn't want to tell me this.

"You mean that's the car that's sitting out there?" Edward chuckled to himself.

"I refuse to see the humor in this!" I stammered, somewhat frustrated at his reaction to this.

"But Bella," He laughed a little harder, "Its just one. That's it. We can handle one photographer." Alice smiled slightly, watching my reaction. I sat paralyzed for a moment, letting it all sink it. _True, one was quite a smaller scale than twenty. Plus, who said we even had to leave the house...that much, except for our 'errands'. _I smiled when I finally realized that one paparazzi was as normal as my life was ever going to get.

"You mean someone is sitting in their car in this weather?" Esme asked, her hand covering her mouth in horror.

"Mom," Edward started to scold her, "No." I looked between everyone, out of the loop again. Esme's whole attitude changed instantly, she became determined, and acted as if she were going to battle.

"Its Christmas," she trailed off, standing up and making her way to the front door.

"Mom, they've made our lives a living hell! What are you doing?" Edward pleaded. Carlisle stood up, following after her as she slipped on her jacket.

"The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend," she retorted, slipping on boots and mittens. _Oh shit, this is going down. _

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names," Edward shot back, standing with his hands on his hips. Alice and Jasper slipped out of the room quickly, taking the back stairs up to their room. Alice shot me a quick look as she was pulled upstairs. She mouthed 'sorry' to me and snuck away. I envied her for being able to sneak away so easily. Now, I was stuck looking at Edward's angry form as he glared at Esme. _She's going to invite them inside?_

"Mom, please don't ruin Christmas. Their not even people, they yell questions to us when we walk to get a cup of coffee, they never give us any peace. Hell, they write lies about us at every turn, and here you are, going to invite on into our house, with our family at Christmas!" Edward was struggling to keep his voice low. Esme stood there, clad in winter gear, staring back at her son as if he were a stranger. Then, her face turned to that mom glare, so much so that I had to avert my eyes for fear of getting yelled at. _Oh, dear God, not the Mom look_.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" she breathed, "I know I instilled in you more morals and ethics than that. You will be forgiving, and you will see the good in people. Not everyone is their job. You have no idea what this person has gone through. I know I raised you with the motto 'humble yourself', and I am deeply ashamed if you have forgotten that in your new jaded life." I watched Edward's shoulders fall in shame, followed by his head shaking and losing her glance. I knew he felt bad. She hit every spot. _Hell, even I felt bad. _Esme was right. We were better people than this. I never wanted to feel this way about other people. _Maybe LA is too much for us_. "Now, we are going to be civil to this person, and at least invite them in. But, I refuse to leave someone cold and alone in this blizzard on Christmas." I wanted to take a step towards Edward, but I was frozen in my spot, not wanting to move. It had all happened to quickly.

"This is crazy," Edward pleaded towards Carlisle, who just threw his hands up in mock defeat.

"Oh, and Edward, 'those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself'," With that, Esme nodded her head and turned on her heel, out the door into the winter storm. Carlisle followed, grabbing a set of keys. Edward and I stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes before I took those last few steps towards him.

"Hey, we'll be alright," I coaxed him to relax and face me, "Esme's right. We've always said that we wouldn't let them win, and we're not going to, they'll be just like any one else." I hugged his waist gently as he turned to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Why are the women in my life always right?" he grinned, and I could tell that everything Esme had said was hitting him hard.

"Because we're awesome, and pretty, and smart, and," I couldn't finish my list of adjectives. Edward's lips crashed against mine. We stood in the wrestling match for a few minutes before lack of oxygen became a problem. _That, and my complete and utter need to take advantage of Edward...soon_.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk, I just wanted us to have a good holiday, with family, but you know how Esme is," Edward chuckled shyly, "always picking up strays."

"Don't I know it," I laughed slightly. "Which is why, as a member of this stray collecting house, you have to be open to this person." I watched as Edward leaned his face on my shoulder.

"I'll do my best."

"Good," I smiled in victory, the Christmas spirit coursing through my veins, "How about tonight, I make it worth your while." In less than a second, I could feel Edward's hips pivot against my own and his face go from sullen to excited.

"Deal!" he brought his lips to mine quickly just as the door opened. We quickly composed our selves and waited for the new stray to enter our lives. Esme came in first, smiling from ear to ear.

"I'd like you all to meet Nessie."

**Edward POV**

_Young_. That was the first thing I could think about this, Nessie, girl that Esme had dragged in from the wall of snow. _How could someone so _young_ be into a life of stalking and utter disruption? _ I eyed her awkwardly as she shuffled in, looking around at all of the decorations. Her eyes grew big as she took in our whole living room, giving us all a chance to check her out and make sure she wasn't a freak. She had a head full of loose brown curls, a redder tint than Bella's hair, and a few inches shorter. Her eyes were brown, but pale, almost golden in the twinkling Christmas lights. Her clothing gave the impression that she wasn't exactly living with all the amenities. Her jeans were faded, not from being bought that way, but from wear, and her boots looked as if they were a size or two too big. Her winter coat was not nearly as heavy as it should be for winter in Washington, and the duffel bag she carried look fairly light.

"Nessie, that must be short for something, right?" Bella asked awkwardly, taking a step forward and extending her hand, dragging me along with her other. Ness' head snapped towards us as we took a few steps towards the foyer.

"Yup," she shook our hands confidently, never diving into detail. Bella shifted uneasily next to me, squeezing my hand to say something.

"Well, its nice to meet you. My name is Edward, this is Bella, and you've already met Carlisle and Esme," I smiled as warmly as I could. _I was an idiot to consider her an enemy, hell she couldn't be out of high school yet_.

"OK, everyone let the girl breathe. Go take a seat while I get some more hot cocoa and cookies," Esme grabbed Nessie's coat and sped off to the kitchen like a woman possessed. We all made our way back to the living room, basking in the warmth of the fire and the Christmas tree. I wanted to start a conversation so much, almost apologize for my prejudiced ideas about how this person was, but I just couldn't do it. My world felt backwards, completely thrown upside down. _Then again, when is my world ever in complete harmony? There's always something new and weird happening_. Nessie sat awkwardly on the edge of the couch, her knees bumping up and down as if possessed by nerves.

"You have a really beautiful house," She smiled at Esme as she sat down mugs and a plate of cookies, still warm from the oven.

"Oh, thank you dear," Esme laughed, taking her place next to Carlisle on the opposite end of the sectional. "Its nice to have it full again. Its been empty ever since the kids flew the nest." We were stuck back in an awkward silence, almost chained to it as we all shifted uneasily under the chains. Bella stirred occasionally next to me. I knew she was trying to make the best of it, but she was never one to trust people right away, and this was especially hard for her.

"So, how old are you?" Bella finally asked, trying to start any form of conversation.

"Nineteen," she responded quickly, taking a huge gulp of hot chocolate.

"Oh, you look so young," Esme laughed to herself, "I would have guess you were still in high school."

"No ma'am," Ness just shook her head, "I graduated when I was sixteen, before I came to LA."

"Wow, that's impressive," Carlisle finally entered the conversation. "What made you choose LA?" Ness' face turned contemplative as she seemed caught in a dream.

"Its a long story," she laughed after a minute, "Basically, I'm just doing this, um, well, this side job to save up for college." She blushed slightly bringing up her choice of career. It made me feel even worse. _She was working to put herself through college_. Fuck, I'm an asshole.

"Wow, that really is quite impressive, Nessie," Carlisle smiled at her as she nibbled on a cookie, "What do you want to study?"

"Oncology," she answered quickly, a passion filling her eyes, "I really wanted to be a doctor, to do some good. Turns out the real world is just plain expensive. So here I am, stalking celebrities, no offense," she nodded towards me.

"None taken. If only everyone else had your reasons," I smiled to her, trying to put her at ease. "Carlisle is a doctor, I was going to be one," I continued, trying to keep her talking.

"What made you stop?"

"I found something I'm better at," I smiled and trailed off.

"Photography is the only thing I'm pretty decent at that pays well enough, and living in LA its pretty easy to run into someone famous on the street, so I just started taking pictures. Its nice getting paid some serious cash for a few hours following someone. But, I know I'd be a good doctor." Bella laughed at this slightly.

"And exactly how much are we worth?" she laughed a little more.

"Together, just you or just Edward?" Ness asked, finally acknowledging me.

"All of them," Esme giggled a little, intrigued at where this was going.

"Together is about three thousand, but that depends on if you're like holding hands or kissing or whatever you guys do. Just Bella is about a grand, but it depends on if she's with that cat, that friend of hers, then the price doubles, just Edward is about fifteen hundred, shirtless is almost twenty five hundred," Ness ran through the list professionally, met by laughs from everyone around the coffee table.

"Shirtless is twenty five hundred dollars?" I laughed.

"Yup," she answered again. Bella's face was pretty pail being reminded of _him_. I could see on Esme and Carlisle's faces that they were slightly concerned.

"So, listen," Nessie started, standing and setting down a half empty mug, "it was really nice of you guys to invite me in and everything, but uh, this is a little weird. So, I'm just going to go back ok?" she stood up to go, until Bella shot up and grabbed her arm.

"No wait, stay," she breathed as if she had been holding it in forever. Ness looked as shocked as we all were. "What are you going to do, go stay in your car? Its a blizzard out there, you'll get pneumonia or hypothermia."

"Hey, listen, you don't know me, alright!" Ness huffed, pulling her arm free of Bella's soft grasp, stalking towards the door.

"She didn't mean it like that, its just, we have a spare bedroom, with a warm bed, and tons of extra food, and we couldn't sleep well knowing that you're out there, freezing half to death," Esme spoke up.

"I'll be fine. Listen, thanks for the drink, but I think its about time I be leaving. Clearly I'll just cause problems. I mean, after all, I don't really make your lives easy," Ness shook her head, taking one more look at the living room and our faces.

"We're not mortal enemies," I smiled, standing up next to Bella, "if you won't take pictures of us while you stay here, you're just a friend. Won't you stay?" Her eyes met mine as she thought it over for a second.

"You're not going to let me out, are you?" she asked, eying our faces intently, a genuine smile playing on her lips.

"Not a chance," Bella laughed, "Trust me, this family has a habit of picking up strays." Esme and Carlisle chuckled to themselves, and shockingly, so did Nessie, her whole demeanor changing and lightening suddenly. Slowly she walked towards the door, and I thought for sure she was going to make a break for it. That was, until she returned, carrying a big rectangular case. She set it on the floor before clicking it open, revealing a very expensive looking camera, lens, and all kinds of odds and ends that I had no idea what they did. She pulled a few things apart and walked towards me, handing me the tiny body of her camera, disconnected from lenses and a battery.

"You don't have to do that," I laughed awkwardly holding the camera.

"Just felt right," she shrugged, walking back and picking up her duffle bag and the case. "I don't want to be accused of anything."

"Come on, you must be tired. I'll show you the spare bedroom, far away from Emmett and Rosalie's room," Bella laughed grabbing Ness' hand and leading her towards the stares.

"Who the hell are they, and why do I want to be away from their room?" Ness asked, a funny look playing at her face. Bella just giggled.

"Um, they just had a baby, and she might cry and wake you up."

"Extra toiletries are in the bathroom," Esme called up after them, inevitably following behind them to make sure everything was alright. Carlisle and I were left in the living room, not really knowing what had just happened.

"She seems, um, interesting," Carlisle smiled to himself, "Almost familiar." I smiled slightly, getting the same vibe.

"Don't you guys get any ideas. Just until the blizzard passes," I smiled, setting the camera back in the giant case. Carlisle didn't answer, and I knew he wouldn't. He was stuck in his contemplative mode, meaning nothing short of 'fire' would get him to move or even acknowledge another living soul. He sat in the old chair across from the tree, his long fingers steepled in front of his face, his eyebrows furrowed, creating a line that cut off his eyes range of viewing. I didn't even bother to mutter a goodnight as I chuckled and made my way upstairs towards my bedroom, carrying mine and Bella's suitcases.

Stepping back into my childhood room was a surreal experience, and I felt as if I was going back in time. I flicked the light on and smiled as I dropped the suitcases on the floor next to the door. Nothing had changed, except it was a little cleaner than normal. Posters of musicians and baseball players still littered the walls, surrounded by random pictures of Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and I growing up. My desk was clear except for a few books. The only empty spot in the room was where my old records used to be, now that they took up permanent residence in LA. Hell, even my keyboard sat in the corner, still littered with sheet music. _So, the one spot Esme wouldn't clean_, I laughed to myself. I pushed my hands on the queen sized bed in the center of the room, remembering the soft feel it had fondly. I took a giant leap and landed smack in the middle, just like I used to do. I reached over and picked up the baseball that was always sitting on my nightstand, and started throwing it up at the ceiling, always falling just short, catching it, and trying to just skim it again. _Old habits die hard_. I remembered spending hours thinking about absolutely nothing, throwing the ball just like that before drifting to sleep. Being home reminded me of all of that, the feelings of peacefulness, security, and pure adoration with the world. Life was simple here in my old bedroom, where time never tread.

"What are you, fifteen?" I heard a sexy voice whisper from the doorway. I turned my head too quickly, and instantly felt a huge pain in my eye.

"Fuck," I grumbled, grabbing my eye with one hand and throwing the ball on the floor. I heard the laugh coming from the doorway, and felt about three inches tall.

"Smooth," Bella managed to say between laughing fits as she walked towards me. "Stop it. Move your hand and let me see if we're going to need to get you an eye patch." Another fit of giggles erupted. _Just great, a fucking comedian_.

"Its not funny, and its entirely you're fault," I grumbled as she sat on her knees next to me on the bed, removing my hand and inspecting the damage. _Nurse Bella was hot_. I could get used to this.

"How is it my fault," her face squinted in indignation. I smiled at the fact that she didn't realize I was watching her while she examined me.

"You dazzled me," I grinned, relishing in the reel of her soft fingers on my skin. She scoffed as she gently pressed a tender spot.

"Hardly. You're the one who makes a living dazzling people." I couldn't help but laugh even though I was wincing slightly. "You're going to have a black eye probably. I'll go get you some ice." Bella started to get up, but I captured her arms in mine and pulled her so she ended up under me. She stopped breathing for a moment, much like she was prone to do, always scaring me.

"The important question that leaps to mind is, however," I leaned down slowly until I was an inch from her lips. I watched as her eyes closed of their on vocation, as if I were a puppet-master, pulling her strings in all the right ways. "Do I dazzle _you_?"

"Frequently," she whispered, wrapping her legs around my waist and slipping one hand around my neck and the other along my chest, resting at my heart, that by now, I was sure, was about ready to explode from sensations. I let my lips meet hers as her hips started to move slightly and her hand tightened around my neck and shoulders, pulling me closer. I felt her teeth graze my tongue and my body became electrified. I let my fingers slide under Bella's shirt, slowly pulling it up until we had to remove our lips from each others to slip it off. Bella took the opportunity to multitask and slip mine off as well. The contact of our skin, breathing and sliding together just intensified everything.

"I think you're more dazzling than me, any day," I whispered against Bella's skin as my lips trailed lower and lower, suckling at every available inch, hitting the spot right below her ear and trailing to the lace of her bra. Bella rolled me over at this point, and evil glint in her eyes.

"You are too dazzling for your own good. Why else do we have a photographer following us up here in the dead of winter," Bella laughed, kissing my neck gently as she pinned my hands at my side.

"Hope she doesn't get the urge to take pictures right now," I whispered, rolling back over and pinning Bella's arms above her head. "On second thought, I'd love to have pictures of you like this." Bella rolled her eyes, and brought her lips back to mine, begging for more, her back arching. I slowly slipped her bra off, kissing along her chest as the fabric disappeared to my floor.

My hands slipped lower, unbuttoning Bella's jeans and sliding them down until she was wiggling beneath me as my hands skipped the lace of her underwear. As her hands fumbled at my clasp unsteadily, I let my hands slip between the lace, gently allowing my fingers to work with her, eliciting a deep moan from her swollen lips. I kissed her shoulders tenderly as she wrapped her arms around my head, pulling me closer, allowing me to kick my pants off and slip her underwear to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Bella's tiny hands raked along my boxers, finally making me groan, and I'm sure my eyes rolled back slightly. We became a mass of wrestling limbs, hushed moans, and frantic touches. Bella began to work me harder, making it increasingly harder for me to focus on what her body was doing when I touched her. She bucked wildly against my palm as I rubbed harder. It wasn't until her labored breathing near my ear that I realized how tortured she was.

"Edward, oh God! Please," she begged, arching her back against my chest, allowing full contact. I removed my hand and positioned myself within her, gently at first. But soon, my body was overtaken with a primal need. I couldn't have enough of her skin in my mouth, and my hands couldn't stop grazing her stomach and chest, each time making her squirm a little more. Soon, my thrusts became frantic as the whole world disappeared around us, and we were one pile of sweat and longing, moving together in one fluid motion. I felt Bella's arms tighten around me, and her legs completely constrict my waist as she started to spasm. Incoherent words trailed form her lips as she rode out every wave, eventually leading me to a mass of nothing. Every joint in my body went loose, and every muscle lost feeling. We sat like that, pressed against each other, gently kissing random spots until the became too much and I had to curl up beside her, pulling her to my chest, _her spot_.

"Holy shit," she whispered, kissing my chest.

"I second that," I whispered also, kissing the top of her head. We sat in complete and utter bliss, holding each other as if our lives depended on it.

"So, how many times have you had sex in this bedroom?" Bella asked nonchalantly. I rolled my eyes.

"You're the first," I hummed, pulling the covers up around us.

"Oh how horribly high school," she giggled sleepily.

"I love you, my queen" I smiled. feeling completely exhausted.

"I love you, dazzler."

**December 24th (Christmas Eve)**

**Bella POV**

_God, I hadn't slept that well in a long time_.

I stretched my arms up along my head and arched my body, much like a cat waking from a luxurious nap. Edward slept on beside me as the sun tried to creep between the stray clouds from last nights snow fall. Edward's wall on one side of his room was completely open to the elements as floor to ceiling windows gave me a vivid image of the few feet of snow that glittered among the wintry pines. I kissed Edward's chest before slowly untangling myself from his arms and pulling the blanket up a little more on him before getting dressed. I threw on a pair of jeans, wool socks, thermal shirt and a few other layers, already excited about the opportunity for some winter fun. I slid into the bathroom and brushed my teeth as quietly as I could while braiding my hair into pigtails. By the time I made it back to the room, Edward had flipped onto his stomach, spread out taking up the whole bed, the sheet sinking dangerously low on his waist. I knew I was biting my lips and stifling a few moans. Quickly I jotted a note, _Whenever you choose to dazzle me with your presence, I'll be in the library_, and left it on the empty pillow near Edward.

The Cullen library had always been my secret spot. No one really used it that much, but that just made me love it more. The giant room was filled to the brim with wall to wall bookshelves, and had every book I could ever want. Alice had found me many times, hidden on the couch leaning against the floor to ceiling windows, reading contently, not bothering a soul in the world. She then found it to be her responsibility to completely drag me into some crazy scheme she had cooked up on a whim. I rolled my eyes as I walked down one flight of stairs, creeping past a few bedrooms, not sure if anyone else was up yet, and not really knowing what time it was. As I inched closer to the room at the end of the hall I felt completely giddy at the prospect of the library, surrounded by all of those books, all of the quiet and peace. However, as I finally reached the double doors, I noticed a faint melody being played from the piano. _But, Edward's sleeping; maybe its Esme playing_. Gently I pushed open one of the double doors, and slowly crept inside.

The room was just like I remembered, every book in its place, with a desk in the middle, covered with open medical journals. The walls were littered with framed pictures of the Cullens and other pieces of art. I walked around the corner of a shelf and was shocked at what I saw. There, at the baby grand piano, tucked in the corner of windows, sat Nessie, playing the piano, and reading from some giant textbook. _How the hell could she do that?_ The melody she played sounded beautiful, but it was something I had never heard. I nudged a shelf with my knee a second later as I tried to retreat. The music suddenly stopped and when I looked back, Ness was standing beside the piano, looking as if she had been caught with her hands in the cookie jar.

"I'm sorry. I didn't take anything or mess anything up. I was going to put everything back when I was done, I swear," she spoke quickly, holding her hands up as if I had just busted her like a cop. I just laughed and shook my head, taking a few steps towards her. It did nothing to calm her nerves. "Hey, I thought everyone was awake already, I'm sorry if I woke you, or Edward."

"Calm down, Nessie," I hushed her as I sat down in my favorite chair next to the piano, letting my legs hang over the arm and my head against the other one, "This is my favorite room in the house, I was just coming to read before Edward got up. Trust me, this rooms needs all the use it can get." I motioned for her to sit back down, and slowly she did, but she refused to turn back towards the piano, even though it looked as if she was itching towards it.

"I can let you have some peace, if you'd want," she whispered, moving her feet awkwardly under her.

"No, you seemed to be enjoying yourself. How did you play and read at the same time?" Nessie smiled finally, it was small, and hidden, but I saw it.

"Um, its just something I picked up," she mumbled, not really giving any more information.

"Wow, I wish I could pick up stuff like that," I gasped, surprised at her humble attitude, "You must be a genius." Ness just shrugged it off, and went back to fiddling with her feet. We sat in a quiet for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say. Even after taking her to her room last night, I hadn't learned anything else about her. She was about as tight lipped as a captured CIA agent. I snuck a look at her, noticing that she was wearing all new clothes. Her jeans were new, and she wore a deep green sweater that looked so nice against her golden eyes. I started to laugh inadvertently.

"What's so funny?" She looked at me, slightly pissed.

"I'm guessing you met Alice," I giggled a little more and Nessie scowled slightly.

"Does she ever take no for an answer?" Nessie vented.

"No, get used to it. Its horridly annoying, but she does know what's good for everyone," I had to wipe a laugh tear away from my cheek and take a few breaths to catch it, "When did you meet her? She didn't wake you up, did she?"

"No, I slept like a baby," Nessie grinned, "But when I walked out of my door, I came face to face with her, sitting against the wall, waiting for me to get up, like a puppy or a child." I couldn't help but laugh a little more. "Then, she... she... she hugged me!" Nessie glared around, almost embarrassed. "And gave me like five bags of clothes. When I tried to tell her no, she said I would be rude to neglect her hospitality, and I was doing her a favor by modeling her clothes."

"Yeah, that sounds like her," I laughed, "Don't worry, it gets easier with time. I've learned to not question or refuse the Cullen's generosity, as much of a moocher as that makes me sound."

"Why do they do it?" Ness looked at me, actually interested, "And why can't we refuse it? I've known these people less than a day, and I'm pretty much not your favorite person." I tried not to smile as I looked her back in the eye.

"First, I have nothing against you. You are working towards a good goal, I can't fault you for that. Second, they are masters at the guilt trip, especially Alice, as you've experienced. She gave you the pout?"

"Yes."

"Puppy dog eyes?"

"Yes!" Ness was getting excited and relaxing.

"Then she went in for the kill with the hurt look of disappointment mixed with rejection that makes your heart melt?"

"Totally!" Ness was up on her knees on the bench, eagerly waiting for me to explain.

"Yeah, they all have their own methods. Esme does a motherly, 'I'm only doing it for your own good' look. Carlisle, he's quiet, but he uses logic, and it sucks. Emmett, well did you meet him yet?"

"Yeah. He's Edward's brother, right? He hugged me too, and so did Rosalie, I think her name was. Do they all hug?"

"Yes, they all hug, get used to it. No, he's not Edward's brother, just another stray." I smiled at the new name for us all.

"Wow," Nessie trailed off quietly, deep in concentration.

"You can't say no because they're so nice. They never want anything back either. I've tried to pay them back, but they won't allow it. They charge you in love. Its actually pretty awesome, as corny as it sounds."

"Wow," she trailed off, not knowing what else to say. Again, we sat in a comfortable silence.

"Nessie, can I ask you something?"

"I guess," she shrugged.

"Are you alright here? I know they can be overwhelming, but listen, we're not keeping you hostage," I trailed off, "Its not that we don't want you here, because we all do, but I know how, um, suffocating they can be."

"No!" she said quickly, almost ashamed of how quickly she answered. "Having a close group of people, actually care, is, um, its nice, for a change," she said awkwardly.

"Yeah," I mused, "it really is. Will you promise me something then?"

"Depends," she eyed me nervously.

"Stop worrying about you being a photographer. Just let go and have fun. If there's one things I've learned, we don't have a past, the Cullen's only see the future."

"Listen, that's not going to be a career for me, I swear. Its just a means to an end."

"Sometimes the means justify the end," I smiled at her, just as Edward walked in, in all of his shirtless glory. He grinned awkwardly when he saw Nessie at the piano.

"Oh, sorry," he blushed. _ A fucking blush from Edward!_

"No, its my fault. I should have expected it?" she looked at us both, after giggling at her own joke. I just laughed, sitting up and letting a now shirt clad Edward sit down before I joined his lap.

"Oh, I wasn't sorry you had to see that," he grinned, "I'm just sorry you missed twenty five hundred dollars." He laughed a little bit longer.

"You shouldn't have told him about that, now his ego is going to be uncontrollable," I laughed a little. Luckily, Nessie took the joke lightly and laughed too.

"Hey, do you want to come with us to La Push? We can show you around Forks and the beach?" Edward asked Ness eagerly.

"Um, sure?" she responded, looking longingly at the piano and books.

"Don't worry, they'll be here later. Its either go with us, or hang out with Alice," I warned her mockingly.

"Let's go, quick," she laughed.

**Edward POV**

The day with Nessie was actually pretty fun. She was exceptionally sharp witted, and always had a comeback. It was easy to see that she was very intelligent, but still had her own way of viewing things. We had spent the day walking around downtown Forks, just hanging out, sipping coffee and watching the ice sculpting competition in the market place. The city was alive with the Christmas spirit as everyone was out and about, just being happy. Nessie loosened up soon enough, and turned to asking me all kinds of questions about medical school and what I had learned. She was so interested in it, it was easy to see that she wasn't an average paparazzi, just making money; no, she had goals. Her eagerness reminded me of Alice, and when I told her that, she got a little mad with me, making Bella laugh along. We made our way towards the church in town, and the decorations got more and more intricate, making me somewhat proud of my little hometown.

"Holy shit, the Brady's have nothing on you guys," Ness mused, taking in the random families playing in the snow, and everyone talking to everyone over fences. Bella and I laughed a little more, intertwining our fingers a little tighter as we approached the church.

"Edward? Bells?" A loud, albeit, familiar voice sounded behind us. We all turned around quickly, just in time to see a tall, lanky guy running towards us from across the street.

"Seth!" Bella laughed and hugged him when he reached us, "What are you doing up here?"

"Yeah, whose running the bar if everyone's up here?" I laughed and shook his hand. Truth be told, I missed Seth when we moved to LA. He was one of the kindest, purest people I'd ever met, and once I took the time to notice him, and get to know him, we clicked. For a while, I had thought he was just a whore that worked in a bar to take home a different girl every night, but in truth, he worked to help support his mom, Sue, after his dad passed away, and not only that, he went to school to be a veterinarian. _I definitely suck at judging people_.

"Esme told me to lock it up for the holidays, and to come see my mom and Leah," Seth's pale blue eyes laughed contently, "She said if I didn't, I'd be fired, and she's personally kick my ass. Honestly, I think she would too."

"Oh, she would," Bella laughed, watching Seth sneak glances at Nessie, who, for the first time since I'd met her, actually seemed completely shy.

"Seth, allow me to introduce you to Nessie, she's uh, a new friend of the family," I gestured to them both, "Nessie, this is an old family friend, Seth Clearwater. He and Rosalie pretty much run a bar we own in San Francisco." Seth's giant hand grasped hers tightly as he shook it, holding on a little longer than normal.

"Its nice to meet you," he laughed, finally dropping her hand and running his other against his neck awkwardly.

"Same," Nessie giggled.

"So, how do you like being home, Seth?" Bella tried to get rid of the awkward pause that had momentarily settled on us.

"Its alright. Leah is still a pain in the ass, but what do you expect. Mom wants you guys to stop by, she's been nagging me to invite you."

"We were actually going to show Nessie First Beach and around La Push, maybe hang out on the snow mobiles or something after we finished looking around town. How about we stop by before dinner?" Bella answered him.

"That sounds good, I'm just doing some last minute shopping. Where are you guys headed now?" Seth spoke more to Nessie than he did to us.

"The church, we have to talk to the priest about something coming up, eventually," I trailed off, smiling secretly to Bella.

"Oh, I don't think I should go, I mean, I wouldn't want it to get out, and then, you all think," Nessie sputtered awkwardly.

"We trust you, don't worry," Bella smiled.

"Well, if you'd like, I could take Nessie back to La Push with me, and we could all meet up in a few hours?" Seth stuck his hands in his pockets awkwardly. "I mean, if you want to help me pick something out for my sister," he smiled at Nessie with a cheesy grin. I tried not to laugh. Bella pinched my side and gave me a warning glance.

"If Nessie wants to she can. She's not our hostage." Ness giggled a little at this, sharing a glance with Bella.

"Sure," she smiled, somehow regaining her confidence. _Seth is a goner_. "As long as he's not a murderer or felon, because the trail would lead back to you guys," she pointed to Bella and I and laughed.

"I'm better behaved than a boy scout," Seth interjected proudly.

"He really is," I nodded when Nessie looked at us questioningly, "This man's idea of a good time is baking brownies." Seth shot daggers at me.

"Hey shut up," Seth growled, "That was one time." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry," I mumbled after Bella shot me a death glare that just screamed 'no more sex, ever again'.

"Take good care of her Seth," Bella warned as we started to walk away, "We'll see you at your house in a few hours. Don't let her near Leah." Ness' face went pale for a second.

"Wait, whose Leah?" she mumbled as Seth wrapped his arm around her, guiding her towards the shops down the street.

"The murderer of the family," I yelled to her. I saw Seth's body laugh a little as he tried to stifle it. Bella slapped my chest as we walked towards the church quickly. "Ouch, what was that for?" She just paused and looked at me, trying to look intimidating.

"Because, Seth was trying to be charming and nice, and he clearly had goo goo eyes for Nessie, and you made him look like a chump, and scare her from going with him," she fumed.

"Oh, come on, I was just joking around," I pleaded with her, running my hands along her arms to loosen her up before I pulled her closer to me. "I'm sorry. If I'm not mistaken though, Nessie had some goo goo eyes for him no matter what I said, and she did go with him, pretty eagerly." I kissed the top of Bella's head.

"Yeah," she mumbled, "But you suck as a wing man." I feigned hurt when she pulled away and made her way up the sidewalk to the church doors. I paused outside, taking in the beautiful building. It was absolutely quaint and perfect for our wedding, I just knew it. Small, elegant, old fashioned; us.

"Hey, are you sure?" Bella's eyes stared back at me. They were the eyes that I was in love with, the ones that I loved waking up to, the ones that seemed to seer me down to my soul. I smiled at how nervous she looked, mistaking my pause for doubt, instead of capturing this moment with her.

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life. You are my life." I put my arm around her as we walked up the hallowed steps. "Are you sure?"

"I don't want anything else for Christmas than to plan our wedding," she affirmed, tip toeing up and kissing my jaw.

"Well I'm not returning your other gifts," I smiled.

"I wouldn't expect anything else," she laughed, the most dazzling laugh in the world.

"You'll like this one, I promise. Have I ever left you unsatisfied?" I wiggled my eyebrows to accompany my innuendo. Bella blushed as the warm air from the stuffy church met us.

"No," she whispered, "But, there's always a first time for everything."

"Oh, you're going to pay for that," I whispered, kissing her ear quickly.

"I hope so."

**Nessie POV**

"Wait, whose Leah?" I asked, relishing in the warm arm around my shoulder. _Stop it, you've known him five minutes, and you'll forget him in five hours_.

"My sister," Seth smiled pulling his arm away and leading me into a small store.

"She's brutal?" I asked, pulling my gloves off and jamming them into my pockets.

"Bitchy is a more apt term I think," he grinned, pulling his wool cap off and running his hand through his dark blond hair. I stopped breathing for a second.

"Well what does a brother buy for his bitchy sister?" I smiled, moving through the small shop, trying to avoid meeting his eyes. I knew that if I kept looking at him, I would want to jump him, right here, right now. These thoughts were knew to me, I'd never had these urges before, ever. I just worked, and ran. Thats all I did, I didn't factor in having a crush on anyone.

"A muzzle?" he asked, fingering a few random novelties. I couldn't help but laugh.

"How about this?" I asked, slipping on an extremely ugly hat. Seth just laughed, a put an even uglier one on next to me, making faces in the mirror.

"I doubt she'd appreciate the beauty of either of these," he laughed, pulling his off and smoothing his hair. "No matter how beautiful you make them look." I couldn't hold his intense glance anymore, and had to walk away and clear my throat. I'd never been called beautiful before, even if it was inadvertent.

The rest of the day was spent with us joking around, much like we had been friends for years. Seth had an interesting sense of humor, which I appreciated. He helped me pick out a few small presents for the Cullens while I helped him pick out one for his sister. Walking around the small town, It felt good to be..._normal_. I was no longer just some random runaway orphan. I was new. I was walking through a winter wonderland, arm in arm with probably the first guy that has ever made me feel all googly eyed and light hearted in my whole life.

"Now, allow me to whisk you away to my own personal north pole," Seth grinned holding open the door to an old Jeep. He picked up a few books and threw them in the back seat while cleaning off the floor from notebooks and binders. "Sorry for the mess, but I brought some of my books home to get ahead for next semester." I just giggled at his awkwardness as he cleaned it out.

"Its alright," I laughed and climbed in, fingering one of his books as he hopped in beside me. "Reading this for fun?" I grinned holding up his copy of _The Textbook of Veterinary Anatomy_.

"I don't even know what that means," he grinned, "reading for fun? What's that?" He slowly turned the key in the ignition a few times, trying to get it to start. Suddenly it burst to life, letting out a low grumble. He just shrugged towards me. "Sorry," he slipped his coat off and handed it towards me when he saw me shiver.

"I'm fine," I tried to protest, momentarily sidetracked by seeing his arms flex under the long sleeve shirt underneath.

"The heat doesn't work, and its about a half hour drive to my house. Trust me, you're going to need that."

"Won't you freeze?"

"I have an abnormally high body temperature, I promise." I just looked at him in disbelief. "Here, feel." Before I could protest, his giant hand was cupping my cheek. It was hotter than normal and I can't say I could ignore the butterflies that started to crash around my stomach.

"Oh," I only managed to mumble after he pulled away. He cleared his throat and started to drive down the now empty road. The street lights started to click on around us as a light snow started to fall.

"So, listen, I don't normally do this," he tried to start.

"Oh great, so now you're going to murder me?" I tried to lighten the situation, earning a slight laugh from him.

"No, I mean, bring girls home. Even though, I know you're not really coming by choice, but more like the lesser of two evils, and I mean you're my guest but its not like its because we've been going together, and its not that I'm opposed, but that's not the point," he rambled on quickly, and I could barely catch everything coming out of his mouth. "I'm just not really used to his. I mean, I have people over, well when I'm in San Francisco, but here, I don't know, there was never anyone serious, and my mother, she's been pushing me, and well this is all way to much information. So, I was just trying."

"Seth, hey, please take a breath," I laughed, trying to calm him down. After he took a deep breath I asked him to start over. "Alright, one more time, please."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that my mom might misconstrue our relationship, I mean, not relationship, but,"

"Hey, don't have an aneurysm. I understand." He looked about five hundred shades of relieved. "I mean, how bad could it be?"

"Um, you'd be surprised," he trailed off. A new wave of nervousness crept into my bones. I've known him a matter of three hours, I was meeting his mom, and I was nervous about it. This seemed about par for the course though with the way my life was shaping up lately. Abducted by the Cullens, although I really wasn't complaining, they were all too amazing. Everything was too good to be true. I was riding in a horribly cold car, snuggling into a coat that was like a tent on me, but smelled like a delicious mix of pine and warmth, laughing and talking to an amazing guy, with amazing blue eyes, amazing muscles, and amazing russet skin that just glowed no matter what time of day it was. This was a dream, one that was too amazing to want to wake up from, because now, I didn't have to run around, skimping and saving to go to school. Here, none of that mattered, I had no past, no expectations. I shook my head, trying to focus, and not become attached.

We pulled up to a small cabin at the base of this huge mountain. The forest was dark behind it in the waning light, and the windows glowed a faint orange. Smoke billowed out of the chimney and caught snowflakes in it's plumes. Before I could open my door, Seth was there, helping me out so I wouldn't slip on ice. Slowly, we made our way up the walk, his arm never leaving my waist. I couldn't help but pause for a second, looking up at the twirling specs of frozen water. Seth stopped with me, first watching my face, then looking up along with me. I could feel his easily six foot frame towering beside me, and I couldn't help but lean against it.

"I've known you for almost five whole hours now," Seth informed me, running his hands along my arms to stop the shivering.

"Wow, that's practically an eternity," I smiled to myself, tasting the snowflakes on my tongue, mentally singing a tune my mother used to sing whenever it snowed.

"Its been the best five hours of my life," he stepped in front of me, and my eyes met his.

"Yeah, its been pretty good," I tried to play coy, side stepping him and gathering a ball of snow in my hand, quickly packing it before letting it rip, making contact with his shoulder.

"Oh, you probably shouldn't have done that," he growled, bending down and making a snowball a little bigger than mine.

"No!" I ran to the other side of the car, trying to avoid the cold snow. Seth chased me all around the yard, until the house was only a faint speck behind us. It was about this time that I turned around to see Seth hit a patch of ice and land in a giant pile of snow.

"Ouch," he grinned as I walked towards him, definitely showing signs of not being hurt, at least mortally.

"Which hurts worse, your pride or your ass?" I laughed, looking him over.

"Um, definitely my pride," he laughed, "But I don't know what you're laughing about." He pulled me down into the snow quickly, "Because you've lost your balance just as quickly as I did!"

"You pulled me!" I yelled, trying to get out of the cold snow and his arms. _Well, not his arms so much..._

"But you liked it," he grinned when I settled on his chest, out of direct contact with the snow.

"Maybe a little," I whispered as his hand slid a piece of hair behind my ear. The only thing I could hear was our breathing from all the running around as our chest beat together with every breath. The air was thick with the fog from each one. I felt Seth's head lift slightly as his arms wrapped around my waist. Instinctively, my lips lowered towards his, almost like a magnet was attached to both of our mouths, and it was finally activated. My breathing stopped as we moved closer. A vibration against Seth's leg made me pull away quickly. Seth's arm reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, while his other one helped me stand up. I cursed his phone at that moment.

"I didn't realize how late it was," he apologized, listening thoughtfully and brushing snow off of his body. "Sure, but only if Esme makes me a plate!" he grinned like a little boy, dragging me towards the house. "No, its not big deal. We don't do anything at home until Christmas dinner." We finally made it to the front door, and I was all nerves again. "Sure, we'll be over soon. See you then." Seth pushed open the door, revealing the quaintest little cabin I'd ever seen. It was like something you'd imagine to be inside of a snow globe from Alaska. We walked into the living room, stomping our boots and warming our hands. "Hey, Mom! I'm home for a second," Seth called. A woman appeared a minute later from what I guess was the kitchen.

"Oh, how are you sweetheart?" the woman hugged him tightly, "I've got a few pies on for tomorrow night. And who is this?" She gave me a cursory glance, not mean, just curious.

"My name is Nessie," I stuck my hand out, "I guess I'm what the Cullens would call a 'stray'." A small smile appeared on her lips as she looked at my hand and wiped hers in her apron. Then, she surprised the hell out me and hugged me tightly. _I guess everyone from Forks is a hugger_.

"Well, its nice to meet you. I'm Sue," she grinned elbowing Seth, "She's pretty," I heard her whispered while I pretended to look around at some pictures in the living room.

"The Cullens, they have a habit of doing that," she started, following me towards the wall of pictures. "Their hearts are just too big."

"I guess that's the best disease to be struck with," I mused absently, eliciting a laugh from her.

"She's a keeper, where have you been hiding her?" she nudged Seth. I turned towards them smiling. "Can I get you anything to eat? Where is Bella? I haven't seen her in, well years. I think since the funeral," she talked aimlessly.

"Well, Mom," Seth interjected, stopping her train of thought, "I'm actually going to take Ness back over to the Cullens. I guess Bella and Edward lost track of time, and they are late for dinner. Apparently Christmas Eve dinner is pretty important."

"Ok, in that case," Sue bustled into the kitchen, "Take over this one. I've got a few more baking." She handed him a delicious smelling pie. I suddenly realized how hungry I was. "And tell Bella not to be a stranger. You either, Nessie. Its always nice to see Seth so happy." Seth shook his head and blushed, holding the door open.

"It was very nice to meet you," I smiled, stepping outside, letting Seth and his mom talk for a second. _At least I didn't have to meet Leah_.

"Shall we?" Seth helped me towards the car, again helping me inside and handing me the pie to hold.

"Your mom is nice," I smiled as we backed down the long driveway, "She was fun to talk to. The epitome of what I imagine mothers to be like."

"She's a handful," Seth laughed.

"That wasn't as bad as you thought it'd be though, was it?"

"No, I guess it could have been much worse," he thought out loud as I looked out the window, watching the snow fall faster now, in denser strands. We pulled up to the Cullen's with not much conversation. I knew we both had to be stuck on what had almost happened in that snow bail, and neither of us knew what to say about it. I started to open my mouth a few times, but shut it each time, never knowing how to word what I wanted to say correctly. So, here we were, slowly clambering out of the car, pie in hand, ready to again spend time with the Cullens, where I would be in over my head. I cringed as we walked inside, stepping out of our boots and coats.

"Finally! We can eat," the big guy, Emmett, smiled as we walked towards the dining room. "Fuck yes pie!" His wife slapped him upside his head with one arm as she held the baby in her other.

"Oh Seth! Its been too long," Esme hugged him tightly. "We set you a plate. Oh what a lovely pie! Come on, don't be strangers, start fixing your plates." She ushered us towards the dining table. Seth elected to sit beside me, and I smiled to myself.

The table was filled to the brim with food of every shade, smell, and color. I didn't even know where to start, it was all mesmerizing.

"Grace," Seth nudged me when I started to take a bite. I dropped my fork quickly and lowered my head awkwardly.

"Thank you for the year we've had," Carlisle began solemnly, "Thank you for all of the wonderful people we've met, and had the pleasure to welcome to our family. We ask that you bless this table, and everyone around it, but, let us not forget all those who we love not at this table. This is a time for celebration and remembrance, as well as new memories and new beginnings. Bless us all, please, as we try to live as a happy, loving family. Amen." Everyone echoed his ending and started to eat, each diving into the conversation.

I looked around the table, eying all of them as if they were in the circus. I'd never been in a place that was just so, so happy and carefree. I guess it wasn't only that, it was the fact that they all wanted each other to be happy. Rosalie and Emmett talked to Esme about Emma, who I guess was finally trying some solid foods. Esme doted on her 'granddaughter' affectionately. Jasper and Carlisle were talking about some boring history find, both laughing at something that probably wasn't really that funny. Alice and Bella were deep in conversation about something about wedding plans. Bella looked like she was in pain, but Alice just smiled triumphantly. Edward wrapped his arm around Bella, as if protecting her from Alice. I watched as Bella grabbed Edward's hand, holding him to her. Each of their movements seemed so natural, like they were dancers, constantly changing with each others movements. They were both so intricately aware of the others body, it was utterly amazing to watch.

"Its overwhelming, isn't it?" Seth whispered, leaning towards me. I just nodded. Soon they all had me in varying conversations, and unfortunately Seth was also preoccupied, so I never got the chance to talk to him. Dinner made me nostalgic for family, even though I'd never had a real family. A few hours passed, and I had the best few hours of my life. In fact, the whole day had been amazing. Dishes were washed by the girls as the boys all retreated to the living room. Emmett and Rosalie took the baby to bed soon after we all rejoined them in the living room.

"I think its time I should be getting home," Seth whispered as he checked his watch. The time has sped by so quickly, I hadn't even thought about him leaving. _Would I ever see him again?_

"Seth, I don't think that's going to be a good idea," Carlisle warned as he looked outside. "This snow looks pretty bad."

"Nothing I haven't driven in before," Seth pushed off his suggestion.

"It looks pretty bad," I finally spoke up as Seth started to walk outside. "Maybe you should stay."

"Yeah Seth, just stay. Call your mom," Edward spoke up also, incredibly concerned about Seth driving in this snow storm. Seth thought about it a minute, eying me and smiling at my hopeful glance.

"Alright," he grinned, content in his defeat.

I don't know why, but I was oddly happy with his decision.

**December 25th (Christmas Day)**

**Edward POV**

"Merry Christmas."

A tiny voice echoed against the skin on my neck. Slowly, I could feel Bella's lips kissing and doing all kinds of torturous things to it. I didn't bother to open my eyes as her hands slipped under my shirt. I still didn't open them when they slipped towards the top of my boxers. But, they sprung open as soon as I felt her body weight settle on top of mine.

"Oh, so now you're awake," she laughed, straddling my waist in the worst kind of way imaginable.

"Merry Christmas," I managed to get out before her lips crashed against mine. I could feel her hands root behind my neck, urging my mouth closer to hers. _I love it when she takes control_. My hands grabbed her waist tightly, trying to make her sit still, and stop moving so tauntingly. "Please tell me this is my present,' I mumbled as I gave up, and she continued to do tiny wiggles with her waist, right on mine. Bella laughed, finally pulling her lips away from mine.

"Its part," she grinned, pulling my old shirt over my head, and then pulling hers up with it. "Its mostly to repay you for the down payment and reservation for the church."

"You don't have to repay me," I chided her as she ran her fingernails up my chest.

"I guess repay is the wrong word," she giggled, letting her hair out of the messy ponytail it was in from sleeping, "I want to properly thank you for agreeing to marry me." I know my eyes rolled back in my head as soon as her hands slid my boxers down.

"I, ungh, uh, anything," I managed to stutter between moans as we became one. Bella's hands gripped my shoulder's tightly as she kissed me fiercely. I had never been this happy, ever, in my whole life, to be woken up before dawn.

"Edward," she moaned into the crook of my neck, her warm breath igniting my senses. I tried to move with her, but she was setting the tempo, almost too slow on purpose, trying to torture me.

"Oh, God, Bella," I tried to stifle how loud it came out, but I knew it must have been a little too loud. I grabbed her waist as I flipped her over onto the bed, unable to contain myself anymore, afraid I wouldn't make it much longer. I tried to slow our movements, but Bella's legs wrapped around me tightly, and I knew I was a goner soon enough. Our bodied moved together quickly. I let my hands slip down lower, helping Bella follow me. Her back arched against me as we both ended up in a puddle of nothing together. The only noises were our those of our ragged breathes trying to catch up with us as I lowered myself beside Bella. Her hair was thrown all over the pillow, and I tried to push it out of her eyes.

"Merry Christmas," she mumbled, kissing my chest and heaving herself out of bed.

"Wait, what's up with the quickie then ditch me?" I grumbled, rolling on my side and facing her as she got dressed. _Oh shit_.

"That was just a preview for later," she smirked, quickly pulling on a pair of jeans, over no underwear. I groaned and slammed my head against the pillow. She just danced around a little triumphantly.

"Not nice," I shivered as I got out of bed, finding some clothes to put on.

"Yeah, but I never agreed to be nice for Christmas," she grinned after she finished getting dressed, just as Alice barged into my room, clapping and screaming 'Merry Christmas'. I was left with my mouth wide open, contemplating the many meanings of what Bella had just said. I never got a chance to comeback with anything else, Alice swept us downstairs to the groggy family that was surrounding the tree.

Everyone wished each other the usual greetings as we all hunched over cups of coffee. Truth be told, I'd never been more awake, but I wasn't about to advertise what had just happened to me, and my discovery of such an amazing alarm clock. Bella sat happily next to Esme and Alice, opposite from me. I couldn't help but sneak glances at her between talking to Emmett and holding Emma. Every now and then, I'd meet her gaze, and she'd bite her lip and smile, making my mind go to all kinds of places. Her blush made it that much worse.

"Boy, you guys are up early over here," Seth yawned and stretched as he strutted in pulling Nessie by the hand. Both were wearing sweat pants and guilty glances. My eyebrows raised when I met Bella's glance and she just smiled happily. Nessie sat down on the couch next to him happily.

"Such guilty faces," Emmett laughed.

"We just met in the hall," Nessie corrected him quickly. Everyone snuck knowing glances around them.

"Alright, well time for presents," Alice clapped her hands and began distributing one for everyone. Everything went well, all of us hugging and smiling and joking. It was a nearly perfect Christmas. Paper was thrown all around covering every inch of the floor. Surprising, Nessie, had given us all tiny presents, which was fairly nice of her. Seth helped her open her presents, since we didn't count on him being there. I don't think I'd ever seen him blush as much as when he opened up a bag from Alice that was full of items from Victoria's Secret. All of the gifts were wonderful. My favorite would have to be Bella's though. She had managed to find a first pressing of one of my favorite records, and it was in pristine condition. I was almost afraid to touch it. _Damn, she knew me all to well._ Bella didn't seem to mind the present I got her either, which was a feat in and of itself. A ticket to Paris so she could spend the week with me when I went on tour in Europe. After she had finished opening her boxes, Bella made her way over to me, kissing my temple as she sat on my lap. For the first time, Christmas with my family wasn't horribly awkward, and I wasn't the odd man out. Now, I understood how much fun it was to live for another person. We all seemed to be in our own worlds as Esme finished with her last present. Bella and I were whispering about Paris, and spending time in Europe. I was trying to sound hopeful but it was hard. This tour was sitting over us like a dark cloud. It would only be three months starting in January. I would be able to see her more when I reached the states after a month in Europe, but I just knew that being away from her was going to be hard. She tried to calm me down, saying that we were different people now, we could do it. _Life was going to have to change though. _I couldn't do this forever.

"Nessie, this is beautiful," Esme fingered a book gently, flipping through the pages happily. "When did you have time to do this?" Everyone peaked over her shoulder to see a beautiful photo album filled with a few pictures. Nessie just smiled at her happiness.

"Well, I've been doing what I do best, sneaking pictures every now and then when no one was looking," she laughed, "Last night, Alice helped me print these out up in the library. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, its beautiful," I smiled, laughing at a few of the pictures. They were all amazing, and no one was completely aware of the picture being table. There were a few from dinner last night, from yesterday morning. It was sparse, but the pictures that were taken were very well done.

"Well, now open ours," Carlisle said eagerly after everyone else had pretty much finished with their piles, handing Nessie an envelope. Awkwardly she opened it, holding her breath and grasping her hand over her mouth.

"No, no no no no no no no, no no," she stuttered, shaking her head, "No no no no no, I can't, no no."

"What's the big idea?" Seth grabbed the envelope and smiled a huge awkward grin. Everyone's face was filled with a huge, tentative smile. "Oh, shit." Nessie grabbed it back, putting it on the coffee table.

"I really can't," she kept shaking her head. "You don't even know me. How could you do that? No, no no no no no."

"Nessie, why are you freaking out?" Alice tried to comfort her, "Please, we all talked about it, and its not like Edward even needs it anymore. Please, just take it."

"No, Alice you stop it with your sick mind games," Nessie was still shaking her head. "You can't just give me tuition to school."

"Well, we really can," I chimed in, "I didn't use all of my college fund, since I dropped out early. We're not going to use it for anything good."

"You guys don't even know me! What if I'm some crack addict who just wants to take pictures of you for the rest of my life?" she screamed. I couldn't help but laugh. "Its not funny! I can never repay this!" We let her calm down, no one wanting to really say anything.

"Nessie, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity," Bella tried to start.

"Don't I know it," she scoffed, "I've known you people less than forty eight hours, and you're giving me enough money to go to school to get my doctorate. Maybe you guys are the crazy ones! I can't even go to school, I don't have a real job, a real house, I don't have anything!"

"We could use another pair of hands at the bar," Rosalie offered.

"Look at that," I piped up, trying to smooth everything over. Nessie just rolled her eyes.

"This is like a fairy tale," she scoffed, "A horrible fairy tale that I know I'm going to wake up from all too soon." Everyone laughed at this.

"Oh! I have a great idea!" Alice clapped her hands together, "You can live in our old apartment above the bar!"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Nessie stood up, pacing, "You're giving me tuition, a job, an apartment, and and and I'm supposed to think that you don't want anything from me? How am I, a rational, real world person, supposed to agree to that? This doesn't happen!"

"You're going to take it, though," Seth laughed. "We all need a Christmas miracle every now and then." This calmed Nessie a little, allowing her to sit down. She started to cry slightly.

"I just can't believe it," she trailed off.

"Join the club." We all sat in stunned silence, the only noises coming from a few light up toys Emma was playing with.

"Well we have an announcement," I finally smiled.

**Bella POV**

"Edward, maybe we should wait until dinner," I whispered as he hugged me tighter.

"There's no time like the present. Our family is crazy. Let's just deal with it," he laughed. I rolled my eyes, knowing that there was no use fighting him. Now seemed like an alright time I suppose. I mean, here we were in the middle of a whirlwind of craziness, why not add to it slightly.

"Well spit it out already," Alice was about ready to explode.

"We're getting married," I finally answered, smiling at Edward, then looking at everyone else.

"We've heard this before," Alice rolled her eyes.

"We've booked the church," I gushed happily, "May!"

"As in this May?" Rosalie looked at us, stunned.

"Holy shit," Nessie whispered. The thought was echoed by Jasper and Emmett as everyone sat in silence, letting it all settle on them. I looked to Edward, trying to figure out why everyone was so surprised.

"Are you pregnant dear?" Esme looked at us both, concerned. My eyes bugged out and I almost swallowed my tongue. Edward coughed to himself awkwardly shaking his head and laughing.

"No, Mom, we're not pregnant. We just want to do it already, and May would be a nice time for a wedding we think."

"Plus, it'd give me something to focus on while Edward is on tour."

"So this shit is going down?" Emmett laughed.

"Yes, Emmett," Edward shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Well, where? When? Who?" Esme fired off questions.

"We asked Angela's dad to marry us in the church. We're not sure about the reception, and we're not sure about much," I laughed.

"Well, I know that I'm going to ask Emmett to be my best man," Edward said, peeking next to him at Emmett. He just turned pale for a second.

"Best man?" he laughed, "Why not Jasper?"

"Because we made the best man circle a long time ago, and I'm just sticking to it," Edward laughed. A realization hit Emmett and Jasper as they all laughed to themselves.

"Really? You all talked it out? That's so lame," Alice laughed.

"Don't laugh," Jasper nodded solemnly, "Emmett is Edward's best man, Edward will be my best man, and I will be Emmett's best man. We've got this on lock."

"Wow," I let out a breath, unaware of this whole plan they already had.

"Yeah, we're not all girly and complicated. One night after a few too many, we had a nice heart to heart, and we outlined it," Emmett said proudly. "I forgot about it until now."

"I don't really have a plan," I whispered, looking at Rosalie and Alice.

"Well make a circle after a night of drinking soon," Alice smiled, allowing me to at least put off the nervousness for a little bit.

"Holy shit," Nessie whispered again.

"Yeah, they don't really do things small here," Seth tried to comfort her.

"If you think this is big," Alice warned, "Wait til you see the wedding."

_Shit_.

_____________________________________

**SO this is pretty long, so I don't know when the next chapter will be.**

**BUT, you guys came through with huge comments and reviews for the last one, which I appreciated!!! Like, It made me absolutely so eager to write. **

**So, expect one pretty soon. **

**Also, I'm pretty much in love with Seth/Nessie so I might be making another story based off of this one, just for Nessie and Seth. **

**But the good thing about that, is once I end this story, I'll slip in updates from this story in there.**

**So, let me know if I should.**

**there's probably, about 6 to 10 more chapters, depending on what I actually do and how I divide it. **

**so, **

**tell me what you think about this one.**

**What's going to happen with the tour? What's going to happen when they go back to LA? What do you want to happen? **

**THANKS!**

**ps. still looking for a Beta, let me know, plz  
**


	20. Boots Of Spanish Leather

**Music:**

**"Duet": Rachel Yamagata & Ray LaMontagne****  
"Lonelily": Damien Rice ****  
"Lullaby": The Spill Canvas  
"Boots of Spanish Leather (Cover)": Julia Haltigan (Original: Bob Dylan)**

**SUPER A/N:  
NEW BETA! WHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Whose excited? Me! So, all kinds of thanks to a new creative force on "Such a Simple Fool", GreenEyesG!**

**Everyone leave a review and tell her how much you liked it!**

**Edward POV**

"Hurry up Jasper!" I glared through the studio glass. The door to my left clicked open as my lanky consort walked in, carrying his guitar.

"What's the hurry, man?" he shook his head, sitting down on the stool next to me, picking up the headphones. I disregarded his question and instead tuned my guitar quickly, wanting to just record this, one time out, and get on with my day. _Fuck, why did Aro have to be such a perfectionist?_ Now, here I was, on my last day in town, recording one more song for the album that was set to be released in a month.

"Are we ready?" I asked anxiously, trying to leave as soon as possible. I just wanted to escape LA, escape being a musician, escape everything for a few hours before it was all I thought about for a few months.

"Edward, calm down," Bella's voice chuckled over the intercom. I peered through the glass to see her standing over the mixing station, laughing at my rushed attitude. I smiled to myself, content to see her there. She pushed her hair from her eye with the back of her hand as she continued to laugh a little harder at something Aro had said, and just like the first night I had met her, I was falling all over again. Here I was, on a stool, only offering my guitar and voice as homage to her, and she didn't even know how much I loved her. I chuckled to myself at the memory of our first time meeting. _It feels like forever ago. Hell, it feels like I didn't even have a life before I had met her_.

I didn't think she'd want to come spend time in the studio with me, but sure enough, this morning when I asked her, she jumped at the chance. It made me nervous, in a good way, I think though. The song was one I wanted her to hear, sooner rather than later. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to calm myself, and savor every second I was at least in the same building as Bella. It killed me that in less than twelve hours I'd be on a plane, heading back for Europe. It was only a little over a month though, until I would see Bella in Paris. _A month is too long_. Ever since Christmas, Bella had been trying to convince me that everything would be alright. But, I couldn't fully believe her. I had faith in us, but I just didn't have faith in people, or LA for that matter. I took a deep breath, trying to forget all of that. _I wanted this; this was my dream_.

"We're ready," Jasper mumbled, finally looking up after tuning.

"Alright, one try," I laughed when the red light clicked on, "One, two, three." Jasper started dutifully, drawing out each note fluidly.

_Oh Lover, hold on 'till I come back again. For these arms are growin' tired, and my tales are wearing thin. If you're patient I will surprise, when you wake up I'll have come. All the anger will settle down, and we'll go do all the things we should have done. Oh, I remember what we said, as we lay down to bed, 'I'll be here if you will only come back home'._

I put every ounce of real sorrow I had into it. Each moment I spent worrying about Bella, about being away from her, I said everything I couldn't say. This was all I had, right here, right now, putting this down, trying to reassure her. I pictured laying in bed with her, as the sun came up and we talked the night away. All these images rattled my brain.

_Oh lover, I'm lost, because the road I've chosen beckens me away. Oh lover, don't you roam, now I'm fighting words I never thought I'd say. But I remember what we said, as we lay down to bed, 'I'll forgive you if you just come back home'._ _Oh lover, I'm old. You'll be out there and be thinking just of me, and I will find you down the road, and will return back home to where we're meant to be. 'Cause I remember what we said, as we lay down to bed, 'we'll be back soon as we make history'._

Who would have thought that I would be so madly in love with someone, I'd never want to be away from them? I never thought it'd happen, but here I was, singing my heart out, like I did every time Bella was around, trying to tell her how much I loved her, because God knows, I would never be able to show her, even if I lived forever.

"That was great guys," Aro laughed over the intercom once the red light blinked off.

"Good," I smiled, somewhat tired after that little performance. "Jazz, I'll see you on the plane later," I smiled as I walked out of the little booth. As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, I was pulled down by someone's arms wrapped around my neck.

"That was amazing," Bella kissed my neck proudly. I swam in her essence.

"What? That? No, it was nothing," I shrugged it off, pulling her along quickly. I knew that if we didn't hurry, we'd be stuck here longer, and I had a beautiful day planned for us before I had to leave tonight. We stepped into the room on the other side of the glass.

"Edward, that was great!" Aro laughed. I hugged him tightly. I was glad he had come down to visit and help on the last few songs. If anyone understood how I actually worked as a musician, it was him.

"Thank you," I grinned as he sat back down in the chair, twirling back towards the giant soundboard. "Is there anything else you need to hear?"

"Nope, I'm just going to mix this, and run through it with Jasper. Why don't you take off for the rest of the day. I think you have a few hours before the flight," he trailed off, already completely enthralled in the recording that was playing back. I eyed Bella, who in turn grinned happily.

"You don't have to tell me twice, I'll see you later," I threw over my shoulder, quickly turning heel and walking out of the studio.

"Edward, what's the hurry? You're making me anxious," Bella scolded me as we got in my car and sped off.

"I have something I want to show you," I grinned. Bella just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?" She stared out the window, absently holding my hand tightly. I tried to sneak peaks as her eyes looked at all of the passing streets and people. She bit her lip anxiously, as a slow blush spread across her cheeks. _Why can't I just read her mind?_ I just wanted to know what she was thinking, but here I was, stuck, completely in the dark. Finally we reached the old dirt road. I noticed Bella's eyes grow a little bigger when she finally realized where we were. I pulled off into the old parking lot that held my favorite memory of all time.

"Its even prettier in the day time," Bella laughed as I helped her get out of the car. I pulled her onto the hood after pulling my jacket off and giving it to her. The farther we were out of the city, the colder it was, although southern California was in no shape or form, anything like Forks in the winter. I pulled Bella towards me, both of us content in our secret escape, looking down at the tiny ants of LA.

"You're not going to ask me to marry you again, are you?" she giggled, pulling the coat tighter around her.

"No, not unless you want me too," I chuckled. She just molded into my chest more, wrapping her arms around me.

"I think twice was enough."

"Are you sure you want to make the plans by yourself?" I asked, not sure, even after all of her assurances, that she could handle it.

"Trust me," she whispered, kissing my jaw, "Alice is going to be doing most of it. She says its her gift to us."

"You couldn't say no, could you?" I laughed, hugging her tighter.

"She's impossible," she shook her head. We leaned back, against the glass, basking in the setting sun. The silence was thick with so many wants, needs, thoughts. The air dripped with so much tension, the only thing tangible was the sparks that flew between our bodies. The sun turned the sky the color of cotton candy over the grey fog that always hung over the city.

"You have to leave soon," she whispered, almost as if she were just speaking to the air around us. In a quick movement, she rolled herself half on top of me, her leg slipping between mine. I tilted my head, just enough to meet her eyes.

"Is there something I can send you from across the sea, from the place that I'll be landing?" I smiled, kissing her forehead quietly, almost trying to ease her racing heart. She just smiled, kicking herself up a little bit high, holding her lips above mine. A dangerous twinkle betrayed her before her blush did.

"Just carry yourself back to me unspoiled, from across that lonesome ocean," she whispered, letting her soft lips trace mine. Her hands slid up, and found their favorite spot on my shoulders, gripping me tightly as if I might evaporate from right under her.

"Oh, but I just thought you might want something fine, made of silver or of golden, either from the mountains of Madrid, or from the coast of Barcelona," I tried to keep a straight face. It was impossible to think clearly and quote something correctly when she was doing such dangerous things with her tongue and hands. Gently, so we wouldn't fall off of the car, I rolled her over, holding my body so it just hovered over her. Her eyes finally opened, glistening in the failing sun. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, pulling me closer to her as she tried not break contact for an instant.

"But if I had the stars from the darkest night, and the diamonds from the deepest ocean, I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss, for that's all I'm wishing to be owning." Almost to accentuate her point, Bella's lips hungrily found mine again.

"Is there something I can send you to remember me by, to make your time more easy passing?" I growled, kissing the soft flesh at her neck as her hands pulled my lips closer to her skin. Suddenly, Bella's chest started to heave gently, almost unnoticeable. Her grip on my hair loosened until her hands dropped to my shoulders limply. I looked up, instantly meeting Bella's face, distorted as if in pain. Her eyes were shut tightly as her lips rambled quietly, not making a noise.

"The same thing I would want today, I would want again tomorrow," she whispered, choked by sobs. I sat us both up, trying to hold her to me tightly, but she pulled away, locking eyes with me, wiping the tears from her own cheek.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, hoping that would fix whatever happened. She just shook her head and smiled.

"Don't be sorry," she assured me, "We can do this." I knew what she was saying was more for her than for me, so I agreed, trying to convince myself as well.

"I love you, and nothing will ever change that," I pulled her to me, knowing her silent tears were staining my shirt.

"I love you too," she mumbled, pulling away softly, "Now we better get you to the airport."

"I don't have to go," I whispered. Her eyes laughed slightly, hiding the tears I knew she wanted to cry. She wouldn't do that in front of me. In fact, she was probably kicking herself because of the outburst she just had. _Bella wasn't weak, she never let the world know how much she was carrying its weight on her shoulders_. Unfortunately that included me, also.

"You have to go, and I'm going to miss you, and you're going to miss me, and we're going to get through this," She confirmed, sliding off of the hood.

"That sounds like a plan," I whispered, my stomach suddenly filing with lead and dropping to the ground.

"Three months, easy as pie," she laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"You won't even know I'm gone," I tried to assure her new method of positivity.

"Right," she laughed, "I'm going on my own tour, up to Forks and San Francisco. Planning our beautiful wedding will distract me."

"Exactly," I whispered, kissing her temple soothingly as we backed out, heading down the highway to pick up Alice and Jasper before going to the dreaded airport, "Postcards from every city, I promise."

"No goodbyes," she muttered, holding my hand tighter, never slackening her grip.

"Never," I smiled to myself.

**Bella POV**

_This feels all too familiar_.

The air terminal was emptier than the last time I had dropped Edward off, but the essence was the same. This was a place where people said goodbye. No matter how long I lived, I could never, ever feel good about going to an airport or a hospital; they were just places that people went in with the ones they loved, and came out lesser. I tried to shake my head, get the thoughts away from my brain, but I couldn't. It was as if my brain was just on repeat, continually showing the same movie, like some bad afternoon special. This time was different though. We'd already done it once. _Granted, it hadn't worked out that well_. But, we at least had done it. I could do this. I was going to do this, and I was going to do it well. I had lived a full life before I met Edward, and I could live without him around for a few months. _Who can really guess how long self delusion will work?_

No, here I was, ready to embark on another self imposed Edward embargo because I couldn't just scream, 'No! Don't go! I love you and can't live without you!' The only thought in my mind that made it easy to let him go was the one that was riddled with guilt when I thought about him actually staying. _How could I look him in the eyes, or even claim that I love him, if I asked him to give this up?_

I wrapped my hands around the lapels of his coat, pulling them tightly, until his lips met mine. I didn't care what the people rushing past thought, I didn't care if they stopped, took pictures, asked for autographs, or even if they wanted to crown me queen of Nairobi. I kissed Edward. That was the only thing i focused on. It was hard to even breathe whenever he was in my vicinity, but now, hell, now was almost impossible to even think about breathing. Edward's hands tilted my neck back, allowing the kiss to deepen. Each action screamed of our history. I remembered kissing him everyday, in every way, but this, this was the stuff of legends. There was always something more desperate, more wild, more passionate about a goodbye kiss, no matter how long it was actually saying goodbye for.

I let my tip toes drop me back to the ground, immediately wiping my face with the back of my hand. I wasn't going to cry. I really wasn't. I was strong. _I've been through so much worse, I should be thankful that I have Edward. He was coming back. He was alive. He was mine. I didn't need to cry for missing him. _

I smoothed the crinkle in his lapels, putting my full concentration in it, running my hands over his chest. Edward stared at me contently, letting his hand absently play with a stray curl.

"I'll be thinking of you, every second," he whispered, only loud enough for me to hear. I smiled, leaning my head against his now smooth coat.

"Me too," I promised, "Just carry yourself back to me unspoiled, from across that lonesome ocean." Edward's chest rumbled with laughter as he hugged me tighter.

"You don't have to worry about that, my love," he tried to hide his amusement. I didn't find what was so funny. I had found particular solace in that song, and I finally understood it. "I love you."

"I love you, Edward, forever." I swore, trying to hide the aching in my chest and throat.

"My queen, we can do this." His lips met my forehead as he hugged me even tighter.

"I know. Now go, the sooner you get out of here, the sooner I'll have you back," I tried to smile, even though I knew a traitor tear betrayed me.

"Paris," he whispered, kissing my temple. I was finally able to detach myself from his coat and arms, reluctantly. Edward moved his feet towards the gate, Jasper in tow. Me and Alice plastered on fake smiles while they got their tickets check, and threw us one last glance and wave before disappearing into the terminal.

Alice and I finally moved to a pair of seats near a window, watching the plane load with more people until it detached from the airport. Alice's hand gripped mine tightly. I always forgot how much it hurt her. As horrible as I felt about it, I always felt better knowing that Alice and I could go through this together. It was practically the only solace I had, knowing that I would at least have her around, and she'd be going with me to Paris. _I doubt I could say goodbye again without her dragging me back to the states_. We held our breath as the plane taxied to the runway, and finally let it out as they flew towards the clouds. We didn't bother to move for a while. _Ok, a while is an understatement. _We watched two more planes do the same thing from the same terminal.

"Are you ready to go?" Alice whispered, her voice hoarser than I'd ever heard it. I just nodded, afraid to even hear what mine would sound like after constricting it for the past few hours. We climbed into the Volvo easily, and instantly I was hit with Edward. Bringing his car was the dumbest idea I'd ever had. But, I wanted to say goodbye, and I knew that cabs scared Alice, so this was the only way. I took a minute, closing my eyes and trying to find a safe, steady, peaceful place, at least until we were out of traffic and safe in bed to melt down completely. I unclipped the sunglasses that were being jammed into my chest because of the seatbelt, and moved them to the visor. As soon as I opened it, a small envelope popped out, landing on my lap. I smiled to myself, opening it quickly.

_'I know I said you could drive my car, but please, please, please, be gentle. It's not as, um, experienced as your truck. I love you.'_

"He makes fun of my truck from three thousand feet in the air," I laughed, feeling a little bit of the pressure on my chest evaporate. Alice laughed a little to herself. Soon enough though, I managed to get us back home, in one piece. I was tempted to put a tiny ding somewhere on the car though, just to see if he'd notice. Alice and I walked back into my empty house, not really knowing what to say or do. At the foot of the stairs, as soon as I shut the door behind us, Alice hugged me tightly, burying her face in my shoulder, the sobs finally hitting her body like it were a punching bag.

"Shh, Alice, it's alright, I promise," I ran my hands along her back, rubbing soothing circles, trying to get her to stop crying. Ironically, standing there, telling her we'd make it, affirmed it that much more for myself.

"I know it will, but I just want him right now," she laughed, trying to recover from the shaking her body had taken to doing after expelling so much emotion.

"I do too," I agreed solemnly, "But, we've been through worse before. We can do this."

"Starting tomorrow?" her mascara covered eyes pleaded with me.

"Yes please," I sighed, hugging her tighter.

"Or maybe the next day?" she tried to keep her shoulders still as they rocked slightly as she took a shaky breath.

"The next day sounds better," I agreed, tears spilling over my calm mask. I don't know how long we stood at the foot of the stairs, but I felt weak. My body felt exhausted from just everything.

"I'm going to go lay down," Alice whispered, tucking my hair out of my face, "Come get me if you need me."

"You do the same thing," I smiled, following her up the stairs. She walked towards the guest room that had since become her home away from home. It felt like old times, living on the same hallways as Alice. I loved it, and secretly hoped they would never find a house. I didn't even think about it, but somehow my feet carried me to the music room. The room was emptier than I liked, since Edward's guitars were all with him, traveling across the planet. I cringed at the thought. _Its amazing how my brain knows how to be the biggest asshole ever_. The small black leather couch had a blanket folded in the corner, one that normally wasn't there. When I took a step towards it, I saw that a similar small envelope was waiting. I smiled again, almost hating how well he knew me.

'_I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart, I've left it with you, my queen.' _

I picked up the blanket, wrapping it tightly around me and curling into a ball on the couch. The remote for the stereo jammed into my side as I rolled on it.

"Fuck," I whispered, rubbing my side, picking up the shameful device and winding up to throw it across the room. A small piece of paper caught my eye though, just in the nick of time. _Play_. I followed the simple instruction, curling into a tighter ball, hugging the now, beautiful device to my chest. A few chords began to play, melodically, almost soothingly, as if it were from a lullaby.

_It's the way that you blush when you're nervous. It's your ability to make me earn this. I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep. It's about how you laugh out of pity, 'Cause lets be honest I'm not really that funny. I know that you're shy, just let me sing you to sleep._

I smiled as tears warmed my cheeks. Edward's voice lingered through the air gently.

_If you need anything, just the say the word. I mean anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in, Plant my lips where your necklace is close._

All at once, I felt this overwhelming urge to hold him close to me, and the same urge to punch in the the face for being so perfect. _Granted, I would be punching him in a loving way_. I smiled. He was making it easier for me. He planned this all out so I would be alright.

_I know that you're spent, just let me sing you to sleep. It's your finger and how I'm wrapped around it. It's your grace and it keeps me grounded. I know that you're weak, just let me sing you to sleep. If you need anything, just the say the word. I mean anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in, Plant my lips where your necklace is close. While you were sleeping I figured out everything, I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me. Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins. You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame._

I was going to marry Edward Cullen. We were going to be happy. Nothing would stop us. Not James, not LA, not music, nothing.

_If you need anything, just the say the word. I mean anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in, Plant my lips where your necklace is close._

______________________________________

**So this is short, but necessary. **

**What do you think?**

**Like it? Hate it? What's going to happen on the tour?**

**I most certainly don't know.**

**so tell me a story, plz**

**Ps. Thanks for all the reviews! I love getting them! Perfect motivation, hence why this one is done so soon. **

**again, just to reiterate how pumped I am:  
NEW BETA! WHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YAY**

**YAY**

**YAY  
Everyone leave a review and tell my new beta how much you liked it!**


	21. Wishing Well

_Standing on a bus stop__  
Feeling your head pop.__Out in the night  
In the kind of night  
Where you want to be out.  
On the street, on the street  
Crawling up the walls  
Like a cat in heat._

_And the air is thin  
And it blows through your skin  
And you feel like something  
Is about to begin  
But you don't know what  
And you don't know when  
So you tear at your hair  
And you scratch at your skin_

_You wanna run away, run away  
Just get on the fucking train and leave today  
And it doesn't matter where you spend the night  
You just might end up somewhere in a fight, in a fight  
Or calling your room on a concrete shelf_

_**Fighting all alone, with yourself, with yourself  
And you just wanna feel like a coin that's been tossed  
In a wishing well, a wishing well  
A wishing well, a wishing well  
Well you're tossed in the air  
And you fell and you fell  
Through the dark blue waters  
Where you cast your spell  
Like you were just a wish that could turn out well**_

_So you stand on the corner__Where the angels sit  
And you think to yourself,  
"__**This is it, this is it  
This is all that I have  
All I can stand  
Is this air in my lungs  
And this coin in my hand**__"_

_That you tossed in the air  
And I fell, and I fell  
All the way to the bottom  
Of the well, of the well_

_**Like those soft little secrets  
That you tell, that you tell  
To yourself, when you think  
No one's listening to, well**_

_And the walls spin  
And you're paper-thin  
From the haze of the smoke  
And the mess calling  
The threat of your brow  
Under unmade sheets  
In your ear with the noise  
From the darkest streets  
We ran far and wide  
You screamed, you cried  
You thought suicide was an alibi_

_**But you were always a mess  
You were always aloof  
Yeah, it's awful, I guess  
But it's the awful truth**_

_It was truth from the first  
To the last words that she read  
And she emerged from the dark  
Like a ghost in my head_

_She said, "**I**__** haven't forgot****  
Any words that you said  
I just stare at the clocks  
And I cry in my sleep  
And I tear up your letters  
And I burn them in heaps  
And I gather the ashes  
In that hole in the ground  
Where we fel**__l" _

_"Wishing Well"- The Airborne Toxic Event_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or the Airborne Toxic Event. Nope, not even a little. **

**I do however own over $7,429.99 in illegally downloaded songs, an unhealthy obsession with the HBO series True Blood (I just found it... freekin' awesome), and an incredibly inconsiderate boyfriend.**

**Bella POV**

"Fuck."

I stared into the dark room, letting the word ring in the silence. I glanced at my alarm clock. _3:53_. I ran my hand through my damp hair, trying to remember any details from the dream I just had. _Nothing_. The only thing I saw when I thought about it was blackness. _I might as well as just had my eyes open the whole time I slept_. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem not remembering what had just woken me up at such an ungodly hour, but, here I was, covered in sweat, breathing like I had just run a marathon, and I couldn't even figure out one second of what I had been dreaming about. _Again_. I pulled at the shirt that was clinging to my chest, suffocating me even more. I kicked the blankets, untangling them from their grip on my legs.

"Fuck."

I couldn't remember shit. This was the third or fourth time I'd woken up like this, as if my memory were erased, and it was starting to piss me off. I gave up after a few more minutes of uselessly scouring my inept subconscious. I did a quick calculation and decided to call Edward. A week apart, and we were still going strong. I can't say I wasn't proud of us, for making it work so well, just taking things as they came. There had only been a tiny backlash in the media, nothing major. I still had a group of photographers who followed me around, but it was so much smaller than normal, and I was so thankful for that. Luckily, Edward and Jasper had decided to leave Alice and I, Harvey, so we could go out safely.

"Hello, gorgeous," a suave voice brought me out of my reverie. I knew I was blushing, but I would just blame that on the dream.

"Hello, handsome," I tried to echo his seductive voice, all of a sudden feeling giggly and like a teenager.

"What are you doing up so early? It's only four in the morning. Is something wrong?" his voice lowered. I knew he was worried. I could picture him holding the phone closer to his ear, rubbing his neck with his hand, trying to ease the tension that was undoubtedly forming.

"I'm fine, don't worry," I tried to soothe him, all of a sudden remembering the dream. I shook my head and put it out of my mind. Edward didn't need any distractions. "I just needed to pack and clean up the house before we left today." He was quiet for a second while he tried to figure out if I was telling the truth or not. I was just glad we weren't having this conversation face to face. I heard Edward start to cough as he tried to talk. The line went quiet, but I could hear some clamor in the background. A few more seconds later, Edward's voice was back.

"Are you excited for the trip to San Francisco?" he tried to play off what had just happened. I put my hand on my hip, not realizing he couldn't see the stern look I was giving him.

"Edward Cullen, are you still sick?" I asked sternly.

"No," he mumbled. I was silent. As if on cue, the cosmic gods decided to play their part. Edward erupted in another hideous sounding cough, followed by a sneezing fit. I rolled my eyes. He'd been fighting this cold since he left, and he refused to go to the doctor's, claiming it was just a head cold. He was quiet for a few seconds.

"Are you going to tell me the truth now?" I asked calmly. He chuckled, sounding horribly congested.

"Ok, so I might still be recovering."

"Understatement of the century," I scoffed. "Are you going to rest and get some medicine anytime soon?" I knew he was weighing his options because it took him a minute to answer.

"Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or the truth?" he chuckled again. Sick or not, it was music to my ears. However it reminded me of how far away he was. I wanted to nurse him when he was sick, make him better, and take him to the doctors. _Sickness and health and all that jazz right?_

"You're impossible," I gave up.

"You're pretty."

"You can't compliment your way out of everything, dazzler." I tried to sound resolved to this, but I knew he sure as hell could charm his way out of a murder conviction with blood smeared across his hands, car, and holding the knife with a sign taped to his chest saying 'Yeah, I did it'.

"I can try," he murmured, for some reason becoming quiet.

"What's wrong?" I tried to coax it out of him.

"Just miss you," he sighed. I sighed even bigger as I finally flung myself out of bed, knowing full well that if I got sad, laid in bed, and covered up my head, Alice and I would never make it out of LA today. That just couldn't happen. We needed a small vacation before the real vacation to Paris.

"I miss you, but just think, I get to see you in a few more weeks," I tried to convince us both. I put the phone on speaker as I pulled the damp shirt off of my body as the sweat had cooled, making me shiver.

"True," he muttered, not convinced.

"How's it going?" I yelled from the closet, trying to find something comfy to wear for today while driving.

"Why am I on speaker?" he laughed.

"I was getting dressed," I threw absently as I slipped out of my shorts and put on a pair of jeans and slipped the shirt on. "And it's hard to do that with a phone attached to an arm and an ear." I heard a slight groan. _Thank God it was on speaker, or I would have missed it_.

"You mean you were talking to me, while naked?" he groaned a little louder, sounding sadder than expected. _But, that could probably be attributed to the congestion_.

"Um, yeah," I muttered offhandedly, taking the phone with me to the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and actually clean up a little. _Then, it technically wouldn't be a lie_.

"That's not fair," he whined, "I miss you, especially when you're naked." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Trust me, when I'm naked, I especially miss you too," I managed to say while brushing my teeth.

"You're a funny lady," he laughed.

"Come on now," I tried to joke, "How about this? I miss you a lot, regardless of clothing situation?"

"I can live with that. Or, I could just pretend that you're always naked."

"That seems like a perfectly good idea," I laughed, not believing what a weird guy I was engaged to. _Too bad I loved him_.

"Stop thinking about me naked for two seconds and tell me about how the tour is going please," I begged playfully.

"Good. We're in Berlin right now, playing at some theater tonight. I got mobbed yesterday. Shirt got torn under my jacket. I think I have frost bite." He prattled on aimlessly for a few minutes while I tried not to laugh. "Right now, we're on our way to do some photo-shoot. Jasper says 'Hi.'" I burned red.

"You mean Jasper heard you talking about me naked?" I blushed, even more.

"So, you just didn't hear the part about me having frost bite, and only care that Jasper heard me when I said that I like to think about you naked? Your priorities are messed up," Edward cajoled me.

"You don't have frost bite though, and Jasper DID hear you talk about me naked," I stammered.

"Don't worry he says he's seen it all anyway." If it were ever possible, I blushed even more.

"Tell him that I thought we weren't going to tell you about that one time," I trailed off evilly. _Pay back is a bitch_.

"What?" Edward roared. I couldn't contain my laughs anymore. Edward started to cough, adding to how funny it was for me.

"Kidding, kidding, Edward," I managed to get out between giggles.

"You're horrible," he laughed uneasily.

"Now we're even," I smiled to myself, proud of being able to hold my own.

"I hate to say this," Edward started a second later, and I instantly knew what he was going to say.

"But, you have to 'go because we're about to go blah, blah, blah tour'," I finished for him blandly.

"Yeah," he muttered.

"Ok, well, knock 'em dead, dazzler. I love you."

"I love you too, my queen. I'll call you after the show." I smiled, hearing those three words I craved. I waited until there was no more noise, realizing he'd hung up finally. This whole, not saying goodbye thing was complicated. Both of us hated actually having to hang up. I stared at my phone for a few minutes, almost willing it to ring so I could hear his voice more. I finally gave up, even more pissed off at my lack of mind control abilities. I hated that my life revolved around a phone. It was almost like I was in a relationship with my blackberry more than Edward. I religiously charged it, slept with it, clutched it every spare second of the day. _Ok, I suck_. I glared at the offensive device, putting it in its place before starting to make the bed and I finished packing the odds and ends I would need on the trip.

Alice was going with me as far as San Francisco, and then I was continuing on to Forks alone. I needed to go take care of a few wedding plans myself, like talking to Angela's dad about marrying us, figuring out where the reception would be, and where I would house all the friends and family that would be visiting. I mean, that stuff was really important. In all honesty though, I was going back to Forks to write. I had a feeling that the dreams, or lack thereof, were my body's way of trying to get something out, and I just needed to do what I got paid to do. I tried writing everywhere around LA; at home, the park, a coffee shop, everywhere. Every place was fruitless. It wasn't _home_.

After a few hours, I lugged my suitcase downstairs to the front door. I wasn't exactly thrilled that we'd be driving six hours today, but it made sense for Alice to have a car in San Francisco since she'd be there until we flew to Paris. I was just going to fly to Seattle, and Esme was going to pick me up. I still had my truck back home. I smiled to myself, happy that I would get to once again be one with my clunker.

"Ready to go, already?" Alice's perky voice startled me as I poured a cup of coffee. "I thought I'd have to drag you out of bed to get out of here at a decent hour."

"Sorry to take that away from you," I smiled to myself.

"I would never find joy in waking you up!" Alice feigned innocence as she poured herself a cup of the elixir of our lives. We packed up Alice's Porsche with our bags, cramming them in as well as we could. I called Harvey to let him know we were on our way, and finally was allowed to hang up when I promised to call when we got there. _Edward must pay him entirely too much_.

"Ready to blow this popsicle stand?" Alice smiled to me, revving her engine.

"Yes please," I murmured, almost a little sad to be leaving.

Almost.

**Edward POV**

"Fuck."

I tried to rub soothing circles on my temples. The wrecking ball inside of my head didn't seem appeased enough to stop the destruction though. Every flash of the photographer's camera shot streaks of pain through my eyes, into my brain, and all over my body. I held it together as well as I could, praying that I could just take a few pills soon enough and pass out. The shoot ran pretty short, which I thanked every possible deity imaginable. _Maybe I can catch Bella before she got to San Francisco_. I wanted to talk to her more, especially after having to hang up so soon earlier this morning. _What was she doing up so early?_ It was so uncharacteristic for her to be up at an early hour with no form of anger present.

"Fuck."

By the time we managed to get back in the van, it was time for us to head over to the theater for sound check. I guess I really wasn't going to be able to talk to her until later, and even then, it probably wouldn't be much since she'd be visiting with Rosalie and Nessie. _Fucking girls night_. This whole tour thing wasn't really working for me. Not that I didn't love every aspect of being able to play my music every night to people who genuinely wanted to hear it and had connections to it. No, I had a huge problem with the fact that a whole fucking ocean separated me and Bella. _An ocean and a continent_. So far though, Bella had seemed to be coping better than I was. She was so sweet, funny, and happy every time I talked to her, never allowing either of us to dwell on the negative or the time and distance between us. I texted her quickly before gazing out to the snow covered landscape that spread in every direction. A few houses dotted the land, and became more and more numerous as we approached downtown and the theater.

_'Almost there. Alice is a speed demon. I love you (even though I'm fully clothed)' _Bella responded to my text just as we ran from the van to the theater. I laughed to myself as I read and reread her text.

The day passed quickly as we spent a few hours just lounging around backstage hanging out with our opening act. We ordered in and just vegged in the green room instead of braving the winter weather and trying to go out and eat. We didn't even have a hotel in Berlin anymore since we'd be leaving tonight after the show for Dresden. Bella texted me before the show, wishing me luck. Every time I heard from her it ripped at my heart. I just didn't feel like acting as if everything was alright when I wasn't. I couldn't be happy away from her, but I tried my damndest to hide it. She could read me like a book though, eight time zones away or not.

"You ready?" Jasper nudged me as we took our seats, waiting for the curtain to be raised. I smiled and got into game mode.

"Let's do this," I smiled, finally relieved the pills I had taken with dinner were starting to take effect. The curtain rose to a thundering applause. I smiled, putting on the facade as if everything was alright. _Only three more weeks until Paris_.

I could make it three weeks.

_Right?_

**Bella POV**

"Bella! Alice!" Rosalie's voice met us over the music as soon as we stepped into the bar. It was already pretty full even though it was early. I felt like I was home. _At least, almost_. I sighed knowing that Edward wasn't upstairs, nor would he be joining us anytime soon. Every inch of this place screamed of him and the times we were together. Rosalie finally made it over to us, hugging us both tightly. _Fuck, she's too strong for her own good_. I hugged her back just as tight as soon as she made contact. It was like the rest of the world disappeared, and it was just us again, friends, family.

"So I hear a congratulations are in order," Rosalie grinned as she pulled us upstairs, helping us with our suitcases.

"What are you talking about?" I looked between her and Alice as they gave each other knowing looks. We huffed upstairs, as if we'd never left. "Come on, don't do this to me," I groaned as they continued to smile like fucking Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

"Oh, I don't know," Rosalie started, dropping a bag in the living room. "Maybe for the fact that you're a best selling author?" I dropped my suitcase before I made it to my room. _Scratch that, old room_.

"What?" I stuttered, turning quickly on my heel and marching back to the living room to find Rosalie whispering to Alice in a hushed tone. "What are you talking about?" My body felt as if it were on fire, each extremity prickling.

"Oh, you know that newspaper, um, what's it called?" Rosalie played dumb, twirling a strand of hair and examining the ends as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Oh, that one, the New York Times," Alice stated as she came back from dropping her bag in her old room.

"Yeah!" Rosalie said excitedly, "That one!"

"What about the New York Times?" I grinned slightly, hoping she was about to tell me what I thought she was.

"Oh, nothing much, just something about your book debuting to critical acclaim and top grossing numbers," Rosalie sighed offhandedly. _Well, fuck me sideways_. I took a seat on the old couch and let out a breath. I was too stunned to think. _How the hell does that happen?_ Alice started to celebrate for me, squealing and laughing as she sat down beside me, hugging me tightly. I joined her happily. Rosalie was the last one, but by far not the quietest.

"Fuck," I muttered, not able to wipe the smile of my face. "Why am I always the last one to know these things?" Alice and Rosalie found this too funny as they both started to laugh harder.

We sat with Rosalie in our old apartment, laughing and being happy, catching up on the past month apart. It was nice, and somewhat surreal. I missed her so much. It never felt fair that she was the third musketeer that got left behind. But, she did have Emma, and Emmett for that matter, and they could probably be a handful. The afternoon wound by like that quickly. I took a moment to text Edward and wish him luck at his show. It had become a bit of a ritual between us.

"Well, I better go home and get ready," Rosalie smiled, slapping my leg playfully, "We have some plans to make tonight." I rolled my eyes, knowing full well she was talking about our ladies night, and the circle of maids-of-honor we would drunkenly make.

"Yeah, I should shower. See you here at eight?" Alice hugged her as she got up to leave.

"Sounds good. I already warned Emmett, so he knows he's watching Emma tonight. I'll see you guys later. It's nice to have you home again." Before we could return the sentiment, Rosalie had walked out of the apartment, never one for strong shows of emotion. Alice just laughed.

"Well, I'm off to shower and unpack."

"I think I'm going to go find Nessie," I said as I walked towards the front door, "It'll be nice to see how she's adjusting."

"Ok, but remember you better get that hot little ass ready by eight," Alice warned me with a stern look. I just rolled my eyes and shut the familiar door behind me. I looked up the stairs towards the room I used to once fear going to. The butterflies never seemed to leave, even when he wasn't waiting for me up there. I tried to calm myself as I made the familiar trip to the loft. I knocked softly, remembering the first date I'd had with Edward, and how standing here now, was just as tormenting as it was then.

"Hey Bella!" Nessie's soft voice surprised me as I played the first date in my mind. I looked up at her and away from me feet. Her eyes were just as golden as ever and practically oozing warmth and familiarity. She hugged me tightly as she ushered me inside. The apartment was completely different. I knew it would be, but seeing it now, well, it hurt. I wanted Edward. I wanted Edward's stuff to be littering every available space and for him to be waiting for me to get off of work. But this wasn't his apartment anymore. Nessie had made it her own little nest.

"Nessie, it looks so nice in here," I managed to utter, and actually sound sincere. _Well, it was nice; it just wasn't Edward_.

"Thanks," she motioned for me to find a seat on the couch. "How was the drive?"

"Good. Thank God Alice doesn't believe in speed limits." We laughed. I really did like Nessie. She was so down to earth, it was humbling. "Hows San Francisco treating you?"

"Good. I'm slowly falling in love with the city."

"The city, or Seth?" I smiled, knowing what she was getting at. She shook her head, and avoided looking at me.

"No, it's not like that. We're just friends. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that," she stuttered, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear.

"Ok," I smirked, happy that I wasn't in her shoes. We chatted for a little while. She told me about how she was enjoying working at the bar, with Seth, and how her classes were all set up for the fall term. I told her about Edward and the tour, filling her in on how much it sucked not being near him. I hadn't vented to Alice, even though I knew she'd understand more since she was in the same boat. Nessie just had this way about her that made you tell her everything you felt. _It was probably because she was so honest and couldn't hide anything from anyone. _

"You don't work tonight, do you?" I asked, checking my watch and realizing how late it was.

"No," she smiled, "Seth and this new girl are."

"Perfect. You're coming out with us then for a girl's night." She shook her head in protest.

"No, I couldn't. You all need to catch up and talk about the wedding. I'll see you for lunch or something tomorrow?"

"I will not take no for an answer. We're just going downstairs and dancing and drinking. It's not a huge deal. Plus, do you think we really have that much to catch up on? I live with Alice still, so I see her every day, and hell, I talk to Rosalie about seven times a day." Nessie laughed at my explanation.

"I'm not getting out of this am I?" she groaned.

"Nope," I smiled, getting up to go get ready.

"You really are a Cullen in disguise, aren't you?" she smiled at me, walking me out. I paused for a second, taking in every meaning to what she had just said.

"I suppose so," I smiled contently. "I'll see you in an hour," I said quickly, catching myself before I slipped into some convoluted thought process that made me analyze every connotation to that sentence.

"Fine. But I'm wearing jeans, and Alice can't say anything."

"It's your funeral."

**Nessie POV**

"Fuck."

As soon as Bella left my apartment I ran to take a shower. I probably smelled like ass since I had just gotten back from a run. I tried not to think of ways to get out of hanging out for a 'ladies night', whatever the hell that was. I'd never really had friends that were girls. When I really thought about it, I never really had friends. Not that I was some anti-social freak, I just, moved around a lot, it was hard to keep in touch, or actually connect._ Whatever_.

"Fuck."

Bella's words ran through my mind on repeat, like the most annoying song imaginable being stuck in your head all day long. I didn't like Seth, believe me. I spent all day pushing him from my head, so I knew a thing or two about not liking him. Ever since I had moved in, Seth had been like my best friend. He showed me around town, taught me everything there could be to learn about bar-tending, and most importantly, he just plain hung out with me, and when he did, we had such a great time. _Friends_. That was all I needed, and all he could probably handle from me. I shook the thoughts from taking root in my mind as I toweled my hair off. Seth was a certifiable model-esque hunk of man, and I wasn't exactly the most striking person. My legs were too long and awkward, and I had the worst, most uncontrollable hair imaginable. I was a certifiable mess in all aspects. I tried to find something to wear, but it was becoming a lost cause. _How could I ever imagine impressing Alice, Bella, or Rosalie, let alone Seth?_ Those three had everything; money, great guys, careers, family, and on top of it, they were all fucking beautiful. Seth had already seen me at my worst though. _I mean, we have watched cartoons together in our pajamas_. I slid on a pair of old jeans, opting to at least be comfortable if I couldn't out model the Cullens. It wasn't as if I hated them, or anything of the sort, I guess envy was a better word. _But, they were amazing people that I was blessed to know_.

Finding a shirt was so much harder. _It always was_. So, as I sifted through my clothes I subconsciously gave up. After throwing around about twenty different possibilities, I found and old baseball shirt with the sleeves that cut at my forearms. It was the softest, most comfortable shirt I had ever owned, and I loved it. _Alice is going to literally explode_. Oh well, at least I was actually going. I dried my hair, letting it curl up on its own, and put on a little bit of make up. _I guess that was good enough_, I gave myself a quick once over and made my way downstairs to meet the girls. As soon as I walked down the flight of stairs, I was met by Bella and Rosalie waiting outside of their apartment.

"Hey guys," I smiled, noticing that Bella was just wearing jeans and an old flannel shirt and Rosalie elected for a long sleeve thermal shirt and jeans. _Thank my lucky stars_.

"Hey Nessie," Rosalie smiled, "Ready for some real fun?"

"I somehow really doubt that I am," I looked between the two as they exchanged excited glances.

"Well, if Alice ever decides to hang up on Jasper, we can go," Bella blew out the breath she was holding. Her eyes were a little angry as she crossed her chest.

"Come on Bells, you know if Edward had called you'd be in the same boat as Alice," Rosalie scolded her. _Motherhood seemed to give her amazing skills_. Bella sighed a little more, her shoulders slumping slightly.

"Yeah. I just wish he wasn't so sick," she muttered, toeing the ground with a beat up old converse.

"Let's just go then. Alice can meet us. It's not like she could get lost?" I smiled, shrugging my shoulders. Rosalie thought it over. _Clearly she was the leader of the group back in the day; it showed now_.

"Alice! Meet us down there!" She shouted a moment later into the apartment before shutting the door, grabbing Bella and I, arm in arm, and dragging us to the bar. It never ceased to amaze me how crowded the bar would get. We were almost packed to capacity as it was, and it was relatively early for a Saturday night. Rosalie dragged us to the end of the bar where we took the last few stools. Seth was at the other end of the bar, looking as gorgeous as always. I was thankful for the loud music pulsing around us so no one heard the slight groan I let out watching him smile and pour drinks. The dimples in his cheeks were absolutely too cute, and the muscles rippling under his shirt that read _Cullen's Pub_, didn't hurt much either. _Easy, girl_. I tried to calm myself as Rosalie ordered us a round of shots and beer from the new girl. She was nice, but awfully disoriented. She looked like a deer in the headlights. I snickered to myself, for some reason proud that I was able to do the job just fine.

"To a great night," Rosalie smiled, toasting her shot. Bella and I raised ours and joined her in downing it. I hated the burn that radiated from my throat and chest. I wasn't really much of a heavy drinker.

"Oh, this is a bad idea," Bella laughed, easing slowly.

"No, it's absolutely the best thing that we've ever come up with," Rosalie tried to reason with her. Bella clutched her phone in one hand and a beer in the other. "We can't have this all night," Rosalie scolded her, ripping the phone from her hand as Bella looked at it with the most pitiful, forlorn look I'd ever seen.

"Rosalie! No! I need that!" Bella wailed. Rosalie tucked it into her pants and stuck out her tongue, motioning for another drink.

"What you need is another shot." I kept quiet the whole time, laughing at them. I realized that I was also a little jealous. I never had anyone who knew what was best for me; no one who would hold my secrets. I quit picking at my bottle label long enough to look up and meet Seth's eyes. He winked and smiled, turning to take an order. _Fuck my life_. Bella and Rosalie continued to argue about something that I tried my hardest to pay attention to, but it was in vain as I found myself stealing glances at Seth. By the time Alice had joined us, we had taken a few more shots, and the burning wasn't really bothering me anymore. I was definitely looser than normal, and my word vomit was becoming embarrassing. By now, Rosalie and Bella knew a few too many details about my life, and about the massive crush I had on Seth. They didn't seem as surprised as I was when the words finally flew past my teeth.

"What are you going to do about it?" Bella smiled, trying to keep herself from slurring. I shrugged, gulping a little more of my third or fourth or fifth beer.

"Nothing." Rosalie scoffed at my answer. If anything she scared the fuck out of me. She had enough courage without the alcohol, but now, fuck, she was brazen and blunt to a fault.

"You should probably just fuck him." I almost choked on my drink. Bella slapped her arm. Alice just sat there nodding in full agreement as she tried to catch up to us.

"I, uh, no, I couldn't. No," I sputtered, avoiding their glances, but unfortunately locking eyes with Seth. "As much as I want to." _I was an idiot_.

"Well at least he'll always be around, not gallivanting all over Europe," Bella sighed angrily, taking another gulp.

"Yeah," Alice agreed, doubling the pouting ratio of the group.

"Shut the hell up," Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You guys signed up for this, so no bitching. Now, you'll see them in like three weeks, then after that it's like, what, a month? What are you bitching about?"

"How would you like to be away from Emmett for two months?" Bella snorted.

"I'd fucking enjoy a vacation. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It's unhealthy to be together twenty four, seven. You have to have just as many differences as you do similarities," Rosalie grinned, satisfied with her relationship advice. Bella and Alice seemed to mull it over for some time.

"Dammit, why does she make so much sense, even when she's trashed," Alice whined.

"Probably because she's not emotionally clingy like Bella and a complete control freak like you," I said, instantly clamping my hand over my face. _Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck._ Rosalie let out one of the largest laughs I'd ever seen, clutching her sides and practically rolling on the floor.

"She's. Got. A. Point," Rosalie said between gasps for air. I don't know how long I sat with my hand over my face, but I only took it off when I lost all the air in my lungs and I started to get dizzy. Alice was the first to smile, giggling to herself.

"I pretty much am a control freak," she agreed, laughing a bit more, "but I like things just right."

"I'm not emotionally clingy," Bella muttered, taking another shot. Rosalie glared at her challengingly.

"Really? Bella, you don't have enough faith in yourself, and it shows because you have such a hard time trusting people. I've known this since I met you. Its not that you don't have a reason why, but still, you do. It's just a fact." Bella rolled her eyes and took a huge swig.

"So I just need to be more confident, and trust people?" she asked as if she had the hugest epiphany of her life.

"Duh!" Alice smiled, making Bella giggle.

"Well, I can do that!" Bella smiled. "Thanks, Nessie!"

"I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not," I trailed off.

"Seriously," Bella smiled, putting me at ease.

"Hello ladies," A throaty voice greeted us. I didn't have to turn towards the bar. I knew who it was.

"Sethie poo!" Bella screamed hugging him tightly over the bar.

"Bellie Bean!" Seth mocked her drunken squeal. "I see you're well on your way to having a good night."

"It won't be a good night since Edward isn't here," she sighed, becoming a moping blob again with her elbows on the bar and her face in her hands.

"Ignore her," Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I know what'll fix her up." Before Seth could answer, Rosalie grabbed Bella and Alice, pulling them towards the dance floor.

"They won't be back for a while," Seth laughed, finally bringing those blue eyes back to me. "They used to dance for hours."

"They're making quite a scene," I mused, breaking his glance and finding them in the middle of the dance floor, dancing with each other suggestively, causing a few patrons to stop and watch.

"That's nothing," Seth laughed, hopping over the bar, "Just wait 'til they climb up on the bar." I watched them a little more, smiling at their happiness.

"I feel so bad for them," I mused absently, closing my eyes and basking in my inebriated state. When I opened them, Seth was staring at my face with a confused look on his.

"Why?" He asked before snagging my drink and taking a swig.

"Alice and Bella are madly, horribly, give-up-your-heart-and-soul-for-someone-else in love, and they're away from them right now. It just doesn't seem fair," I took my drink back and Seth smiled.

"I understand," he looked away, tracing the wood outlines in the bar. "You just want them to be happy and have Jasper and Edward back?" I nodded.

"If I ever had that, you know, the butterflies-in-my-stomach, hang-on-his-every-word, can't-breathe-when-he's-around-or-away kind of love, I don't know if I could keep letting it go away for so long. I just couldn't last like they are."

"When you find that love though, you'll see that it's worth waiting for, no matter how long it's away or how far it goes, or if you even realize it at all." I hadn't thought of that. I couldn't hide the shocked expression on my face as I watched Seth's hands trace the designs. "It's always worth waiting for."

"Maybe one shouldn't spend their time waiting, and one should act, that way they don't have to wait," I retorted, forgetting completely about Bella and Alice.

"Maybe they're just afraid to give themselves completely to someone else because the other person might not want them," he seemed to be getting angry, "I mean, what if Bella gave up her life in LA, her writing, everything, then Edward and her didn't work out? She'd have nothing left."

"And if they did, she'd have everything she ever wanted." _Oh yeah, this conversation was about them_.

"But she would have regrets. She wouldn't have written, lived by her own decisions."

"I doubt she'd regret being in love with Edward. What is there to regret when at the end of the day, she gets to love and be loved?" Seth was quiet for a minute.

"So she should make the move, do the grand gesture?"

"The grand gesture?" I asked, not understanding.

"Yeah, you know, standing in the rain with a boom box over your head, the 'pick me, chose me, love me' plea." I considered this for a moment.

"I think the horrible part about grand gestures are, the other person looks like a jerk because they didn't do anything."

"That doesn't answer my question," Seth seemed to be paying close attention to me, as he leaned in closer. Instinctively I leaned closer to him. He smelled wonderful, even after running around all night.

"I think you should stop asking hypothetical questions, and kiss me."

**Bella POV**

"But Rosalie, I don't want to go to bed," I mumbled, groaning as we slowly heaved ourselves up the stairs.

"Oh Bella, you haven't changed a bit," she murmured. I knew she was just as drunk as I was, but she hid it so much better. She'd always been that way though. It was as if we had teleported, we were in my room so quickly. Rosalie heaved me onto the bed, smiling victoriously to herself.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hello!" I answered, giggly happily as I kicked off my shoes.

"She's right here, but she's a little worse for wear."

"Whose here?" I still couldn't open my eyes. It was as if they were glued shut.

"Shut up! I was just trying to give her a good time. And, we worked really hard on wedding plans thank you very much!"

"I'm going to marry Edward!" I cheered, throwing my hands up.

"Bella, honey," Rosalie sat down next to me and I turned towards her, my arms still up in celebration. "Edward's on the phone." _Well, fuck me if my eyes didn't just do the impossible and shoot open_. The bright light stung my eyes and the room twirled in a lazy haze. It was so nice and golden, I loved it.

"Edward," I practically moaned his name when Rosalie handed me my phone. "Edward, where are you? I'm drunk and horny!" I heard laughing on the other end. Rosalie tried to pull my jeans off and continued to laugh to herself.

"I'm almost to Dresden baby," he sighed, "So I take it you had a pretty fun night with the girls?"

"Hell yes! You missed it all! Nessie called me emotionally clingy, Rosalie and I danced with this kid because it was his eighteenth birthday. He was so cute and young! He probably was just sixteen. We should have carded him. Oh! And we danced on the bar, and I didn't trip once, except after the drinks. And Nessie was totally sucking face with Seth! They're probably having sex right now in your old room. Did I tell you how I miss your old room so much? I went there today and it made me sad. I miss the times when we used to sneak up there, and Alice lived under us, and then the bar and we were all together and happy and we were in our universe. Remember our universe! It was a fucking good universe. I haven't been ravaged in a while. Rosalie is taking my pants off."

"You're going to have to run through that list again," Edward sounded worried.

"You're cute when you worry, but I'm ok," I sighed. The phone was out of my hand as Rosalie tried to change my shirt. "Uh oh, I'm naked. Edward, hold on!" I yelled, flailing around awkwardly. I felt my clothes slip back on and smiled, not understanding how the magic genie that lived in my room knew to dress me in such comfy pajamas.

"Good night Bella, I'll see you tomorrow." Rosalie handed me the phone back.

"Hey, Rose, don't go. I love you! Did you see the genie that lives in here?"

"Yes I did, and he said to be good. I love you, but I need to go home to Emmett." I knew I was pouting as I pulled the blanket up over my head. "Don't sulk, it's unbecoming."

"You're unbecoming."

"I'll call you tomorrow." When I pulled the blanket down she was gone. There was also no genie to be found, but just in case I pulled the blanket up pretty high around my shoulders.

"Bella? Bella, are you there?" Edward's voice called to me from miles away.

"Hey Edward! Did you send me these flowers?" I looked at the vase next to my bed, stretching over and picking up the tiny card that was next to them.

_'Bells- I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you soon.'_

"No, I didn't. Who sent you flowers?" He sounded really pissed.

"You must be really cute right now because you sound really angry. I like it when you're angry and rough," I growled at him, forgetting every other thought in my mind.

"Bella, focus. Who would send you flowers?"

"I don't know," I turned over, facing the wall, not really caring about the flowers. "Probably Victoria for that whole best seller deal."

"Best seller deal?" Now he was confused.

"Why are you not here ravaging me?"

"Why are you getting flowers?"

"Because, Edward, I'm a fucking best selling author," I yelled sarcastically, "Not all of us just flaunt everything we do and perform in front of thousands of people and get photographed and all that."

"You're a best selling author?" he asked, laughing. His laughter infuriated and excited me all at the same time.

"Yes! Surprise! I just found out today. And I'm going to go on tour, and get really hot groupies, and make millions and billions of dollars."

"Yes you are," he agreed laughing a little more, "I'm very proud of you, my queen." _Oh shit, don't call me that_.

"Did you know that every time you call me that I practically explode? It's really not fair."

"Oh really, my queen?" I shivered, remembering all the times he had said that against my skin.

"Yes, really. I love it."

"I love you, my queen," he moaned.

"Mmm, I love you too. Did you know that we have sex way more than any of our friends? We counted tonight."

"I didn't know that, but I'm pretty happy about it," Edward laughed.

"Is it alright if I go to sleep now? I don't want the genie to tell Rosalie I wasn't good."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm tired," I grumbled into my pillow.

"Sleep tight. I'll call you later."

"I love you, Edward, forever."

"I love you, Bella."

"Then I can sleep now?"

"Yes."

"Am I in trouble tomorrow?"

"Probably," he laughed a little harder.

"Dammit."

"Don't worry. I trust you."

"Trust you too."

____________________________________________________

**So, this chapter was going to be called something else, with a whole different song setting the mood and everything, then, I discovered the Airborne Toxic Event. Haha. This song just fit the chapter sooo much better than my other song. I'll be using that one for the next chapter.**

**Anyways. Hope you like it! Writing drunken Bella was a lot of fun. **

**Yes, I fully do believe there is a genie that follows me around when I'm somewhat under the influence. And, not only that, he breaks things and makes me say horrid things. Hahaha. **

**I know this chapter is late, I promised it like... Sunday... but work has been atrocious. I know, I know excuses, excuses... but really... fuck my life when it come to work. **

**Let me know what you thought k? What did you think about Seth and Nessie? How are Bella and Edward doing? Who were the flowers from? How much trouble will Bella get in tomorrow morning? **

**Ok, sorry I don't have anything remotely interesting to say... yikes. **

**OH skeeeet mega thanks go for my Beta, GreenEyesG. Seriously. We're on a freeky mind link when it comes to what I want to happen and the characters. But, her ideas are better than mine. haha. Go check out her stories. "Living The High Life". Its on my faves.  
**

**review and I'll update by....... friday. (maybe soooooner!)**


	22. Transatlanticism

_The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how:  
__the clouds above opened up and let it out.__  
I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere  
when the water filled every hole,  
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,  
making islands where no island should go,  
oh no._

_Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.  
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.  
**The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.  
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row  
it seems farther than ever before,  
oh no.  
I need you so much closer.**_

**I do not own Twilight, nor do I won "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie.  
I do, however, own every Death Cab album, a pair of ducky rainboots, and a new toothbrush.  
Mad props to my Beta, GreenEyesG. Thank you! Sorry I decided to slip a little section in there... **

**Bella POV**

"Hello?" a faint whisper muttered from the phone. I almost didn't hear it. I pulled the blanket up higher, creating a tiny bubble of peace so I could appease the hangover gods. My head was already thumping and the cotton mouth was almost ridiculous. "Bella, are you there?" I pulled my legs up to my chest. _Fetal position, sweet; what a great start to the day_.

"Why are you whispering?" I managed to finally ask once my body stopped riding the carnival ride that was my bed.

"I figured you might be a little worse for wear this morning, so I thought I'd take it easy on you." I knew he was laughing. I think that was worse than him actually straight out laughing at me in the face. I moved slightly but recoiled quickly to my safety ball. _Bella versus gravity, not a fair match just yet_.

"I'm fine," I lied. _Liar!_ my body taunted me, making my bed spin faster.

"Really? Last night you told me a genie was watching you. Right now, you're probably curled up on the floor in the bathroom."

"Ah ha! You're wrong! I'm curled up in a ball in my bed. So there!" I smiled content in my victory. I used this moment of silence to try and remember anything from last night. _Big fucking blank there_. The last thing I could recall, was talking to Nessie; after that, I just had flashes of dancing, talking, more and more drinks. "So," I started quietly, praying I didn't do anything too embarrassing, "Do you know what I did last night?"

"Actually, Grace wanted me to tell you that she loved the little move you do at the end of a dance, when you drop it really low. Harvey really appreciated the other one you did, with the chair. My favorite part was the phone call from last night where you told me about the flowers you got, but don't know from who." I felt like the Grinch's heart. Unfortunately it was at the beginning of the movie, when it's shrunk so small, you can't even see it. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, what did I do last night and how do they all know this stuff?_ Edward was quiet. I was afraid he was angry, but for some reason I was more afraid he wasn't going to yell more.

"I made a mess, didn't I?" I whispered, peeking my head out of the secret cave I had fabricated, peering out to the real world. It was still quiet, which worried me more than yelling.

"Bella, you didn't do anything wrong," he started, measuring his words gently. His calm facade scared me. I could picture him, sitting on his bed, shoulders slouched, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes shut tightly, willing whatever was out there to go away. "Just, someone had a camera. Fuck it's all my fault." _Come again, hoss?_ "You shouldn't have to be worried about being photographed, and people writing lies about you. It's just unfair. And what's out there right now, after just one week apart, and one night of fun. God, it's impossible." _Shit!_ Hearing Edward so distraught turned my already upset stomach into full on flip mode. It was as if I had swallowed a small gymnast. _I was supposed to be the one that freaked out, and he was the one that fixed it; I was the one with doubts and a fucked up past that made me afraid of commitment, he was the normal one, the one who ushered me on, dispelling my fear_. Hearing him sound so, so, so defeated made my chest start to crack under the weight of it all.

"Ok, listen, I'm going to need you to cool your jets." My head didn't appreciate his rambling, nor did it appreciate the sudden upward motion I made as I sat up in bed. "Give me one moment to just be human," I complained, setting the phone down on the nightstand next to the vase of roses. _You! You are bastard flowers and I hate you, and whoever sent you. _I'm pretty sure those flowers would think twice about being all flowery on my nightstand now, after the most evil death glare imaginable. I let my eyes begrudgingly adjust to the light that was streaming through my window. The clock said it was a little after eleven. I picked up the silent phone after composing myself and doing a quick round of mental math. "Don't you have a show in like two hours?"

"I'm not worried about that right now," he muttered with a snap.

"Edward," I warned. _First, I don't need the 'tude. Second, I am in no shape to be dealing with this; I have baggage, remember?_

"No, we have some things we need to discuss. You come first. We come first." I rolled my eyes at his absurd priorities. Part of what he said made my heart melt slightly though. _Ok, that's what I'm talking about; assured, committed-to-me-even-though-I'm-certifiably-insane, Edward._

"I won't say that I'm sorry about last night," I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest in a pout. "I'm sorry it'll cause you problems, but I didn't do anything wrong last night, if that's what you're going to insinuate. This isn't your fault either. So what if they take pictures?" My head was pounding under my rising blood pressure. I didn't know what I was saying, but damn it if I didn't have conviction about whatever it was.

"Please, just go online and look," he muttered through what I imagined to be a clenched jaw. I grabbed my laptop and let it load up quickly, afraid to open my mouth before I actually saw what I was up against. I stumbled to my 'favorite' gossip website and scanned through photos and articles. The last few entries at the end of the page made me gasp. I felt my blood boil and the pounding in my head to become a full fledged jackhammer, tearing apart my brain.

"Damn, I look good," I tried to make my voice sound light, but there really was no helping it. The things written beneath the video were far from flattering. I was accused of showing my 'true' colors now that Edward was gone, as well as cheating on him and being a closet alcoholic. _Perfect_. Edward laughed slightly. I wish I could see his face to see if it was real or not.

"You really do," he muttered. I assumed he was looking right along side me.

"Well, let's just go over it all shall we?" I said formally.

"Alright," he replied warily. I doubt he understood what I was about to do. _Hell, I didn't even now_. I can't make him believe me.

"Ok, the video," I started at the top of the page. "That was me and Rosalie dancing with some kid because it was his birthday. You can't see it, but his hands never touch us. Plus, I think I look good."

"I understand," he seemed more at ease, understanding that I was just trying to reassure him, "you don't have to explain."

"No, I want to. I would want the same from you."

"Oh," he whispered. I just took it as my cue to continue.

"Let's see," I scanned the page, "I'm not an alcoholic, I didn't talk to any guys, so I couldn't be cheating on you, and I'm never more myself than when I am with you."

"Check, check, and check," he laughed.

"The flowers," I continued, cutting off whatever he wanted to say, "I honestly don't know who they're from. I'll call Victoria. Other than that, you know everything." I smiled, knowing that I had just confessed everything, and there was absolutely nothing wrong between Edward and me. _Yes! Bella: one, bloodsucking paparazzi: zero_. I could be the assured, confident one. I could do that. I loved Edward. Its not like he was the one that was running around being photographed. _I couldn't handle that...again_. I knew, no matter how much of a front I put on, I was so close to breaking. No one ever told me how truly hard long distance relationships were. _Yes, they did, you just didn't listen_. Fuck.

"My turn?" Edward asked uneasily. _What the hell?_

"Um, what?" I clicked to the next page absently. The picture that met my eyes sucker punched my gut. I in took air quickly, almost as if I really was physically punched. Unfortunately, it did nothing to calm the tiny gymnast that was now using my internal organs as a vault. We were both silent for a few seconds.

"Bella, you are the love of my life," he started, "The picture is skewed. I never touched her. I swear." I closed my eyes, resisting the urge to rip my brain from my ears.

"I understand," I lied convincingly, letting out a huge breath. I stared at the picture of Edward, sex hair and all, with some girl in his lap. She was running her hands through his hair; _my hair, I did that!_ _That was my thing!_

"I was so worried. First about you, and how you'd react to not only you being dragged through the mud, but then what they were saying about us, and I don't want you to worry. I miss you. I love you." He emphasized 'you' every time he said it, almost taking away from the meaning of what he was saying.

"I know," I tried to sound light, and relieved, but in all honesty, I was overwhelmed. _Maybe I couldn't be the assured one_. This had been one of the worst mornings of my life, and I still had the rest of the day to go. "I miss you." That was probably the most honest thing to drip from my mouth.

"I have to go," he stated awkwardly. _Honesty tends to bring about awkwardness_.

"Alright. I better get going anyway; I have a dinner date with Nessie." We were both silent for a few more seconds. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many assurances I wanted to proclaim to him, to ask from him, plead with him to come home, or just let me go with him on tour. Instead, I was struck dumb.

"I'll talk to you later?" he asked breathlessly.

"My flight leaves tonight for Seattle, then I'll be driving home."

"Ok," he sounded dejected.

"I love you," I said, knowing that fact to be one hundred percent true, no matter what we were up against. _Right?_

"I love you," he said with equal conviction. This time I didn't wait for the phone to go dead. I had too many whirling thoughts clouding my mind. I let the phone drop from my hand and pushed the laptop away from me with disgust. I looked towards the clock, the sun shinning through the windows, and my phone, completing the circuit a few times. I pulled my blankets up higher, snuggling back into oblivion.

I was perfectly convinced that my discretions weren't even discretions. Edward's on the other hand seemed so much more, I can't explain it, involved. I shook the thought from my head. _Edward didn't cheat, wouldn't cheat_. We weren't going to go down this road again. He told me the truth. _So why does this hurt so much?_

I just missed him.

Had he been here, with me, we wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I missed lying in his arms, his dirty shorts on the floor that he just refused to make into the hamper, the noise of him playing upstairs, the smell of him fresh out of the shower. I needed that. _Who was I kidding; I couldn't function with out it_. The alcohol was wearing off way too soon. I moaned as I turned over, clutching the pillow closer to me as I begged for something to clear my mind.

**Nessie POV**

"You sure you want to go?" I asked Bella nervously. She didn't really look like herself today. Not to mention the troops of people waiting outside to snap her picture. She set her jaw, grabbed her jacket and my hand and lugged me downstairs. I couldn't believe she wasn't nervous or anxious at all. Instead, she tried to pretend everything was normal. So much so, that I sort of believed it was.

"I refuse to let them ruin my last day in town." I shut up after that. There was no use in fighting with her when she had her mind made up. So, I let her drag me down the sidewalk 'til we reached my car. Questions were thrown at us, and pictures were snapped at alarming speeds. I just kept my head down and hopped into my car as quickly as possible. Being on the receiving end of this attack was so much different from what I had expected. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as we drove off from the mass of people. Bella stared absently out the window. I didn't know what to say. I had seen the pictures online; I heard the gossip and the horrible things they were saying about her and Edward. _How could I make her feel better?_ We made our way through the evening light as it was choked by the imposing clouds. I drove until we were fairly sure there were no more photographers. We stopped at some random diner and made our way inside, still in silence. I felt like a gold fish, opening and closing my mouth with no words repeatedly.

"I can't take the quiet anymore," I looked at Bella, square in the eyes as we ordered cokes.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, "I didn't realize how quiet I'd been. Happens a lot when I get stuck in my own brain." I smiled, knowing full well that I was the same way.

"Listen, Bella, I don't know you that well, at least not nearly as well as Rosalie or Alice, and it's probably not my place. But, you're probably one of the closest things I've ever had to having a friend, so I hope I'm not off base when I say that you just need to spill." Bella looked at me, a small smile finally starting to appear. She took a long swig of drink before even starting to respond.

"Nessie, I've never told anyone this." She eyed me cautiously. "But, I'm completely afraid that I'm not strong enough to be with Edward." I choked slightly on my coke. _No, this couldn't be. They were my perfect couple, up on the pedestal that gave me hope for fairytale romance endings. _Now, it was as if I was sitting across from Sleeping Beauty and she was confessing that the kiss didn't wake her up, she just had to go to the bathroom. "Please don't look at me like that," Bella begged, avoiding my glance in weakness. I tried to compose my shock. _Fuck, no wonder I don't have friends; I was completely socially inept_.

"I'm not. It's just," I tried to fabricate a nicer way to tell her what I wanted, "you guys love each other. Isn't that enough?" Bella looked at me dreamily as she contemplated the naivety of my statement. I blushed at how horribly middle school I sounded. The waitress handed us our food, giving Bella a once over and her eyes bugging out in realization. Bella didn't notice. She was off in her own world.

"I want love to be enough. It's like," she paused, throwing a fry in her mouth absently, "I'm not strong enough to love him, but I'm not strong enough to not love him. I can't explain it, but there is this plaguing thought that I might not be good enough, I might hold him back. What if this life isn't what I want? What if we can't have our cake and eat it too?"

"You both know that the stories are false, what's the problem?" I was getting confused. Bella was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't see it. If she loved him, she shouldn't let him go. I knew she had to be his soul mate. The way they were together, and how they acted, it wasn't just love; it was something so much deeper than that.

"It's not that," Bella shook her head, throwing a fry down in disgust. "It's the future. I want a family. I want children, and a house and the white picket fence. What if he doesn't? There are a million 'what if's that run through my head every second: What if he does find someone better? What if he resents me? What if I resent him? What if I'm too broken to love him as much as he loves me? What if he is just marrying me to shut me up? What if he has to go on tour again?"

"Do you really believe any of that or are you just freaking out because of the pictures, and you're looking for a reason to leave him before he can hurt you, because you're so far in love with him you know you can't recover if he were to hurt you?" Bella stared at me and smiled. I always felt as if I overstepped my limit with her. _Goddammit, I was way too honest, all the time._

"I just want him home," she shrugged, still smiling, "because I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." I smiled, having fully set the perfect relationship back on its golden alter, and relieved to hear Sleeping Beauty tell me the kiss was amazing.

"Thank God," I muttered. Bella's eyebrow quirked up and looked at me bewildered.

"What?" I stumbled to find the right words to get me out of this situation.

"It's just, you guys are perfect. Like, Cinderella status, and I don't think I could have had any more optimism in my life if I couldn't believe in fairy tale romances." I felt like an absolute fool for being honest. _She's going to hate me_. Surprisingly, Bella started to laugh. She laughed so hard I thought she was going to explode. I burned under the blush in my neck. _She didn't hate me, she just thought I was an idiot; great_. It took her a few minutes for her to get her breathing back down to normal.

"You actually thought I was Cinderella, and Edward was the Prince, and we couldn't have ups and downs?" She wiped a tear out of her eye.

"No, I just couldn't take it if there wasn't any 'and they lived happily ever after' at the end. I guess I just needed to know that people like us, the 'strays' as you put it, can end up normal, and happy." I shrugged it off and averted my eyes. _God, I really was a complete moron._

"Nessie, there are some realities you have to come to terms with," Bella began cautiously. _Great, Cinderella hates the prince_. "Edward is gone for months at a time. I complain about it, it hurts me, and it most definitely puts a strain on our relationship. When he's home, we're photographed, ripped to shreds, and have to deal with that daily. He doesn't pick up his gym shorts when he goes to take a shower, he uses the milk until there is less than a cup full, and doesn't replace it, and he never separates his laundry. And, we fight. God, do we fight; sometimes about the dumbest things, and sometimes about serious things, things that change a relationship. But, as much as in those moments, I dislike him, I don't want to see him; I don't want anyone else. Even in my moments of doubt, I know, deep down, that I can't shake him, and I don't want to. I love him. I may freak out, and we may not be Cinderella and Prince Charming, but we have something better than a fairy tale. We love each other, and we have to work for it. You don't want the fairy tale romance. That's easy." I was completely dumbfounded. That wasn't even a strong enough word for what I was. I gulped like a fish out of water.

"You mean I shouldn't wait for my prince? There's no white horse?" I was almost saddened by this realization. I wasn't an idiot, but I sort of had hopes.

"My prince arrived in a Yukon, wielding a Fender. I guess happiness just depends on how well you see it. You have to work for it, Nessie. Edward and I didn't come easily, and we won't have an easy road, but life is what you make it. We may be strays, but that doesn't define us. Who's to say you haven't already met your prince?" The look in Bella's ees returned. It was as if someone had finally switched the light on for her.

"And now you're going to tell me he arrived in a Jeep, rescuing me from the clutches of the overzealous Cullens?" Bella laughed, and I laughed with her, finally allowing her words to soak into me. She acted as if she didn't even know what was coming out of her mouth. She finally seemed to find some peace.

"You never know," she mused.

"I guess not." We finished dinner quickly and made our way back to the apartment so Bella could pack for her flight. I didn't want her to go; I had grown such an attachment already. I helped her carry her bags downstairs. She stopped when we reached the bottom.

"Nessie, I want to thank you," she began awkwardly.

"For what?" I asked, confusion apparent in each syllable.

"Well, when I freak out, I forget about how love doesn't come easy, and when I was talking to you, I just figured out a lot of things. I made a lot of decisions about my life." She hugged me tightly and I hugged back.

"You're strong enough to love him," I whispered as we were met by a few of the other family members. She smiled and allowed herself to be ushered towards the car. I smiled, feeling content to be the fairy godmother in this story.

_Hell, I'd even take being the fat little mouse_.

**Edward POV**

"Hello?" I heard Bella's voice and immediately shot up in bed. My clock flashed nine thirty seven. I groaned slightly before turning my bedside lamp on and sitting up. "I'm so sorry to wake you." Her voice was familiar, and I lounged in its warmth and worry. _She sounded like my Bella, the one I loved_.

"I'm pretty sure we said that time zones didn't exist, so as far as your concerned, I wasn't even sleeping," I tried to console her. I knew she hated to wake me, so this probably wasn't just a leisure call. It finally occured to me that it had to be around one in the morning her time. _Fuck, what time zone was I in today?_ This was getting old.

"I just wanted to tell you that I finally made it to Forks, and I'm home now," she trailed off. _That was the reason she was calling_. I had been afraid that she hated me. My dreams were filled with worry and fear. The unfamiliar sheets of yet another new hotel room constricted my legs as I tried to kick them off, but failing miserably.

"I'm glad to hear that," I mused, wiping the slumber from my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"Listen, Edward," she began. I held my breath, waiting for the inevitable axe to drop. "You're my prince charming. I want a happily ever after with you, no matter how many snags we hit along the way. I love you." _What? _It was way to early for me to be thinking coherently.

"I want the same thing, I think," I chuckled, not fully understanding her analogy. "I mean, I want you, forever. I know that my way of life hurts you, and it hurts us, and we fight, and we are tested so much. But, I love you, and at the end of the day, it's you that I do all of this for. And I know that I want you, way more than I want this." I had been afraid to say those words for so long. Bella had always told me that she wouldn't force me to choose between her and music. But, it was because of my profession that I was forced to be away form her, I caused her pain, and I was the reason for her life being splashed al over the pages of gossip rags.

"I think we have a lot of things we need to figure out," Bella whispered over the phone. My heart started to hammer out of control. _I thought she loved me and she was telling me that everything was all right_. "Together." I smiled to myself, the fear quickly fleeting at that word.

"As long as we're completely honest, and we love each other, we have to beat the odds," I smiled, full of conviction.

"Edward, I can't wait until Paris."

"I can't wait for it either," I confided, lowering myself back to my pillows. "Did we have a fight today?" I asked, almost unsure.

"I think so," she sounded as confused as I was, "I'm sorry. I just needed a little time to clear my head, and get caught up. I shouldn't have disconnected myself from you. Its you and me, no one else." I knew a lazy grin was spreading across my face, and fuck it if I didn't care if the whole world saw how happy her last words had made me.

"I understand. I'm sorry I sprung it on you. I need you to believe that girl just came up to me, and the encounter was only a minute tops. She was drunk. I swear."

"Edward, stop. I can't say that the picture didn't hurt me. It really did," I cringed, running my hand through my hair anxiously. _I never wanted to hurt her_. "But, I also have to believe that I'm the only one that you want to be doing that to you."

"Of course you are!" I said, almost too eagerly. She laughed and I couldn't help but feel a little more at ease. We were silent for a few seconds, wrapping our heads around everything that had been said and thought. "Bella, I-"

"Hold on, someone's at the door," she muttered. I waited for a few seconds, growing all the more anxious. "Hey, baby, why don't you go get some sleep. Its just my neighbor with some mail. I want to be a polite hostess." She giggled happily. I smiled to myself.

"Alright. I'll call you when I wake up. I love you."

"I love you Edward, no matter what, never forget that." Her voice became heavy, almost sad to an exaggerated degree. The line went dead. Her words struck me harshly. I loved her.

**Bella POV**

"Of course you are!" Edward almost screamed into the phone. I couldn't help but laugh at him. _At times like these, what else is there to do but laugh?_ Here we were, completely in love, trying our damndest, but failing miserably. _I had finally found the love of my life, and I couldn't have him_. A knock at the door woke me form my revery. "Bella, I-"

"Hold on, someone's at the door," I muttered, effectively cutting Edward off. It hurt me do it. _Who the hell would stop by at two in the morning?_

"Hello, Bella," James' voice made me gasp. He stood at my door, shyly shrugging his shoulders and digging his hands in his pockets.

"What are you doing here?" I narrowed my glance and held the phone tightly to my shoulder for fear of Edward hearing.

"I just wanted to talk to you. I hope you got my flowers." He pouted slightly, looking at me from under his long eye lashes. _Fuck those teddy bear eyes_.

"James," I trailed off.

"Just let me explain," he muttered, "I'm so sorry. Please, just one more chance?" I stared at him for a few seconds, letting the silence swirl around us, egging me towards a decision.

"Hey, baby, why don't you go get some sleep. Its just my neighbor with some mail. I want to be a polite hostess." I giggled, trying to cover my utter inability to understand what was happening. James smiled slightly. I didn't move, instead stayed glued to the door, leaving him standing outside, eyeing me thoughtfully. He didn't seem angry, nor did he seem like the man who yelled at me and forced Edward to get a restraining order; no, this was my James, the man that was a sweetheart, who was awkward, and polite, and just wanted to make me happy.

"Alright. I'll call you when I wake up. I love you," Edward muttered.

"I love you Edward, no matter what, never forget that." I hung up quickly before I could tell him everything. I knew I should have, but I didn't need him freaking out and coming back here. This was my mess, and I had to deal with it.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" James suggested hopefully.

"No," I answered, squaring my shoulders and looking at him. "You have one minute."

___________________________________________________

**So, I added the last section really late, so its un-beta-ed. sorry... but I just wanted to add it after taking so long on my part, in writing this. **

**So, many thanks to the reviewers. I love you!**

**I just finished my other story. It was a sad moment for me, I can't even lie. But, if you want to, go check it out. **

**Let's play a game. My Beta (Who I thank SOOO MUCH! She puts up with my inability to progress a plot, and horrid grammar), GreenEyesG, came up with inadvertantly. **

**Tell me what your favorite line was, or has been, from any chapter, or just this chapter, or favorite song. Either one.  
**

**Thanks again!**

**New chapter after a ton of reviews? Alright... sounds like a deal. **


	23. World Spins Madly On

_Woke up and wished that I was dead__,  
With an aching in my head,  
__I lay motionless in bed.  
I thought of you and where you'd gone,  
and let the world spin madly on._

_Everything that I said I'd do,**  
Like make the world brand new,  
And take the time for you.  
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn,  
And the world spins madly on.  
**  
I let the day go by,**  
I always say goodbye;  
I watch the stars from my window sill,  
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still.**_

_Woke up and wished that I was dead,  
With an aching in my head  
I lay motionless in bed.  
The night is here and the day is gone,  
And the world spins madly on._

_**I thought of you and where you'd gone  
And the world spins madly on.**_

_"World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies  
_

_**____________________  
**_

**I don't own Twilight, nor do I own "World Spins Madly On" By the Weepies**

**I do own a habit for dropping the 'f' bomb at the worst times, a mind that immediately goes dirty at the drop of a hat, and a nasty case of writer's block.**

**Music:  
****"Lover's Waltz": A.A. Bondy  
"Sometime Around Midnight": The Airborne Toxic Event**

**Edward POV**

"Hey, I'm home!" I shouted as loud as I could as I threw my suitcase on the floor next to the door which I readily slammed shut behind me, effectively getting rid of the world outside. Starting today, I had one thing, and one person, on my mind. We weren't going to leave this house for a long, long, long time if I had my way. I listened to the house, hoping to hear Bella stirring somewhere, but it was completely quiet. The only noise that I could faintly here was a low hum of music, and it sounded as if it were coming from upstairs.

"Hello?" I asked again as I climbed the winding staircase towards our room. _God, I missed everything about being home; the smell, the lights, the sounds, my stuff mingling with Bella's_.

"Bella?" The music wasn't coming from our room at the end of the hall, instead, it seemed to intensify as I neared the music room. I smiled to myself, wondering just how much time Bella spent in there missing me. _I sure as hell missed her_. I recognized the faint music as the songs I had recorded for Bella shortly before I left. The thought of her finding some sort of peace as I tried to comfort her, even from continents away made me yearn that much more to comfort her fully. The tour had been horrible. I hated waking up in different cites, being chased by hordes of girls who I had no interest in, and most importantly away from Bella and the life we were starting together.

"Bella?" I asked again as the music swelled into a familiar chorus that only made me miss her more. I couldn't contain myself anymore as I ran my hands through my hair aimlessly. _There was only a door separating me from her now; after an entire country and an ocean keeping us apart, now only a piece of wood kept me from her, and I was nervous_. My body ached to touch her, just to see her and hear her voice, even if she decided to break me. I slowly pushed the giant door open, holding my breath as if I was opening it to my death. What met me might as well have killed me.

"Welcome home," Bella's sensuous voice oozed from her perfectly plump and kissable lips. I felt as if I was punched in the stomach as the air rushed out of my lungs at an alarming rate. She didn't move from her spot on my piano bench, instead just continued kneeling on the bench. She wore her hair in perfect loose curls that seemed to never end; I wanted to rush towards her, and root my hands in her hair, pull her to me, and never let go, but I was permanently stuck, as if my shoes had melted into the carpet. Bella only wore my dress shirt, buttoned on one singular button near her belly button. _Fuck me if it didn't dip perfectly over her breasts, revealing all the skin I wanted to touch, and hiding the skin I needed to see_. She had her hands on her hips, holding back the shirt that was almost a dress on her, revealing the blackest, laciest pair of panties I had ever seen. They stood out so starkly from her ivory skin, but God, did she look good. "I've been waiting for you to come for a while now," she smiled, trailing her hand up her stomach towards that one, singular, simple button that kept her that last bit hidden from me. I gulped audibly. _Please, dear God and all that is holy in the world, please..._

"I've missed you too," I finally found my voice as Bella stood up, toying with the button and smirking at me. She came close to me, not touching me, just toying with me torturously. The air between us was thick as sparks moved back and forth between us. Slowly, Bella closed the gap as she bit her lip nervously. Every muscle in my body was on fire, aching for her, needing her, wanting to have her as soon as possible and never let go.

"Well," she whispered, trailing her hand up my chest, making my heart beat all the more erratically. It was as if my body became alive once again. It was getting harder and harder for me to swallow. "You shouldn't have left me all alone to take care of myself for so long." She pulled her hand from my body, pulling the electric current with her. I only let my eyes leave hers as she looked down and once again trailed her hand down her chest, over her scar, towards the button. I wanted to do so many things to her; reassure her, love her, protect her. I almost couldn't contain myself, what she was doing to me was insane, and I hadn't even touched her yet.

"Never again," I shook my head, meaning each word fully. She smiled, meeting my eyes again. I was struck by her glance. Her eyes were darker, almost full of a tangible need. It was with this vow that the energy between us shifted. I cupped her cheeks, screaming at her with my eyes that I only needed her. In a movement quicker than ever, Bella brought her lips to mine in the sweetest embrace imaginable. Our lips moved in a dance that could never be forgotten, no matter how long we were apart. I let my hands slowly creep lower, inching towards that damn button. Bella pulled away, much to my dismay, an evil glint in her eyes.

"I hope you don't think you'll be getting back in my good graces so quickly," she whispered, pulling my shirt roughly.

"No," I answered, lifting her to me as she wrapped her legs around me, "But I am hoping that you will let me work at it." She laughed as she came back towards me, rooting her hands in my hair and joining us again until we were breathless. As soon as I used all of my air, and we were forced to separate, I let my lips trail down Bella's jaw, slowly, covering every inch with feather-light kisses towards her collar bone. She was like a siren, egging me forward towards the jagged rocks, but I didn't care. Her body called to mine, her heartbeat lulled me closer steadily, her breathing, no matter how shallow it got, made me quake, and her soft moans made me sing along with her in pleasure.

"Mmm, Edward," she moaned into my ear as I moved us against a wall, effectively pushing her body against mine even more. Through my shirt I could feel her body, her warmth, her need. _Fuck me_. Bella's body arched against mine, grinding and moving in the worst kind of pleasure imaginable. The feel of her skin was like nothing I could describe, only making me want her more and more with each passing second. "Edward," she whispered, raking her hands into my shoulders. "Edward, Edward," she said more forcefully.

"Bella," I whispered, trying to hold her.

"Edward, wake the hell up," Jasper's annoying voice shot through me. "You're moaning and freaking me the fuck out." _Fuck my life_. I squinted my eyes against the darkness that prevailed out the window. I dug the heel of my hand into my eyes, trying to gain some sort of composure. _Guess a cold shower is out of the question considering I don't even know where the hell I am_.

"Where the hell?" I asked, not even bothering to listen for an answer or finish my thought. _Who gave a fuck where I was?_ The city looked the same as every other city does at night. Dim windows glowed and looked like shooting stars as we passed by, and children, bundled in layers of mittens and ear muffs played in the streets aimlessly, lost in their own worlds of pirates and princesses as street lights flickered to life. Vendors packed up stands on corners; boarding up for the night, as young couples wandered the streets in search of love and wisdom. My watch did me no good, since it was on Pacific Time. _It wasn't as if I knew what time zone I was in anyway_. I tried to rub my neck and get the crick out, but it wasn't budging, so I elected to run my anxious hands through my hair instead. I checked my phone, only to wish I hadn't. Bella had called, and I had slept right through it. She hadn't left a voice mail, which was incredibly strange for her. I loved getting her random voice mails, because no matter what she talked about, no matter how short, or how much she rambled, she ended with those three words I'd never get sick of hearing.

"Welcome to Dublin," our driver turned to us as the car came to a stop outside of the theater we were playing at tonight. Cameras were waiting, people were waiting, managers, publicists, and accountants were waiting. _Bella wasn't waiting_. I shook my head in disgust as I grabbed my guitar and made my way inside, not really in the mood to give interviews today. I let Jasper field questions instead, electing to find my way backstage to call Bella. I almost threw my case down in frustration. I didn't know what was making me so angry, but there just was something off with me today. _I'm sick of this shit; sick of touring, sick of being in new cities, sick of being criticized and questioned_. I listened to the all too familiar rings, waiting to hear her voice, as I ran my hands along the stubble that was all too readily forming on my cheeks.

"Hey baby," her cheerful voice met mine. According to my watch it was only around nine thirty in the morning her time. _Much to early for her to be up willingly_.

"I didn't wake you did I?" I asked, not even bothering to hide the smile that always seemed to accompany her voice.

"No, I woke up early to take a walk, clear my mind. I just got back. Where are you?" I strained my neck, looking around the ancient room, trying to figure out if anyone was around.

"It doesn't matter, not if you're not here," I muttered, the bitterness seeping back into my voice.

"Edward Cullen, you can loose that attitude anytime," Bella mothered me. I rolled my eyes and leaned back on the small couch.

"Dublin."

"Mmm, Guinness Country," Bella giggled.

"What did you have to think about?"

"Oh, you know, just wedding stuff," she sounded weird and an awkward silence met us.

"Getting cold feet?" I tried to make light of the situation.

"No. It's just; I'm so stressed from making all these decisions. Is Reno still an option?" she groaned, and I knew that she wasn't reconsidering me.

"Always," I smiled at our joke. _God, that seemed so long ago, rolling around in the sheets with Bella, wasting the day away just being in our own universe._

"Edward, I know this is going to sound nothing like me, and you're going to think I've been invaded by a body snatcher, but," she stopped, most likely debating if she should really tell me what she was thinking, "I'm really looking forward to marrying you with all of the normal things, like the dress, the church, rings, the whole ten yards."

"Can you please put the real Bella on the phone please, Alice? You've gotten so good at your impression of her," I joked.

"Hey!" she pretended to be mad, but I caught the hint of a laugh.

"I want to marry you too," I relented, "I don't care how, but I want to be yours and I want you to be mine forever."

"That's silly. We don't need a piece of paper for that," she teased, "Its not like those vows will keep you from touring or leaving me." _Ouch. Please, stab me a little harder, maybe a little to the left, I think you missed the vital organs._ I couldn't even think of anything to say. _How does one respond to that?_ "Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"No, its ok," I sputtered, faking some composure.

"It's not, I didn't mean it like that at all, I swear."

"Let's go, show time," Jasper stuck his head through the door and again, I wanted to strangle him.

"Good luck," Bella whispered, not happy to hang up so soon.

"Hey, cheer up," I tried to be happy, "Three days until Paris."

"I can do three days," she sighed.

"I love you."

"I love you, forever," she answered. I could almost touch the pain in her voice. _God I'm an idiot_. I hung up the phone quickly before I could tell her that I was going to be on the next plane home.

_Fuck my life_.

**Bella POV**

"Hello?"

"Bella! God, I haven't heard from you in ages," Alice's cheery voice grated my nerves. I really was in no mood to be happy, especially after that less than stellar phone call from Edward. _Something was bothering him_. His voice was tight, and even when he joked, he sounded horridly morbid, and nothing like the carefree man I loved. _How could Alice sound so happy?_ More importantly though, how did she always know when I had just hung up with Edward? _It's like she's psychic_.

I plopped back down on the rocking chair on my front porch, content to soak up the morning sun before the clouds rolled in for the day. The weather was perfect for me at this moment. The sky was greying, becoming a quiet storm, waiting for its change to burst forth. My hands burned as the cold wind swept down from the snow capped mountains, forcing me to pull my jacket around me even tighter. I didn't care how cold it was though, I wasn't going to go inside. I couldn't handle being surrounded by walls anymore, I was surely getting cabin fever.

"What do you want Alice?" I muttered, still thinking about Edward and James.

"Whoa, don't sound so happy to hear from me," she pretended to be wounded, but I just rolled my eyes and waited for her to continue. I didn't really have time to worry about whatever she was going to throw at me. Truth be told, every time I talked to Alice, I got more and more stressed. She had continually given me new lists of things to get done for the wedding, and on top of that she was constantly sending me pictures and samples of prospective wedding dresses. _I was living in taffeta hell_. The wedding plans seemed to always get pushed to the wayside though, as I was itching to write, and since I had the itch, I figured I might as well scratch it. I felt bad though, never being able to give Alice any decisions other than trivial ones, but I just needed a way to vent, now more than ever.

"Is this about the wedding? Because, as maid of honor, I give you free reign," I tried to avoid any more questions about my preference for icing flavors or centerpieces. Life had been complicated enough in the past week.

_"I've missed you," James whispered, fixing his eyes on the ground as he shuffled his shoes absently. He dug his hands into his pockets. "I miss being your friend. I know what I did was wrong," he muttered, still not having the confidence to look me in the eyes. I couldn't help but scoff. _

_"Wrong?" I interjected, glad my backbone decided to make an appearance tonight. "James, I stood up for you to Edward. He didn't want you around, but I needed you, for some reason, you were my friend, one of my best friends." I was sputtering now, angry at how he had decided to throw away our friendship, and leave me effectively alone, without that connection to my roots and home that I loved so much. _

_"Bella," he finally met my gaze. A look of utter guilt and hurt flashed across his features and his lips contorted in pain and disgust, "I drank a little too much, and I didn't know what I was doing. Its no excuse, I just, I thought I loved you, in a way that I knew you could never love me, and that just made me a horrible person." I considered his statement, not loosening my harsh glance, instead watching it make him that much more desperate. His body shrugged as he again shuffled awkwardly, no longer full of passion. I didn't know what to say. "For what its worth, I miss you and you'll never know how sorry I am." He turned to walk away after a few moments of silence. _

_"Wait," I gasped, faster than I realized. James didn't turn around, instead just stood at the edge of my porch. "One more chance," I said, standing firm in my doorway. He turned to me, once again the carefree spirit I loved as my friend. A stupid grin was slapped across his relieved face. _

_"I won't let you down," he let a breath out, not moving from his spot near the stairs. We stood on the porch, neither of us moving. I had no idea what he was thinking, hell I had no idea what I was thinking. There was just something that didn't want to let go of him. In my world that was becoming infested with chaos, being home and having a friend like James seemed like such an amazing alternative to LA and paparazzi. I think it was the combination of fear of the future, and the sheer terror that came with the worry of forgetting my past, that made me forgive him. As long as I could, I wanted to hold on to who I was before I became someone else. _

"Nope, not about the wedding at all," Alice trailed off. _Fuck, what the hell could this be about then?_

"Are you going to spit it out?"

"Well ok, but first, let me just say, that I consider this good news," she stopped again. This was getting a little frustrating.

"I promise to be happy no matter what," I swore, hoping to convince her to just tell me so I could get back to my day of doing absolutely nothing, especially not wedding plans.

"You may or may not still be an unknown author," Alice trailed off ominously.

"What?" I uttered, unable to actually realize what she was talking about.

"You've been leaked babycakes, and you are the hottest thing out there."

"Alice, I need you to start over alright? I'm having the worst day of my life, my fiancé probably hates me, and now you're telling me that the one thing in my life that I had to keep sane is becoming the thing that is going to make me miserable?"

"Don't be a drama queen, jeez Bella," Alice scolded me. I took a few deep breaths, letting her words sink in finally. _I've been linked to my book. _I could always just deny it, I'm sure that'll work. _Who the hell would have told?_ Victoria couldn't have, she was legally obligated to keep it hidden. Plus, its not as if I was having horrible sales, she was making money, why would she pull a stunt like this? I needed anonymity, I couldn't handle to have something like this attached to me if I wanted to just remain normal, or at least as close to normal as I was now.

"Alice, please just tell me how you know all of this. In case you couldn't tell, I'm freaking out. You should know that I suck at life by now to see that this wouldn't be welcomed news."

"Well," she started happily, content in her gossip, "I was listening to the radio this morning while on my way to check about a potential wedding dress, which by the way, may just be the one. God, Bella I can't wait for you to see it. I guess it can wait until after Paris, but after that, we have to hunker down and make some decisions. May will be here before you know it, and we have to book some things or we'll be royally screwed-"

"Alice!"

"Right, right," she continued, although this time with much more of an attitude, "The radio guy was talking about how Edward and Jasper were getting insanely good reviews, then they went into this thing about Edward having an affair and Jasper in some random love triangle. Then, they talked about James, which I am horridly confused about Bella. What's going on with that?"

"One story at a time please," I managed to say through clenched teeth.

"Anyway, of course you're having an affair with him, and all that nonsense. So, they had this caller and he was saying all these things about you, and flat out just told your whole back story and about the book and everything."

"Everything?" I asked, the air sticking to my lungs and refusing to leave.

"Yeah, everything. But, from what I've seen, everyone is just falling in love with you even more. You are totally Saint Bella!" Alice squealed as if this was the best news in the world. I hung up the phone.

I can honestly say that I don't know what was running through my head for a good few hours. It was as if all of my thoughts were utter insanity. _Maybe I had gone crazy; it sure seems like a viable option right about now_. The one thing I had left in the world, my past, wasn't even mine anymore. Who knows what the hell kind of things they'll say about me now. It was easy enough being the girl that was with Edward, because then, I knew that he loved me, and I loved him. But now, now I was standing up for ghosts and my past and everything that I ever was, and damn it all if I wasn't even comfortable talking to Edward about it. I was no longer an average girl; no, now I was the pitiful orphan, the stray, the horrible person that Edward was with out of utter charity. Now, I'll be asked millions of questions about things that I can't even think about without having an emotional breakdown.

"Hello?" I asked, not even thinking to look as my phone rang again, startling me out of my random, crazed thoughts. The rain started to fall gently in tiny drops. I tried to keep calm, but it was impossible to not have a million doubts running through my body.

"Bells, I just found out about something, are you sitting down?" James calm voice tried to keep me at peace.

"I've already heard if this is about how my entire life is out there now for everyone to know about," I shook my head at the thought, still unable to understand what was happening. My phone started beeping, signaling I had another call.

"At least everyone loves you. You're getting rave reviews, by the way!" he beamed, just as happy as Alice.

"I have to take a call." I hung up on him just as quickly as I hung up on Alice.

"What?" I snapped, no longer caring who it was.

"Bella, Victoria. I just found out that you were leaked. Listen, I am so sorry, we'll fix this. I can assure you that it was no one here, and it sure as hell wasn't me."

"Victoria, I trust you. Can you just give me a minute to digest this?" My phone started beeping again.

"Sure thing, call me whenever you're free." I hung up again, no longer giving two shits about the world around me. So now, on top of the world going utterly insane, I had people calling me in an unending wave. _Sweet, fuck my life_.

"Kill me now," I answered to an unfamiliar greeting.

"I'm sorry?" A confused female voice, sweet as honey begged me.

"I'm sorry, but who the hell are you?"

"Samantha Faye, I was wondering if I could get a word in with you about a few recent claims-"

"You've got to be fucking me." I hung up again. My phone continued to ring, nonstop. My house phone joined in soon too. _Kill me, please, God, if you love me at all, you'll just make it stop_. I couldn't take it. I was going insane already. I needed fifteen minutes to just have some sort of quiet and space to think. The sound of truck tires and gravel showed me that I wasn't going to be getting any of that as James' car pulled up to the house.

"How are you doing?" he asked, looking between me and my cell phone that sat next to me, continually ringing.

"Just peachy," I muttered. I pulled my jacket up tighter, trying to sort through everything that was being thrown at me. The list looked bleak to say the least. First, everyone now knew that the book was mine. _Great, so now everyone will dissect it and try to figure me out_. Second, it was common knowledge that I was an orphan with a crappy past. _Well, at least I could get the pity vote, sweet, just what I always wanted_. Third, Edward probably hated me, not only for what I had said earlier, but for the fact that James was sitting next to me right now, and I hadn't told Edward yet, coupled with the stories about me that were sure to be less than attractive. _He's going to realize just how bad for him I really am, now, after I fell for him, he'll see that he doesn't need me, he can get better, someone normal, and I'll be left, again_.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked, shrugging awkwardly and sitting next to me.

"No. I want to runaway."

"I think I can help you with that."

**Edward POV**

"So, where are we going now?" I asked, almost not waiting for an answer as Jasper and I fastened our seatbelts.

"Belfast," Jasper muttered, leaning his head against the window. We settled into a silence after that. I couldn't figure out why, but we didn't have anything to say. The show had gone great, we were fine on stage, but the moment I was free from the public eye, I just didn't give a shit anymore. My thoughts continued to race back and forth between what I wanted, and what I was doing. My phone chirped in my pocket, making Jasper turn a little, but not wake up fully.

_I'm running away. Call you later_.

"Fuck."

_________________________________

**Special thanks to my Beta, GreenEyesG, for being so helpful and putting up with me freeking out about plot and all that jazz. Trust me, she puts up with my indecisive freek outs well, and encourages me to write. Thank you so much for this chapter, especially.**

**So, what did you think? What's your fave part? What's going to happen? What do you want to happen? How will Bella take everything? What's James up to? Is Edward alright?**

**Thanks for the reviews. If you've never left one, drop one now! Its quick, painless, and will make me write sooner. The countdown continues until Paris, and I really can't wait to write it, so make me write it sooner! Can we reach 10 reviews on this chapter? Please? Pretty please? Tell me you hated it, tell me what to fix, just tell me anything...  
**

**Also, thanks to anyone who voted for me over at the IndieTwiFics, I really appreciate it! Hope you checked out some of the stories over there, they're amazing!!! I've definitely found a few new faves!**


	24. Bruised

I've got my things,  
I'm good to go  
You met me at the terminal.  
**Just one more plane ride and it's done.  
We stood like statues at the gate,**  
Vacation's come and gone too late.  
There's so much sun where I'm from,  
**I had to give it away,  
had to give you away**

And we spent four days on an  
Island at your family's old hotel.  
**Sometimes perfection can be,  
It can be perfect hell.  
**  
Hours pass,  
and **she still counts the minutes,  
That I am not there.**  
I swear I didn't mean,  
For it to feel like this,  
Like every inch of me is bruised,  
bruised.  
And don't fly fast.  
Oh, pilot can you help me?  
Can you make this last?  
This plane is all I got  
So keep it steady, now  
Cause every inch you see is bruised.

I lace my Chucks,  
I walk the aisle,  
I take my pills,  
the babies cry;  
All I hear is what's playing through  
The in-flight radio.  
Now every word of every song,  
I ever heard that made me wanna stay  
Is what's playing through  
The in-flight radio,  
and I  
**And I am,  
finally waking up.**

So read your books,  
but stay out late  
Some nights, some nights, and don't think,  
That you can't stop by the bar.  
**You haven't shown your face here since the bad news.  
Well I'm here till close, with fingers crossed**  
Each night cause your place isn't far.

Yeah, yeah,  
she still counts the minutes,  
That I am not there,  
I swear  
I didn't mean  
For it to feel like this,  
**Like every inch of me is bruised, **  
bruised.  
And don't fly fast.  
Oh, pilot can you help me?  
**Can you make this last? **  
This plane is all I got,  
So keep it steady, now,  
**Cause every inch you see is bruised**

"Bruised" by Jack's Mannequin

Music:  
"Swim": Jack's Mannequin [featured]  
"Innocence": The Airborne Toxic Event  
"Serpentine": Chris Bathgate (Can you find the quote?)

**______________________________  
I don't own Twilight, or "Bruised" by Jack's Mannequin  
I do own a horrible imagination, a new longboard, and an absolutely crappy job.**

**Special thanks to my guest Beta, the lovely, the grammatically wonderful, the intimidating, _Irritable Grizzzly_. Thanks for helping me with my possessive problem and the word 'its'. I have a problem with commas and apostrophes...its hard for me to talk about...sob... haha. I really appreciate it. Wonderful beta skills! Thanks for not hating me! hahaha.**

**This chapter is dedicated to _Fan of Fiction 247_:  
Without your reviews, I wouldn't have the inspiration and motivation to not give you a heart attack.**

**Edward POV**

"Bella, call me as soon as you get this please. I love you." I paused for a moment before I clicked the red button and hung up the phone. I couldn't seem to put a coherent thought together to save my life. My brain seemed like it was filled with marbles that clambered and clanged together when I moved. _Where was she? Was she alright?_ I had caused whatever was happening, I just knew it.

My brain continued with its clamor as I paced back and forth in my hotel room. The familiar outline of Paris caught my eye every time I turned. The sky was growing lighter as the sun came up and the morning fog lifted slightly, but I didn't have time to notice or appreciate it fully. I memorized every strand of the carpet as I created a rut with my feet. I should be exhausted after the show and traveling all night, but I couldn't sleep. A familiar tiredness clamped onto my chest hungrily. How could I sleep knowing that Bella was hurt? Not only was she hurt, but it was my fault. The moment I found out about the leak, I knew that was why she decided to 'run away', whatever that meant. It was because of my life that her dirty laundry was aired all over for everyone to know her most personal and private facts. I didn't want that. Hell, I didn't even want this anymore.

"You have to stop pacing," Jasper said knowingly from the door that connected our rooms. I just shook my head, creating a ruckus in my mind, and kept walking back and forth. If I sat down, I'd lose it completely. Yeah right, because here I was holding it together so well.

"Have you heard form Alice?" I asked, still walking around, running my hand along my tense neck in frustration. Jasper just shook his head and lost his gaze with my eyes. I frowned and gripped my phone tighter. I couldn't handle the walls anymore. The creme-colored walls and neutral tones of the bedding and curtains, just like every other hotel room I'd been in. It burned my eyes. The air was heavy and scalded my throat as I repeatedly attempted to find some sort of calm. I grabbed my coat without thinking and pulled it on quickly, not giving Jasper enough time to even understand what I was doing.

The dull dawn was easier for me to look at as I started walking down the chilly street outside of our hotel. I had no idea where I was going, I had no idea if anyone was following me, and I had no idea what I was going to do, but the slight breeze that nipped my nose and cheeks finally stopped the rattling that was numbing my brain. I buttoned up my coat and slipped my hands into the pockets, finding an awkward happiness in the warmth there. There was no one waiting outside our hotel just yet, as we had driven through the night and just arrived ahead of schedule, but I bet that later, when I returned, they'd be waiting. This thought made my body tense even more, almost stifling me in my warm coat. _How could they do this?_ No one had any right to judge Bella, and no one had any right to go throwing her name around - or her story for that matter. She had a hard enough time dealing with her family and Jacob, and now, _now_ I was afraid all the progress we'd made was for nothing. _How could I reach out to her, when she needed me most, when I couldn't even see her?_

The hum from the waking city distracted me as I weaved my way deeper and deeper into the city. Children and parents made their way to schools and work, each one chattering about various things in a language I could barely grasp. Traffic picked up, tires squealed, horns honked, and sirens blared, disrupting the shallow murmur of hurried whispers and morning conversations. Shop keepers opened doors and windows, threw open curtains and blinds, and placed displays on the sidewalk. The smells of the restaurants and bistros made my stomach flip. I blended into the fabric of the neighborhoods I meandered through, not drawing attention to myself, just observing everything, looking for someone I knew wouldn't be there.

Then, it all just suddenly stopped. I stood on a corner, and there were no more buildings in front of me, and no more cars. Grass and trees hid everything else from my view. Gracelessly, I turned around, looking behind me at the hubbub of the neighborhoods, businesses, cars; the blocks and blocks and turns and turns of the maze I'd have to face on my way back. I turned back towards the park and ran across the street, avoiding a car, and sauntered inside, instantly missing the overwhelming noise that came with the city. I no longer had to think about people or not being hit by a car, now there was quiet, and walking was as simple as dragging one foot ahead of the other. Random people walked past me as my walking slowed considerably. Runners and dogs and baby carriages and bicycles lapped me at an alarming rate as I tried to force myself forward. Rows of benches begged me to sit down, but my thoughts swirled in such a shrill sad cannonade that I refused, instead opting to walk towards the static noise at the end of the moss-covered path I was currently following. The barren trees stood, towering overhead, blocking my view from the end of the path, but I kept walking. The pale limbs of the ghost branches clambered together with dull thuds, but that was slowly erased by the noise as it grew louder.

The fountain was huge. In fact, huge didn't seem to be the right word. _Gigantic, titan, ginormous? _It was fucking big. The water rushed through it, making that wonderful white noise, numbingly perfect. I smiled and laughed to myself, finally overcome with insanity, delusion and exhaustion. I probably looked like some strung-out junkie from the way I twitched and mumbled to myself absently, but I didn't care. I sat down on one of the empty benches and busied myself with the static calm that was now being manufactured by the complete aloneness I felt. I focused all of my energy on letting one thought seep into my mind at a time, trying my hardest not to become overwhelmed. Time seemed to stop here, and I felt left behind as the world continued to spin around me. People walked by in growing numbers. Tourists with cameras posed in front of the fountain and locals overlooked the pure beauty they had grown immune to. Painter's set up easels and artists performed on the steps. Everyone was going somewhere, talking to someone, doing something, and I -I was stuck on the perpetual curve of the earth in a limbo of something big. I knew what I had to do, I knew what I wanted to do, I knew what I needed, and I knew who I was, but fuck it all if I didn't give a shit about anything except Bella.

"Pardonnez-moi, mais vous parlez francais? Peux je m'asseoir ici?" A sweet voice brought me from my nightmare as I unclamped my hands from my hair and ran them down my face.

"I don't know any French," I answered sheepishly, rubbing my cheeks with my hands, trying to warm them up slightly.

"Wonderful, because mine is atrocious," A tiny old woman answered and sat down next to me. She laughed happily as she put her small red purse in her lap and interlocked her hands over it. She didn't look at me, instead she just kept smiling and glancing back and forth at the world that was playing in front of her. She had hair that was just becoming white, but it was pulled up into a bun so I had no idea how long it was. Stray wisps curled around her ears and out from under her beige beret. Her face didn't show age in the normal sense - covered in wrinkles and time. Instead, she had the wrinkles of a woman who lived a wonderfully contented life. The small lines near her eyes were magnified as she smiled, lost in a dream world, and those around her smile ran deep. She wore little make up, reminding me at once of Bella, and how they both exuded a natural beauty and confidence. Her hazel eyes searched the world, almost as if she too was looking for someone. A minute later, and I was still staring at her, unabashedly. She must have noticed because she fidgeted with her shawl that was wrapped loosely around her shoulders, and smoothed the fabric of her simple black dress. A simple ring on her finger caught the sunlight and distracted me for a moment. Again, the only thing I could wonder about was if I'd ever be able to give Bella a proper wedding and a proper life. "Am I bothering you young man?" the woman turned to me and I hadn't noticed. Her face showed no sign of malice, instead worry was written across it, and I already felt worse. _Great, now I just upset strange old women in parks._

"No ma'am," I answered and sat up straight, no longer blatantly staring at her. I looked around at the empty benches that littered the park and couldn't help but wonder why she had chosen to sit next to me.

"In all my years coming here, I've never seen anyone sitting here before," she mused, almost to herself. Her accent seemed to be English, but I couldn't be sure. I just nodded, not sure what I should say, or even if I would be able to form more than two words. "You don't speak any French, but here you are in Paris. You don't look like the usual tourist," she trailed off, almost waiting for me to fill in the blanks for her.

"Just passing through I suppose," I answered, not really wanting to divulge any information. We sat in silence for a few more minutes. She continued to watch everything and I battled to keep myself from tearing my skin to pieces.

"Your heart seems heavy, darling," she whispered, turning to me once again. She didn't smile anymore.

"I'm fine," I lied, putting a smile on my face. She just nodded, as if she read me like a book and turned away once more. She reminded me of Esme, through and through.

"Young man, you're as far from fine as I am. You've got troubles, and from the sag in your shoulders and those black rings under your eyes, you've got big ones," she appraised. I didn't look over at her; I couldn't. My hands slipped out of my pocket and I awkwardly played with my fingers.

"It's a girl," I answered, not really understanding why. She just nodded in understanding, ushering me to continue. "I love her, but I can't be with her," I summed up in simplified terms. _No reason to explain the long sordid story to a stranger_.

"If you love her, you can be with her," she answered. I shook my head, shoving my hands back in my pockets.

"My job keeps me away. I'm not sure she'll wait for me, and I'm not sure if I'm any good for her," I finally gave voice to my greatest fears. Again, the only noises heard were those of the world around us. She searched the air around the fountain, almost looking for an answer while I focused on the static, hoping to keep my life at bay.

"Do you know why I sat on this bench when all of the other's were open?" she asked out of the blue. I finally turned to her and we locked eyes. She no longer had that smile anymore; there wasn't that wonder with the world, but instead a deep sadness prevailed. I didn't have to answer. We both knew what it was. Still, she she continued . "This bench is where I met my husband, and the love of my life, exactly fifty two years ago today." She smiled at the memory.

"Happy Anniversary," I muttered, trying to sound genuine. The thought of fifty two years boggled my mind. My parents were married for twenty-five, and that in and of itself seemed like an accomplishment.

"Thank you," she returned my smile. "This is also where he proposed and where we've come to visit every anniversary since."

"Is he meeting you here?" I asked, wondering if that is what she'd been searching for while sitting here.

"No," she whispered, "he died last year."

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. _I'm an asshole_.

"Don't be sorry. I'm here today to celebrate, not grieve." I didn't know what else to say to her. How could I comfort her, a stranger? I felt as if I were intruding on her day and I wanted to excuse myself, but that seemed so rude, and Esme did raise me better than that.

"You both must have been lucky to make it fifty two years," I tried, hoping to make her happy. She just shook her head and laughed.

"Luck and love are two different things, darling. We had love." I had to smile at her simple deduction. "As you've probably guessed, I'm not from Paris. I'm not even from France. I'm from Dover. Jack, my husband, he was from Lyon."

"Then how did you two meet here in Paris?" I asked, completely fascinated by this woman and how she felt completely content to open up to me, a complete stranger who most likely looked like a drug dealer.

"I had just graduated, and my parents allowed me a vacation. I came to Paris with a few friends. Jack was here for the summer, working for his uncle in a flower shop. One morning I found myself walking through this park. I sat on this very bench, happy to just soak up the sun and forget everything that was waiting for me back in Dover. You see, I was supposed to marry a family friend, you know, arranged and all, but all I could think about was the life I wouldn't get if I settled."

"I understand," I whispered, hooked on her story.

"Well, I sat here, just lounging as the park filled with people. On that day, there was a band that set up right over there," she pointed towards the opposite row of benches as if I could see them still. "Everyone was dancing and enjoying the summer weather. I'd never seen so many people so happy with life. Then, I saw him, and it's like everything else faded away. You have to just indulge an old woman here for a minute, but it was as if when I locked eyes with him, I almost knew for certain he was mine and I was his."

"I definitely understand," I assured her, much to her approval. "Almost like instantly you saw everything you never knew you wanted and your whole future and happiness flashed in front of you," I trailed off, afraid I was being presumptuous.

"She really must be something," the woman smiled at me. I must have blushed for a second because she continued with her story, not prodding anymore. "He didn't lose eye contact. Instead, he walked over and asked me something in French. I just shook my head and replied that I couldn't speak French. Then, clear as day, he said in a perfect English accent, 'I asked if you'd mind having this dance with me?' Jack's father was some minister, and he spent most of his life growing up in London, but had moved back a few years earlier to Lyon to finish his schooling. I told him that I couldn't dance, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. We danced to Edith Piaf's _Hymne a l'amour_ and talked all day. When he walked me back to my hotel, I had this fear that I'd never see him again, so, I made up my mind I was going to kiss him, but, he beat me to it. He stopped me in the middle of the road and kissed me. From the moment of that kiss I lived the happiest moments of my life, and the rest is history."

"What happened though? You lived in Dover, and he was here?"

"He moved to London and opened a flower shop of his own. His family disowned him. He was destined to become an official, like his father, for so long. He wanted that, or so he thought. I told him not to waste that all on me, and I'll never forget what he said. He told me 'It doesn't matter what I do, or what I become, as long as you're there with me'. I called him a complete idiot," she laughed at the memory as a small tear fell down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly and smiled as she continued. "But, he moved and I married him because, honestly, he was my puzzle piece. My family had a fit. The only person I talked to was my sister for the longest time, but, still, we were happy. Love is a sacrifice."

"You didn't resent each other for what you had to give up?" I asked.

"No. I was so afraid he'd realize he could do better, leave me and become some hot-shot political figure, but he said he never knew what he really wanted until it came and bit him on the arse. You'll never know what makes you happy until you have it, and you take a minute to think, 'damn this is nice, isn't it?'. He loved being a florist. It was as if he was made for it, and I fell in love with running the business. I never once regretted any choice I made. I ended up happier than I could have dreamed." I let her words sink into me and smiled.

"You're lucky to be able to say that," I said, worried about looking back on my life and not being happy with what I saw.

"I am," she answered. "Now, what's gotten your heart so heavy? This girl?" she prodded, just as Esme did. _It must be some universal mothering complex_.

"Bella," I finally whispered her name.

"Bella," she repeated, "What a beautiful name. I'm sure she's a beautiful woman."

"The most beautiful woman in the world," I answered, "She's got these gorgeous, perfect, soft brown curls that always smell like strawberries. I can never pay attention to what she says when I'm too close to her because I just find myself playing with one of them. That is, until her eyes look into mine. They're the color of the deepest brown imaginable and they see me, the real me, bare before her," I trailed off again, feeling as if I'd just rambled and sounded like a complete stalker.

"Young man-"

"Edward," I interrupted her quickly with a smile.

"Edward," she responded happily, "You are head over heels in love with this girl. Why would you think you're not good for her?"

"I just cause her pain," I whispered, not looking at her anymore. "I'm out here on tour, away from her, and she's back there dealing with the price of my fame. I don't even want this anymore, I don't think, but, I love music and I love what I do. I'm stuck," I vented, afraid that my words had somehow scared this poor old woman away on her precious anniversary.

"I have two questions for you." She turned to me and grabbed my hand, "If you could no longer have music, and just had Bella, would you be happy?"

"Yes," I answered quickly.

"If you no longer had Bella, no chance of ever seeing her again, but you still had your fame, would you be happy?"

"No," I conceded, suddenly afraid of that thought.

"Well, my darling Edward, you have your answer as to what is most important." I smiled, wishing my life was that easy.

"I'd like to give you something for your anniversary, miss…" I patted her hand and trailed off awkwardly.

"Ruth," she answered, "But, sweetheart you don't have to give me something. If anything, I should be giving you something for listening to a crazy old woman ramble all morning.

"I shook my head and took out a piece of paper from my pocket.

"Do you have a pen?" She fished one out of her purse and handed it to me. I scribbled an address on the paper and handed both back to her. "Come here tonight and show this to the man at the door. I'll meet you at seven. Don't feel obligated. I understand that this is a hard day, it's just that I need to do this for you," I pled with her, hoping she'd understand. She just nodded and stood up to leave.

"Edward, you are a sweet boy. You remind me of my Jack, and for that I thank you more than you'll know. I'll see you later." She kissed both of my cheeks and walked away. I smiled to myself, pretending not to see the lone tear on her cheek. I couldn't even fathom how hard today must be for her. I hadn't talked to Bella in less than twenty four hours, and she hadn't seen her husband in a whole year.

I checked my phone as I made my way out of the park an hour later. Still no messages. As soon as the dulling properties of the fountain were out of ear-shot, I felt my world attack me again. Everything Ruth said echoed in my head. _Was it all as easy as that?_ I wanted to be with Bella, but was that enough?

The streets were even busier now, with business suit-clad men and prim and proper woman bustling back and forth on buses and taxis, running in all directions. I tried to retrace my steps back to the hotel quickly. Aro was going to be pissed if I missed rehearsal, but I couldn't pay for a taxi since I left my wallet in the room. In all honesty, it's not like I really wanted to do anything else but roam around town and pretend to be normal. The streets all looked so much different than the ones I had traveled down this morning. Rarely would I cross a street I could vaguely remember passing this morning. _Fuck my life, I'm so boned_. I kept walking, even after giving up finding my way back. I stumbled around from street to street, again trying to figure out what I was going do to with my life. What was I going to do? A piano melody echoed in the distance, almost answering my question. I walked in that direction quickly, hoping to find where it was coming from. As I turned the corner on one street, I found myself staring at a baby grand in the middle of an open courtyard, looking immensely out of place.

_You gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive. You gotta swim, swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching, you haven't come this far to fall off the earth. The currents will pull you away from your love, just keep your head above..._

I was transfixed with the guy playing the piano. He passionately poured his music out to an appreciative audience. I gawked at how well he answered my question and found myself smiling to myself as I got closer, watching his finger's graze the keys.

_I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the door. Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun, cracking me open now. I swim to brighter days in spite of the absence of sun. Choking on salt water, I'm not giving in. You gotta swim, You gotta swim for nights that won't end. Swim for your family,your mothers your sisters, your brothers your friends. You gotta swim for wars without cause. Swim for these lost politicians who don't see their greed is a flaw. The currents will pull us away from our love, just keep your head above..._

He repeated and pushed harder, singing wonderfully along with his intricate melody. As soon as the song finished, passers-by erupted in applause. He stood up and waved before walking away and clicking the piano back to auto play. _So he highjacked a public piano, just to play that song?_

"Excuse me," I yelled, trying to catch up to him. His blond hair was darker than Jaspers, and it wasn't curly at all, instead it swept across his face and he tossed around as he turned to face me.

"What?" he spat, looking down at me from his pointy nose.

"

Easy, easy," I held up my hands in a sign of peace, "I just wanted to ask you about that song."

"What about it?" he asked and turned to keep walking.

"Do you have anymore?" I asked eagerly, walking in step beside him.

"Who's asking?" he scoffed. I stopped and held out my hand.

"Edward Cullen," I answered, as he shook my hand.

"Like the guy in that band?" he asked standoffishly.

"Yes," I nodded, "Listen, how would you like to open for me tonight?"

"Can't do it - busy." He started walking again. I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

"Here, take this," I handed him my card, "Call me if you're ever interested in making some music." Now it was my turn to walk away. When I looked back, he was tucking my card carefully into his wallet. _Fucking victory_.

In the courtyard I managed to find a few English-speaking pedestrians who pointed me in the direction of my hotel in just enough time to have a little practice with Jasper before our show later tonight. The Paparazzi were waiting, just as I had expected. Just like that, my day of peace, well relative peace, was gone, and I again was forced to run under cover to the lobby of the hotel. I made reservations in the hotel restaurant and showered quickly, putting on my nicest jacket and pants. I called Bella a few more times, hoping to catch her. I told myself I wouldn't pace again, but sure enough, as soon as I had finished all the necessary chores, and my mind wasn't preoccupied with a mundane task, I was left contemplating every worst-case scenario that could have happened.

A wild cougar broke into her house and ate her. She was abducted by aliens –or worse - James.

All these thoughts ran through my mind. It's no wonder that when my door echoed after a hollow knock, I jumped out of my skin and into the ceiling before opening it.

"Ruth, you look lovely," I greeted my new friend and kissed her cheek. She smiled that smile I had grown to enjoy.

"You clean up nice, darling," she chattered as I led her toward the elevator and the restaurant. "Are you sure you want to be seen having dinner with an old fool? Won't it ruin your image?" she poked as I held her chair for her as she sat down. I just shook my head and chuckled.

"If anything, you deserve to have a lovely anniversary, and I don't care what anyone thinks." I gave her the patented Cullen crooked smile.

"You certainly are a charmer," she laughed and scanned her menu. "You and Jack would have been thick as thieves with your devil-may-care attitudes and cocky looks, I'll tell you," she laughed a little more and I couldn't help but join her. The dinner was nice. I told her about Bella and everything that had happened. She looked worried and smiled at all the right moments, asking questions I would have never answered for anyone else. _What was the point in lying to her now, she already knew everything._ She assured me that Bella would be alright, and I took it to heart, hoping it was true. I couldn't believe the worst. Bella was a quiet person. She probably had retreated to someplace safe, maybe La Push, or her friend Angela's and she was keeping a low profile. There was a logical answer to all of this. I turned the talk to Ruth, and let her tell me all the stories about her and Jack. I felt like I should be taking notes because everything she said seemed to be the gospel. I wanted to be the type of husband she had, the strong, perfect man for Bella.

"Dinner was beautiful. Thank you for everything, Edward," Ruth grinned as I escorted her towards the door. She wiped a tear away quickly. "Look at me, I'm getting mushy in my old age," she laughed. "I know Jack would have appreciated it."

"You're welcome, but we're not done yet. I believe there is one more stop on our night," I nodded towards the limo that pulled up and motioned for her to follow. She shook her head and hopped in happily.

"What have I gotten myself into?" she joked as we made our way to the concert hall.

"I can't really do much, other than sing," I answered, "I was hoping you'd enjoy a show tonight." She smiled and nodded, looking absently out the window. My phone vibrated finally as we reached the concert hall.

_I love you. Good luck, knock 'em dead. I'll talk to you after, dazzler_. _xoxo your queen_

I smiled a full on, light up your whole face smile. The weight that had become familiar in my chest seemed to loosen a little.

"I told you so," Ruth elbowed me as I led her to the hall and her front row seat in the roped off section of chairs. I grinned and blushed, hanging my head. The security detail stood in the aisle, blocking anyone from coming past the velvet ropes, as I led Ruth towards her chair. I knew the world was out there, watching me, waiting to take pictures and ask me questions, but at least for now I could keep it at a respectable distance.

"Let me take that for you," I took her coat and folded it on the seat behind her before moving and handing her the flowers that were sitting on the chair beside her. She gasped and held her hands over her mouth when she saw the white rose sitting on the vacant chair.

"How did you know?"

"The white rose means remembrance, right?" I asked, afraid I had gotten the wrong one. She cried a little, and hugged me tight. The screams of the people in the theater were crazy.

"It does," she answered after pulling away and kissing my cheek. "Thank you so much." I smiled tried not to blush.

"If you need anything, just talk to that man," I pointed towards Aro. "But, this whole row is yours. There'll be a few people on the ends, but that's it. Just enjoy the show and they'll escort you backstage after."

"Edward, you're an angel," she smiled and sat down. I just smiled and made my way backstage, waving to a few fans quickly. I made my way to meet Jasper, only to receive the third degree about what I'd been up to. I just shrugged and blew it off. We did our normal routine, and before I knew it, we were onstage. When the curtain rose, the applause was deafening. _I hated this part_. I'd rather just play and have people just listen, not applaud me for just standing there. I winked at Ruth, who sat smiling at me. It felt good to do something nice for her. I couldn't explain why, but I just had to.

Jasper and I played our normal set, and we did it fairly well. I pulled my jacket off after a few songs and Jasper and I did some talking, getting the audience in on everything. I told them how I had dinner with a beautiful woman who was celebrating an anniversary. Everyone applauded and I tuned my guitar down for a second.

"This song is for a very lucky man," I began, smiling at Jasper, who had just agreed to learn the song for me today. "Now, I don't know French, so I'm really sorry." The audience grumbled and laughed. "So instead of butchering the song, I'll just sing it in English." I nodded to Jasper who just smiled and turned to Ruth.

"This is a song by a Miss Edith Piaf," he trailed off as the crowd erupted, "called _Hymne a l'amour_." He started to play quietly, waiting for the crowd to calm.

"This is for Jack," I said, before joining him, not even wanting to look at Ruth, afraid to see if she was crying at the mention of Jack's name.

_The blue sky can tumble down upon us, and the earth can also collapse. It doesn't matter, if you love me. I don't care about the entire world, as long as love floods my mornings, as long as my body trembles beneath your hand. These problems don't matter, my love, since you love me. _

I looked up, too worried, hoping she loved the song . I smiled when I saw here there, eyes gleaming happily. What shocked me most was how crazy I felt. I swore that I saw Bella was sitting a few chairs beside her.

_I would go to the end of the earth, I would dye my hair blonde, I would go take down the moon, I would go steal a fortune, if you asked it of me. I would disown my country, I would disown my friends, if you asked it of me. People can have a good laugh at me. I would do anything, if you asked it of me._

I let Jasper play before starting into the final chorus. I hated that seeing Bella was just a hallucination . I needed it to be her.

_If one day life tears you from me, if you die that you be far from me, it doesn't matter, if you love me, because, me, I will die also. We will have eternity for ourselves in the great blue immensity in the sky, no more problems, my love, do you believe we love each other? God reunites those who love each other._

Everyone stood and applauded as Jasper and I placed our guitars down and stood and waved. I gave Ruth one more wink before stealing a look at my hallucination. She was still there, looking as beautiful as Bella could. I wanted to cry. I'm not ashamed of it. I wanted to tear apart my chest and cry because I needed her, and I was failing, but here I was, on this stage, countries away from the woman that was my Ruth. The curtain closed and we made our way backstage. Jasper and I chatted aimlessly as we waited for Ruth to be escorted back. He had fallen in love with her story, and was pretty excited to meet her. He was blabbering about how Alice had heard this story about Paris and the city of love, and how he couldn't wait for Ruth to meet Alice when she came tomorrow. I sighed, not even knowing if Bella would make it.

"Hello, darling," Ruth's voice brought me out of my self-induced pity party. She was flanked on her left side by my hallucination. I couldn't move. Just being this close to something that looked like Bella made my heart hurt. Then, my hallucination did the unthinkable.

"Edward," she whispered, throwing herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her head in my chest. I looked at Ruth, then to Jasper. Both were grinning like crazy. _Was this real?_ She smelled like Bella, as I took in the smell of strawberries and freesia assaulting my senses. She felt like Bella, and did Bella-like things, clutching at my hair and pulling me into her as she kissed my spot, right on my jugular, with those lips that were most certainly Bella's.

"Bella," I whispered, not much louder than she had said my name, as I wrapped my arms around her. Feeling her against me made it that much more real. I brought my lips to hers, and for a moment, we were infinite.

_____________________________________________________

**So, that's that.  
the end.**

**ps. the quote from the song "Serpentine" by Chris Bathgate is:**  
"Rows of benches begged me to sit down, but my thoughts swirled in such a shrill sad cannonade"  
**I listened to this song on repeat while I wrote. **

_A long stone and my days all serpentine  
The tired tarnish in my chest rests sense of SARS  
And one dull dawn where they hum that splits its length  
Does my name sting your tongue? Now does it babe?  
Your thin frame has set my eyes to fray  
On our dim stretch of this street, how it aches  
For every gray and sad and taut to coil  
And our frail eyes and there watch to finally talk  
One brash phrase cut crush these fragile days  
My thoughts swirl in some shrill sad cannonade  
And one such spur that caused my throat to creak  
The one dull dawn that I've since sensed to repeat  
_ **  
**

**  
This chapter is loosely based off of one of the most entertaining reviewers of all time... _Fan of Fiction 247_  
I felt so bad for nearly killing her the past few chapters, I figured I'd take up her anxiousness and use it as the basis for Edward in this chapter.  
Thank you so much! I hope you felt as if you were reading your own thoughts... hahahaha.**

**again. Thanks to my guest beta, _Irritable Grizzzly. _Check out her work, and the works she Beta's for. Simply amazing!  
AND!  
all my reviewers. I love hearing from you, even if its one simple word that makes me want to never stop writing  
(i.e. "more"... hahahaha thanks _Bloody Ale_)**

**Pss. this isn't actually the end. I was just kidding. Why would I end it here, when Paris is here!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
**


	25. Never Ever

_**Tonight I'm dreaming,  
and I wish to stay there forever.  
**__My lungs are empty  
and right now I want to scream, _

_I want to scream...._

_**And tonight I'm telling you  
everything I'm never ever  
gonna regret this  
never ever....**_

_My head is spinning  
and it's been like this forever  
and my conscience is breaking up  
and that conflict is coming back,  
it's coming back....._

_And tonight I'm telling you  
everything I'm never ever  
gonna regret this  
never ever...._

_**never ever....**_

_"Never Ever" by Shout Out Louds_

**I do not own Twilight.  
I own student loans.**

**Bella POV**

It's amazing how universal some things are, regardless of where you are in the world.

The thought never occurred to me before, but now, standing here in a country on the other side of the world, I couldn't help but feel at home. The rain smeared against the window, blurring the lights and buildings before me as I stared down into the empty streets. The galaxy created by the swirling lights and blinking traffic signals, although foreign, made me feel content. The cold glass started to fog as I leaned my forehead against it, peering into the night through the swirling rain. The chill from the winter window traveled down my body before resonating in my feet and the warm carpet.

I clutched at Edward's shirt, wrapping it tighter around me. It still smelled like him, even hours later and after mingling with my own clothes on the floor; it was still distinctly Edward's. The rain started to drum a little louder against the window as I strained my ears to listen to Edward's faint breathing from the bed. _He's right here_. I smiled against the glass as I let the familiar rhythm seep back into my veins. Everything seemed clearer in the rain. Even if it wasn't the same rain that showered Forks, it still gave me all of my answers.

Wherever Edward was, it was home, even in a hotel room in the middle of downtown Paris. The concept made me happy enough to want to dance around and do my best _Risky Business_ impersonation. I knew that I had worried Edward when I told him I was running away, but I had hoped that my just showing up would negate any of the bad feelings that he felt over the past week. Being away from him was just too hard, and I didn't see the point in fighting fate anymore. Any doubts I had about my decision to come here were negated the instant I saw him on stage, I was floored. It was as if I had fallen in love with him all over again. He wasn't even that close to me, and I already I had felt more complete. _Just being near him, even without talking, made me feel more like myself_.

"I was afraid you'd run away again," a low voice growled against the skin below my ear. The shivers from the window magnified as I snuggled into the warm chest and arms that surrounded me.

"I'm done running," I whispered, watching as our breath mingled together, fogging the window and effectively smothering the world outside even more. I felt Edward's strong hands trace my stomach as his shirt opened slightly and warm lips kissed along my pulse, humming happily.

"It's funny, you were wearing something like this in a dream I once had," he chuckled, pulling me towards him even more, "Couldn't sleep?"

"Jet lag I think," I answered, turning to face him, "You can go back to bed. You must be exhausted." I snaked my arms around his neck as his arms slid around my waist. His eyes glowed as they mirrored the twinkling City of Lights behind me. He didn't speak, but instead locked into my eyes and didn't let go. His bronze hair flew about in all directions, and I couldn't help but run my hands through it. He leaned into my hand, finally shutting his eyes.

"I couldn't possibly go to sleep knowing that you're here. It's like Christmas," he smiled, pulling me to him. My whole body pulled me towards him,, even if he wasn't grabbing onto the seams of the shirt. I pushed myself against him, trying my hardest to show just how close I needed us to be. Finally, Edward leaned down slowly, removing the distance between our lips. Each kiss was like the first time with him. My pulse always raced, like I had just run a fucking marathon, followed by my body running hot and cold, sweating and shivering, as if I were stricken by some rare malady. If all of that wasn't enough, my lungs always decided to quit working and my knees always gave out from under me.

"Get used to it," I whispered as he pulled away before we could get ahead of ourselves. "I plan on sticking around for a little while." The glint in Edward's eyes made me smile right back. We hadn't had time to talk much since I had met him backstage. At first, I spent entirely too much time wrapped in his arms, oblivious to the crowd that gathered around us in the tiny dressing room. That, in turn, led to many introductions to all of the people surrounding us. Time seemed to speed up at that point and after many hours, we were able to excuse ourselves.

Between the time it took us to sneak out of the theater and arrive at the hotel room, we were induced to such a frenzied state, that talking had taken a back seat, save for tender words whispered against skin. _Whoa, calm down Bella_. I could feel the heat rising up from my chest and flaming through my neck and cheeks as my mind wandered. When I regained my mental focus, I saw him smirking, as if he had read my incredibly dirty thoughts. _Focus, we need to talk. Talk with our words, not just our mouths_.

"Is it just the two of us?" I tried to sound as seductive as I could, as I ran my hands up and down his bare chest. The groan I solicited was reward enough.

"It's always just you and me," he grinned, swooping back down towards my lips. I ducked out of his arms and sprinted towards the opposite side of the room, smiling like a crazy woman. Edward circled towards me, hands out like a lion on the prowl. I moved opposite him, slowly walking towards the bed as he moved towards the door. The smirk dripping from his lips almost made me run towards him and take him right there.

"Edward, stop," I warned, trying to sound stern but I completely ruined it with a girlish giggle. "We need to have a conversation and I can't talk to you when you're almost naked and looking so damn kissable." I hopped up on the bed and continued to avoid Edward.

"I think that's my line," Edward laughed as he closed the distance between us in one quick motion. Before I knew it, I was thrown over his shoulder as we gently plopped onto the bed. Edward's hands moved up and down my sides, tickling every spare inch of skin.

"Edward!" I laughed, feeling my muscles tighten and my breaths getting shorter. "I'm serious!" I tried to push away, but he held firm.

"I'll stop if you promise me something." He tried to sound calm, but I knew he was laughing along with me. He pinned my arms above my head, effectively making his dress shirt slide open, leaving me naked under him. I watched his eyes dip lower before meeting mine again. My breathing picked up a different pattern as my chest heaved inadvertently.

"Depends," I sighed, wrapping my leg around his. A flash of lightning illuminated our skin. I wiggled as I tried to free myself without actually trying. _I'd be his captive any day_.

"You have to wear this," he nodded, gesturing to the shirt and pair of underwear I was wearing, "Every day for the rest of our lives."

"Can I switch it up and choose different shirts?" I smiled as he considered it.

"Yes," he nodded, bringing his lips within a centimeter of my own, effectively cutting off every thought I had, "But I might need to preview it and approve first." I rolled him over as he moved his lips towards mine. They made contact with my neck, almost totally making me forget how much we needed to talk. I managed to confuse him enough to pin his hands at his sides. He struggled, but not enough to actually get loose. _Looks like someone wants to be __**my**__ captive_.

"Can you stop distracting me so we can talk?"

"Do I have to?" he pouted like a child. The bottom lip sticking out, coupled with the giant doe-eyed look he was giving me was enough to almost break me.

"I flew across an ocean to be with you so we could figure out our life!" I moaned, completely exasperated. "I can't do that when you don't wear clothes and you're so cute and I'm almost naked." Edward laughed as I climbed off of him and pouted myself. I couldn't help but feel frustrated. There was so much I needed to air out, and I couldn't feel completely at ease with so much weighing me down. I started to pull on a pair of pants as Edward sat up on his elbows. I didn't look at him, instead becoming completely frustrated.

"Our life," he muttered to himself. I buttoned up his shirt and turned to find him grinning like an idiot.

"Yes! Our life!" I threw my hands up after I pulling up my hair. "Can you please put some clothes on?"

"Why?" he wiggled his eyebrows, "Am I turning you on?"

"Yes!" I moaned again, slipping on my shoes, "Why do you think I'm layering on all these clothes? I want to talk, and the only way I can do that is if there is no possibility of me having sex with you." Edward stared at me intently. I felt the rush in my cheeks once again.

"Isn't this a perfect day to start _our_ life?" he laughed, finally throwing himself up off the bed and finding a pair of pants.

"It's always been our life," I whispered, smiling to myself as he slipped on a pair of sneakers and grabbed an umbrella.

"But I never knew how much of an, um, effect I had on you," he chuckled, pulling on his coat and ushering me towards the door, "Come on, let's take a walk. I can't tempt you too much in a public place." Edward slipped my Dodger hat over my head, adjusting it quickly. He stuck his tongue out a tiny bit as he tried to be precise.

"You'd be surprised," I muttered.

**Edward POV**

_It's not my birthday_.

From the smile that was cemented on my face and the light feeling that aired my chest, it felt as if it was the most special day of my life. Bella had not run _away_ from me, but _to_ me. We were together and she was here. Not only that, we were starting _our_ life. _Our _life. Bella had never used that term before; she never called anything _ours_. It was a huge step for her, and as much as I didn't want to call attention to it, more than half of me wanted to shout it from every street corner in Paris.

Now, here she was, huddled against me, cowering under my umbrella as we walked through the early morning streets. I'd be lying if I said that her still wearing my shirt didn't distract me from actually wanting to talk. That, coupled with the well-worn baseball cap was testing my self control. The sweet strawberry scent of her shampoo lingered with the clean rain that swirled around us. It felt fitting, walking with Bella in the rain. It always worked for us. It was our peace. It was our safe haven from the world and helped us to see each other clearly..

We walked along the streets, not really knowing where we were going, just as I had done earlier. We weren't important anymore and there was no one trying to take our picture. _At least not for the moment_. For now, we were a normal couple.

"I never thought I'd be here," Bella whispered as she hugged my side tighter.

"Paris?" I asked, confused.

"No," she shook her head, "With you."

"That's ridiculous, you know," I scolded her as we turned down some residential street, flanked on both sides by elegant townhouses.

"You have to admit, though, it sure as hell felt like a long shot."

"I would have bet it all on us," I answered happily, reveling in the moment of us ion this quiet as the rest of the world dreamt on. Bella wasbecame silentquiet as we continued to waonder around aimlessly. I knew she wanted to talk, but I really couldn't think of a polite way to ask her to just say what she wanted to. Truth mbe told, I was scared as hell as toof what she wanted to say. We had issues. _Big ones_.

"It's four in the morning and we're walking around like we're normal." Bella suddenly stopped walking and dropped her grip on my waist. The rain danced around her as her eyes pled with me to give her all of the answers to the questions she never asked.

"We can be normal," I pulled her back under the umbrella, trying to figure out what exactly she meant by "normal".

"Normal people don't wander around Paris at four in the morning while wearing Dodger caps because they're afraid of people jumping out and taking their picture while avoiding a conversation about their future." I wish I had paid attention to more of her rant, but when she was throwing her hands around in frustration and furrowing her brow while she made her long-winded speech, all I could think was -_damn, she's cute when she freaks out_.

"I'm fairly certain that normal people wander around Paris at all hours and are Dodger fans." I tried to calm her, and I was rewarded wtih a tiny smile. "And I'm not avoiding anything. You are my future."

Bella sat on the bench on the corner. Her arms flopped down and she tucked her legs under her, resting her chin on her knees, I recognized this look. It meant she was trying to figure things out for herself. I joined her and held the umbrella over her, attempting to keep her somewhat dry.

The city was dead. Cars sat, parked and sleeping on the street. The inhabitants were covered in their beds, dry and warm, dreaming of the days to come when the weather would return to sun and there would be nights of light breezes and cocktail parties. The rain drizzled quietly, providing a heartbeat to the sleepy neighborhood. I was ready to give up everything for her. Sell my house, rip up my contract, smash my guitar, run away and give her all of me if she asked me to. That's how much I loved her, and I'd be damned if I was going to let anything come between us again. I couldn't finish the tour away from her. Having Bella tucked under my arm on this vacant street corner showed me that.

"I started talking to James again," she huffed, letting out a pent up breath and shutting her eyes tightly, almost as if bracing for my anger. I took a deep breath, fighting the immediate impulse to start screaming and forbid her from ever talking to that asshole ever again.

"I don't trust him," I finally brought myself to mutter between clenched teeth.

"I know, but you should know," Bella cut me off before I could finish, "It was his idea for me to come here. He even helped me sneak out when the vultures descended upon Forks." _Shit. That did mean something, didn't it?_

"Bella, I just don't trust him," I seethed, trying to remain calm.

"But I do! That has to count for something, right?" she stole a quick peek at me, trying to determine if I was truly upset or not.

"We can figure that situation out more when we go back to the states," I conceded, realizing that we were just going to argue if we continued on at this rate.

"If that ever happens," she mumbled, setting her chin back down in defeat.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I heard what those people said last night." _Oh shit_. "You've gotten job offers? Musicians don't get job offers!" she scoffed.

"I was asked to help write a few songs and hang around, yes," I nodded, feeling like a complete and total jackass. I never even considered taking the job. _Okay, that's a lie. I wanted to do it, but, I knew that it would mean my staying in Paris for the summer._ This was complicated for three reasons. First, Bella. How could I just stay away from her, especially now that her life was being thrown around like fodder for the tabloids? Second, Aro had already

started booking a North American tour starting in June. Third, my wedding. I was supposed to get married in May. _Fuck my life_. Bella leaned her cheek sideways and stared at me from under the frayed bill of the hat and those long eyelashes.

"But I wasn't going to stay." I said as I stared straight ahead now as the rain pelted the umbrella. I was too ashamed to look at her. _I was a horrible man_.

"That's a shame," she said happily, "I heard that the only thing better than Paris in the spring was Paris in the summer."

"Wh-what?" I stuttered, completely unable to process the actual implications of her statement. My shocked glance just fueled the glimmer in her eyes and the smile forming on her lips.

"I'm done half-assing us," she said sternly, grabbing my arm and throwing it over her shoulders, "There's nothing I would love more than to live in Paris with you for the summer."

"It must be my birthday" I whispered, kissing the top of her head.

"Does this mean you're alright with us postponing the wedding?" she shifted, turning towards me with timidity seeping back into her eyes.

"I just need you," I assured her, "Plus, I bet that living in sin will have its perks."

"Oh really, Mr. Cullen?" Bella laughed as I nuzzled her neck.

"Yes, Mrs. Soon-To-Be-Cullen." I pulled back, "Perks that I can't wait to show you, again and again and again." The blush that worked its way into Bella's cheeks told me that I had sufficiently convinced her that living together would be alright. _Fucking right_.

"Hm, and do these perks include you actually helping with wedding plans?" Bella wiggled her eyebrows as she stood up, pulling me with her.

"Oh, God no," I didn't even bother trying to hide the disgusted look on my face, "I'll just be taking advantage of you every chance I get. I'll leave that wedding planning stuff up to you."

"I can live with that," Bella mused, walking next to me with her hands jammed in my pockets, trying to get warm.

"Good," I confirmed as we started to walk back into the labyrinth. "You know, you've made me the happiest man in the world, right?"

"I was just about to say the same thing," Bella giggled.

**Bella POV**

"Get over here and let me hug you before I kick your ass!"

"I missed you too, Alice," I laughed, as the tiny woman hugged me in a vice-like grip.

The rest of the airport seemed to melt away as soon as I had my best friend by my side again. It almost didn't matter that there were photographers yelling for us to answer questions and pose for some pictures. _Almost_.

"Don't give me that, missy. I just can't leave you alone for two minutes without you running away or getting into some tabloid induced coma! I swear, you keep secrets from me one more time, and I will personally write a letter to the editor about how you wet the bed until you were twelve," Alice warned me, completely serious in her threat.

"That's not even true!" I threw up my hands, already frustrated.

"Doesn't have to be," she winked as she slid in the car with me, effectively avoiding any direct contact with anyone. As soon as the door slammed shut behind me and the car crept out of the airport, the noise washed away, and the world became easier. I felt the tension in my shoulders and back melt away, and the fist that was smashing my rib cage let go, allowing me to breathe a little easier. Edward never knew how nervous and anxious being in the public eye made me, and I would never tell him, but I really could feel how it was messing me up more and more.

"If you don't start spilling the beans, we're going to be at the concert and you'll never have time to tell me," Alice prodded as I shook my head and came back from my own reverie.

"What beans? There's nothing to spill," I tried to avoid telling her that I wasn't going back to LA and the wedding would have to be postponed. _She's literally going to murder me when I tell her_.

"Hmm, let's see, shall we?" She asked holding up her hand. She held up one finger,"One, you ran away to Paris without even a text letting me know where you were." She held up another finger, "Two, you were with _James_. Another finger. "Three, the world now knows about your life." The pinkie. "Four, you were with _James_." Now the thumb. "Five, you have sex hair."

"You can't say the same thing twice," I told her knowingly.

She rolled her eyes.

"I can do whatever I want, thank you. I'm even thinking of removing your 'best friend' status at this rate." _Oh no! She did not go there_.

"You wouldn't," I taunted.

"So help me, if you don't start talking, I will return that bracelet I made you!"

"I ran away from all the media attention because I was going crazy without Edward, and without you or Rosalie, or pretty much anyone. All I had was James, and he's alright. It's just that I'm not allowed to hang out with him, but I love him, you know? Like a brother, but still, I love him. It's like I'm allowed to be crazy with him. You know the days we have, when it's just you and me and I'm sad? Well I can have those all the time with him and he doesn't care.

But I was so confused about that situation, so I had to just leave before something bad happened. I also needed to talk to Edward about our future, which we did last night, and I told him I've decided to live in Paris for the summer and postpone the wedding since it'd be ridiculous for us to try and fit ourselves into these insane schedules. Also, I had amazing sex last night." All of that came bursting forth as if the little Dutch boy had finally let his finger out of the dam. Never in my life had I talked so fast, or felt so anxious about telling Alice something, but, there it was. I was exposed and bare and it felt terrifying.

"I guess you can keep the bracelet," Alice whispered, not even smiling. Her face became serious all of a sudden. It looked as if she were filtering through everything I had said to the best of her abilities. So much of what I told her was so new, even to me.

"I need you to say something Alice. You're my person. Come on," I pleaded.

"I don't like James," she conceded.

"He's a good friend," I huffed, frustrated at having the same conversation as I'd had with Edward earlier this morning. "I'm not going to cut him out of my life."

"No," Alice shook her head, "I'm a good friend. Rosalie is a good friend. Angela is a good friend. James is a bastard."

"Don't talk about him like that!" I snapped. "I know you don't approve, but he's a good person. You don't have to be jealous either. You're still my best friend."

"Hey, don't think I'm so immature as to think that you could replace me!" she snapped back, just as indignant. "This is for your own safety, Bella. I just don't trust him."

I sighed. "Can we just not talk about him?"

"No," she stated firmly, "I can't just let it slip. He's no good. I need you to be careful."

"I promise I will," I conceded, hoping to just rid the conversation of him before we both said things we would regret. Alice seemed to sense my wishes and returned to her bubbly self, almost completely.

"Ok, good," she smiled, "Now, the wedding is postponed."

"Yes?" I asked, almost as if begging for permission.

"Good, now we can go dress shopping in Europe!" she squealed. I rolled my eyes, but secretly smiled, glad that everything had been smoothed over when it came to James. The car stopped before I could ask her to calm down. By now, she was all but jumping out of her skin to see Jasper and go shopping. _Maybe in that order, or maybe she was more excited about shopping_. I laughed to myself, trying to figure out just what was at the top of her list of priorities.

"Come on," I grabbed her hand as we made our way through the crowd towards the hotel, "Let's go get ready."

"Bon Jour, Paris!" Alice giggled and waved as I dragged her inside.

"Don't encourage them," I chided her, as if she were a child.

She stuck her tongue out at me, and I returned the gesture, feeling immensely better having her here. If Edward had my heart, Alice owned my soul. We were sisters. It was just like the feeling of having Edward around. . Two giant pieces of myself were here, and I reveled in the happiness that prevailed, knowing full well that happiness never lasts long enough.

**Thanks to my beta, Irritable Grizzzly. Obviously It's and Its still are trouble spots for me. But mostly, I'm just too lazy for apostrophes and I forget that I even should use them. Weird. Thanks a ton! **

**So this took a little while to write. Not really. I just didn't do it. **

**I went on vacatoin instead. **

**I want to finish this before summer is over. So, hopefully, with TONS UPON TONS of reviews, I'll write quicker. **

**Just sayin'. **

**So, the reading guide for this chapter:**

**What's next for Bella and Edward? Will they ever get married? Is someone else pregnant? Is James turning a new leaf? Could Bella just be friends with him or will he always want more? What song should I use next?**

**PS. Want to read a one-shot? Go check out one I wrote for the "Senses" contest. It was a lot of fun!!!  
**


	26. Wait

**I do not own Twilight.  
I own three more days of work in a completely horrible hellhouse. **

_Wait up for me, I_'_ve been waiting around for you**  
You are a million miles away and I don**_**'**_**t know what to do**  
And I thought maybe we could start over**  
Because I**_**'**_**m sick and tired of running**  
Do you think maybe I could come over  
Cause I_'_m pretty sure that you look stunning_

_Say bye_

_Say bye_

_I said wait one minute**  
That is my heart in your hands  
And I wouldn**_**'**_**t want you to forget it  
And leave me alone again**_

She says wait one minute  
That is my heart in your hands  
And I wouldn**'**_**t want you to forget it  
And leave me alone again**_

_Say bye_

_**She says wait one minute  
Cause I don**_**'**_**t know what to do  
Say that I**_**'**_**m the only one  
That I**_**'**_**m so perfect for you**_

_And I knew that this would happen  
And I knew that I'd panic  
And I knew we_'_d fall apart**  
And I gave you my heart  
My heart, I gave you my heart**_

_So this is my apology  
I hope it means something**  
And I hope you will forgive me  
Cause I am falling apart  
Falling apart **_

_"Wait" by Sequoyah Prep School_

**Edward POV**

"Well, what do you think?" Aro's gruff voice startled me awake. I popped up like a fucking whack-a-mole, most likely looking just as intelligent as I attempted to wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth. Papers flew onto the floor in a whirlwind.

"F chord followed by the C," I said, a little louder than necessary as I opened my eyes and scanned the empty recording studio. "Where the hell is my pen?" I needed to write that down.

"Edward?" his voice made me jump again as I searched for where it was coming from. I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes before opening them wider, trying to adjust to the light.

"What time is it?" I rasped, looking through the window that connected the recording booth to the actual studio. Aro sat there, grinning like a man possessed.

"About nine," he answered cheerily, holding up a tiny package and waving me over. _At least he looked somewhat content_. He hadn't exactly been thrilled that I decided to stay in Paris for the summer, but he really didn't have a choice. _He could have made me go on tour, but I guess he assumed humoring me would get me to rush out my third studio album quicker. Not_. I checked my watch and groaned, realizing that I was completely, without a doubt, totally boned. _Shit, Bella's going to kill me_. I was supposed to be home two hours ago. _Shit. Fuck. Dammit. Shit. Sonofabitch. Fuck. _I threw papers together, not really caring if they were in order or organized at all. I ran into the next room, looking like a chicken with my head cut off. _Why didn't anyone wake me up?_

"What do you want, Aro? I'm late," I huffed, grabbing a few random possessions from the studio. _Ok, so things were still tense with Aro..._

"Easy with the hostility, Rambo. I gave you the summer, so I don't understand the bitterness. I'm just doing my job," he snapped back at me. I ran my hand through my hair, thinking of Bella and her knack for breaking things when we fought. _Shit. Fuck. Kill me know._

"I had to beg you for this summer. You haven't done me any favors," I shot back, sliding my wallet into my pocket and taking a cursory look at the room, hoping I didn't miss anything.

"Don't be rude, Edward. I own you, don't forget that," he smiled evilly. I gritted my teeth and felt my shoulders tensing up even more. "Besides, I just thought you'd want to be the first to see your next album." _Say huh?_ I snatched the album from him quickly, not even bothering to hide my glee. _Great, so I'm turning into a seventeen year old girl_. I scanned it quickly, fairly content with the artwork and everything. It actually looked good. Then I looked closely at the track listing.

"What the hell is this?" I finally asked, holding up the offensive object so he could see the track list.

"It's your album, _Edward_," he answered, in that way I'm sure he thought sounded classy and "above it all" but really just made him sound, to use a French expression, like a total douchebag. I shook my head, already becoming disgusted with the product.

"I gave you the track list and many of these were not included." Aro snatched it back from me, cradling it as if it was his baby and I had just insulted it.

"Executive privilege. I put on what's going to sell." I stood up and walked out, not bothering to look back as the door swung shut behind me. Aro called after me, but I didn't care. I was at my wit's end already, and now, instead of having something to celebrate, I was just piling more and more on top of the crap pile that had been growing since I woke up this morning.

First, Bella was already pissed at me because we worked completely different schedules, and barely got to see each other more than a 'good morning' and a 'good night'. During the day, she was logging hours at the news station, getting her feet wet reporting and writing an article for a local underground magazine, and during the evenings, I was at the studio or at shows. Occasionally, our paths crossed for lunch, or maybe a quick dinner, but other than that, we hadn't seen each other in about two weeks. Now, with the summer almost over, we were missing valuable time because Aro didn't bother to wake me up.

Oh yeah, Aro. He was already shoving another tour down my throat, thus, greatly increasing the need for the aforementioned time with Bella, thus, times two, me asking Bella on a date tonight, before we were swept up in the madness of obligatory parties and benefits for the weekend.

Now, Aro throws "Executive Decision" at me, deciding on his own to put tracks on the album that Jasper and I had already decided weren't good enough.

Which brings me to the sudden case of tourettes I seemed to have developed as I sped across town, hoping to get home before Bella decided to kill me which, who am I kidding, was probably an hour ago. The lights bounced off of the windshield as I tried to drive and text at the same time. The traffic mounted to an unheard-of level as I resorted to stop and go tactics to get home quicker. I guess it's not that much of a surprise that I hit every red light either. By the time I pulled onto our street, I was a nervous wreck.

"Fuck!" I kicked the door open as I finally walked into the townhouse we had rented for the summer. "Shit!" I moaned as I checked my watch and kicked the door shut behind me, throwing my things on the table next to the door. My keys missed the tray and my hat missed the hook, but I kept stumbling through the house, kicking off my shoes and leaving them in a trail in the hallway. I took the stairs two at a time and sprinted towards our bedroom at the end of the hall.

"Bella?" I called out as I gently pushed the door open. A small light next to the bed let out a faint golden glow against the cream-colored walls. The room was cleaner than when I'd left, which was a bad sign. Bella cleaned like a maniac when she was upset. The bed was made, and smelled fresh, no clothes littered the floor, books were straightened and upon closer inspection, the windows and base boards had been wiped clean. _Oh shit._ I quickly made my way to the other end of the hall towards the study. It too had gotten a severe cleaning. The desk was complete void of the normal stacks of scattered papers and half-opened books, and instead, replaced with order and our laptops neatly charging. The records and music that normally littered the sofa and floor were cleared away to their rightful spots. The dress Bella would be wearing to the banquet tomorrow hung neatly in a corner. _Oh shit_.

"Bella?" I called again, rushing downstairs just as quickly as I had run up. "Bella, babe?"

I now realized the living room was pristine. Candles illuminated the fireplace and coffee table, glowing warmly, yet not as strongly as they probably had been a couple of hours ago when I should have been home, because the wicks were growing near their ends. The week old newspapers that were piled on the chair this morning were gone and the magazines which held articles about me were stacked in the corner. The TV was on, but no noise came from it. Instead it just flashed random images back at me as I continued my search throughout the all too big house we were renting. After the tour was over, Bella had chosen this townhouse herself, and who was I to tell her no? But now, right at this moment, I hated it. Music from the kitchen made its way to me as I crossed through the immaculate dining room. An unopened pizza sat on the table, cold. The kitchen was just as clean as any other room, and just as empty.

"Bella?" I called, flinging open the door that led to our screened in porch.

"Shh," Bella's voice caught me, forcing me to turn towards the swinging bench. Bella sat, gently swinging the bench with the tips of her toes, gently rubbing Alice's head as she slept on Bella's lap. Both of them had tear tracks that glimmered in the shallow light of the single candle that sat outside. Bella, through her tears, looked amazing. Her hair, curled delicately and her face, shimmered against the flickers, but her eyes were hollow. She pulled the pillow from behind her back and gently extricated herself, substituting the pillow for her lap. it . She walked over to me, and not making a single noise, grabbed my hand and placed it on her heart. The warmth of her skin was refreshing against the humid summer air that hung about lazily.

"I love you," she whispered, looking up at me through her lashes.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," I whispered, tilting her chin up towards my lips. "I love you." Bella's lips gently fluttered against mine before she leaned back down on the ground. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. Her sobs, although muffled by my shirt, were distinct; each cutting into my bones like knives.

"I don't care if you're late. Tonight's been so horrible, I never thought it'd be alright," she sobbed, burying her face into my clothes. I hugged her tighter, and hoped she wasn't suffocating. "But you make it alright." She lifted her head and clutched my shirt tightly. "Promise me you'll always just be late," she whispered, her glistening eyes searching mine. "Promise me you'll never be a never."

"Bella, I'll always come home," I assured her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and clutching her head into my chest. "What's wrong?"

"Do you promise not to hate me or leave me for someone else?" _OK, where the hell is this coming from and where the hell is this going?_

"I could never hate you," I swore, holding her hands in mine, and then opening them. "These little hands," I kissed her palms gently, "These small, ineffective hands hold my heart, and I don't want you to forget it. There will _never_ be anyone else who could ever make that claim." She set her jaw and took a shallow breath.

"What's made you so upset, my Bella?"

"Jasper," she whispered, turning to look at Alice quickly. "He," she stopped, lowering her head, "he was with someone else." _What. The. Fuck? _My body went rigid and red hot anger shot through my eyes and veins. _He _cheated_ on my _sister_? I'll kill him_.

"Are you sure?" I asked, hoping it maybe it was some misunderstanding and she didn't know for sure, but, she just nodded sorrowfully, tears streaming freely again.

"Alice is a wreck. She walked in on him. She kicked Jasper out and trashed her place. Then she came over here and cleaned our whole house," Bella continued, tears and sobs mounting. "She can't go back home. I'm so sorry our date night is ruined."

"Bella," I soothed, "Silly Bella. This is much more important. If anything, I ruined it by standing you up." She shook her head more violently.

"That's not all. James," she hiccuped. _I guess I have two people to murder tonight_. "He was in an accident. I have to go to L.A." The blood in my body pooled in my chest. My fingers tingled and my knees wobbled.

"Is he alright?" I tried to feign sympathy for Bella.

"I'm not sure," she sobbed, clutching me tighter. "I can't handle all of this, Edward. What am I supposed to do?" she whispered to my heart.

"_We_ can handle this," I assured her, hoping that verbalizing it would make it true. The noises from the street melted around us as I held Bella until she cried herself dry. I clutched her to me as if she would dissolve if I let her go.

_What kind of Twilight Zone episode did I walk into tonight? _Jasper, my best friend, the man I spent most of my day with, the man I grew up with, the man who I considered _family_, had betrayed us all. My sister was a wreck. I couldn't even imagine what was happening in her tiny head. Plus, there was James' accident. As much as I wished him dead, I never really _meant_ it. I just wanted him out of Bella's life. However he was important to Bella, and even if I was dead set against her seeing him, I couldn't make her stay away. Now, here he was, laying in some hospital bed, clinging to life, and I have to let her go. For the first time ever in my life, I prayed for James to live; not for him, but for Bella.

She didn't need to lose someone else. She lost Jasper tonight, even if she didn't realize it yet. If everything was true, he was just as dead to her as Jacob or her father. I didn't need everyone affirming her abandonment fears. _How the hell was she able to keep it all together today?_ From the looks of things, she calmed Alice down, and managed not to break into a million pieces when faced with the possibility of death. The woman in my arms was beyond words, beyond amazing, beyond strong.

"And on top of it all," she sobbed, sniffling audibly, "I nicked my legs all to hell and the pizza's cold." I laughed lightly and held her tighter. Bella stirred in my arms, pulling away gently and wiping her puffy cheeks dry. She smiled weakly, trying to show me it was alright.

"I'd better take her up to bed," she whispered, nodding towards Alice, "We have an early flight tomorrow."

"Alice is going with you?"

"Of course. I can't leave her now. Edward, I know it's hard for you to understand this, but she's my family. Alice is my baggage, and I'm hers. We're a packaged deal. She needs me, James needs me, you need me, Rosalie needs me, Nessie needs me. I have to take it one person at a time, or I won't make it." I silenced her with a kiss quickly.

"That's right, I need you. But we're _us_. Let me help you. We'll handle this together. You don't have to carry the burden all by yourself anymore" She smiled slightly. "I'll get us plane tickets for tomorrow, don't worry."

"You want to come?" she stuttered hopelessly. I smiled.

"Of course. I need you."

"Edward," she grinned bigger than before.

_I could handle this, right?_

_Wait,  
wait for the dawn my dear,  
Wait till the sun gets here,  
And you will wait too long;  
he will be gone._

_Wait,  
wait till the sun shines through,  
Wait till the sky is blue**  
And you will wait too long;**  
he will be gone,  
he will be gone  
Ooh, he will be gone  
Ooh, he will be gone_

_Wait,**  
wait till the signs are right  
Wait till the perfect time  
And you will wait too long  
he will be gone,**  
he will be gone  
Ooh, he will be gone  
Ooh, he will be gone_

_**Wait till you don't doubt no more  
Wait till you know for sure  
And you will wait too long  
he will be gone now**_

_"Wait" by Get Set Go_

**Bella POV**

"Bella?" I heard a voice from the doorway of my office. _Oh, no, not now. Don't do this to me now_. I turned quickly and felt my heart drop. I just wanted to get out of the office at a normal time, not dragged all over the city by my silly best friend. _Not tonight_.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I smiled and hugged her as I got up from my desk and tried to have a smile on my hugged me tightly before plopping down in my chair, leaving me leaning against my insanely messy desk.

People buzzed around us absently, as if we weren't even there. I loved it. I loved not mattering and being surrounded by way more important things than Edward and myself, what alleged affairs we were taking part in, or worse yet, how I looked in a swim suit. I shuddered at the memory of having the picture of myself, bikini-clad, on the front page of one of those trashy tabloids. I shook this thought away and concentrated on the idle chatter coming from the desks around me. Here, in this packed office, people bustled around writing articles about life and the news. I was loving it more than I thought possible. Missing this would be an understatement once we decided to head back to LA. I tried not to think about that either.

"Earth to Bella," Alice said as she snapped her fingers in front of me, "Important information here that I'm trying to tell you about how completely fucked up my life is."

"Oh, sorry," I apologized, "Keep talking, I just need to pack up or I'll be late. I have a date tonight."

"Who with? Pierre from the Metro section?" Alice laughed as I shoved papers into my bag and signed off the computer.

"Edward is coming home early and we're watching movies and eating take out. We've been so busy lately that we just need a date night." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of spending a whole, uninterrupted, glorious night, cell phone, work, and drama-free, with Edward. Alice got noticeably quieter as I waited for her to speak.

Alice being quiet was an eerie thing. "Alice, what's wrong?" I asked again, hoping to get a straight answer. I pulled my old Dodger hat on, and walked, arm in arm, with Alice towards the elevator. I snuck a glance at my watch and was relieved to discover I was right on time. _A fucking miracle_.

"Nothing," she lied, "I'm just being stupid. Reading too much into Jasper and this girl. Distract me please. Let's just want to talk about the banquet tomorrow. You have everything ready?" she began an interrogation about my dress, make-up, and hair preferences so she could get everything prepared for us to get ready before-hand. I nodded and let her have her fun. I've learned that it's best way to deal with Alice when it comes to her need for control. "Do you have your speech ready?" _Shit_.

"I do," I half-lied. Alice rolled her eyes as we made our way onto the busy sidewalk and into the throng of people milling back and forth. I loved walking to and from work. Edward hated the idea of me walking alone in the city, but I reveled in it. Everything was so beautiful. I passed the most amazing stores, pastry shops, and street markets, allowing me to see things I'd never even thought about.

"You'd better have it ready. I'll need to hear it before the banquet.," Alice warned me as we stopped at a few sidewalk booths, and I bought fresh bread, dessert, flowers, and fruit for this evening. Luckily, she let the subject drop as shopping commenced. We managed to make our way from store to store quickly, leaving me enough time to look nice for tonight.

Alice and I said goodbye at the street corner that led to my street. She continued to the next one and her shared loft with Jasper. I loved having them so close. If only Rosalie, Emmett, and Emma were here, I would never have to leave Paris ever again.

As I unlocked the front door and threw my bags on the kitchen table, I wondered if that could ever happen. Would it ever be possible for us all to be together and happy, or were we doomed to live on separate corners of the globe? Rosalie loved running the bar. Even with Emma and working towards her teaching degree, she was enjoying being her own boss and the hours allowed her to spend all day with her daughter.

Alice was getting offers to work for the top designers in the world, especially after her summer here in Paris. I doubted she'd want to go back to LA. As for me? e I wanted to be wherever Edward was, as horribly anti-feminist as it sounded. I was happy traveling around, seeing the world, being involved with various programs and charities, like the banquet tomorrow for organ donation awareness. At least I was using my undeserved recognition for good, right? At least, that's how I deluded myself into believing that Edward and I could just live our nomad lifestyle forever. I tried not to think about it all as I put everything away and made my way upstairs for a shower.

I rushed getting ready, nicking my legs with my disposable razor and getting soap in my eyes repeatedly. The clock on the wall ticked faster than normal as I put on my make-up, dried and curled my hair and debated what to wear. _It's not like he's never seen me before._ But tonight was special. I slipped on a pair of jeans and one of Edward's shirts, hoping to look as if I hadn't really tried that much. Right. With my curled hair I'm sure it looked like I just rolled out of bed this way. Oh well. With a quick glance in the mirror, I was content with how I looked and made my way downstairs to order pizza. While I waited for Edward to get home, I busied myself with lighting a few candles in the living room and cleaning up the downstairs. Again, the minutes ticked by, but of course now everything had slowed down. The time that Edward was supposed to be home came and went. By the time the door rang for the pizza, he was almost a half-hour late. _Nothing to worry about yet. He's stuck in traffic, that's all_. I took a huge breath as I flung the door open, money in hand.

"What?" I stuttered as I came face to face with Alice. Her now long hair was all over the place, as if she'd been pulling at it. Her clothes…on someone else I wouldn't be alarmed, but even in the worst of times Alice looked put together. Now she just looked…"frazzled".

"I need to clean something," she announced simply, charging in and leaving me staring after her.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I attempted, as she pulled out every cleaner from under my sink and began cleaning my kitchen. Her eyes were slits, and it seemed like she used every ounce of muscles to scrub my countertops.

"Cleaning."

"Yes, I see that, but why??" I begged, needing to hear her answer. You don't just barge into someone's house and start cleaning it unless something serious went down.

"Because I can't be at my house right now because I kicked Jasper out of it and it's too empty," she spit out in a monotone as she threw the sponge down and gripped the countertop aggressively, as if it would hold her up. She let out a huge breath. Her head hung well below her shoulders as she shook it back and forth. I stared at her, gaping like a fish on dry land. The doorbell rang again before I could ask her another question. She picked up the sponge and bottle of cleaner, returning to her mission of annihilate every germ in my house. I went and paid for the pizza. By the time I came back, Alice was gone. I threw the pizza on the kitchen counter and went in search of her. That's when I heard a familiar humming. Alice had slid upstairs and was now vacuuming every surface. The clock ticked on, each minute making my night that much worse.

"Alice, please tell me what's going on," I asked again, hoping she would explain more about her decision to kick Jasper out.

"I already told you, Bella," she answered, as she shut off the vacuum cleaner. I followed her to the laundry room where she picked up the basket of clean clothes I hadn't had a chance to fold yet, and then I followed her back to my room where she began folding it meticulously.

"I understand, but why are you cleaning?" Alice stopped moving for a moment.

"If I stop moving, I'll start breaking things. I've already broken a lot of things at my house. I don't want to break your things." With no further explanation, she continued folding my laundry.

An hour later, Edward still hadn't made it home, and Alice was still cleaning. I watched her flit about the house as the thought stuck me that I would run out of things for her to clean eventually, and then what would happen? Just as she started to vacuum under the couch cushions, my phone rang.

"Edward?" I asked breathlessly, fleeing the advancing suction attachment.

"Nessie," a familiar voice greeted me.

"Nessie?" I asked, trying to hear over the noise. I ran quickly to the back porch.

"Bella?" she asked again, this time laughing slightly.

"Yeah," I huffed, my mood souring because I still hadn't heard from Edward and Alice and her cleaning were making me even more nervous.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked nervously. I closed my eyes and called upon every saint and savior I could think of to get me through this night.

"No, how are you?" I managed to mutter.

"I'm fine, it's actually, um, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you this or not," she whispered.

"Now you have to tell me," I concluded for her.

"Sue just got called into the hospital," Nessie blurted. _I forgot she was spending her week's vacation in Forks with Seth. _

"Is everyone alright? Who's in the…" I felt my throat constrict at the word 'hospital'. "Carlisle? Esme? Seth?"

"Yeah, they're all fine," she continued, trying to sound reassuring.

"Finally, she came out with it. "It's James. He was in a pretty nasty accident..."she trailed off.

"Give me the details," I choked out. So she did.

Before I could hang, up the phone fell from my hand and clattered on the floor, busting into a few pieces. The commotion must have startled Alice because she ran in as if her ass was on fire.

"What's wrong?" she buzzed around my petrified form. I couldn't move. Each piece of my body was frozen, stuck in the past. _James couldn't get hurt_. I tried to tell her what was wrong, but I only managed a few incoherent syllables. I heard my cell phone ringing upstairs. I turned my head slightly, meeting Alice's eyes, already filled with tears.

"James," I whispered, clutching my chest in my hand. "Accident. Hospital," I squeaked out. Alice hugged me tightly. We both cried, each of us for the hell we'd been put through today. I don't know how long it took until we were both bone dry, but it felt like an eternity. For a while, I wasn't sure what was holding us up. Alice finally pulled me onto the swing and we both collapsed quickly.

"I feel like I'm on overload," I whispered, staring blankly into the night. "First you, then Edward, and now, James. I can't keep it all straight."

"Bella, don't worry. We'll get on a plane tomorrow morning," Alice assured me.

"What about Edward? He won't understand," I scoffed, feeling the tears returning.

"He will because he loves you" Alice tried to calm me down.

"What the hell happened tonight?" I fumed, "I was going to have a romantic date with my fiance, who I haven't spent time with in what feels like years, and then you show up and drop this bombshell on me about Jasper, Edward never shows and James ends up in a ditch. What the hell happened, Alice? What happened?" Sobs shook my chest as I became unglued.

"Jasper cheated on me," she said weakly.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," I whispered, nodding and wiping stray tears away. _Fuck both our lives_.

I spend the next hour listening to Alice tell me about Jasper and the woman he'd been seeing since they moved here. Alice came home today, after we had shopped, and walked in on them. Needless to say, hell hath no fucking fury like a woman scorned. She threw him and his clothes out, the ones he looked ugly in, according to her, and then she either cut the ass out of the pants or the nipples out of the shirts that were left in the house. Apparently, she was pretty sure she'd lost the security deposit on the loft. After that, it gets a bit fuzzy. Images that involved flame-throwers and steak knives and Tommy Lee flowed through my mind.

"I feel," Alice whispered, , looking up at me in the darkness as her head laid in my lap, "as if I'm broken." She turned onto her side. "I've never felt hopeless before." My heart throbbed in my chest under the tension that pulled my ribs apart. My stomach turned into a ball of lead and each wave of new blood that circulated through my body seemed ice cold.

"You're not hopeless," I whispered, "In the absence of everything else, the only thing you have is hope."

"That sounds familiar," she mumbled, tears still streaming down her cheeks and her body convulsing through the sobs.

"Someone once saved me from myself by telling me that," I whispered as I stroked her hair and rocked the swing with my toes. Alice's sobs slowed as her breathing evened out. I let her sleep. I knew she was exhausted, and in all honesty, broken. _Hell, even I was still broken_. It's not something that can be fixed overnight, in a week, or even a month. When one is fucked up enough, it might be impossible to be fixed completely. As the thought crossed my mind, I realized it wasn't true anymore. I didn't feel broken. Even now, when faced with James and Alice and Edward and being under a microscope, I didn't feel broken.

"Bella?" Edward's voice startled me as my mind churned on the events of the day. I heard Edward running through the house and smiled to myself. I knew he was sweating it, and I allowed myself to be a little happy about it.

"Bella?" he called again as he came out the door. I hushed him quickly, hoping to give Alice a few minutes of peace before I was forced to wake her up and she had to face her demons. Edward stood in the doorway, studying my face. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Every muscles in my body ached for him because he came home. _Better late than never_. He was my hope, the deep breath I needed to clear my mind. _I can't lose him_. I gently pulled the pillow from behind my back and rested Alice's head on it as I eased myself out from under her. I was next to Edward in an instant. The warm glow from the kitchen illuminated his features, softening his eyes and face. I placed his hand on my heart, hoping he would understand everything I couldn't verbally express.

"I love you," I whispered, not trusting my voice.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," he answered, as he tilted my lips to his. "I love you," he murmured against them. I stood on my toes to be closer to him until I lost all the energy to hold myself up. Instead, I settled for wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head in his chest, completely letting go for the first time today. _Edward was worried about upsetting me because he was late. How could I make him understand how thankful I was that he wasn't out humping some slut?_

"I don't care if you're late. Tonight's been so horrible. I never thought it'd be alright. But you make it alright." I clutched him tightly, probably scaring him half to death as I looked at him like a lunatic. "Promise me you'll always just be late." _I needed that. I didn't know why, but I just did. _"Promise me you'll never be a never." I pleaded with him eagerly, trying to hold back tears.

"Bella, I'll always come home," he said lovingly as he wrapped his strong arms around me.

_That's all I needed._

**____________________________________________**

**So, this is the chapter.**

**What'd ya think?**

**Big thanks to my beta, Irritable Grizzzly. Seriously. You don't even understand. Explaining my story to her, helps me work it out for the next chapter... its like... super helpful. **

**ANYWAY- (because there is no anyways... just looking out for you, fave beta)**

**What about James? What's going down? What the hell did Jasper do? Let me have it, because honestly, I really don't like him...  
**


	27. As Much As I Ever Could

_**Love of mine,  
Won't you lay by my side,  
And rest your weary eyes,  
Before we're out of time,**  
Give me one last kiss,  
For soon, such distance,  
Will stretch between our lips,  
Now the day's losing light._

_Oh._

_**Bring me your love, tonight.  
Bring me your love, tonight.**_

_Lost at sea,  
**My heart beat is growing weak,  
Hoping you'd hear my plea,  
And come save my life,**  
As the storm grew fierce,  
An angel was certainly near,  
I knew there was nothing to fear._

_Bring me your love, tonight.  
Bring me your love, tonight.  
No I am not where I belong,  
Bring me your love, tonight._

_**No I am not where I belong,  
So shine a light and guide me home.**  
No I am not where I belong,  
So shine a light, guide me back home.  
_

_"As Much As I Ever Could" by City and Colour_

**Edward POV**

"Flight 755," The voice buzzed overhead from the heavens. The rain pelted the window where we were sitting, and covered the world in a blanket of drizzle. "Now seating first class." Bella stood up and pulled me out of my mind-numbing trance that the rain seemed to have lulled me into. _Was it hopeless to search for some sort of sign?_ The twinkling patterns outside continued to blink in geometric patterns as I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath.

"Seats 3A, 3B, and 3C," the stewardess said, smiling at me longer than necessary as she checked our tickets. Alice glared at her, causing her to shrink proportionally at my sister's anger. Bella fidgeted next to me, forcing me to smile, genuinely, for what felt like the first time today. I pulled the bill of her hat down causing her to growl at me unhappily. As she lifted the faded blue LA hat, I caught the faint grin that I loved. Her eyes twinkled for a split second.

"I love you," she whispered as she kissed my neck.

"As I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

**Bella POV**

"Oh God, I will marry you today if you promise to always have coffee waiting when I wake up," I moaned as the aroma from the fresh cup warmed my face and throat. The relief from the wonderful magic elixir almost made last night disappear. Edward chuckled as he sipped from his own cup. As I peaked peeked at him over the edge of my mug, I could tell sleep was just as hard for him to find as it was for me. His sweat pants hung low on his hips and his back arched slightly as he almost buckled into himself. He yawned and held the cup close to his chest while scratching his two-day stubble, lost in thought. He seemed so distracted; I wish I could have just had one glimpse into what he was thinking.

Last night had been difficult, to say the least. Edward had camped out on the couch, claiming that Alice and I needed a sleep over to do "girl things". I expected Alice to be a little happier about that, but she maintained straddling the line between defeat and anger. Luckily, between her rant about Jasper's horrible morning breath and crying about how horrible she felt, she fell asleep long enough for me to sneak out as the sun rose between the incoming storm clouds.

Once Alice was asleep, I tried my damnedest to figure out everything that had happened. It seemed so surreal that Jasper would be having an affair. It was a situation that didn't happen to people I knew. Nothing like this was had never hit so close to home. We all trusted Jasper, but now, it was as if he had cheated on all of us all, breaking every ounce of faith and trust. I figured it would be hard on Edward. Him and Jasper were thick as thieves, best friends for most of their lives, band mates, and they might as well have been brothers. How do you lose avoid someone who's still around and you have to see everyday? It was something I've never dealt with before.

As if that wasn't enough, I didn't know how James was doing at all. The last thing I heard, Nessie said told me was that he was holding steady, but was pretty torn up; the doctors expected a full recovery once he was awake. _Once he was awake_. That seemed like a huge stipulation to me. I really needed James to be alright. He was my friend, and as much as I felt my life moving in this new, unexpected direction, I didn't want to lose who I once was.

I knew Edward didn't understand the need for me to be there for James, but the fact that he at least offered to go back with me meant more than he would ever know. James needed someone there when he woke up; everyone deserves a someone, and he just had no one else. No matter what transpired, James had been part of my past, and I couldn't just leave him hanging. Not now.

"Did you hear me, Bella?" Edward's voice brought me back from my caffeine- induced thought processes that jumped from fact to fact. I focused on him and smiled as he absently rinsed out his mug and left it in the sink, a habit I hated more than anything else.

"Not at all," I smiled. _Do not go anal retentive, you can clean it later_.

"I was explaining that I have to go into the studio, and tell Aro I'm leaving. Will you and Alice be alright for a few hours until it's time to go to the airport?" Concern dripped from every word. I was more worried about him having to deal with Aro, than my ability to take care of Alice. Aro was a complete jackass. If Edward's career didn't depend on his input, I can honestly say I wouldn't have thought twice about already kicking him in the nuts.

"We'll be fine," I rolled my eyes and hopped down from my spot on the countertop. Edward opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut before grabbing his cup and mine and slipping them into the dishwasher. I couldn't help but let my jaw hang for a few seconds before I closed it.

"I won't be gone more than a few hours," he turned to me, oblivious to how that small gesture just made me fall completely in love with him, all over again. "Then, we're Forks bound."

"Thank you," I whispered and hugged him tightly. The lack of sleep was probably clouding my mind, but I wasn't exactly sure what I was thanking him for. He'd always been there for me without question, even when he disagreed with me. Maybe I was just thanking him for being a good man. Lately I've come to realize that's something I should never take for granted. He tucked my head under his chin and held me just as tightly. For a minute, there weren't any problems in the world. Alice was happy, Jasper wasn't a cheater, James was fine, and this summer would never have to end. A knock at the door brought us out of our secure universe, and back to the problems at hand. I sighed and ran my hands over Edward's exposed chest. I hated the idea that this might be the last moment for us to be alone for a while.

"I'll get it," I met his eyes, "You go get ready." I pushed lightly but was immediately grabbed back into his strong arms.

"I have not kissed you properly today," he whispered as his lips met mine. Almost as soon as I had lost every lick of sense in my body, Edward broke away, grinning that stupid cocky grin I loved so much.

"Thank you?" I managed to stutter. He just shook his head, ran his hand through his hair and sauntered upstairs. I was left, paralyzed by the sudden loss of energy in the room.

"You're ridiculous," he laughed as he hopped up the stairs quickly and I stumbled down the hall. The pounding at the door grew, but I took a minute to straighten my messy hair and feel oddly ashamed of my old sweats and Edward's old shirt I slept in. _Oh well, who do I have to impress?_ I threw the door open quickly, smiling to myself and not caring who saw it. _Yeah, one of my best friends is hanging by a thread, but there are beautiful moments, that just have to be appreciated, or else all of the horrible things would just be too fucking overwhelming_. Judge me all you'd like, people, but I wasn't about to let a moment of happiness sneak away, not when they were so hard to come by lately.

"Fuck me." The air left my body. _You've got to be kidding me_. See what I mean about those moments and taking them when you can just up and hauling ass?

"Bella, let me explain."

I can't really explain what happened next, other than the next thing I knew my hand hurt, and Jasper let out the most hideous "Ooumph," followed by an "Ow, what the fuck?"

I staggered back slightly and gripped my hand close to my chest. Jasper leaned against the railing on our stoop, gripping his eye protectively.

"Get out of here, now," I hissed as I walked outside and pulled shut the door behind me, ignoring the pain firing through my hand. I dug my pointer finger of my _other_ hand into Jasper's chest as I pushed him towards the stairs.

"Come on, don't be like that. It's me, Jasper," he stammered, removing my finger from his chest. When he moved his hand, I saw the swell that was already setting into his eye and felt a surge of victory. _I wasn't going to let Alice near him., Not right now_. _Hell, she'd do worse to him than I just did._

"To hell you're Jasper! I have no idea who you are, and trust me, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm doing you a favor by not letting you near her right now. I can fight the urge to castrate you, but I doubt she can." _Is castration legal in France? Will definitely google that later.  
_

"I have to explain it to her. I never wanted to hurt her," he whimpered. For a moment the man standing in front of me was the man I also loved like a brother. For a split second, I wanted to hug him, tell him it was alright, and things would work out. That was, until images of Alice, hurting and crying last night, bombarded my mind.

"Yeah well I don't know in what world fucking some slut behind your _soul mate's_ back is considered 'protecting' her," I yelled as I walked back inside, "But if that's your definition, mission accomplished." Jasper's foot stopped the door from slamming in his face.

"I love Alice," he growled.

"You have a funny way of showing it," I retorted, "Now move your foot before I shut the door on it!"

He cringed and withdrew his foot and I slammed the door in his face. I slouched against the door, taking calming breaths. My hand was throbbing, but I ignored it as Edward happily skipped downstairs.

"Who was that?" He grinned as he slipped on a light coat and grabbed his wallet, stuffing it into his back pocket.

"Magazine salesman," I lied, hiding my hand behind my back. Edward wound his arms around me and spun me, completly unaware of the battle that had just transpired. _I know lying is wrong, but for now, it felt more right than anything else. _"You're now subscribed to _National Geographic_ for the next seven years."

"Mock it all you want," he chuckled, "But where else would I have learned about the plight of the Argali."

"I don't even know-" I couldn't complete my thought. Edward's lips pounced on mine, inadvertently causing my hands to wind higher into his hair and pull him towards me. I only pulled away when the pain in my hand was too much to bear. Again, it slipped behind my back in hopes that he wouldn't see it.

"Its a ram," he answered as he let me go and opened the door. "You'd know that if you read _National Geographic_." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Fine, I'll stop reading _Cosmo_," I retorted, crossing my hands over my chest.

"I've changed my mind. Keep reading your magazines," he said quickly. He paused as he turned to leave. His face became serious and he studied me for a moment. It was as if in that moment he was deciding something; something I would never know about. "There's something we have to do before we leave France," he decided firmly.

"Anything."

**Edward POV**

"Aro!, I need to talk to you," I ran around the studio looking for him. Truth be told, I wasn't looking forward to telling him I was leaving on an emergency trip to Forks to be by the bedside of a major _fuckface_ like James, but, what are you going to do, right? _Love makes you do ridiculous things, I guess_.

"Aro?" I asked yelled again as I opened the door to the lounge. I had to do a double take before the picture in front of me even registered.

"Sorry, I'm not Aro," the woman smiled as she appraised me from over her magazine.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked, annoyed at her for not being my boss. _Yeah, because she can really control that_. She smiled and seat down the magazine she'd been reading, holding her place with her finger.

"He's in his office, talking to Jasper." _Oh shit, this isn't who I think it is, is it?_ I walked into the lounge, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. My hands found their way to my pockets as I searched for the right words, as if they were burrowed down in my jeans.

"So, you know Jasper?" I asked, rather dumbly. _Good one. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. She's the other woman. _

"Yeah, he's the reason I've been dragged down here, to settle a deal to keep my mouth shut, apparently,. He didn't do enough already," she scoffed, a hint of sadness to her tone. _Nope, not going to ask. Leave it alone_.

"Oh," was the only intelligent response I had for her. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to do this," she motioned between us, "talk to me as if you don't hate my guts." I chuckled a little at her bluntness before actually looking at her. She was very pretty. _Ok, I'm not giving her the proper credit_. Her hair hung in long curls, longer than anyone I knew, and it was as jet black as her eyes seemed to be. Her skin seemed was olive in comparison to mine, and glittered against the giant red couch upon which she was currently sitting on.

"No, I really do," I sighed, leaning against the bookshelf on the opposite wall. "I've been taught that it's impolite to be rude to a woman, no matter to whom she is acquainted." She laughed slightly, although still a little uneasy uneasily. We sat in the world's most awkward silence for a few moments, neither knowing what to say. _Who gets put in this situation? _Here I was, sitting in the same room as the woman who stole my best friend from my sister, and I was making small talk, or at least pretending to.

"I didn't know about her," she whispered, looking at me with the most pleading eyes. "I wouldn't have been with him had I known. I may be a lot of things, but home wrecker isn't one of them."

"You don't really have to explain anything to me," I tried to appease her. _Shit, don't get me involved._

"I know, I just figured," she stopped, closing her eyes and taking a breath before starting again, "I just figured that when it all comes out and stories are tossed about, I'm going to look like the kind of woman that I hate. It'd be nice to know that one person could at least could understand."

"I'm not really one to judge," I explained, shrugging my shoulders.

"Yes, you will be, because this is an issue where people pick sides. You're on your sister's side, most likely. Jasper and the record company will be on Jasper's side. The world will be on her side. I'll be the only one on my side while my life is picked apart, all because what, I fell in love with a man that told me he was single?" a tiny sob took away from her determined and resolved demeanor. "This isn't a black or white issue."

I didn't know what I was supposed to feel for this woman. I had to be on Alice's side, but I just couldn't hate her. She was a wronged party as well. It seemed the only guilty one here was Jasper.

I heard voices coming down the hall and instantly felt on edge. I really hadn't counted on seeing Jasper today.

I turned to the woman. "What you're about to see, partly this is for you, ma'am," I grinned as the door opened. Jasper stood in the doorway, looking back and forth between the woman and myself. His left eye was swollen and discolored already.

"Edward? What are you doing here? Is Alice here?" he sounded hopeful. _What an ass_. He was asking about Alice in front of her.

"What happened to your eye?" I asked, standing in front of him.

"Bella," he sighed, reaching up and touching it. "She said it was the generous thing to do to me in lieu of castration." He tried to make a joke out of it. _How the hell could he make a joke out of breaking my sister's heart?_

"I really have to teach her to throw her weight behind it," I shook my head in mock disapproval. Jasper's face twitched between a smile and confusion. Before he could ask what I meant, I had connected with his other eye, sending him sprawling against the wall in the hallway.

"Holy fucking shit," he moaned. I shook out my hand and turned back to the woman.

"No matter what happens, you'll always have that," I smiled and stepped over Jasper and walked towards Aro's office. Something about actually hitting Jasper made me feel so much better. I felt as if I had actually fixed something, thus chasing away the feeling of complete helplessness. In all reality, I still lost my best friend, and my sister was completely heart broken, but for this moment, I was a god. I reveled in it, soaking it in as I entered Aro's office.

"Edward," he greeted me without looking up from his papers. He nodded towards the chair across from his desk nonchalantly. I took it quickly.

"Aro, listen, I need to ask a favor offrom you," I began, already feeling smaller than just ten seconds ago. He mumbled something, but continued to barrel through his papers. I took it as a cue to continue. "I need to go back to Forks, with Bella. It's an emergency. A, uh, a friend," I cringed at the word _friend_, "he was in a car accident. We're not sure how he's doing. Our flight leaves tonight." I paused for a few moments, waiting for some sort of acknowledgment. None came until I stood up to leave.

"You can't go," he said with a monotone voice. I paused, confused. _I wasn't really asking permission. I was just informing him about what was happening and that I was leaving the country__, and letting him know he would have to rearrange my schedule for me_.

"You don't own me. I can come and go as I please," I stated sharply. He laughed, finally throwing his pen down and looking at me. His eyes were just slits as he grinned sardonically.

"That's where you're wrong," he said, grinning. Then he stood and picked up a stack of papers from the top of a filing cabinet behind him. "According to this," he threw down thea file, "I do own you. Every dime you have is because of me, and every future dime I didn't help you make will also be mine, you'll owe me if you renege on this contract." I don't know what was funny about this statement, but I couldn't help but he said wasn't funny, but I started laughing anyway.

"You think I do this for money? I couldn't care less about the damn money!" I shouted through the laughing fit I was having. "People. They are what matter to me. I play for them as much as for myself. I have a sister, who'se completely devastated right now, a fiancé who I'm afraid I'll never get to marry or make happy, and a family that is over five thousand miles away, and right now, you're going to try to keep me here because of a contract and the contents of my bank account?"

"Edward," he growled, "I've made you what you are. I've worked to get you those platinum records. You owe me. I can't have you gallivanting all over the place, not when you have responsibilities here. You have a record to promote and a tour to get ready for."

"I don't even like any of the songs you picked for the album," I threw my hands up in anger.

"Doesn't matter," he grinned sitting back down. "Maybe Bella will wait around for another few years."

"Maybe," I stopped pacing, taking and took my wallet out of my pocket, "But I'm not going to take that chance." I took every dollar out of my wallet, followed quickly by every credit card. Then I pulled out my checkbook.

"What are you doing?" Aro gaped at me and the growing pile on the table.

"How much do I owe you?" I asked quickly, picking up his pen and filling out the a check.

"Don't be ridiculous Edward. This will leave you with nothing." I met his cold eyes and smiled, handing him the blank check.

"Or you're wrong. I'll finally get everything."

________________________________________________

**So, that's that. **

**What happened? _Mrs. Cullen?_ OH SHIT! **

**This took a while, mostly because I've been high and/or drunk most of the past week.**

**Don't judge me, its the end of the summer. **

**ps. that's not true. I don't do drugs. It just makes me sound badass. **

**Special thanks to my beta, Irritable Grizzzly, who is undoubtedly a syntactical goddess, a grammatical deity, and a tense shifting crime stopper. Thank you for letting me be lame and sharing an obsessive love for accents. I will make it so that you fall in love with Greg Kinnear just as much as I am. (I mean the cactus, not the person). Thank you for the line: "**Maybe I was just thanking him for being a good man. Lately I've come to realize that's something I should never take for granted." **Love may be wicked deadly, but that made me say something important. Best Beta Ever.**


	28. Champagne Is For Celebrating

_She left her books, her car, her clothes, and a note  
But all she wrote was, "Tonight I'm leaving on a train."  
She says she's headed west_**_  
T_**_**o make it right for one more night  
And, well, I don't blame her if she is  
But he thinks it's just one more sunset**_

_And after all, it's her fault  
If she hasn't caught on yet_

_So why'd you have to go?**  
Is there something I could say to make you turn around?  
Cause nights like these I wish I'd said don't go**  
Is there anybody there?  
Can anybody help to get me out of here?**  
Cause you're walking down a road that I can't go**  
Try as I might,**  
I Just can't handle this**_

_I lost myself inside a drunken kiss  
And I, all that I wanted was to walk you home  
Save a sad song for the sing-along  
Oh my God, I just can't handle this  
I lost myself inside a drunken kiss  
And I, all that I wanted was to walk you home  
Save a sad song for the sing-along_

_**And she thinks she'll be my tourniquet  
As the record on my stereo  
Plays her favorite song for two whole days  
And the drag stretched out for miles and miles  
And what she'd give for one more smile  
And how she hoped he missed her  
Cause, God, she missed how he would kiss her**_

_So why'd you have to go?  
Is there something I could say to make you turn around?  
Cause nights like these I wish I'd said don't go_

_Is there anybody there?  
Can anybody help to get me out of here?**  
Cause you're walking down a road that I can't go  
Yeah, you're walking down a road that I can't go  
Yeah, you're walking down a road that I can't**_

_"Champagne's For Celebrating (I'll Have a Martini)" by Mayday Parade_

**Edward POV**

"I just hate hospitals," Bella whispered as she let out a breath. I watched as the gears turned in her head, almost as if she were having a huge struggle with herself. The rain fell quietly around us as we stood outside of the giant hospital, the Seattle skyline glimmering behind us. It had been easy traveling, with not so much as a hiccup causing us any delays, yet, as soon as we found ourselves standing in front of the automatic doors, separating this world from the battle field inside, Bella just froze. I couldn't tell what she was thinking; God knows I would have killed to actually know, but, we remained there, glaring angrily, both for our own reasons, at the monstrosity of concrete and glass. As the sun began to creep higher towards the awaiting blanket of daily clouds, the atmosphere changed from dark black to a bleak gray, matching every emotion I was feeling, and at the same time, being completely inadequate. I wrapped my arms around her and let my chin rest on her shoulder. Here we stood, two people who were jet lagged and exhausted, unsure about so many things, and yet, as soon as she lifted her hand up and cupped my cheek, I knew we were going to be alright. No matter what was waiting for us on the other side of those doors, we were going to walk in and out together, always together.. Just as quickly as Bella relaxed in my arms, she straightened up, took a deep breath and found her resolve.

"You know you can go back to the hotel. I'll be over later…" she trailed off, turning to me and pleading with her eyes for me to stay. I chuckled and grabbed her hand, ignoring the handful of people that surrounded us, watching us as if we were circus freaks. _Could it possibly have something to do with me throwing away my whole career?_ Possibly. _Has everyone found out about the wedding?_ Another possibility. _Was anyone concerned about James?_ Unlikely.

"I couldn't do that," I assured her. She opened her mouth to protest, but I took the opportunity to pull her inside.

Undoubtedly, our world was about to explode. It didn't even revolve around the James issue anymore. _Ok, well, not entirely_. Did I want to be anywhere else in the world? _Yes, without any hesitation I would love to scoop Bella up, carry her to the nearest hotel, and let the world pass us by. _Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen. We were going to face the hellfire that was coming our way, and we were going to do it 'with grace and humility' as Bella put it. As we wandered the halls, following a nurse towards James' room, I couldn't help but smile at just how much my new perception of Bella amazed me. I wish I had gotten to explain everything to her, but time has always been against us. I was lucky enough to find a few minutes to go to the courthouse to get the paperwork.

_"Edward," Bella warned me with a confused grin. "What are we doing here?" _

_"Well, I plan on marrying you, if you don't object too much of course," I responded, arrogant as always in the face of complete uncertainty. Bella stopped on the steps leading up to the ancient building. I turned and faced her, standing just out her reach, yet terrified to move towards her. Her eyebrows furrowed and her grin softened as her lips pursed for a moment. Nervously, she tucked her windswept hair behind her ear, then putting her hand to her chest, where it stayed, almost as if she were trying to determine if her heart was still beating. I watched her chest move up and down with slow, deliberate breaths as each moment agonizingly rolled into the next. The only sign of life that came from the statue across from me was her eyes. They searched the steps, my face, the sky, and every possible direction, looking for something. A sign, maybe? After what felt like an hour, but in reality was probably a few moments, I took a step towards her, getting on my knee as best as I could on the steps._

_"Bella, I don't want to wait. I couldn't care less about the big wedding, and about everyone seeing it. This is us. We're completely ruled by every other circumstance in our lives, by everyone else around us. This is just for us." I had been focused on her hand, afraid of what I might see in her eyes. When I finally did raised my eyes to meet hers, it felt just like the first time I ever saw her. Just as she had back in a dingy bar over two years ago, Bella captivated me. Now, instead of the wide-eyed innocence of someone who refused to think about the future, Bella's eyes were set, as if locked in cement, still brimming with peace and understanding, yet fixed on what she wanted. I waited for her to say something, feeling more and more like an absolute idiot. _

_"This is the third time you've proposed to me," she smiled, pulling me up next to her. "You just keep getting better and better." _

_"I'm hoping this will be the last time." I said, staring into her eyes and willing her to understand just how much I loved her. _

_"Me too," she whispered happily, wrapping her arms around my neck._

"I don't think I can go in," Bella's voice brought me back from the perfection that was our life not even twenty four hours ago. The sterility and stark white surrounded us violently. Bella leaned against the wall just outside of the door. _Ok, first time to step up as a husband. _

"I'm right here," I whispered as I stood in front of her. I squeezed her hand gently, showing her that she didn't have to do this alone. We stood there for just one more second before Bella threw herself at the door as it slid open quietly.. She moved so quickly, I knew it had to have been on impulse.

The sight in front of us was everything I never wanted her to see. James was hooked up to every monitor and wire from every stereotypical hospital show, and then some. The only part of him that looked hurt and bandaged was his head. Other than that, random bandages littered his arms and there was a cast on one of his legs. All in all I thought he looked fine. _I guess its time for us to just be leaving..._ Bella took a timid step towards his bedside and I tried to remind myself why I was here. She sat down next to the bed, yet didn't reach up to touch him. Instead, she seemed almost reverential before the altar in front of her and the ancient hymnal of modern devices behind her. I didn't like how much it was hurting her, and I most certainly hated how much she was hiding it.

"You didn't have to come," James' chapped and swollen lips moved so little and the voice came out so small, I was almost sure I had invented it. Bella jumped for a split second before grabbing his hand and laughing nervously.

"You're awake?" she laughed and cried at the same time.

"He woke up about two hours ago," a gruff doctor answered from the door. "He goes in and out of consciousness." The doctor walked past us and started checking tubes and readings and charts, even going so far as to do the fancy little flashlight trick to his eyes to impress us. "We're keeping him heavily sedated because the pain could really hinder his progress."

"But he's okay, right?" Bella asked hopefully, still clutching James' hand as he slept on, no doubt floating on cloud fucking nine.

"He will have a long road in front of him," the doctor answered as he made his way back towards the door, "But yes, I see no need for surgery. For the first time since he came in, the doctor became human and smiled. Your fiancé is healing wonderfully. I expect him to be completely fine in no time."

_Back the fucking truck up_. As much as I wish I had composure in this situation, playing it cool if you will, my bugged-out eyes and open jaw undoubtedly gave away how truly shocked I was. Bella shook her head, looking at me from across the room instantly.

"No, no," she shook her head, becoming grave, "This is just one of my best friends. That," she smiled and pointed to me, leaning against the wall, nowhere near the bed, "That's my _husband_." The doctor looked between us, worried.

"So," he flipped open the chart and scanned it, "you're not Bella Swan?"

"No sir," she answered happily, "I'm Bella Cullen."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen," _Yeah. He said it James, 'Mrs. Cullen'. Suck it. _My body became confident again, only gently radiating my hatred towards James instead of the all-out laser beam it had been. "Visitation hours aren't for another four hours unless you're immediate family." Bella looked down at James before looking back at the doctor. She wore her biggest 'pretty please' eyes and pout I'd seen in a long time. I chuckled to myself, knowing full well that had she given me that look, I would have let her marry James, if that's what she wanted.

"But he has no immediate family," she whispered. The doctor shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, but I've already broken enough rules to get me fired and sued," he pleaded with her, all of a sudden losing his tough guy, 'I'm a hot shot doctor' facade. It was as if he was begging her to turn off her charm. I felt bad for him; Bella didn't play fair sometimes.

"Come on, Bella," I walked towards her, "We'll leave our number at the hotel, and they can call us if anything happens. You know he's okay, and he most likely won't wake up for another four hours, right doctor?" I asked, giving him my best 'just lie to her so I can get her out of here' face I could. He agreed completely.

"Yes, we'll call. If you'd like, I'll sedate him a little more if he shows signs of waking up." He tried to make it sound like a joke, but I almost felt like it wasn't. Bella leaned over and kissed James' forehead before whispering something in his ear.

"Alright, we'll be back soon," Bella promised, glaring at the poor doctor. As much as I hated the idea, I knew we would.

_I came across, I came across,__  
I came across a friend I didn't trust.__  
I kissed his feet**  
I kissed his feet and  
I broke his knees.**_

_I came across, I came across,**  
I came across, a friend I didn't trust.  
I looked into his eyes and I saw myself,  
I saw myself.**_

_"Seagull" by Shout Out Louds_

**Bella POV**

_I am married_.

I had said the phrase so many times in my head that it sounded even more foreign than the first time I thought it. The words had become completely meaningless and almost imaginary. If the words were foreign to me, you can just imagine how unfathomable the actual concept was. In the past forty-eight hours, my life had, once again flipped itself on its head. That I was here, lying in a dark hotel room in downtown Seattle, thousands of miles away from my house and job, (_yeah, I consider Paris my home, for now)_ trying to let the northwest coast rain lull me to sleep. Alice was down the hall, trying to figure out how the hell her life was going to work, and I couldn't help her. Jasper was in France, undoubtedly dealing with the backlash of Edward just up and leaving the record company, and I couldn't help him. Nessie was having a complete and total meltdown when it came to her life, and I couldn't help her. James was lying in a hospital bed, with the prospect of intensive therapy in front of him, and I couldn't help him. Edward was in the shower, and out of everyone in my life, he was the one person I _needed_ to help, yet I knew nothing about _how_ to help.

_I am married._

It didn't feel like a mistake. It felt the most right thing in the world. I knew what Edward meant when he said that he never planned on leaving Paris without us being married. I had never said those words to myself, but I understood. It was as if when he said those words, he made what I had been thinking all summer a reality. If anything, I loved the fact that it was just us, in a simple, peaceful setting. It was something we both craved, yet there was an underlying need to have our family involved. Hopefully, that would sort itself out eventually. We had decided to just take the issues minute by minute. Whichever was the most dire would go first, and we'd forget about the rest, at least until life calmed down. That was proving difficult, since everything seemed to be crashing down around us at the same time.

"You look exhausted." I heard Edward's voice from across the room. I didn't bother to raise my head, and instead remained still in the middle of the bed. He was right. Had I tried to move, I would just discover that my muscles had no energy left and the chains of being human had caught up with me. I managed to cover my face with my hands, almost in shame. _My wedding night is utterly and completely horrid_.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Edward was in bed. He lay on his side next to me and pulled my hands from my face. In the darkness I could feel the sad eyes he was giving me. It only made me feel even worse. Here I was, trading a sexy piece of lace for one of Edward's old junky shirts, trading candlelight for darkness, trading romance and wonder and the start of our life together for exhaustion and hopelessness.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he assured me, "If anything, I should be sorry. Here I am, no swanky clothes, not even my silk boxers, no romantic dinner, nothing, when all I want to do is give you everything you deserve on our wedding night." I couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time.

"I was thinking the same thing. I'm just so tired and I want this to be perfect," I trailed off as his lips met mine. He pulled away and looked at me after the gentlest kiss I could remember.

"Having you is perfect," he whispered, a hint of sadness in his voice. Before I could say anything, he moved, lifting the covers and sliding in next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my stomach. Having him there, grasping me, holding me, allowing me to hold him, it felt more intimate than anything else we'd ever done. I could feel his steady breathing on my stomach, tickling me in the best kind of way. We stayed quiet, the only sound being the song created by our breathing and the rain tapping on the window. I played with Edward's hair, twisting it with my anxious fingers as he ran his thumb over my hipbone. The world was so far away from us at that moment. It was the perfect wedding night, at least in my eyes.

"It feels like a birthday," Edward mumbled suddenly.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"It feels like when you're a kid, and you think each year that you'll feel different when you wake up on your birthday because you're older, but you don't. That's what being married is like, at least so far…" he trailed off, moving slightly and raising his head to look at me.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I laughed slightly.

"Do you regret it?" he asked, his voice getting even more melancholy. I ran my fingers along his cheeks gently, framing their structure with every ounce of concentration I had.

"Not at all. It may not feel like things have changed, but they have. All I've ever wanted was to be with you. It's like this is what I was born to do, and now I get to do it forever. Edward, I love you. That doesn't change because I didn't have a huge wedding. It doesn't change because on our wedding night we're exhausted and our lives are stuck in literal limbo. I could never regret us." I felt Edward's lips pull into a smile against my skin. Slowly, he lowered his head and kissed my stomach.

"I was very proud of you in that hospital today," he whispered, "You were without fear." I couldn't help but arch slightly as he moved upwards towards me, trailing up my chest with feather-light kisses.

"I wasn't without fear," I responded, suddenly forgetting every ounce of screaming protest from my body and instead focusing on the beautiful things Edward was doing to me. "I just felt stronger with you there." _Well, it had been the truth_. Had Edward not been there, I can honestly say I would have broken into a million little pieces. Even now, I wasn't sure if I could handle the fact that James was almost taken from me. _Abandonment issues, take seventeen_.

"Bella, I have something I need to tell you," he whispered, draping himself back over my stomach, resting his head there with a sigh.

"You're really a woman?" I said as seriously as I could. He chuckled before becoming serious.

"I quit the record company," he answered solemnly, bracing himself for my reaction. _Oh fuck_.

"You can do that?"

"I gave Aro a blank check, essentially telling him to take every cent I have, and told him to fuck off," Edward answered triumphantly, "So yeah, I guess I can do it." _Yeah, that sounds about right_. So, just for a quick recap for everyone playing along at home: best friend, car crash, best friend, cheating lover, lost friendship, married less than twenty four hours, no house, no job, husband with no job, money, or idea about the future. _Hmm, yeah, carry the four, round to the nearest whole number. Yes, I was the most unlucky person in the world. _

The thoughts ran through my head as I took a different mental account of my present situation, and I couldn't help but be happy. James was alive. He spoke and he was coherent, at least somewhat. He would survive. It was a blessing. Alice was moving on with her life and trying to make the best of a bad situation. I was surrounded by people I needed and people who wanted me around. If anything I was the _most_ lucky person in the world.

Then of course there was Edward. I had the perfect man, and not only did I have him for now, I had him forever. He was mine and I was his. Regardless of the fact that neither of us had any idea what we were going to do with our lives, or if we had enough money in the bank to even get a house, no one could take us away from each other.

"So you aren't a hot shot musician anymore with a swank record deal, a condo, a fancy car, and a stupid tour?" I asked incredulously. Edward just shook his head, immediately losing his cocky attitude.

"So you have nothing?"

"I have nothing to give you," he shook his head, looking disgusted. I reached my hand towards his wild mane and once again rooted my hands there. I allowed the moment to slip along slowly, thinking over everything that he had just told me.

"You have my future," I answered, smiling to myself and holding him to me.

"I love you, Bella," he kissed me tenderly once again, on my rib.

"I love you," I assured him.

Everything was horrible. Life was upside down, but he had me. I had him. That's all we needed.

"I guess this makes me your sugar momma, huh?" I said, trying to keep a straight face. Edward lifted his head, and I caught the glint in his eye. Like a lethal cat on the prowl, I watched as the dim gray light from the window filtered in and created elegant shadows along his back as he slunk towards me. My legs wrapped around his waist of their own vocation as he finally held himself above me, towering with a primal look in his eye that made my heart stop and my legs quiver. The smile slipped from my face with the last breath I remember letting out. I raked my fingernails over his firm chest, only causing him to drop closer to me until his body was covering mine.

"Bella, would you like to be my sugar momma?" he growled, running one of his hands along my calf and thigh as he hitched it higher on his waist. I felt him rubbing against me, separated by only two flimsy pieces of fabric.

"Dear God, yes," I said breathlessly.

___________________________________

**A/N: Yes, this took forever.**

**Is it everything you want? What more can I give you? What about James? Is he becoming a better person? What's happening? Is Bella oblivous to his ways? Will Edward relax? will it all work out? What's Edward going to do now? What the hell, Jasper?**

**Yes, again, I know, this took longer than expected. I refuse to apologize. I'm lucky I found a minute to write between moving away for college, saying goodbye to the bf, the bffl, and the family, AND starting classes and partying. Don't expect an update for a few days. Big party/football kick off this weekend. Whose excited for colelge football? MEE!!!! Whose excited for alcohol enduced papers? MEE!**

**anyways, tell me what you want to happen, then I'll change it completely. **

**Very big thanks to my lovely beta, Irritable Grizzzly. God knows I'm so flakey I must be frosted lately. Thanks for making sure I was still functioning.  
**


	29. Wedding Dress

So we lie here in the dark

**All the wrong things on fire**

**In sickness and in health**

**To be with you**,

just to be with you

In your wedding dress

To have and to hold

'Cause even at my best

I wanna let go

**And you hold me in your arms**

**And all that I can see**

**Is my future in your hands**

And all that I can feel

Is how long ever after is

It's all that I can do

To be with you,

just to be with you

In your wedding dress

To have and to hold

'Cause even at my best

I wanna let go

Thought I'd lost you

**Thought I'd lost you**

**I gave you away**

Thought I'd lost you

I'm jealous of the moon

For how it moves the waves

'Cause in your wedding dress

To have and to hold

'Cause even at my best

I wanna let go

**And I wanna be somebody else now**

**And I wanna thicken my skin**

**And I wanna wish it all**

**Just wish it all away again**

"Wedding Dress" by Matt Nathanson

Bella POV

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen," Edward's sweet voice tickled my ear as his arms constricted around my waist. The smile that crossed my face could have probably been seen from the space station. It only intensified as Edward's lips gently met my neck and his nose nuzzled into my hair as his body melded to mine. A low hum left my mouth before I even realized it.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen," I whispered as I rooted my hand in his hair and pulled him closer to me. Last night had been, well, it'd been beyond words. Even in this time of complete and utter uncertainty, being with Edward made me feel secure, happy, alive. On top of that, the sex was probably the best, more perfect than we'd ever had. It was worth losing those precious hours of sleep to rolling around with him in the sheets. We were our own universe again, devoid of responsibilities and commitments, jobs and contracts, family and friends, and it felt amazing. I knew today was going to be horrible. It just had to be, considering the onslaught of people we'd just abandoned and dismissed as we signed those papers.

"I brought you some breakfast," he whispered as he pulled away reluctantly. I cracked an eye just in time to see him walk towards the table on the other side of the room, and pull on a pair of shorts. Every muscle in his body moved so fluidly, I felt myself begin to lose it just by watching him. I bit my lip as I sat up against the headboard and pulled the sheets up higher. Everything from last night invaded my mind as my smile returned and a blush spread furiously across my face. Like I said, perfect.

"I would do anything to know what's causing that blush," Edward's cocky voice surprised me. My hand ran along my cheek, trying to hide the stupid red I was now glowing.

"I could always show you," I smiled at him coyly as I finally stood up, completely undeterred by my naked state, and stretched happily before walking over to the plates of food. Edward lost all composure within a millisecond and stood there gaping at me. I pretended not to notice and busied myself with picking at some strawberries.

"Fuck," I heard him hiss. My ego soared through the roof as I popped some berries in my mouth and looked around for some clothes to put on so I could go to the hospital. "Why are you doing that?" Edward grinned mischievously as I slipped on a pair of underwear and jeans.

"I have to go save the world and my cape's at the dry cleaners, so this," I motioned to my jeans and slid on a bra effortlessly, "is what I'm left with." Edward continued to lean against the dresser, grinning to himself and eating a folded waffle. I pulled my hair up and brushed my teeth before rummaging through Edward's suitcase and finding one of his nicer shirts and sliding into it. I rolled the sleeves up and slipped on shoes, still sneaking glances at him as he continued to stuff his face. The weight of the world settled back in its rightful place on my shoulders.

"Hey, why are you wearing my shirt?" he mumbled with food still in his cheeks and a smile creeping along his cheeks.

"I want to smell you on me until I get to see you again tonight," I answered easily, as if it were the dumbest question he'd ever asked me.

"You don't want me to go with you to the hospital?" he asked, finally swallowing.. Caution: Dangerous waters ahead. I took a step towards him, slowly, as if approaching a wild animal. I dug my hands into the back hem of his boxers and pulled myself towards him.

"I'd rather take care of James on my own," I murmured against his lips. "I figured you'd want to rest today. You've had a pretty traumatizing couple of days."

"Traumatizing?" he sighed as he nuzzled my neck with his lips. Edward's hands slid down my side and gripped my ass as he pulled me up around him. "If you stay here, I'll traumatize you," he grunted as he swiveled us against the wall.

"That's not the kind of traumatized I was talking about," I whispered, as I tried to wiggle away from him. Unfortunately, my body recognized the unending need I had for him and only put up half a fight. My legs wound around his waist and if anything, all I wanted was to go on a honeymoon; a real, honest to goodness fuckfest of a honeymoon.

"What kind did you mean, then?" he chuckled and continued to kiss my neck eagerly.

"Getting married and leaving your career?" I arched against him as he started to undo the buttons I had just finished clasping not a minute ago. "Does any of that seem familiar?"

"Vaguely," he murmured as his shirt went back on the floor and a smile spread across his face. "You forgot the hoard of people waiting outside to take our picture, as well as the fact that we're homeless."

"Can't forget that, now can we?" I moaned as my pants I had worked so hard to put on were joining said shirt on the floor. "Edward, I just put those on!" I whined slightly as he pushed me harder against the wall and anchored his hands on either side of my head.

"And I just took them off," he answered quickly. "Let me take care of James. You just sit here and be a good wife."

"Back the fuck up!" I wailed and slapped his chest. The message didn't make it  
through to him, as he just held me closer, running his fingers roughly over the lace of my bra.

"Take a joke, Bella," he pulled away from assaulting my neck with a devilish glint in his eyes. My hands wound their way around his neck and rooted in his hair. My lips met his quickly as I pulled him to me for reasons I wasn't even sure of.

"So, do you agree to let me take care of James?" Edward pulled away for air as my python-like grip eased slightly.

"No," I moaned and pulled him back towards me. His lips moved against my neck as we continued to push ourselves to the brink.

"Why?" Edward pulled away, finally setting me back on my own, unsteady feet. His hands remained against the wall, cornering me there.

"Really Edward?" I asked indignantly. "You really want to figure out the James situation? You want to talk about him right before we, you know..." I trailed off, feeling every ounce of me that was just recently filled with want and lust now so easily filled with anger. Edward laughed slightly and ran his fingers along my cheek to my chin as I turned away from him like a child.

Apparently a lack of sleep, combined with the prospect of spending an unlimited amount of days in a hospital and the phone that was ringing off the hook, made me somewhat cranky. Who would have guessed that being aroused to a criminal level then dropped like a sack of potatoes would be the very straw that broke this camel's back?

"Trust me, you're the only person I can think of when we're about to, you know," he mimicked me perfectly. His breath intoxicated me to the brink of losing all self-control. My body was a traitor. "you could say it, you know. Fuck. When we're about to fuck."

"That's vulgar," I shot back, ducking under his arm and picking up my shirt and pants. "I always considered it as making love." I stormed around and threw my clothes back on, now not only frustrated by life, but sexually as well.

"You're mad at me because I wanted to take care of something for you? Or because I wanted to fuck you into next week because you're my wife and that's something worth celebrating? Or better yet because I want to make love to you until we both can't move? No matter what the word usage is, I don't want to be away from you. I want to take care of James because it's going to be hard on you," Edward pleaded with me as I finished getting dressed and tried to get rid of each and every urge I had to jump him.

"Yes to all of the above," I answered quickly. "Can't you just let me be irrational and mad at you because you had to bring up James when all I wanted to do was fuck you and I have no control and I love you so much?" I yelled and stomped around. Edward just stared at me and smiled. I walked over and kissed his cheek.

"Yes, dear," he chuckled. "I'll see you for lunch."

"Good," I grunted and nodded angrily, as if I'd accomplished a huge goal. "I love you." I said as I walked towards the door.

"I love you too, Mrs. Cullen, and tonight, regardless of what you call it, I'm going to make you feel like the only woman in the world."

How the hell am I supposed to stay mad at that?

Edward POV

"Why the big secret?" the strange woman bundled in a trench coat asked me uneasily. The taxi drove slower than I would have liked down the crowded Seattle streets as the rain pounded the world.

"It was something that we wanted to keep private. We didn't want it to become a spectacle," I answered, trying to pay attention to her questions, and not to the repeated loop of Bella yelling at me this morning. She was damn stubborn when it came to James and taking care of him, no matter what I said. Hell, I just wanted to help, and if I couldn't help, I at least wanted to be there for her. And fuck me if she wasn't even hotter now when I thought about how she was mine, forever; Mrs. Cullen.

I knew she wasn't really mad at me, she just needed someone to yell at so she felt better. She wasn't as complicated as she thought herself to be. I never wanted her to leave though, because we both feared what waited outside of the sanctity of our hotel room. But, just as she feared, the world had caught up with us, and once I turned on my cell phone after she left, I was almost literally thrown to the wolves. I was ordered to do damage control by my publicist, who was already looking for a new label for me. My mother had a few thoughts to share. So did my father. They said they were on their way to Seattle and would meet us for dinner. Rosalie and Emmett had a few choice words for me as well, mostly calling me an inconsiderate bastard. Hell, that was actually normal; I'd have been worried if Rosalie welcomed me with open arms. Life was trucking along just as quickly as ever, no matter how much I wanted to fight it. "I never planned on leaving France without marrying Bella. it's just that luck would have it that we had to leave earlier than planned."

"You didn't leave because you were running from your ex agent, Aro or the alleged infidelity of band mate Jasper Hale?" Damn, she was good. I fidgeted uneasily while trying to figure out the most tactful way to answer. I assumed screaming 'fuck Jasper. If I ever see him again, I'll give him another black eye and a kick to the nuts so he'll never consider having sex with anyone ever again' wasn't the 'humble' and 'graceful' way Bella wanted us to act. I thought of Alice, too.. Did she need me out there, yelling about how much I couldn't fathom what a douchebag Jasper was? I needed to be the big brother, the one who protected her and was a good person and made her feel better.

"We left because a friend of ours was in a horrible accident, and we couldn't stay away. My family is very close-knit, so when one of us goes down, we call for reinforcements. It's how we've always been. I only hope that everyone respects our privacy at this time. I understand that the circumstances surrounding our trip here are fodder for the tabloids, but there are logical explanations for all of it. I will confirm that I am no longer with Aro and his agency. I will gladly confirm that Bella and I are happy newlyweds. However, I will only go as far to say that I will not be working with Jasper any longer.." The reporter scribbled furiously, almost mimicking the intensity of the rain outside of the car. While she wrote, I instantly started to dissect what I had just said, trying to figure out where the rumors would come from. Inevitably, the ones already circulating would use everything I'd said and twist my words around, using them as proof.

"What are you going to do now?" the woman asked, setting her pen down against the paper and looking somewhat accomplished. I have no fucking clue.

"Right now?" I asked, smiling at her and attempting to evade the question as the hospital appeared in the distance.

"With your career? Life? Music? You're nominated for so many awards and are involved in so many charities, how long will your schedule permit you to circle the wagons with your family?" she prodded. Damn.

"I'll always play music, whether it's for big audiences in huge venues or for a handful of people in a dive bar. The awards are nice, but right now they are at the back of my mind in the grand scheme of things. As for life, who really knows where that's going to take any of us?" The cab came to a stop and I couldn't wait to bolt out of there. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. Feel free to call my publicist with any further questions." With that, I ran into the hospital in search of Bella. I thanked every deity just to be out of that fucking taxi. I thought it went well. Yes! I am "the man"!. Yes, I was "the man" because I just owned an interview.

"You're Mr. Cullen, right? " a nurse met me at the reception area. I continued to smile like the king of the world.

"Yes, how'd you know?" I grinned.

"You have that newlywed glow, just like Mrs. Cullen." I smiled at this and followed her happily. She let me into James' room with a small smile. I was looking forward to spending time with Bella, even if it meant having to see James. To my dismay, Bella was out of the room. My stomach sank and my smile turned into a snarl.

"Didn't think you'd show your face here," James' voice startled me out of my hate-induced glare. His voice was laced with as much contempt as I was feeling.

"Didn't think you'd still be a fuckwad. Guess we're both going to be disappointed," I snapped as I pulled up a chair towards his bed and rested my feet against the frame. James sat up, wincing at the pain. Good.

"Heard you fucked up this morning with Bella." The grin on his face was wider than the fucking Amazon.

Did she talk to him about what happened? I wouldn't let the shock show on my face. "More like I fucked my wife this morning," I returned his grin even worse and let my feet plop off the bed as I picked at the food on his tray. In a flash, the anger became apparent on his face.

"From her earlier attitude, I'm pretty sure she was fed up with you." I stood up now, no longer content to play this game.

OK, maybe she didn't say anything. Maybe she just came in all pissy and, being James, he was using it to his advantage.

"You listen to this, you sick bastard," I whispered as I got close to his face.

"What, Eddie-boy? What do you want me to listen to? The fact that she doesn't love you? How about that? Edward, you think she came running here because she didn't love me? Think about that one for a minute."

"You are one sick person. James, if she loved you, she'd be with you, not me. We're married, do you get that?"I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose to control the unfathomable urge I had to kick his ass and keep him in the hospital.

"I'm going to be honest with you, if she had wanted you, and you'd have made her happy, , I wold have gladly stepped aside. All I want is for her to be happy."

"Then why the hell are you doing all this shit to hurt her? You can't offer her stability or normalcy."

"I love her. I will tolerate you for her. That's all I can do." It took every piece of my love for Bella to take a step away from his smug-ass face.

"We'll see how long this lasts, silly, young Edward. I told you before that Bella will be mine, even if I have to keep myself in this hospital forever."

"James, I think you need to be in a mental hospital forever, but you have your sick fantasies. Just leave my Bella out of this."

"Go fuck yourself," James sneered.

"Shut up and eat your vegetables."

"James, I told you to eat your vegetables before I left," Bella said sweetly as she breezed into the room. I felt every hateful thought leave as soon as she walked in and smiled at me. She stopped by me, leaning against the wall and kissed my cheek before walking over to sit next to James. She winked and smiled at me as she slipped a candy bar to him stealthily. Why was she so perfect?

"Ready for lunch?" I asked, hoping to get out of the room as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, one second," she smiled sweetly at me. I watched as she leaned down to whisper in James' ear. His face paled for a minute, but Bella came up after a moment, smiling like the definition of happiness.

"Bella?" James asked as she walked towards me and grabbed my hand.

"Eat your vegetables, James," Bella smiled sweetly as we walked away. "Now, what do you want to get for lunch?"

"How about some Chinese?" I answered, the picture of innocence.

"Perfect."

Bella POV

"Are you sure you don't have to go back to the hospital?" Edward asked as he intertwined our fingers and we huddled under the umbrella. The rain continued to fall in perpetual slow motion and I continued to huddle near Edward. I didn't want to let him go. I never wanted to let him go. At the same time, all I wanted to do was to tell him thank you, and tell him that I could never, ever be as perfect as he was.

"Yeah, I'd rather spend the day with you," I kissed his cheek. Edward's smiled and just kept walking with me down the crowded streets.

"I don't know what's gotten into you, but I like it," he chuckled. We continued to walk happily, just content to be with each other and alone in the crowd. The world just passed by and I tried to forget what a complete fool I was. How could I have ever trusted James? I was thankful I had finally seen him for what he was. I snuck a look over at my perfect, unbelievable husband and smiled. We walked to a park, and Edward sat down, allowing me to sit on his lap to avoid getting wet.

I tried to forget the things James had said right before I walked into the hospital room, but I couldn't. He was a liar. I was ready to give up so much for him, ready to put a strain on my relationship with Edward to take care of the person I clung to in order to keep me sane. Who I thought was my last vestige of normalcy. In reality, it was Edward who kept me normal. I was disgusted with myself to such a horrible degree.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I dug my face into the crook of Edward's neck. I was too afraid to look him in the eyes.

"Sorry for what?" he ran his free hand along my arm before slipping it under my chin to make me look at him. I took a deep breath, afraid to even start. His eyes begged for me to say something, and in the grey glow around us, they were the most beautiful shade of green, steeping in peace, taking my breath away.

"If you're talking about this morning, I don't think there's anything to apologize for. James is something you wanted to take care of by yourself. I understand. I didn't mean anything by what I said either. Though I can honestly say that having you mad at me against a wall, ready to just, you know," he grinned devilishly at me, making me smile as he tried to cheer me up. "It was intoxicating.

He looked into my worried eyes.

Don't worry. We'll figure out this marriage thing out and our life will sort itself out, I just know it."

"I'm sorry about James," I blurted out quickly before I lost my nerve. Edward's smile wavered as he tried to figure out what I really meant.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he sputtered hopelessly, "I understand that he's important to you, and I support you, so it's like I support him." I watched the pain flash across his face, and again I was torn apart by guilt.

"No, he's not important to me. I heard what he said. I heard what you said..." I trailed off awkwardly, not really knowing how else to say how much I appreciated Edward's actions. "I should have listened to you. Edward, I love you. He could never make me happy, only you do that for me." I smiled at him weakly, but was completely overshadowed by the ear to ear grin on Edward's face.

"What did you whisper to him?" he asked me after a minute of contemplation. I smiled to myself at the memory.

"That's something I'll just keep to myself for now," I giggled, and stood up, pulling Edward with me. "But, for now, I'm pretty sure you promised to fuck me senseless."

The grin grew wider, if that were possible. "Bella, I love you. If anything, our marriage is starting out better than I expected. Better than I ever hoped for."

"I love you too, Edward. You're more than I ever hoped for."

**_________________________**

**So this took a long time. **

**But, first things first before my horrid excuses and whining, **

**Thank you, lovely, ferocious beta Irritable Grizzzly. You are a super strong, amazing person and I'm glad you repeatedly kick my ass. **

**Now, excuses time. **

**First, college. (Self explanatory right)**

**Second, boyfriend is a jerk (self explanatory)**

**Third, COLLEGE.**

**Fourth, writer's block.**

**Fifth, I'm sick as a dog.**

**I feel like those are enough excuses. **

**So, tell me what you liked, hated, want to kill me about.**

**What did Bella say? What's going to happen next? Where's Jasper? Will vodka ever stop tasting so good?**


	30. I'll Be Your Lover, Too

**I'll be your man  
I'll understand  
And do my best  
to take good care of you**  
Yes I will

You'll be my queen  
I'll be your king  
And I'll be your lover too  
Yes I will

Derry down green  
Color of my dream  
**A dream that's daily coming true**  
I'll tell you

**When day is through  
I will come to you  
And tell you of your many charms**

**And you'll look at me  
with eyes that see  
And melt into each other's arms**

And so I come to be the one  
who's always standing next to you

Reach out for me  
So I can be the one  
who's always reaching out for you  
Yes I will, yes I will  
**  
You'll be my queen  
I'll be you king  
And I'll be your lover too**

"I'll Be Your Lover, Too" by Van Morrison

**3 Years Later...  
**  
**Bella POV**

"Bella, you have to stand still or I'm going to pin this dress to your ass," Alice scolded me as I accidently moved. I rolled my eyes and kept skimming the article to myself, snorting or smiling at all the appropriate times. "It's not my fault I have to let it out for you!"

"Ass! Ass!" a tiny voice squealed from the floor. "Ass!" The curly blond haired toddler giggled as she smashed her toy Jeep into a baby doll. I looked at Alice quickly as she stared at Emma in shock. I couldn't help but laugh to myself. Alice set the pins down on a chair and picked up the grinning child. The likeness to Emmett was extraordinary, but this girl was just as beautiful as her mother, with all of her features, from her golden locks to her shining blue eyes.

"Emmy, you can't say that word," Alice begged as she tried to wear her most authoritative glare.

"Ass!" Emma cheered, clapping her hands a few times before playing with Alice's necklace.

"Rosalie is going to kill you!" I managed to get out between giggles. "She lets you watch Emma for a few hours and she comes back sounding like a sailor."

"I seem to remember you watching her and helping discover her allergy to strawberries," Alice retorted, sitting on the couch with Emma. I stopped laughing instantly at the memory of explaining to Rose how Emma had to go to the emergency room on my watch. I wasn't asked to babysit for a few months after that.

"Now Emma, we don't say that word, alright?" she pleaded with the tiny girl. I took this momentary distraction as a chance to change back into regular clothes and out of the ball gown Alice was making me for the Grammy's later tonight.

"Ass!" Emma said, answering Alice's moral lesson on 'bad words'.

"Rosalie is going to kill you," I reinforced as Alice hung her head in defeat.  
Rosalie was an amazing mother. I couldn't really blame her for being a little on edge with the thought of me, the walking accident, watching her kid. But with her job teaching at the primary school, and Emmett taking over as manager of the bar, some days there was no one else to watch Emma but Alice, Nessie or myself. The responsibility usually came down to me, because unlike Alice and Ness, my job didn't have hours. I just had to write when the feeling hit me, read through mountains of edited manuscripts, or write the occasional magazine article. It was time-consuming, but I could do it at any hour.

Alice, on the other hand, was still in the process of starting her own clothing line. It wasn't that she didn't have the clients. In fact, it was just the opposite. She couldn't find the time to do all of the work she wanted.

Nessie was probably the one who got out of babysitting the most. It was pretty understandable though, considering she was a senior majoring in biology, and awaiting acceptance to medical school. On top of that, she worked every available night, thinking she had to pay back the Cullens at some point. No matter how much she felt like family, I wasn't sure she'd ever get over that. More and more, she at least pretended to.

"Alice? Bella?" I heard Rose calling from the foyer.

"In the office," Alice yelled. "Now, Emmy, act natural," Alice whispered and kissed her forehead.

"Where's my baby?" Rosalie smiled from the doorway, getting a huge squeal from the yammering toddler who was now fighting to get out of Alice's grip.

"Momma!" Emma screamed, probably the most happy I'd ever heard her. I smiled at the picture in front of me, and the difference the past few years had made. Rosalie was as beautiful as ever, still earning second glances from men on the street. She was still my best friend, but now, she had a family, a life, a career. She wasn't wearing short shorts and shaking her goods on a bar top to pay for her degree.

Rosalie had always been the most grounded out of us girls. She was the mother, the protector, and the referee, and that never stopped. If anything, she was just as wild as before, except that side didn't come out until homework was graded, the babysitter was paid, and the house was clean.

"How's my girl?" Rosalie sang as she picked up her daughter and kissed her cheek. "Were Aunt Alice and Aunt Bella nice today?"

"Ass!" Emma answered, in a serious tone, "Ass."

At this point, two things happened: Alice took a few steps back, almost behind me, and Rosalie's eyes turned red and smoke came billowing out of her ears.

"Alice!" she shook her head but tried not to yell. "Why is my daughter using the 'a' word?"

"Must be all the Snoop Emmett lets her listen to," Alice answered with a weak smile. I tried not to laugh, but it was getting so hard to keep a straight face.

"Who am I supposed to trust to watch you?" Rosalie pled with Emma. "Aunt Bella likes to poison you, Aunt Alice likes to teach you naughty things, and Aunt Nessie likes to work in a bar. Who can I trust with my only child? What is this world coming to?" Emma just smiled and picked up her toys to leave as soon as Rosalie set her down.

"I'm sorry Rose," Alice ventured from behind me slightly as Rosalie slumped into a chair.

"It really can't be that bad," I tried to help, "I mean, comparatively, this is probably one of the best times you've come to pick her up. She still has all of her limbs, and if anything, has a wider vocabulary now."

"And, the cherry on top," Alice grabbed a garment bag from the closet, "I finished your dress earlier. You're going to look hot!"

For a few minutes, we were three best girlfriends again. As Emma sat on the floor, debating which toys to leave and which to take back home, we talked about tonight as if it were the prom. After a while, however, time caught up with us, and responsibilities reared their ugly heads.

"Come on, Emma," Rosalie hoisted her backpack and daughter on her hip like a professional. "Let's go see Daddy for lunch."

"Daddy!" Emma cheered. "Daddy a ass!"

"Yeah, he is most of the time," Rosalie chatted with Emma as they left with a wave.

"I should be going too," I said, grabbing my cell phone and keys. Alice sat back at her desk, staring at the magazine I had placed there earlier.

Shit, I was intending to remove that before she saw the cover.

"Alright, I'll finish your dress and bring it over. Remember our flight leaves at five. The make-up people are supposed to meet us there at seven." Alice didn't move her eyes from the cover as she spoke. Finally, a second after she finished, her brain seemed to catch up, and she looked at me, pretending she was okay. I looked back into her dark eyes and tried to believe she was alright, but I knew better.

Ever since France, and the explosion that occurred thereafter, Alice had worked towards becoming the person she once was, but, that was hard considering the public break-up she had to go through. She was getting better. She was dating, but, none of the guys ever lasted more than a few dates. I knew that she was afraid of actually committing to someone else. She had, at one point in time, thought Jasper was her soul mate.

There are some days I think she still believes it.

It was hard for her to trust herself and her instincts after being so wrong and letting her heart become so invested in someone.

"Alice, are you alright?" I asked, taking a step forward and grabbing the magazine. Jasper's face was on the front, smiling happily as he walked through a crowd of people who threw rice at him and his new bride.

"I'm fine," she answered, smiling. "Are you alright?"

"Don't turn this on me," I scolded her as I flipped open the magazine to the article I had originally bought it for, "I know that look, and it didn't scream 'fine'." I flipped the magazine and handed it to her, so she could see that I didn't buy it to update her on Jasper's life.

I don't give a fuck about Jasper Hale.

"'Edward Cullen and his newest project'," Alice read aloud, her face glowing just for an instant as she peeked at the pictures of Edward and Andy, the first artist to sign to his independent label.

I had only met Andy once, but he was new to San Francisco, fresh off of a flight from Paris. Edward set him up in his old apartment, as Nessie and Seth had started living together in mine and Alice's old loft, and he had been too busy in the studio ever since. I'd heard him play a few times when I stopped by the studio. He seemed nice enough, with his dark blond hair and warm hazel eyes. Andy was a magician on the piano, which invariably added to the hotness of his lean body and pointed features.

"He'll be at the awards tonight," I answered, smiling brightly at my attempt at matchmaking.

"'Ever since his departure from Aro Music Group, Edward Cullen has gotten married, released a record, started a label, and signed a musician with so much promise, it's hard to believe he'd never been signed before.

Yes, Cullen has lived a busy life, yet when he got the call from Andy McMahon, he instantly remembered the musician he once met on the streets of Paris more than two years prior.

'He's brilliant,' Cullen boasted of his protege, 'I heard him play once, in a park on an automatic piano. I was completely lost, and I was drawn to his music through the city. There's something special about music like that, no matter what the capacity, and I knew I wanted to work with Andy, whether it was musician/musician, or producer/musician. All that mattered was two people who loved music, getting together and having fun.'

Andrew McMahon, born and raised in the suburbs of Paris, graduated from Julliard in New York City no more than three years ago. He spent the past few years writing and playing music in small dive bars all over Europe to make ends meet, while working by day as a music instructor. On his new found record deal and life in the states, McMahon would only say that he was enjoying living above a bar far more than any of his previous accommodations.'" Alice finished reading the story and put down the magazine.

"Bella, I'm probably going to marry him." I was so glad to hear her say that. She had reclaimed her annoying habit of predicting the future with a smug certainty. I was glad to see the old Alice back.

"I know," I answered, walking down the hall and out of the house, leaving her sitting there, staring at the picture I had originally intended for her to see.

**Edward POV**

"I hate wearing tuxes," I grumbled as Bella straightened my tie. She smiled happily as the flashes from the cameras went off in the distance. We stood, surrounded by hundreds of handlers and celebrities, family members, and random entourages, yet when she was this close, I didn't see or hear any of it.

"But you look so dashing," she answered, pulling away for a second and eyeing her handiwork. "I would even go as far as to say 'Bond-ish'."

"I feel like you're just trying to fluff up my ego," I chuckled as I leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

She eased slightly into my arms and let out a sigh. The whole trip she'd been quiet, which worried me. I mentally ran through everything I'd done that day, trying to figure out if I did something to make her mad. I remember waking up, kissing her and leaving her a note as she took a shower. I went to work and came home. There was such little time I had to fuck things up, that it was baffling to me I could have somehow managed to fit it into my busy day.

"Like you need anyone to fluff your ego," she rolled her eyes and stood next to me as we prepared to walk down the red carpet. We stood there, waiting to take the steps towards the safety of the theater.

The next few steps, with the interviews, and pictures, and formality, were where I paid my dues for being allowed to be a musician. Ever since I left Aro, I hadn't had to pay through touring and being away from Bella, but I'd had to endure hours and hours, pages upon pages of tabloids and interviews.

For the year following our wedding, Bella and I were constantly scrutinized for our actions. Even when we bought our house in San Francisco, and I started to work on my own studio while Bella finished her book, and we led the most boring, average lives of all time, we were constantly front page news. But like all things in the entertainment world, newer and more scandalous events happened, and we were forgotten to a degree.

As we continued to be boring, we only got attention for the things we wanted to be known for, such as Bella's charities, my music, and Alice's clothing line. We still made magazines weekly, and we were still bet against in terms of our marriage, but we were going strong after three years, and I knew that she was the end-all for me.

The last record I produced with Aro was the one that made the most waves. It garnered so much acclaim, I was forced to put aside my hatred for him and Jasper to promote it and work through the legality of selling songs and rights for movies, etc.

However, I couldn't wait for all that hoopla to die down, because I had just finished my first solo album, and was excited about its release..

"Ready?" Bella tugged my hand and brought me from my thoughtful coma.

"Not until you tell me why you're so lethargic and blah tonight," I said, more forceful than I had intended. Bella stood, a foot ahead of me, her hand still interlocked with my own as she looked at me, bewildered. I couldn't help but stare at her and chide myself for not letting her know how beautiful she looked tonight.. The dress Alice had made was absolutely beautiful on her. The long, black gown swept onto the floor gently, and dipped into a beautiful 'v' down the front, as well as leaving her back bare, giving me the most amazing glimpse of her skin. Only a few more hours until I get her all to myself. I watched as she debated something for a moment before smiling to herself.

"What if we play a game?" she asked as I followed her onto the carpet. Her soft brown curls fell gently over her soft skin, distracting me, as the world surrounded us again, our names shouted from every direction.

"I'd love to play a game with you," I leaned towards her ear as the crowds made it hard to talk normally. We paused on our mark. I let go of Bella's hand only long enough to wrap my arm around her waist and hold her closer to me than before.  
We had grown used to the excitement of the red carpet, as well as the clicks and flashes of cameras, but it was still a hassle.

"Is it something good?" I asked as we slowly made our way down the line of cameras. Bella nodded without an instant of hesitation.

"Will I like it?" I asked cautiously.

She couldn't answer, because it was time for our interview. When it concluded, all she said was, "You'll love it," and nothing more.

"Bella, love, I'm never going to guess it at this rate. Won't you just tell me? I can't play tonight if I'm thinking about something good that I'll love that you're involved in and I don't know what it is. I mean, the only thing that jumps to mind is the hope that you're not wearing underwear and want a quickie in the limo." Bella outright laughed at me, causing me to smile as we continued down the line at a snail's pace. I envied Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Andy who were already seated in the theater.

"I'm pregnant," Bella whispered, staring at me from between her long lashes, giving me the most wonderful, yet scared, doe-eyed look to date. The lights from every direction caused me to stop, and my knees to wobble slightly.

"Pregnant?" I mouthed the word to myself, letting the meaning sink into my head. Bella just stared at me, worried at my pale face, no doubt. Pregnant. I was going to have a baby with Bella. I felt the smile before it started to pull at my cheeks. I met Bella's excited eyes, and this time mine were just as excited as hers. I couldn't stop smiling, a whole, complete face, teeth-showing, grin.

"We're having a baby," I affirmed in her ear as we stepped off of the carpet.

She just nodded and tried to wave some wind into her face to hide the blush and flush she was experiencing at the same time. I stopped and turned towards my wife, the woman I loved with all of my heart, the woman I gave my all to, and the one who held my heart and child. I wrapped my arm around her waist and the other around her head and pulled her lips to mine gently, yet with an urgent need to express all of the love and want I had for her.

"I love you, Edward," Bella whispered against my lips as her eyes fluttered open once again.

"I love you, my queen, forever," I promised, not letting go of her, nor moving an inch away.

**The End**

**__________________________________**

**Yes, this is the actual end. **

**First, of course, A huge, giant, ridiculously large thank you to my beta, Irritable Grizzzly. I don't think I'll ever be able to say thanks enough! Who knew that over the writing of this story, I'd get such a fabulous wonderful beta and friend who puts up with my blatant misuse of apostrophes. **

**Thanks to anyone's who has read and enjoyed it and told me about it. **

**No present ideas for a new story. But stay tuned, you never know. **


	31. News

Howdy, Folks!

New Story:

"Motorcycle Drive by"

just try it.


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